Frances Cheng的作文貼

Frances82

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Frances82

In times of economic crisis, in which field do you think the government can cut financial support?
1. Education 2. Healthcare 3. Unemployment.

In general, people will think the health is so important. Once we have the good health condition, we can do other things. However, in the time of economic crisis, I think the government should cut financial support of health care rather than education or unemployment in order to get through the economic crisis for following reasons:

First, in economic crisis with high unemployment rate, government need to control the unemployment rate and help unemployed people. In this period, unemployed people lose their jobs, which means they lose their income. Therefore, this kind of people will have the strong burden to make a living even support the whole family. For example, John is an officer and his wife is house wife without any income. And they have two children. Once the John lose his job, they have no income. But they need to use money everywhere, like buying necessities, paying the education tuition and so on. In order to cost less, they need to buy the cheapest thing because they don’t know when John can find a job again. From this example, it’s easy to know that after losing a job, the unemployed people will live in a hard life. So it’s necessary for the government to support these people.

Second, education is important in the economic crisis. Education not only includes the education in schools, colleges and universities, but also contains trainings in the communities, industries or other institutions.  During the period of economic crisis, a lots of people will lose their job. However, it’s a good chance for them to charge themselves. For example, I was a financial analyst. Unfortunately, I lost my job. During the time I have no job, I can learn more things about finance, such as going to university to learn further. So when the economic recovers, I have more opportunity to get a job because I am more competitive than before.

Third, the healthcare level won’t decrease drastically when the government cut the financial support during the economic crisis. The hospitals have built. And we still have so many professional doctors and expertise. Cutting the financial support in healthcare means there are less compensation of healthcare. However, in the time of financial crisis, people care more about whether they can find a job or not. The health care is not the things they focus on. And there’s no evidence showing that in the financial crisis, the people’s health condition will decrease a lot compared to the normal time. So the government should better put the money into other important parts.

According to the reasons above, the health care is not as important as education and unemployment in the economic crisis. Therefore I strongly hold the opinion that the government can cut the financial support of healthcare in the times of economic crisis.

吃手抓饼的海狸

In times of economic crisis, in which field do you think the government can cut financial support?

Education 2. Healthcare 3. Unemployment.

第一次改尽力了，努力希望能互帮互助哈，比较喜欢哔哔，不当的地方多多包含指教哈。

  蓝色是问题哈，红色是我自己觉得更好的句式你可以参考哈，粉红色的是用法我自己不是特别确定的。

  文章我觉得内容上主要问题是，整个的主线是说事业要投资，教育要投资，健康不怎么要投资。但是缺乏三者缺乏在一个平台上的比较，就是能更直观的反映给读者三者里面为什么选Healthcare不是单分别举例子，因为这样相对较弱。

  核心论点哪个section可以cut，全文比较侧重于为什么另外两个section不能cut，所以论点会有些弱哈~~

(建议开头可以介绍一个Background information比方题干里经济危机和政府财政紧张的现状~)In general, people will think the(人们普遍认为所以我觉得不用will将来时，the可以去掉) health is so important（改In today people’s view, of paramount importance is health.）. Once we have the good health condition, we can do other things（不确定哈，百度的once用法后面一般是will改 Health is the prerequisite of people’s routine activity.) However, in the time of economic crisis, I think the government should cut financial support of (in) health care rather than education or unemployment in order to get through the economic crisis for following reasons: (语序上可以调整一下，把时间背景跟着政府 However, from my point of view, facing the economic crisis, the government should cut financial support in health care section rather than education or unemployment. My reasons are given below.)

First, in economic crisis with high unemployment rate( High unemployment rate is the most distinguished issue in this economic crisis), so government need to(should) control the unemployment rate and help (assist in) unemployed people. (加个衔接词感觉更好) In other words In this period, unemployed people lose their jobs,（失业的人丢了工作感觉怪怪的） which means they lose their income. Therefore, this kind of people will have the strong burden to make a living even support the whole family.(Under rigorous stress, these unemployed people have no guarantee about their incomes, meaning that they may endure a bumpy road to support his family) For example, John is an officer and his wife is house wife without any income. And they have two children. Once the John lose his job, they have no income. But they need to use money everywhere, like buying necessities, paying the education tuition and so on.(问题没有但是觉得简单句太多可以简化成John is an officer who is the only source of his family financial income, which means that his whole family is counting on his job.) In order to cost less, they need to buy the cheapest thing because they don’t know when John can find a job again. (这里的问题是前文是说如果John丢了他的工作那么它们没有收入就结束了，So~这句话也需要John丢了工作这个前提) From this example, it’s easy to know that after losing a job, the unemployed people will live in a hard life.（条件句更好哈） So it’s necessary for the government to support these people.（these people 其实有些指代不清，扯unemployment更好哈）

