恳请NN们帮我指出这篇作文的缺点~

mmdct2008

15题：Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor?

 

People can not live only on themselves. They live in a society where everyone depends on others to some extent and the one who live near them is called neighbor. Moreover, the characteristic of our neighbors is essential to us. I think the qualities of a good neighbor are warm-heart, humor and intelligence.

 

First, the most important quality of the good neighbor is warm-hearted. A warm-hearted neighbor is helpful when you meet difficulties. For example, if you have something important to do but you should stay at home to look after your baby, then you can look for your neighbors for help. They may assist you to take care of your baby, then you can do the things you want to do. Another example is that I often go to ask maths questions to my warm-hearted neighbor as he is a professor in the university. He helped me a lot in the past few years and I often got good marks in the maths test. Thus, a warm-hearted neighbor can sponsor you when you face the problem.

 

Second, a sense of humor is another quality a good neighbor should have. Because of the stress originated from the study or work, one may become depressed and lonely. If you have a humorous neighbor, you will have fun and the depression or the loneliness will be eliminated. For instance, when you are sad about the result of the English test, your neighbor tell you something funny and take you out of the sadness. Then, you will become better and feel honored to have such a good neighbor.

 

Third, intelligence is also required for a good neighbor. People can solve a lot of problems by using the intelligence and the intelligent people are alarm to the things around them and can solve it in a fine way. For instance, when your community's infrastructure fees are overcharged, you may not pay attention to this, however, your intelligent neighbors noticed. They will exposure the problem and find ways to solve it. Thus, if you have not the intelligent neighbors, this problem may never be discovered.

 

All in all, neighbor is quite essential to us as we live next to them. And what their qualities are and what they have done will affect us a lot. The above-mentioned qualities, namely warm-heart, a sense of humor and intelligence are important to be a good neighbor.

 

398words.

 

自己认为所存在的问题：

1．句式没有多样化。简单句太多。

2．BACKGRAOUG 也不知道好不好。

3．例子也不够深刻。

希望帮忙指出缺点拉.谢谢大家拉.

希望帮忙指出缺点拉.谢谢大家拉.

lifeiteng

开头不错，有鲜明的联系。应该是warm-hearted 和 humorous

1段例子2不好，因为一个教授是完全可以帮助你解决数学问题的，而不是普通的一个邻居，过于特殊了吧。不过1段结尾很好，起码由自己的例子说明一个问题。

2段解释有点啰嗦，不过例子却举的不好。考砸了英语会因为几个烂笑话就好受了吗？其实幽默不算在好的品行里吧，不过硬要说也可以。只是确实不好说。

3段凑合。不好乱说。

结尾处能够回文定位，就是指回文章，很不错。

需要在用词，句型上下功夫。慢慢来吧。

mmdct2008

谢谢指教~

yetemwok

开头有点罗嗦, 过渡不太好.