[求助]TWE099 请批改，谢谢

Irene_yang

TWE 099

You have been told that dormitory rooms at your university must be shared by two students. Would you rather have the university assign a student to share a room with you, or would you rather choose your own roommate? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

I believe that most students in the university prefer to choose their own roommates by themselves when they must share their rooms with others. I am also unexceptional, and if I have such a priority to choose my own roommate, there at least must be several standards for selecting a roommate as my preference, which I will elaborate as follows.

First and foremost, I could choose a person who has a relative character with me and so we can get along well with each other lightly. Maybe some people think that a guy with totally different personality to live with you could help you to complement the shortage of your own character and even train your ability to mix in the future society. However, my propensity is still to look for such a guy who has similar temper or hobbies with me. As an approachable person I am, I really hope to find an easy-going one to stay with me day and night, sharing most of our precious campus time together.

Another particularly important point is I can select an honesty person as my roommate. Only talking with a reliable guy about your thoughts could you feel security and avoid some unnecessary trouble, especially you intend to confide something from your deep heart or get any sincere advice from him. For example, once you feel frustrated in your immature love, you could tell this to your roommate to attain some comparatively constructive suggestions, which would help you to get out of the temporal emotional mud as soon as possible.

In addition, you had better live with a cleanly roommate who pays enough attention not only to neaten his appearance but also to clean your dormitory as you. A good student usually does well in arranging his daily life orderly, then he can possess of a successful future. Furthermore, liking cleanliness is also benefit for our health and as a symbol of a cultured person acknowledged by all the people. Admittedly, to have the university assign a student to share a room with you also may have some unimaginable happiness or surprise.

To sum up, taking into account of all the reasons presented above, it is not difficult for us to reach the conclusion that to choose our own roommate is much better than to have the university assign a student to share a room with you.

Veronica_Melody

I believe that most students in the university prefer to choose their own roommates by themselves when they must share their rooms with others. I am also unexceptional (unexceptional?? Use another word) , and if I have such a priority to choose my own roommate, there at least must be several standards for selecting a roommate as my preference, which I will elaborate as follows.

First and foremost, I could choose a person who has a relative (similar) character with me (mine) and so we can get along well with each other lightly. Maybe some people think that a guy with totally different personality to live with you could help you to complement the shortage of your own character (characteristics) and even train your ability to mix (emerge??) in (into) the future society. However, my propensity is still to look for such a guy who has similar temper or hobbies with me. As an approachable person I am (awkwardly written) , I really hope to find an easy-going one to stay with me day and night, sharing most of our precious campus time together. (you used so many “guys” in this paragraph. Replacement can be used such as, the one, my roommate, fellow student, etc)

Another particularly important point is I can select an honesty(honest) person as my roommate.(I don’t see your point) Only talking with a reliable guy about your (my, if you start with first person , then stick to it. Don’t change in the middle of the paragraph) thoughts could you feel security (secured)and (may) avoid some unnecessary trouble, especially you intend to confide something from your deep heart or get any sincere advice from him. For example, once you feel frustrated in your immature love, you could tell this to your roommate to attain some comparatively constructive suggestions, which would help you to get out of the temporal emotional mud as soon as possible. (In this paragraph, your ideas are scattered around. Your sub-thesis point is unclear. Re-write the first sentence of the paragraph. The whole paragraph seems vague. Edit it when you have time)

In addition, you had better live with a cleanly (neat) roommate who pays enough attention not only to neaten (straight out) his (or her, don’t be sexist) appearance but also to clean your dormitory as you( ??) . A good student usually does well in arranging his daily life orderly, then he can possess of a successful future. Furthermore, liking cleanliness is also benefit for our health and as a symbol of a cultured person acknowledged by all the people. Admittedly, to have the university assign a student to share a room with you also may have some unimaginable happiness or surprise.(surprises)

To sum up, taking into account of all the reasons presented above, it is not difficult for us to reach the conclusion that to choose our own roommate is much better than to have the university assign a student to share a room with you.

Irene_yang

多谢版主详细的批改，一定努力改正！

看来离5分还有些差距哦.....

Irene_yang

修改如下：

TWE 099

You have been told that dormitory rooms at your university must be shared by two students. Would you rather have the university assign a student to share a room with you, or would you rather choose your own roommate? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

I believe that most students in the university prefer to choose their own roommates by themselves when they must share their rooms with others. As far as I am concerned, my preference is to choose my own roommate by myself. Obviously, there are at least several reasons for this, which I will elaborate as follows.

First and foremost, I could choose a person who has a similar character with mine, so we can get along well with each other lightly. Maybe some people think that a guy with totally different personality to live together would help you to complement the shortage of your own characteristic and even train your ability to mix in（此处意思是想表达“融入社会”，照不到合适的词...）the future society. However, my propensity is still to look for such a fellow who has similar temper or hobbies with me. Since I am an easy-going person, I really hope to find an approachable roommate to stay with me day and night, sharing most of our precious campus time together.

Another particularly important point is that the right roommates can help each other with the study. After all, the purpose for attending university is to increase knowledge, we need to make the living easy as much as we can. For example, the major of my roommate is just the same with mine, then we can share our time and ideas both in classes and during our spare time. The more furious our debate about any subject matter is, the more we can obtain from this. (注：此段理由重新写了，希望比较合适。)

In addition, it is a comparatively comfortable thing to live with a neat roommate who pays enough attention not only to straight out (这词用的我不太确定，请版主再解释一下…) his or her appearance but also to clean your dormitory as you do. Such a right roommate usually does well in arranging his daily life orderly, you can maintain the dormitory together as one of your patent spaces. Admittedly, to have the university assign a student to share a room with you also may have some unimaginable happiness or surprise.

To sum up, taking into account of all the reasons presented above, it is not difficult for us to reach the conclusion that to choose our own roommate is much better than to have the university assign a student to share a room with you.

BTW,一上来写这篇文章时 的确有些偏题，当成“挑选好的室友的几个优秀特征”来写了，前面改了半天总觉得不太对劲，呵呵 希望现在能到位些！烦请版主再次赐教啊！！多～～～～～谢！！！

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-3-23 11:16:48编辑过]

Veronica_Melody

mix in    you can used emerge into the society

Irene_yang

以下是引用Veronica_Melody在2005-3-23 0:13:00的发言：

In addition, you had better live with a cleanly (neat) roommate who pays enough attention not only to neaten (straight out) his (or her, don’t be sexist) appearance but also to clean your dormitory as you( ??) . A good student usually does well in arranging his daily life orderly, then he can possess of a successful future. Furthermore, liking cleanliness is also benefit for our health and as a symbol of a cultured person acknowledged by all the people. Admittedly, to have the university assign a student to share a room with you also may have some unimaginable happiness or surprise.(surprises)

不好意思，再问一下，这里为何surprise还要加-s呢？不是uncountable noun 嘛？

Veronica_Melody

it's just that in some literature i've read/studied, they use "surprises"

but when i re-read this paragraph again, it should be surprise, so that it's in parallel structure with "happiness".

good luck!!!!

Irene_yang

Thx a lot!

那我的ESSAY 在尽可能避免语法错误的基础上这样子写 能上5分吗？

Veronica_Melody

of`course!!!!~!!!!