twe016(Can somebody revise for me,thanks a lot!!! )－Zeros修改标题，见谅

youhaiqun312

It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood .Do you support or oppsoe this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support you answer.   

   If announced that a new restaurant will be built in neighborhood, different people have different reactions. Some people might choose to oppose this plan, other people, however, prefer to support the plan. But I would have to say that, if I were faced with the problem, I would probably follow the latter one. In the following discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

    No issue is more important than this one that a new restaurant could bring the community much convenience. Facts witness and present many examples as bellow: when you are so tired with working that you do not want to prepare food yourself, you can enter into the restaurant. When a friend comes to visit you, you could just lead him to the restaurant and eat delicious food instead of spending whole afternoon to make a dinner. Don't you think that examples quoted above are very persuasive?

     That a restaurant can make the community more prosperous is another chief and head reason that I have chosen to put here. It is no better illustration that prove the

view,  prosperity can bring more economic benefits. For instance, in order to attract more customers, the restaurant might broaden the road to make it is more easy for

people to drive to the restaurant. Obviously, it will promote the economic development. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.

     Superior as supporting to build a restaurant is, however, it also have some disadvantages, such as noise. Nevertheless, the merits of building a restaurant carry much more weight than that of not to build. So the conclusion is most striking and obvious.

      To sum up, given reason discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, I can safely reach the conclusion that building a restaurant in my neighborhood is much better.

hncsxj

这篇文章要是以前可能有5分:虽然你自己没有些什么出采的句子和词，模版里有。

现在这个模版要是不改就用，有点危险哦

youhaiqun312

机考也有危险的吗，请指点！我是在米国机考的！！

谢谢！

youhaiqun312

Twe  o16

It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood .Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support you answer.  

If announced that a new restaurant will be built in neighborhood, different people have different reactions depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern. Some people hold the idea of opposing the plan, but others, in contrast, deem supporting the plan as their premier choice. If I were faced with this issue, I would probably follow the latter one. Among countless factors which influence the choice, these are three conspicuous aspects as follows.

No issue is important now than the reason that a new restaurant could bring the community much convenience. Facts witness and present many examples as bellow: when you are so tired with working that you do not want to prepare food yourself, you can enter the restaurant. When a friend comes to visit you, you could just lead him to the restaurant and eat delicious food instead of spending whole afternoon to make a dinner. Don't you think that examples quoted above are very persuasive?

Another reason for my propensity for agreeing with the plan is that a restaurant can bring the community more prosperity. It is no better illustration that can demonstrate the view: prosperity can bring more economic benefits. For instance, in order to attract more customers, the restaurant might broaden the road to make it is more easy for people to drive to the restaurant. Obviously, it will promote the economic development. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.

In addition, the reason is also usable when we consider that a new restaurant can provide the chance for some people to obtain employment. With a stable job, people will be more happy and more wealthy.

Of course, a new restaurant will also bring some disadvantages to some extent to people such as noise. But if all these factors are contemplated, the advantages of supporting to build a new restaurant carry more weight than the demerits. So the most striking conclusion is obvious.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely reach the conclusion that building a restaurant in my neighborhood is much better.

ftty

你的修改前的文稿，本人去年笔考用过，其结构，句型有些相似！Unfortunately, I got 3.5!

修改后，很好呀！关键是要在30分钟写完呀！祝你好运！youhaiqun同学

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-24 0:29:51编辑过]

ftty

No issue is important now than the reason that a new restaurant could bring the community much convenience___ 我也用！好句型呀

Another reason for my propensity for agreeing with the plan is that ————短话长说，又凑字数之嫌疑！

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-24 0:27:18编辑过]

farsuccess

Twe  o16

It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood .Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support you answer.  

If announced that a new restaurant will be built in neighborhood, different people have different reactions depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern. Some people hold the idea of opposing the plan, but others, in contrast, deem supporting the plan as their premier choice. If I were faced with this issue, I would probably follow the latter one. Among countless factors which influence the choice, these are three conspicuous aspects as follows.

No issue is important now than the reason that a new restaurant could bring the community much convenience. Facts witness and present many examples as bellow: when you are so tired with working that you do not want to prepare food yourself, you can enter the restaurant. When a friend comes to visit you, you could just lead him to the restaurant and eat delicious food instead of spending whole afternoon to make a dinner. Don't you think that examples quoted above are very persuasive?

Another reason for my propensity for agreeing with the plan is that a restaurant can bring the community more prosperity. It is no better illustration that can demonstrate the view: prosperity can bring more economic benefits. For instance, in order to attract more customers, the restaurant might broaden the road to make it is more easy for people to drive to the restaurant. Obviously, it will promote the economic development. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.

In addition, the reason is also usable when we consider that a new restaurant can provide the chance for some people to obtain employment. With a stable job, people will be more happy (happier) and more wealthy(wealthier).(本段太少了，对比非常明显，可以再加几句)

Of course, a new restaurant will also bring some disadvantages to some extent to people (to people to some extent), such as noise. But if all these factors are contemplated, the advantages of supporting to build a new restaurant carry more weight than the demerits. So the most striking conclusion is obvious.（关于drawbacks,说的还不够。你本段的后半段基本就是结论，结构最好换一下，多说说缺点，结论到结论段去说）

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely reach the conclusion that building a restaurant in my neighborhood is much better.

意见：

结构上有头重脚轻的感觉，头3段不错，到第4段就突然变了，所以要重新写写后面。

youhaiqun312

谢谢版主和ftty，提的意见非常到位，我会努力改进的！

connee

讨论后的大作,加入汇总链接