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Terry95的作文帖(欢迎大家来吐槽)

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楼主
发表于 2014-7-27 09:29:34 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |正序浏览 |阅读模式
7/27   (虽然是第一次,不过还是要用力喔亲)
Independent Writing
To what extent do you agree that we should buy only domestic products even if we have to spend more money to do so than to purchase imported goods.
Because of the globalization and the informational revolution developing in the late 20th century, a gargantuan amount of goods are flowing from one country to another.However,not everyone taking part in these prosperous business activities is enthusiastic about this overwhelming trend.Some so-called patriots oppose the idea of purchasing foreign products because they view this action in a betrayal of their motherland.On the other hand, I wholeheartedly support importing merchandise from other nations.
To begin with, according to a basic economic conception,international trade can benefit everyone involved.Some countries can produce certain products at lower cost and of better quality than other countries;thus, consumers can obtain better and cheaper goods from the country that is more specialized in making the goods than the consumers’ own country.In this case,international trade will improve the well-being of the domestic customers and the foreign suppliers.In short,international trade can foster the overall economy in the world.
Although the national producers protest the alleged harm imposed by imported products,those goods can,in fact,help the domestic producers indirectly but profoundly. Normally, people purchase foreign products because those goods are better than the domestic ones; hence, the domestic producers would have to learn to improve the quality of their own products or otherwise would lose their shares in the market and be expelled from the market eventually. No owner wants to see the bankrupt of his/her company, so the owners will no doubt enhance their products that,in turn, attract more business and increase profits. As we can see, the advanced foreign products can actually force the national industries to grow up.
Moreover, consumers will definitely benefit from international trade. International trade can make the market more competitive, so sellers will lower the prices and find ways to satisfy the buyers. Suffice to say that purchasers will get better products at lower price.
In conclusion, prohibiting the exchange of goods among different countries has positive effects on neither the foreign suppliers, nor the national manufactures, nor the domestic consumers.
Integrated writing  IPO 13
The lecture points out that the advantages of the private collection of fossils far outweigh the drawbacks and that the disadvantages of private collections are overstated.This position directly contradicts the view in the reading material that the private collection of fossils will harm the interest of both the public and the academics.
At the first place,the lecturer indicates that more people will have chance to see fossils if those fossils are sold to individuals.This is because lower schools and institutions will be able to afford the expense of obtaining fossils.This situation is the polar opposite of situation described in the reading material.
Also, the lecturer disagrees with the conjuncture that private collection of fossils will make scientist unable to reach those sold fossils.In support of her suggestion,the lecturer points out that scientists will have more access to the fossils because the fossils to be sold must be identified by the scientists first before the buyers purchase them.
At last,the lecturer states that universities and research institutions do not have enough energy or resources to discover all the sites containing fossils,so it is better that the private individuals find some fossils while ruin some of the surrounding ones than that those fossils remain undiscovered.
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43#
发表于 2014-8-5 18:53:10 | 只看该作者
Terry95 发表于 2014-8-5 09:57
美女,你又在改题目了

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as impor ...

my fault
42#
 楼主| 发表于 2014-8-5 09:57:58 | 只看该作者
资深少女_贾贾 发表于 2014-8-4 23:00
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libr ...

美女,你又在改题目了

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries这里我觉得不能这么并列,你可以说体育运动和读书一样中样,但是不能说体育运动和图书馆一样重要对吧。 and should receive equal financial supports.
41#
 楼主| 发表于 2014-8-5 09:54:52 | 只看该作者
joshua1993 发表于 2014-8-5 09:12
楼主是考完G了么?感觉作文有G的感觉