Second, education is important( also plays a pushing role ) in the economic crisis. Education (The range of education) not only includes the education in schools, colleges and universities, but also contains trainings in the communities, industries or other institutions.  During the period of (Positioned in) economic crisis, a lots of people will lose (have lost) their job. However , it’s (This offers) a good chance for them (these unemployed people) to charge(change) themselves (by gain some useful knowledge through the education system of our country. 阐明论点很重要) For example, I was a financial analyst. Unfortunately, I lost my job. During the time I have no job, I can learn more things about finance, such as going to university to learn further. So when the economic recovers, I have more opportunity to get a job because I am more competitive than before.（句式有些单一哈）

Third, the healthcare level won’t decrease drastically when (even if) the government cut the financial support during the economic crisis. 【The hospitals have (been) built. And we still have so many professional doctors and expertise. Cutting the financial support in healthcare means there are less compensation of healthcare.(最后这个less compensation 感觉有点倒戈，整个论述可以改 The apparatuses in hospitals are enough for the current demand of people. ) 】However, in the time of （我已经见这位兄弟好多次了……）financial crisis, people care more about whether they can find a job or not. The health care is not the things they focus on. (这两句话没有实质性观点好像在说观点一)And there’s no evidence showing that in the financial crisis, the people’s health condition will decrease a lot compared to the normal time. (论点我觉得很奇怪，不能说因为health condition不会decrease就可以cut healthcare). So the government should better put the money into other important parts.

According to the reasons above, the health care is not as important as education and unemployment in the economic crisis. Therefore I strongly hold the opinion that the government can cut the financial support of healthcare in the times of economic crisis.

Frances82

吃手抓饼的海狸 发表于 2015-10-27 16:36
In times of economic crisis, in which field do you think the government can cut financial support?Ed ...

謝謝Jessie~好詳細的修改和解釋哦~還有遣詞用句真的好漂亮~~
下面是我修改后的作文：
In times of economic crisis, in which field do you think the government can cut financial support?
1.Education 2. Healthcare 3. Unemployment.

In today people’s view, of paramount importance is health because health is the prerequisite of people’s routine activity. However, from my point of view, in the time of economic crisis when the government has limited budget, the government should cut financial support in health care rather than education or unemployment. My reasons are given below.

First, High unemployment rate is the most distinguished issue in this economic crisis, so government should control the unemployment rate and assist in unemployed people. In many families, there is only one people working to support the family. However, under rigorous stress, these unemployed people have no guarantee about their incomes, meaning that they may endure a bumpy road to support their family. For example, John is an officer who is the only source of his family financial income, which means that his whole family is counting on his job. Once he loses his job, his family will live in a hard condition. So it’s necessary for the government to help unemployment people to get through this though period.

Second, education also plays a pushing role in the economic crisis. The range of education not only includes the education in schools, but also contains trainings in the communities, industries or other institutions. Positioned in economic crisis, a lots of people have lost their job. However, this offers a good chance for these unemployed people to change themselves by gain some useful knowledge through the education system of our country. For example, I am a financial analyst. Unfortunately, I lose my job. But I can go to the university to learn more knowledge about finance so that I will be well prepared after financial recovery.

Third, the medical resource is adequate and people find ways to exercise themselves so their physical condition improve. Nowadays, he hospitals have been built. And we still have sufficient professional doctors and expertise. The apparatuses in hospitals are enough for the current demand of people. What’s more, people aware the essential of health nowadays. Hence, they are going to do exercises consciously so that they don’t need to go to hospital very often because of the better health condition. So the government can put the money into other important parts.

According to the reasons above, the health care is not as important as education and unemployment in the economic crisis. Therefore, I strongly hold the opinion that the government can cut the financial support of healthcare in the times of economic crisis.

Frances82

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In a busy and crowed world, we should not expect people to be polite to others.

