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Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Currently a discussion whether automobile has improved modern life or has caused serious problems has been generally debated by an astonishing number of people. Those who advocate that automobile has improved modern life argue that it makes our lives[fe] more efficient than before. They maintain that automobile speeds up people's paces of life and saves a lot of time. However, this idea is strongly opposed by another group of people who conceive that automobile has caused serious problems such as heavy pollution and traffic jam. As perceiving[e] the controversy, I think the viewpoint that lots of problems have been caused by automobile is more convincing [reasonable] than the other. Among the disadvantages of automobile is that it causes [arouses] some serious [heavy] pollution. To illustrate this, we may cite [point out] a typical instance ,[of] Beijing, which is the capital of China. Beijing is a city having a relatively high popularity rate of private cars in China though the rate only reaches 16 percent. But the pollution caused by automobile is already very serious [heavy]. The waste gas exhausted by automobile make people [feel] uncomfortable when walking on the road. In addition, automobiles also disturbed citizens in Beijing because they also made serious noise pollution.[not mention the noises produced by them.-sentence formation is not good] Obviously, [to a city the lighter pollution it suffers the better.-Somehow this sentence is wrong.] So automobile does cause [a] some considerable problems to a city’s environment. [passable statement] Equally important to pollution is traffic jam.[I disagree with your point that you regarded traffic jam as a pollution. Nevertheless, I thought of traffic jam as chaos.] Beijing can also be an example to prove the above point [exemplifies this]. One statistics [As] can be seen [in the statistics] released by experts point out the fact that people averagely spent 42 minutes on going to work. [the average time which needed by a person in Beijing to go to work is 42 minutes] Besides, people lived in Beijing spend the most time on going to work [which ranks first] among China's cities. Of course, traffic jams lead people lived in Beijing spend more time on commuting than those who in other cities.[the long average time is no other than the result of traffic jam.] Importantly [Also], my personal experience leads me to conclude that. Every time I go out, I cannot avoid the crowded intersection near my university. It usually cost my time [me] at least 10 minutes [to cover the 500-meter distance for] because lots of cars, buses and pacers are stuck there. So I am fully aware of the heavy traffic jam problem brought by automobile. [reasonable point but sentences need to polish]
Equally important to pollution is traffic jam.[I disagree with your point that you regarded traffic jam as a pollution. Nevertheless, I thought of traffic jam as chaos.] Beijing can also be an example to prove the above point [exemplifies this]. One statistics [As] can be seen [in the statistics] released by experts point out the fact that people averagely spent 42 minutes on going to work. [the average time which needed by a person in Beijing to go to work is 42 minutes] Besides, people lived in Beijing spend the most time on going to work [which ranks first] among China's cities. Of course, traffic jams lead people lived in Beijing spend more time on commuting than those who in other cities.[the long average time is no other than the result of traffic jam.] Importantly [Also], my personal experience leads me to conclude that. Every time I go out, I cannot avoid the crowded intersection near my university. It usually cost my time [me] at least 10 minutes [to cover the 500-meter distance for] because lots of cars, buses and pacers are stuck there. So I am fully aware of the heavy traffic jam problem brought by automobile. [reasonable point but sentences need to polish] When human beings accuse the pollution and traffic jam problems brought by automobile, isn't it necessary that they pay [give] some attentions [consideration] to the efficiency? It is exactly strongly stressed by those who believe that automobile has improved modern life. They share the opinion that automobile decrease the time people spend on their way in spite of the jam. That is to say, [that] people can easily go to wherever they want efficiency[tly]. [But then, however]Even though compelling these cases may sound, they cannot overshadow the serious problems that automobile has brought about. Taking into account all these factors, though the advantages that automobile enjoys are considerable, they cannot refuse [compete with] the disadvantages that it give rise to. Therefore, from what has been discussed above, [we may safely] I can come to my [the] conclusion that automobile has caused serious problems is a more sensible point of view. 非常奇怪，為何改完貼上後，會有些段落自動重覆還刪不掉。
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发表于 2008-9-1 18:33:00
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