惊奇!!
我确实考完G了,但在努力摆脱G的作文模式。。
兄台怎么看出来我的作文有G的调调呢?
40#
发表于 2014-8-5 09:12:48 | 只看该作者
楼主是考完G了么?感觉作文有G的感觉
39#
发表于 2014-8-4 23:00:47 | 只看该作者
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries这里我觉得不能这么并列,你可以说体育运动和读书一样中样,但是不能说体育运动和图书馆一样重要对吧。 and should receive equal financial supports.
It is, indeed, indisputable that the quality of courses and the number of useful books in libraries are the determinant aspects of a school. However 这个词要加逗号 more and more students and prospective employers have been stressing on the importance of sports and social activities in college in the last few decades. This rapid change brings about a question and a pragmatic problem : how crucial are sports and social activities for student and how much money should be expended on them. In my view, the importance of sports and social activities is no less than that of classes and libraries so that the funds should be equally divided into the four subjects.
我不知道文章的题目是什么,如果是How crucial.... 这句的话,那么跟class 和 library 就没有直接关系?而且你的论点是,费用应该均匀花在这四项设施上,但是你下文只写了花在sports和social activity的好处,没有涉及到class和library,不知道这样算不算偏题


In the first place, sports and social activities can effectively shape students' physical fitness and communicating skills,这里我倒觉得可以写成两段,一段写physical 一段写communication the key factors that will determine students' potential of success.Nowadays, when human resources managers consider whether candidates are qualified for a position or not, they will observe not only how far the candidates have achieved in the field of their specialties, which are mostly trained in the classes, but also their abilities to deal with people and their physical appearances; so participation in social events and adequate exercise will facilitate students to find jobs. Moreover, the benefits of sports and social activities are not merely restricted to employment: Except for expertise and knowledge, communicating skills is also a necessary quality of an entrepreneur since, in the modern business process, a pleasant communication with clients can undoubtedly foster turnover and, in turn, increase profits. In short, the schools can help students' career by ensuring that their students have enough chances to exercise and to practice social skills.

Secondly, sports and social activities should be funded as adequately as courses and books.Like the costs of paying salary for professors,of purchasing valuable books, and of providing necessary facilities for classes, the expense of holding a social events and of building a playground or a gym can also be immense. Thus a school with adequate funds for sports and social activities can always do better in promoting students' physical fitness and social skills. In my own experience, I was educated in an university that has plentiful resources of funds to build all kinds of sports utilities and always funds a variety of social activities. On the other hand, Eric, my classmate in high school, graduates from a school where funds are largely spent on classes and books. Before we entered into college, Eric and I had been exactly the same in physical build and social communication. Four years later, I became noticeably more fit and sociable than him. And because of these advantages, I found much more opportunities than Eric in the job market. In conclusion, the financial supports can impose remarkable effects on the construction of sports facilities and the organization of social activities and can provide students more chances to develop social skills that will help them find better jobs.
我觉得这段意思跟上一段有一点重复,不如开拓思维,写一点跟career无关的好处什么的。
In a nutshell, sports and social activities can have profound impact on a student's career,so the university should guarantee sufficient funds for them.

文章的用词都挺丰富也没什么语法错误,学习了很多用法。
结构上我觉得结尾可以再写长一点。
38#
 楼主| 发表于 2014-8-4 21:53:49 | 只看该作者
GJason 发表于 2014-8-4 21:41
证明了sports和social activities很重要,但是没法证明你的观点:两者花的钱应该一样多。 ...

嗯!很是有道理!!
你看这么改行不行,两个学校同样的funds,一个学校花费平均,一个学校在classes和libraries上花的钱较多,结果那个花费平均的学校培养出来的学生找到工作的几率更大。
37#
 楼主| 发表于 2014-8-4 21:46:49 | 只看该作者
GJason 发表于 2014-8-4 21:00
我今天写了相似的题目,是否互批一下?

好的,我马上就来看看!
36#
发表于 2014-8-4 21:41:36 | 只看该作者
证明了sports和social activities很重要,但是没法证明你的观点:两者花的钱应该一样多。
35#
 楼主| 发表于 2014-8-4 21:09:22 | 只看该作者
GJason 发表于 2014-8-4 20:42
贸然改之,顺便偷点精彩段落

Jason哥的意见一针见血,我感觉我写作逻辑老存在问题,根源就是分论点选得比较蛋疼。
不过这篇的文章第二个分论点我是用那个正反论证的方法写的。
就是我和一个朋友进了在sports和social activities上花费不同的两所大学,进学前我们身体和社交能力一样,4年后进了在sports和social activities上花费多的大学的我明显比我朋友要壮而且社交能力要强。
我觉得这个逻辑上应该还说得过去啊??
望Jason不吝赐教
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