In my opinion, in a busy and crowed world, we still need to expect people to be polite to others.

First, the relationship is an essential topic in people’s life. Even though nowadays, the rhythm of the world is so fast that it’s easier for us to ignore the people around us. However, we can’t deny that families, friends, and lovers are the most important part of our life. We can’t live without dealing with people. And in a relationship, being polite to others is one of the best way to show respect. For example, I needed money for an urgent thing, but I had no enough money. Then I found my best friend Ann and borrowed money from her. I said to her: “please lend me some money and I will give back to you next month.” And I also said “thank you” after she gave me the money. If I didn’t treat her in this polite way and I said “Lend me some money. Quick!” instead of using “please” and “thank you”, even she is my best friend, she would still feel uncomfortable and our relationship will be hurt because she looked like my ATM rather than a best friend.

Second, when you be polite to others, you may receive rewards. A Chinese old saying that is after giving roses to others, the fragrance has left on the hand tells us this truth. For example, I had a classmate named John, who seemed really hating me. Every time I said hi to him, he just ignored me. In my perspective, I felt upset but I would like to respect my classmate. Therefore, I still said hi to John whenever I saw him even though he still showed me the poker face. The situation lasted for around a year until one day when I said hi and smiled to John and he replied me a smile as well. It seems like everything I do has a reward. And through my behavior, John knew I am a good person. And now John is one of my best friends. Saying hi and smiling to others is just a very simple thing which can show our politeness and kindness. But this small action to show our politeness may bring us the surprise we’ve never expected.

Admittedly, in a busy and crowed world, people would like to focus on things best for themselves. However, small things can make big difference. The politeness can not only help us to keep relationship but also bring us rewards from others. Thus, I strongly believe that we still need to expect people to be polite others.

Nefertarismile

In my opinion, even if in a busy and crowed world, we still need to expect people to be polite to others.我觉得开头短了一点，可以把原因概括性的提到一点，这样的开头比较像口语，另外可以试试同义改写。

First, the relationship is an essential topic in people’s life. Even though nowadays, the rhythm of the world is so fast （the rhythm of life is so fast/the rapid pace of modern life）that it’s much easier for us to ignore the people around us. However, we can’t deny (There is no doubt/ Beyond doubt) that families, friends, and lovers are the most important part of our life. We can’t live without dealing with people. (这句话有点奇怪，也许可以合并两个句子 we can’t live in this world without keeping in touch with other people, especially the families, friends and lovers who are the most important part in our life) And in a relationship, being polite to others is one of the best ways to show respect. For example, I needed (was short of) money for an urgent thing(urgency), (but I had no enough money可以删). Then I found my best friend Ann and planned to borrow后面才说话之前应该是打算借 money from her (with saying…). I said to her: “please lend me some money and I will give back to you next month.” And I also said “thank you” after she gave me the money. If I didn’t（这里应该是对过去的虚拟，hadn’t treated） treat her in this polite way (可以多用一些分词，会显得简洁，这里可以直接加“, saying…”)and I said “Lend me some money. Quick!” instead of using “please” and “thank you”, even she is my best friend, she would still feel（would have still felt） uncomfortable and our relationship will be (would have been对过去的虚拟或者would对现在的虚拟) hurt because she looked like my ATM rather than a best friend. (举完例子最好加一个段落结尾做总结，比如As you can see, politeness is vital for us to keep good relationship with others.)

Second, when you be polite to others, you may surprisingly receive rewards. A Chinese old saying that is after giving roses to others, the fragrance has left on the hand tells us this truth. For example, I had a classmate named John, who seemed really hating me. Every time I said hi to him, he just ignored me. In my perspective (感到沮丧不是一个观点，建议换一个连接词，比如at that time), I felt upset but I would like to respect my classmate. Therefore, I still said hi to John whenever I saw him even though he still showed me the poker face. The situation lasted for around a year until one day when I said hi and smiled to John and he replied me a smile as well. It seems like everything I do has a reward (everything I do has paid off/was worthwhile and get the reward). And through my behavior, John knew I am a good person. (这句话的逻辑应该放到上一句的前面，你的行为让他感到你是好人了所以他才改变了对你的态度 Gradually through my instantly polite behavior, the situation changed. I was surprised and moved that one day ….) And now John is one of my best friends. Saying hi ( greeting） and smiling to others is just a very simple thing which can show our politeness and kindness, but this small action (to show our politeness有点啰嗦可以删) may bring us the surprise we’ve never expected（unexpected rewards）.

