我的作文，请大家看看，改改，在评评分！谢谢了！

susanlss

现在字数勉强都能达到了，但是就是感觉自己很chi-english，也不知道什么地方不对劲！请大家多多帮帮我啊~，谢谢了！

Topic 131: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Although some people hold the opinion that only those who earn a lot of money are successful, they fail to see that money does not equal success. Maybe some of the successful do make a large amount of money, but it is important to be realized that not all rich man are considered successful. I am, and probably will always be one of those who argue that not only the people earning a lot of money are successful.

The most persuasive point is that the amount of money is not the standard of success. The definition of success does rely on spiritual aspect, as well as physical ones. Compared with physical richness, it is moral beauty that has a much greater influence to judge whether one person is successful or not. For instance, winning Nobel Prize twice, Madam Curry is regarded as one of the most successful and beautiful women in the twentieth century. However, once because of lacking funds, she even had to cease her research work. Instead of millions of dollars, the heritage she left to her daughter was only books and notes for scientific researches. In spite of poverty, can anyone in the world deny that Madam Curry is not a successful lady?

Furthermore, although money can bring a number of things to people, yet as is known, people can not use them to buy things such as happiness, health, friendship, love and respect. Imagine a person without all those mentioned above, even though he is a millionaire, is he successful? Of course not!

Frankly speaking, a more practical reason why I am against the title statement is that, some people go against their consciences, with the purpose of pursuing more money. Some merchants sell goods with low quality. Some officers take bribes. Though they possess of a great deal of fortune, can they be regarded as successful?

Taking into account of all these factors, it is obvious and easy to come to the conclusion that not only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Instead, those, who show golden personalities and make contributions to the society, are the real great heros in history!

susanlss

xiajuyang，你在吗？可不可以帮我看看啊，谢谢了！

xiajuyang

mm, u'd better prepare a model for ur composition~so that u dont have to worry about the number of ur writin'...the model has to contain about 200-210 characters.k?

winnin' Noble Prize twice----winnin(changed into the p.p)

once because of lackin' money, she had to .....-----because of lackin' money, once she had to....

can not----cannot

Imagine person without all those mentioned above,even though he is a millioniare,is he successful?---You can be tryin' imagine person without all those mentioned above,even though he is a millioniare. Is he successful?

Add" as a case of point" before" some merchants sell goods..."

"Not only poeple who earn a lot of money are successful"---Not all poeple who earn a lot of money are successful.

mm, ur writin' r still lackin' some literary devices...if u wanna get higher mark, like 5sth...U have to learn how to use some complex structures to fill of ur writin' part~

Nevertheless, I think this one has no grammar mistakes. But u'd better check it again~(sry, m in school now...so I cannot type Chinese~ )

xiajuyang

sry~那个第2处改动，把once because of lackin' money, she had to ---because of lackin' money, she once had to...

susanlss

thanks so much! by the way, may i ask which school you are in now?

xiajuyang

m in Mississauga now~en...if u r too, u may no a school named Glenforest Secondary School~