Sigrid的作文楼

sigrid_shan

懒惰党

T 作文27，G awa5。

目标作文29（...）

干巴跌

sigrid_shan

chasedreamabc 发表于 2014-9-19 17:33
另外想起来一点，如果写2个论点的话，一般还要写一个让步段

我主干的内容 好像确实有点跑题~~~

但是第二段第一句人家写了并列句，第二个and的主语不是一个哦，第二个主语是动名词所以这句主谓是对的哟~

第三段开头are realized是被实现的意思不是现实

根据我了解得语法....and连接同一功能的不定式第二个不加to.....

还有哦~关于托福到底要不要写让步段的说法众说纷纭，我也认识根据付英东说法绝不写让步坚持一边倒最后作文30分的哦~

其他的错误点都got~~thx~~~

chasedreamabc

另外想起来一点，如果写2个论点的话，一般还要写一个让步段

sigrid_shan

9.17
独立：人们应该坚持具有挑战性的梦想还是注重实现现实的梦想

It is said that dreams can be divided into two types, challenging dreams and practical ones. Some people hold the opinion that ordinary individuals should be down-to-earth so that we need to concentrate on the dreams which are easier to realize. However, from my point of view, only challenging dreams can be called dreams, whereas practical dreams are no more than aims.

First of all, people who own fabulous dreams and unbelievable ideas can change the world and make better achievements, and sticking to such dreams leads to the final success. Howard Hughes, as a perfect example, who did not dream his practical dreams being as a businessman, exerted all his effort on planes and controversial movies related to planes. He dreamed the unrealistic dreams of driving the fastest airplane and risked the risk of being bankrupted and disabled, to develop the difficult business and break the world air speed limit. Now, to American people, the name of Hughes’ is as well-known as the name of respectable presidents such as Washington and Lincoln. And his contribution to the civil aircrafts as well as pop-culture is also beyond measurement. Without the challenging dreams of Hughes’, his name would not have been known to all and the American culture would have lost a speculate part.

Moreover, no matter the dreams are realized or not, persisting in the some hard-to-be-achieved dreams can be the happiest thing in the world, as we do not yield to the reality. My aunt Sally is one of those who is not defeated by the realistic limitation. She did not graduated from a key high school ten years ago, neither did she get a good grade in the college entrance examination. My parents persuaded her to be a nurse and get into the nursing faculty, but she refused and went to study computer science and business, because she wanted to be a successful businesswoman and earn a lot of money. Ten years later, instead of being a considerate and welcomed nurse, my aunt became a manager in a foreign bank with a payment ten times more than the best nurse. She told me that we should always persevere in what we want to do, even though the forward path is tough and people around you do not understand. Seeing my aunt living happy and satisfying right now, I do believe that the challenge and difficulties were worthwhile.

When taking into account all the reasons I have numerated above, we can easily come to the conclusion that persisting in the challenging dreams can benefit us more, as due to the hard time we experience, the time will award us the recognition and happiness.

loverony713

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-16 21:05
好星湖，被两个人改综合

哈哈 别嘚瑟 好好看你错误

sigrid_shan

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-16 20:39

好星湖，被两个人改综合

loverony713

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-16 00:31
综合 0915

The lecture apparently disproves what is argued in the reading passage. According to the  ...

综合 0915 mm不好意思 不知道怎么变成这个格式了！所以弄了一个word！！！ The lecture apparently disproves what is argued in the reading passage. According to the passage, the clay jars found in the Iraq were not likely to be vessels for producing electricity due to three reasons. However, the professor in the lecture asserts that it is possible that the vessels are electric batteries, as(as后面最好只接一个完整的句子) the reasons of reading material is not convincing and he represents several evidences. To begin with, the author states that there were no metal wires found nearby the vessels. But the professor claims that there could be wires or other conductors excavated by the local people(加上 near the jars), but as they were not professional archaeologists, such wires might have been easily overlooked and thrown away. Therefore, the assertion of the author can be questionable.(GOOD) Furthermore, the passage assumes that the copper cylinders inside the clay jars were similar to the copper cylinders excavated in Seleucia. In ancient Seleucia, man(?) used the cylinder to hold scrolls(用被动较好). The professor, however, suggests that the use of copper cylinders could be changed(FOR OTHER PURPOSE). To be specific, these cylinders were possibly （originally）designed to be holder for scrolls, but later they were used to generate electricity. Last but not the least, the author of the passage points out that the electricity made by such battery was no used for ancient people, but the professor states that the electricity can be used as magical powers(不是被用作 是被interpret) by producing mild shock or tingling.  Another truth is that, the battery could also be used as a way of healing,

and such healing method is used by modern medicine as well. That's to say, the electricity is useful for ancient people. Based on the above mentioned arguments of both the lecture and the reading material the explanation of the reading passage could be nonsense.

sigrid_shan

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-16 16:39
No one is born to be right and no one can always be right. All of us can be timid, feeble, and every ...

么么哒~~你的建议都采纳喵~~~~

echosun2002

综合写作整体结构很棒，逻辑清晰，语句流畅，没有什么问题。

echosun2002

No one is born to be right and no one can always be right. All of us can be timid, feeble, and every one of us has the experience of doing something wrong. Nevertheless, even though all parents know that mistakes are unavoidable, some of them still want to prevent their children from making errors. I personally believe that allowing children making mistakes is more beneficial to children in various aspects.只是提到make mistake 没有learn from mistakes

First of all, making minor mistakes at a very young age may help children avoid more serious and unforgivable mistakes in their adulthood. Some children, for instance, are forbidden to play computer games and watching TV because parents believe such entertainment may lead to terrible performances of children at school. My parents, however, did not limit my computer time when I was in junior high school so that I was addicted to surf on the Internet and got an unsatisfying grate in the final exam of that semester. What makes me feel lucky today is that I realized my mistake instantly, quitted the Internet, worked hard at school and developed a good habit of learning. Some of my companions, who were not permitted to use the computer, on the contrary, stuck on the computer games for years when getting rid of control of their parents. Hence, mistakes such as being obsessed to the Internet in the childhood, is are much better than making big errors later.这里的对比是mistakes such as~~~和making big errors感觉不是很对称，如果改成mistakes such as~~~better than big errors～～是不是更好呢？

Moreover, being used to making make errors when we are young benefits our mental health. People who never risk will never be free and children who never risk making mistakes will never grow up with a strong mind. Every year we heard news about one or two student committing suicide due to different reasons, and self-disappointment might be the most frequent cause. A PHD from history department hanged himself last year as he found out that he could not get a satisfying job after graduation, and his research may lead him to nowhere. As is reported, this student was a perfect one for twenty years and his parents taught him in a quite strict way. The result is that, he was so clinging to be right that a B in an exam could be unbearable for him, and finally, any severe frustration will defeat him forever due to his fragile, easily broken heart. I deem that such tragedy will never occur on a child who was educated in a different way, a way which tolerates small mistakes.

When taking all the accounts I have numerated above, we can come to the conclusion that allowing children making mistakes is a good way of education, for it can not only help minimize the potential serious troubles made in adulthood, but also help with the mental health in the future. for后面可不可以跟句子？这点貌似在GMAT中是不允许的

整体感觉每一个观点都挖掘的比较深入，例子也非常有说服力。需要注意的是题目中有提到learn from mistake但是文中没有很充分的体现。