包子cc又来了 请大牛帮我批一下托福写作 跪谢

包子cc

听说13年的题目基本都是重复12年的NA题目，下了总结的机经开始勤奋练习
这是1201202的独立写作，题目是：
Do you agree or disagree:
Compared to people who live in cities, people living in village or farm areas are more satisfied with their lives.
请各位牛人帮忙批改我10.27考试，托福一定要得一个好分数啊。。。希望上28啊。。。希望大家多指导
谢谢！！！
Driving private cars, working in skyscrapers, living in delicate-decorated apartments, having various recreational activities...It seems that the people in urban areas are living a colorful life. Nevertheless, are they more satisfied with their life than those rural people? For me, the one who also live in huge city, the answer is "NO". Due to the heavier living pressures and worse living environemnt, the life satisfaction among city people is lower than that of those living in village or farm area.
     First and foremost, city people live under incredible high pressure brought by firece competetion. Since the international cities are filled with job opportunities, crowds of people flood into there every year, competing for the limited amount of working positions, which leads to severe competitions. To people who are searching for jobs, they have to spare every effort to stand out from others. To those who are working in big cities, they also have to work diligently in order to maintain their positions. Every day they are tense about their career, being scared of getting fired, being replaced by new comers or being left behind by collegues.With these worries, they never feel satisfied with their current condition. Contrarily, people in rural areas never suffer from such pressure. People in villages work in their own land . As long as the land exists, there're job vacancies for them. Also, since most of the farms are run by family, people don't need to worry that their job being stole by others. With stable work, permanent ownership of land, people in village or farm area are definitely more satisfied with their life than urban people.
    Along with the pressure goes the bad living environment, which largely declines the living quality of people in cities and cause dissatisfaction among them. Take Beijing as an example, the rapid development of industry causes serious air pollution. People cannot drive to work, for the smog outside veiled their sight. The population of the patients of breathes disease increased dramatically due to the poisonous air. The level of the living quality has been degraded and people always complained about their life in the city. To get avoid of the pollution, some residents even move out to tiny villages. Unlike city residents who are always exposed to pollution, country people live a much healthier life. They get fresh air to breathe, clean water to drink and organic food to eat. Also, the daily laboring work helps to strengthen their body. Generally, people living in villages and farms lives longer than people in cities and they get more time to enjoy their lives. Indeed, there's no reason for them to be dissatisfied with their life.
    To conclude, people in cities shoulder more burdens in the competitive society while people in rural areas don't need to worry about their jobs. Additionally, the living environment in city are much worse that that in countryside because of the pollution. In this sense, the people in village or farm areas are more satisfied with their lives than those living in cities.

包子cc

啊啊啊求大神帮忙批改啊