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叮叮西

托福一战作文22，gre作文惨败，5,26再战，誓死拿下作文！！！求大家无情批改！

rolandury

1. how depressed that class is. THE class 可以用depressed 形容吗？
2. it must be hurts？？？？
3.同篇文章里I think I believe 等 太多反而不好。。。

shiwen5006

理由挺好的，楼主在每段提一下past的情况会更好

用词还有待改进下：
比如：第三段 with no recognition------>without realization

叮叮西

4.15 独立
It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

Honesty is a valuable virtue for every Chinese to cherish. There is even a story in ancient China that warns children not to lie to their relatives. However, fundamentally, I agree with the statement that it is unlikely for people to be totally honest with their friends since there are many factors need to be carefully thought about before telling friends the truth.

First, I think it would be better for my friends to know about bad news about them until late if they have nothing to do with it even they have known. For instance, last semester all of my classmates took CET 4 English Test and the scores were given out during the winter holiday. One of my roommates was asked by another girl, named Xiao Xue, to help check her score on the Internet. The result turned out to be a failure for Xiao Xue, and my roommate decided not to tell her about her score to make her spend a happy holiday. I believe my roommate's decision was right since Xiao Xue had nothing to do with her score before the next semester began and the failure would just make her upset. Thus, people could not always be true to their friends if the messages they hold are unpleasant for the friends who have no solution for their problems.

Second, being completely honest with one friend sometimes means people have to betray another friend which is not allowed by morality. Why I say this is because I experienced it. The case is also about my classmate. I am very intimate with one girl in another class. However, even we are so close, every time she asking about the love affair of one of my classmates, I have to be perfunctory to her and intend to hide the truth. The reason why I acting like this is because I promise my classmate first that I would not disclose her secrets. My classmate has the right to keep her own secrets. Therefore, I believe not telling the truth with my friends sometimes would be right and appropriate.

However, although I can find factors to buttress the opinion that it is impossible for me to be always honest with my friends, I do not imply that people are free to lie to their friends. Back to the story in ancient China I mentioned at first, a boy told his parents there was a wolf. However, when the parents went to check, there was no wolf at all. After several times of lying about wolf, the child wasn’t believed by his parents and unfortunately, he was bitten to death by a wolf although he sought help to his parents who had already been distrust with him. Therefore, lies for the most time would be harmful for both the deceiver and the victim.

In sum, as I always believe, it is not feasible for people to tell their friends truth all the time because of caring and promise for friends. Meanwhile, people still could not be arbitrary on lies.

叮叮西

4.16独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Nowadays, neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.

There is an old saying in Chinese history that the relatives far away cannot match the next door neighbors. The sentence means that family members living far away are not helpful than the neighbors because the latter could come faster when there is emergencies. However, according to my own observation, neighbors actually rely on each other less than the past and there are certain reasons.

The technique advance is a critical factor which makes people own much more methods to cope with natural difficulties .People had less control over the natural in the past than today so families in the same neighbor had to depend on each other to fight against natural disasters such as storms and floods. For instance, tens of years ago, my grandfather' family was a large one and the cousins all lived next to each other even after they had been married. Why they did like this was because they had to depend on each other in case crop failure or floods.

What is more, people become alienated because of distrust. Social relationship has become more and more complicated and it is more likely for an innocent one to be cheated by others. For instance, many dogs in the neighbor I living in were once poisoned to death because one family here hates dogs. Since the murderer was not found, all people in this neighbor are susceptible so that no one would trust others for looking after dogs in the district. Under this situation, human tend to be alert when others approaching and not to mention helping each other.

More and more people value in money instead of friendship between dwellers in a neighbor. To be more exact, it seems common to ask repayment after helping others with difficulties today. However, if the people live next to the door requests the same amount of money to help repairing air-condition as the professional after service, people would call for the worker instead of depending on their neighbor in case the air-condition is fixed to a worse condition. Thus, after considering the attributor of money, People are less likely to ask neighbor for help nowadays.

In sum, many factors including natural disaster, trust and money attribute to the fact that neighbors relying on each other less today.

sherlock1992

It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

Honesty is a valuable virtue for every Chinese to cherish. There is even a story in ancient China that warns children not to lie to their relatives. However, fundamentally, I agree with the statement that it is unlikely for people to be totally honest with their friends since there are many factors need(needed) to be carefully thought about before telling friends the truth.

First, I think it would be better for my friends to know about(直接写know the bad news) bad news about them until late if they have nothing to do with it even(even没有作连词的用法） they have known. For instance, last semester all of my classmates took CET 4 English Test and the scores were given out during the winter holiday. One of my roommates was asked by another girl, named Xiao Xue, to help check her score on the Internet. The result turned out to be a failure for Xiao Xue, and my roommate decided not to tell her about（去掉，直接tell her the score,否则but用的太多了） her score to make her spend a happy holiday. I believe my roommate's decision was right since Xiao Xue had nothing to do with her score before the next semester began and the failure would just make her upset. Thus, people could not always be true to their friends if the messages they hold are unpleasant for the friends who have no solution for their problems.