Admittedly, in a busy and crowed world, people would like to focus on things best for themselves. However, small things can make big difference. The politeness can not only help us to keep relationship but also bring us rewards from others. Thus, I strongly believe that we still need to (你在开头和结尾都把题目中的should换成了need, 可是我觉得应该和需要感觉不太一样) expect people to be polite others.

我也是第一次给人改作文，所以有些建议你参考一下就好。
我觉得总体来说你可以在作文中多加一些修饰性的副词形容词，不仅可以凑字数还能更生动。另外就是句子比较碎，可以加一些长句（从句套从句、现在分词、过去分词），然后长短句结合更有节奏感。

Frances82

Nefertarismile 发表于 2015-11-1 16:28
In my opinion, even if in a busy and crowed world, we still need to expect people to be polite to ot ...

謝謝Dear的點評和仔細的批改~~

Nowadays, even if the world is busy and crowed so that people seem to be hurry in everything, we still need to consider politeness to others because of keeping relationship and sometimes surprisingly receiving rewards from others.

First, the relationship is an essential topic in people’s life. Even though nowadays, the rhythm of life is so fast that it’s much easier for us to ignore the people around us. However, there is no doubt that we can’t live without getting along with people around, especially our families, friends and lovers who are the most crucial part of our life.And in a relationship, being polite to others is one of the best ways to show respect. For example, I was short of money for an urgency. Then I planned to borrow money from my best friend Ann. I told her that please lend me some money and I will give back to you next month.” And I also said “thank you” after she gave me the money. If I hadn’t treated her in a polite way, though she is my best friend, she would have felt uncomfortable and our relationship would have been hurt because she looked like my ATM rather than a best friend. As you can see, the politeness is vital for us to keep good relationship.

Second, when you be polite to others, you may surprisingly receive rewards. A Chinese old saying that is after giving roses to others, the fragrance has left on the hand tells us this truth. For example, I had a classmate named John, who seemed really hating me. Every time I said hi to him, he only treated me as air. I felt very upset but I insisted my greeting because I wanted to keep my bottom line—the politeness, of course with sincerity. Therefore, I still smiled to John whenever I saw him even though he still showed me the poker face. Gradually through my instantly polite behavior, the situation changed. I was surprised and moved that one day when I said hi and smiled to John and he replied me a smile as well, which seems like everything I do has paid off.  And now John is one of my best friends. Greeting and smiling to others is just a very simple thing, but this small action may bring us the unexpected rewards.

Admittedly, in a busy and crowed world, people would like to focus on things best for themselves. However, small things can make big difference. The politeness can not only help us to keep relationship but also bring us rewards from others. Thus, I strongly believe that we should expect people to be polite others.

Frances82

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: people who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill

It seems that it’s more likely for people who just focus on one skill to success for their concentration. However, nowadays, people living in a complex world not only need to focus on the task, but also have to deal with people around. Therefore, people who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill.

On one hand, people who master more skills tend to be more creative. As we know, creativity needs stimulus. The more skills people have, the more knowledge they own. Therefore, the people with more skills can be inspired by many different knowledge, which can lead to creativity. For example, I had an assignment about analyzing financial problem of an organization. Of course, I had the knowledge of finance so that I could solve the problem in the financial perspective. In addition, I’d learnt management. Then I used the SWOT model to analyze the opportunity and threats of the market environment and collected information to evaluate the strength and weakness of the organization. Through the management analysis, I found another kinds of reasons which can lead to severe financial problem of the organization and solved it correspondingly. And the solution was totally different from using financial one. Thus, more skills can help people to come up with creative ideas, which can lead to success.

On the other hand, people can’t just focus on the work, which means they need to get along with people around as well so that besides working skill, people need interpersonal skill. There are many interpersonal tips people should aware in their daily life, such as greeting coworkers, appropriate compliments and so on, or people may suffer because of unawareness. For example, if you always greet and smile when you meet other people, then others would like to get along with you even can help you when you needed. However, if you always put a poker face, others would feel you are not friendly so that they try to avoid getting on with you so that you can lose many chances because of this, such as opportunity of training, information of promotion and so on. In a word, except for task itself, people is important who can be dealt with by interpersonal skill.

