OG 3分 作文求解

windfog

在OG 托福作文部分，看了独立写作关于诚实与关系的范文倒吸一口凉气，我的思路跟3分作文是一样，不仅有些困惑错在哪里，到底该怎么写。下面是题目和范文。
题目： Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

范文：Some people believe that it is one of the most important value in many relationships to tell the truth all the time. However, it cannot be always the best choice to
tell the truth in many situatioins. Sometimes white lies are indispensible to keep relationships more lively and dilightly. There are some examples to support this idea.
Firstly, in the relationships between lovers, it is often essential to compliment
their lovers on their appearance and their behavior. Even though they do not think
that their boyfriend or girlfriend looks good on their new shoes and new clothes, it
will probably diss them by telling the truth. On the other hand, little compliments
will make them confident and happy making their relationship more tight.
Secondly, parents need to encourage their children by telling lies. Even if they are doing bad work on studying or exercising, telling the truth will hurt their hearts.What they need is a little encouraging words instead of truthful words.

Thirdly, for some patients telling them their current state of their desease will probably desperate them. It is accepted publically not to let the patients know the truth. They may be able to have hope to overcome their desease without knowing
the truth.

In conclusion, it is not always better to tell the truth than lies. Some lies are acceptable in terms of making people’s life more profusely. Not everybody has to know the truth, and it will lead them more happier not knowing it. In these cases,white lies are worth to be regarded as a virtue of people’s relationships

评析： This essay focuses on explaining why “white lies” are sometimes appropriate. The explanations here are “somewhat developed.” Each example supports the writer’s main point, but in every case, the writer does not say why the positive effect of the “white lie” outweighs any negative effect. There is inconsistent control of structure and vocabulary, with some errors in both structure and vocabular obscuring meaning: “keep relationships . . . dilightly,” “will probably desperate them,” “making peoples life more profusely,” “it will lead them more happier not knowing it.” These weaknesses and errors earn this essay a score of 3.

自己分析了一下，是不是原文主要只说出一个观点然后就堆砌例子，而并没有很好的进行逻辑展开。如果改写是不是就把它展开。

第一太绝对了，sometimes, lie is a lubricant in the relationship. Always telling the truth just like gear runs without oil, and it will break finally. Telling some lies will create the pleasant communication rather then put ourselves in the uncomfortable situation, and then improve the relationship. for example.........

第二， tell the true 只是手段，而真正重要的是love and to pursue happiness. 如果tell the true 对对方来说是 cruel 那就应该说谎，如果对对方是好的那就应该说出事实。

moreover, telling the truth sometimes is fatal , for example.

of course, 在大部分情况 tell the true 是 benefit to the relation, but it is not the essential point in the relation. In a word, .......

这是我自己对3分范文结构错误的一个理解，写下来警醒自己不要同样的错，同时希望能够得到大家进一步补充和指正。

vanheising

我也有这样的感觉，OG里面5分的4分的结构都不怎么典型啊，考试那点时间就只能FIRSTLY,SECONDLY,THIRDLY了。。等待大神回复