写作不可怕，有恒心，高分拿~ 求狠批！！！

lyslj001

今天正式开始每天写作小分队训练啦！
go~

laneesherry

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-24 22:59
【TPO 18】 283words
The reading passage and the listening lecture hold totally controversial opinio ...

蓝色是个人意见
黄色高亮是好词好句

The reading passage and the listening lecture hold totally controversial opinions on the methods to help Torreya thrive. The passage proposes three ways that might help, but the lecturer claims that none of these methods is the solution to the decline of Torreya.

First and foremost, although the former microclimate used to provide suitable conditions for Torreya, the passage fails to take into account the changes of the climate. Actually, the global warming and the draining of the wet lands have made the environment in Northern Florida much drier, which is no longer the right condition for Torreya to survive. Thus the suggestion in the reading passage that moving Torreya back to the same location is open to doubt.（建议提一下哪些观点是文章里面说的、哪些观点是教授说的）

Second, the lecturer cites an example of another plant as opposition to the argument in the passage that moving Torreya to an entirely different location is a sensible choice. According to the lecturer, once the trees are planted in a different land, they will spread rapidly and even kill the local plants which might are also endangered. Because of the unpredicted outcomes this method may cause, it's somewhat too optimistic for the passage to make its indication.

Furthermore, the lecturer also points out that the plants which captain the research center may not survive diseases because it requires the plant population to be large and diverse. Although the wild environment can satisfy these requirements, the research center cannot.（这前后两句更像是对比转折，用让步看上去逻辑稍微有些奇怪）Therefore, as the lecturer contends, the plants in these centers will fail in surviving under diseases in the long run. This fact disproves the argument in the reading passage that preserving Torreya in research centers can help both protect the species and promote scientific research on them.

整体来说应该有的点已经全部答到，稍微修改一下细节将会是一篇非常完美的作文。

lyslj001

【TPO 18】 283words
The reading passage and the listening lecture hold totally controversial opinions on the methods to help Torreya thrive. The passage proposes three ways that might help, but the lecturer claims that none of these methods is the solution to the decline of Torreya.

First and foremost, although the former microclimate used to provide suitable conditions for Torreya, the passage fails to take into account the changes of the climate. Actually, the global warming and the draining of the wet lands have made the environment in Northern Florida much drier, which is no longer the right condition for Torreya to survive. Thus the suggestion in the reading passage that moving Torreya back to the same location is open to doubt.

Second, the lecturer cites an example of another plant as opposition to the argument in the passage that moving Torreya to an entirely different location is a sensible choice. According to the lecturer, once the trees are planted in a different land, they will spread rapidly and even kill the local plants which might are also endangered. Because of the unpredicted outcomes this method may cause, it's somewhat too optimistic for the passage to make its indication.

Furthermore, the lecturer also points out that the plants which captain the research center may not survive diseases because it requires the plant population to be large and diverse. Although the wild environment can satisfy these requirements, the research center cannot. Therefore, as the lecturer contends, the plants in these centers will fail in surviving under diseases in the long run. This fact disproves the argument in the reading passage that preserving Torreya in research centers can help both protect the species and promote scientific research on them.

Mint静默

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-21 20:09
回M酱君~ 字数多不一定好呀。 并且其实我又写超时了= =   总之我写作文时候会有强烈的欲望把逻辑链写清楚 ...

我去看了。。真是一个比一个能写= =
找一天来膜拜各位的作文

xiaxiaya

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-21 14:07
先上今天的综合啦~
【TPO 14】 282words
The lecturer agrees with the reading passage that salvage logg ...

【TPO 14】 282words
The lecturer agrees with the reading passage that salvage logging is effective in some aspects in helping forests to recover after severe storms. She points out, however, several long term （turns ?）damages which are brought by salvage logging and which we must take into account.（这一句没太看懂^^...）
【感觉开头稍微有一点没抓重点，首段列出文章和听力的主要观点，再评论一句他们冲突，或教授反对什么的，这样就清晰了~】

First and foremost, clearing up dead trees may actually destroy the right conditions （appropriate growth environment ） for others plants to thrive. According to the lecturer, it's these dead trees that enrich the soil in forests with nutrients（这都能想出来...牛）. In another word, if dead trees are rapidly removed right after storms, their remained peers in forests will be lack of essential nutrients important for these plants to survive(用从句可能好一点，虽然我不太确定这句是不是有语法错误). The lecturer therefore claims that salvage logging will in some extent harm the forests, which contrasts with the opinion demonstrated in the reading passage.
【文段的论点和细节用一句话提一下，再对比听力论点，可能更好~】

Second, the lecturer admits that dead trees tend to create suitable habitat for injurious insects, resulting in series of problems. But she also argues that those pests may have already existed on the trees for over a hundred years. In addition, not only will decaying wood provide homes for harmful insects, but they also enable helpful animals, such as birds to settle down, contributing to the healthy growth of the whole forests. （enable sb to do 好像语法更常见）

Furthermore, the lecturer also casts doubt on the statement made in the passage that salvage logging has economic benefits. In fact, cutting down and terming（trimming？） dead trees into useable wood can raise huge amounts of money, undermining the expected economic effects. Moreover, despite the additional jobs salvage logging may create, plentiful experience and other strict requirements will also stop local workers from applying for these temporary jobs. The facts above strongly prove that salvage logging contributes little to the local economics.

【总的来说，楼主的点基本都抓到了~主要是改写的时候注意一下语法和用词就很好了~】

sallygreen

改好了

lyslj001

sallygreen 发表于 2013-8-21 22:55
额，求lyslj童鞋轻黑 ~ 你的文文我晚点给改哈

好吧...其实我已经跟你写的差不多字数了  我们都是苦口婆心的银~

sallygreen

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-21 20:09
回M酱君~ 字数多不一定好呀。 并且其实我又写超时了= =   总之我写作文时候会有强烈的欲望把逻辑链写清楚 ...

额，求lyslj童鞋轻黑 ~ 你的文文我晚点给改哈

lyslj001

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-21 19:51
0 0楼主的作文字数好多啊！
求问你是怎么拓展思路的

回M酱君~ 字数多不一定好呀。 并且其实我又写超时了= =   总之我写作文时候会有强烈的欲望把逻辑链写清楚，尽量让读文章的人能理解我的思路。于是写着写着就hold不住了~   不过要说字数多，可以去看sallygreen姐姐的文章！哈哈           但是！据说，如果文笔一般，写很多确实是一种的高分的手段~

Mint静默

0 0楼主的作文字数好多啊！
求问你是怎么拓展思路的