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[作文互改] Issue 3 求批改

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发表于 2012-12-25 12:08:03 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed

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The author claims that education institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed. Although this suggestion is useful in some situation and may save time for students, in my opinion, the author's assertion is still problematic ignoring the important influence of other factors during study process which may have detrimental impact of student's education career.

Admittedly, the inborn capability in acertain field is very important which can sometimes be the critical factors for studying. Benefiting from their instinctive capability, students are like tobecome much more confident and they will pay much more hard work in their majors. Considering some great persons, such as Gates and Jobs, who have earned great reputation in their own fields, show their original talent when they were still very young.

However, inborn talent and success at thebeginning can not decide what you can earn in your life. Indeed, a lot of people gain their final success after a unbelievable hard work while some smart children finally become unknown by others. For example, Edison who became a well known inventor afterword, was very stupid in answering teacher's simple questions in mathematics and English. But after his mother's help and hard study by himself, he contributed a lot to our daily life and received other people's admiration with his great achievement in nature science.

Additionally, if we adopt the author's suggestion and ask students to abandon the fields they not likely to succeed, then how can we judge whether a can succeed or fail in a given field? Study is a long term activity and we can not receive a result very quickly in a limited time. A lot of work and exams are needed to help us give a precise advice toour students. So if ask them to give up studying in a field at the beginning, how can we know they can not do best in it in the later study.

All in all, the suggestion by author is well-intentionedbut it is not practical, and sometimes it is even harmful to depress the aspiration of learning and education institutions should focus more on how to find the advantages of different students and help them to become successful in their life career.
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沙发
发表于 2012-12-25 21:22:08 | 只看该作者
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Below is a rendering of the page up to the first error.The author claims that education institutions have aresponsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which theyare unlikely to succeed. Although this suggestion is useful in some situationand may save time for students, in my opinion, the author's assertion is stillproblematic ignoring the important influence of other factors during studyprocess which may have detrimental impact of student's education career.

Admittedly, the inborn capability in acertain field这个东西怎么突然出现了,跟话题本身有什么联系 is very importantwhich can sometimes be the critical factors for studying. Benefiting from theirinstinctive capability, students are like to become much more confident andthey will pay much more hard work in their majors. Considering some great persons,such as Gates and Jobs, who have earned great reputation in their own fields,show their original talent when they were still very young.
这样的举例,感觉是不太好的,如果不知道Gates或者Jobs的人,就不一定知道你指的是什么,也就不能为你的论证服务了。

However, inborn talent and success at thebeginning can not decide what you can earn in your life. 这里需要支撑性的语句Indeed, a lotof people gain their final success after a unbelievable hard work while somesmart children finally become unknown by others. For example, Edison who becamea well known inventor afterword was very stupid in answering teacher's simplequestions in mathematics and English. But after his mother's help and hardstudy by himself, he contributed a lot to our daily life and received otherpeople's admiration with his great achievement in nature science.
这一段感觉是不够充分的。

Additionally, if we adopt the author's suggestionand ask students to abandon the fields they not likely to succeed, then how canwe judge whether a can succeed or fail in a given field? Studyis a long term activity and we can not receive a result very quickly in alimited time. A lot of work and exams are needed to help us give a preciseadvice toour student. So if ask them to give up studying in a field at thebeginning, how we can know they can not do best in it in the later study.


All in all, the suggestion by author is well-intentionedbut it is not practical, and sometimes it is even harmful to depress theaspiration of learning and education institutions should focus more on how tofind the advantages of different students and help them to become successful intheir life career.

感觉文章的中心不够明确集中,第二段第三段没有看出明确的逻辑联系。
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