Second, being completely honest with one friend sometimes means people have to betray another friend which is not allowed by morality. Why I say this is because I experienced it. The case is also about one of my classmates. I am very intimate with one girl in another class. However, even we are so close, every time she asking(asks) me about(直接ask sb. sth.就行了，about用的太多了） the love affair(这个词不能随便用的，这是longman里的解释”a romantic sexual relationship, usually between two people who are not married to each other") of one of my classmates, I have to be perfunctory to her and intend to hide the truth. The reason why I acting(act) like this is because（前面有ther reason了，这里直接is+从句就行了） I promise（have promised) my classmate first that I would not disclose her secrets. My classmate has the right to keep her own secrets. Therefore, I believe not telling the truth with my friends sometimes would be right and appropriate.

However, although I can find factors to buttress the opinion that it is impossible for me to be always honest with my friends, I do not imply that people are free to lie to their friends. Back to the story in ancient China I mentioned at first, a boy told his parents there was a wolf. However, when the parents went to check, there was no wolf at all. After several times of lying about the wolf, the child wasn’t believed by his parents and unfortunately, he was bitten to death by a wolf although he sought help to his parents who had already been distrust with him. Therefore, lies for the(去掉） most time would be harmful for（to) both the deceiver and the victim.

In sum, as I always believe, it is not feasible for people to tell their friends truth all the time because of caring and promises for friends. Meanwhile, people still could not be abusive on lies.

主语语法；连词的使用要更丰富；加油

叮叮西

4.17独立
It is more important for schools to fund their students’ social activities than to improve students' meals.

From my point of view, social activities are more important than meals in one school as long as the basic needs of students' meals are met. Reasons why social life is so critical for students are that it could help students learn their major and makes the school life more colorful.

In the first place, different kinds of social activities improve students' knowledge in their field. For instance, once the Beijing Sport University, funded the students in the management department to go sightseeing at the national Gymnasium. Students walking around there saw the ordinary sits as well as the VIP balconies, and gained more knowledge about how to economically operating venues. It is the professor Lin, who teach the venue management class, bring the students to the venue and with his patient explanation, most students have a clearer understanding of building, operating and exploiting of venues. Thus, funding students' social life could be beneficial for the study which could not be simply improved by funding meals.

In the second place, offering financial aid for students' social activities enriches students' lives. Like the dancing hall built last year in our school, it enables many dancing lovers to dance after classes with their friends. Also, with this dancing hall, a dance club was set up, attracting many students. Many people in our school agree that the new hall enrich students' lives and makes them relaxed from their burden of study. Another instance is the dancing party held and funded by both the Qinghua University and our school. Students attending the party made many friends and knew interesting stories happened at the other school. Thus, either the fund of dancing hall or party highly enriches students’ social lives.

There is another reason for me to choose funding students’ social life instead of meal. The reason is that in China nowadays, most of the schools could provide students with enough food which is healthy as well. Although the extra funding would bring more delicious food and more variety kinds of dishes, students might not truly develop themselves well with good food. Also, many students tend to eating off the campus with their friends even the dishes at school are well-tasted. In this case, improvement of meal could not actually secure students eating healthily.

Therefore, I believe school should fund social activities more than the meal on campus cafeteria for the social life could bring more benefit to students than everyday meals.

sherlock1992

叮叮西 发表于 2013-4-16 08:38
4.16独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Nowadays, neighbors depend on each ...

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Nowadays, neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.

There is an old saying in Chinese history that the relatives far away cannot match the next door neighbors. The sentence means that family members living far away are not helpful than the neighbors because the latter could come faster when there is(are) emergencies. However, according to my own observation, neighbors actually rely on each other less than those in the past and there are certain reasons.

The technique(technical) advance is a critical factor which makes people own much more methods to cope with natural difficulties .People had less control over the natural(nature) in the past than today so families in the same neighbor(neighborhood) had to depend on each other to fight against natural disasters such as storms and floods. For instance, tens of years ago, my grandfather's family was a large one and the cousins(赶脚这里这个词很是别扭） all lived next to each other even after they had been married. Why they did like this was because they had to depend on each other in case of crop failure or floods.

What is more, people become alienated because of distrust. Social relationship has become more and more complicated and it is more likely for an innocent one to be cheated by others. For instance, many dogs in the neighbor(neighborhood下同的一样) I living in were once poisoned to death because one family here(there) hates(hated) dogs. Since the murderer was not found, all people in this neighbor are susceptible（suscept可疑的） so that no one would trust others for looking after dogs in the district. Under this situation, human tend to be alert when others approaching（approach） and not to mention helping each other.

More and more people value in money instead of friendship between dwellers in a neighbor. To be more exact, it seems common to ask repayment after helping others with difficulties today. However, if the people live(living) next to the door requests(request) the same amount of money to help repairing(repair) air-condition as the professional after service, people would call for(去掉） the worker instead of depending on their neighbor in case the air-condition is fixed to a worse condition. Thus, after considering the attributor（我怎么查不到这个单词意思） of money, People are less likely to ask neighbors for help nowadays.

In sum, many factors including natural disaster, trust and money attribute to(逻辑有些混乱） the fact that neighbors relying（relies) on each other less today.
注意语法和逻辑，加油，亲~