As I mentioned above, task itself and people around are essential elements of success, and people have more skills can not only handle work in a creative way but also be supported by people around. Therefore, I strongly hold the believe that people who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill.

Frances82

Agree or disagree: the way of a person’s dress in an indication of his or her personality or character.

One person can have different dress styles, however, their characters won’t change a lot. There’s a saying that don’t judge a book on its cover and same as the people. Thus, I argue that the way of a person’s dress can’t indicate his/her personality or character.

Firstly, the nature of the person won’t change because of the dressing style changes. There’s no doubt that personality is relatively stable. However, people’s dress can change very often. As a model, Ann needs to try different kinds of dress style. Even though she doesn’t like certain kind of dress code, she still needs to challenge herself because model is her job, which needs to show the creative things from designers in the T station. Ann is so shy, but she dares to wear only underwear to stay in T station. If we only see the Ann’s aspect of wearing underwear, we won’t consider Ann as a shy girl, which we can get to know only through getting along with her. Refer to Ann’s case, we can learn that the changeable dressing style can’t indicate the relative stable personality.

Secondly, halo effect can bias person’s perception so that the indication of people’s dress won’t be accurate. Halo effect, one of the biases in cognitive psychology, means people tend to regard others as certain kind of person because of one characteristic. For example, Jack is an A- student in biology, and his teacher regards him as excellent students in other courses as well, even it isn’t true. Same as judging people through one’s dress, when people meet a beautiful girl, they are willing to consider her a kind person only because of her nice cover. If the girl is not good looking enough, people will think she’s not so kind. It’s so normal because people are too lazy to recognize the world in a rational and comprehensive way. People tend to use shortcut to live, like beautiful means good in everything instead of really getting on with the person and then make a conclusion that what kind of person he/she is. In a word, In order to avoid halo effect that is strong enough for people suffering unconsciously, we should discard the attitude that judge people through their dress.

In conclusion, it’s difficult for us to define the person’s personality accurately by dress for the changeable dressing style and halo effect. Hence, I don’t believe the way of  a person’s dress can indicate his/her personality or character.

Nefertarismile

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: people who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill

It seems that it’s more likely for people who just focus on one skill to success for their concentration. However, nowadays, people living in a complex world not only need to focus on the onefold task, but also have to deal with a great many different people around. Therefore, people who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill.
(感觉第一段引出论点的因果关系不是很强，可以在原因句里加一些小词强调)

On one hand, people who master more skills tend to be more creative. As we know, creativity needs stimulus. The more skills people have, the more knowledge they own. Therefore, the people with more skills can be inspired by many different knowledge, which can lead to creativity( then iginite the spark of creativity). For example, I had an assignment about analyzing financial problem of an organization. Of course, I had the knowledge of finance so that I could solve the problem in the financial perspective. In addition, I’d learnt management. Then I used the SWOT model to analyze the opportunity and threats of the market environment and collected information to evaluate the strength and weakness of the organization. Through the management analysis, I found another kinds of reasons which can lead to severe financial problem of the organization and solved it correspondingly. And the solution was totally different from using financial one. Thus, more skills can help people to come up with creative ideas, which can lead to （这个出现好多次了，找一些替换的或者改变句式which resolve problems in better ways and make people successful）success.

On the other hand, people can’t just focus on the work, which means they need to get along with people around as well, so that besides working skill, people need interpersonal skill. There are many interpersonal tips people should aware in their daily life, such as greeting coworkers, appropriate compliments and so on, or people may suffer because of unawareness. For example, if you always greet and smile when you meet other people, then others would like to get along with you even can help you when you needed. However, if you always put a poker face, others would feel you are not friendly so that they try to avoid getting on with you so that you can lose many chances because of this, such as opportunity of training, information of promotion and so on. In a word, except for task itself, people is(are) important (who can be dealt with by interpersonal skill从句放到people后面，不然修饰的是important). (最后一句话总结略奇怪，好想强调的是people的重要性而不是interpersonal skill。Except for the only one skill in your own profession, interpersonal skills is inevitable for people living in the social commmunity. )

As I mentioned above, task itself and people around are essential elements of success, and people have more skills can not only handle work in a creative way but also be supported by people around. Therefore, I strongly hold the believe that people who try to acquire more than one skill are more likely to become successful than people who just focus on one skill.