Kate的作文帖

Kate1992

8月24日的托福，马上就要考了，求大家狠拍！！
求教大家独立写作和综合写作字数在多少合适呢？

ni_kate

http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870746-1-1.html
我的独立已经完成了呀....肿么没有批改呢

ni_kate

A proverb that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy has been recognized as undeniable truth by most people during a long period. (开头引用，不得不佩服...新人表示只会写简单句...)With the pace of society accelerating, people from all circles of life are overwhelmed with burdensome tasks and great pressure. Accordingly, relaxation off work gains much more attention than before. To relax thoroughly, in my opinion, doing physical exercise is a better choice than watching a movie or reading a book.
  Doing sports helps to refresh people’s mind from brain work all day and night and even more surprisingly, exercising can stimulate people’s brains to work more actively and creatively. According to a study conducted by China Health Education Center, 80 percent of the respondents think they can feel more relaxed and work more effectively after doing physical exercises, such as playing basketball, running, and so on, than after doing other still relaxation, including watching movies and reading books. Because the brain is still running actively and thus cannot （这里是不是有些问题，and两个句子不是？）
rest well when watching movies and reading books.
Moreover, sports and health are intrinsically connected. （Topic sentence）Doing sports will greatly increase people’s metabolism and strengthen our physique. However, reading or watching movies fail to provide healthy body for people and by contrast do harm to people’s health. A good example is my classmates Jane for instance. Jane used to watch movies a lot after class and didn’t leave her chair until bedtime. As a result, she grew fatter and more vulnerable to diseases. After taking her doctor’s advice, she ran on the playground instead of watching movies as soon as the class was over and six months later even won women’s 400-meter race at our sports meeting. (个人觉得这句话写得偏长，容易出现错误，表达不明确)Therefore, exercising is a healthier method to spend our spare time.
Admittedly, watching funny movies or reading interesting books can make us laugh and release our pressure to some extent. But due to （but去掉会好些）the limited spare time, it is more sagacious for people to choose doing physical exercise, with all advantages discussed above, for relaxation rather than watching movies or reading books.
To sum up, I hold the point of view that doing physical exercising is better than reading books or watching movies to relax oneself in that not only does exercising make our brain gain adequate rest but also helps us build up a healthy and strong body. (文章用了挺多长句子，可见笔者的功底....佩服佩服~)

Kate1992

8月20日 独立

Independent Writing：
Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement?
Itis better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physicalexercise.

A proverb that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy has been recognized as undeniable truth by most people during a long period. With the pace of society accelerating, people from all circles of life are overwhelmed with burdensome tasks and great pressure. Accordingly, relaxation off work gains much more attention than before. To relax thoroughly, in my opinion, doing physical exercise is a better choice than watching a movie or reading a book.

Doing sports helps to refresh people’s mind from brain work all day and night and even more surprisingly, exercising can stimulate people’s brains to work more actively and creatively. According to a study conducted by China Health Education Center, 80 percent of the respondents think they can feel more relaxed and work more effectively after doing physical exercises, such as playing basketball, running, and so on, than after doing other still relaxation, including watching movies and reading books. Because the brain is still running actively and thus cannot rest well when watching movies and reading books.

Moreover, sports and health are intrinsically connected. Doing sports will greatly increase people’s metabolism and strengthen our physique. However, reading or watching movies fail to provide healthy body for people and by contrast do harm to people’s health. A good example is my classmates Jane for instance. Jane used to watch movies a lot after class and didn’t leave her chair until bedtime. As a result, she grew fatter and more vulnerable to diseases. After taking her doctor’s advice, she ran on the playground instead of watching movies as soon as the class was over and six months later even won women’s 400-meter race at our sports meeting. Therefore, exercising is a healthier method to spend our spare time.

Admittedly, watching funny movies or reading interesting books can make us laugh and release our pressure to some extent. But due to the limited spare time, it is more sagacious for people to choose doing physical exercise, with all advantages discussed above, for relaxation rather than watching movies or reading books.

To sum up, I hold the point of view that doing physical exercising is better than reading books or watching movies to relax oneself in that not only does exercising make our brain gain adequate rest bus also helps us build up a healthy and strong body.

Kate1992

hemodata 发表于 2013-8-18 19:12
lz的作文写的很好，今天我自己有新写一篇，阔以请lz帮我看看么？
http://forum.chasedream.com/forum.php?m ...

恩，好的嘛！还要谢谢你帮我批改作文~~

hemodata

lz的作文写的很好，今天我自己有新写一篇，阔以请lz帮我看看么？
http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... &fromuid=744721

hemodata

Kate1992 发表于 2013-8-14 20:51
8月14日 综合 TPO8
Chevalier wrote a memoir recounting his life and adventures, the reliability of wh ...

学习了lz两篇文章，顺便提一了一些自己的看法
不一定对，lz收附件

Kate1992

liaxiaowanzi 发表于 2013-8-15 19:56
8月13日 独立   要对楼主说声抱歉，因为没看到分组，所以批改晚了一天，希望楼主见谅學校或工作Presentatio ...

没关系的~~谢谢你认真的批改~~
There are usually several burden some 【应该是burdensome,我给分开了，所以...】tasks
这篇我没有限时，最后是写不下去了才草草结尾，看上去的确不舒服

Kate1992

没关系的~~谢谢你认真的批改~~
There are usually several burden some 【应该是burdensome,我给分开了，所以...】tasks
这篇我没有限时，最后是写不下去了才草草结尾，看上去的确不舒服

liaxiaowanzi

8月13日 独立   要对楼主说声抱歉，因为没看到分组，所以批改晚了一天，希望楼主见谅

學校或工作Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有idea 後才晚一點開始進行（绿色好句哦。。黄色小错误哦。。红色小建议哦。。。）

At school or work, it is inevitable to make presentations in front of classmates or colleagues. Presentations provide opportunities for you to put forth your ideas or display your achievements. At college, we are often required to make four or five presentations in our classes within a semester. Some of my classmates start preparing a month ahead of schedule while others prefer beginning on it after they have a rough ideaabout their presentation.（楼主变句式变得非常好，小羞愧一下） I am one of the latter students because this way makes me more effective and my presentation high quality.（开头简洁，没有太多模板的痕迹，短语和句式用的非常好，长见识了）

From my experience, working on my presentation after having a rough plan about it will save me much time for other subjects and make (madeLZ注意时态(⊙o⊙)哦） me （加个比较级More会不会更好些那）effective. There are usually several burden some tasks（这句话没看懂啊，  是不是There be sth to do句型啊。。Usually，there are some tasks to burden....） during a semester but the time is so limited that I cannot spend too much time on one thing. So I often take advantage of spare minutes, when I am having lunch, brushing my teeth, taking a bus or walking, to think about the plan of my presentation. After knowing what I should include in my presentation and what steps I should take, it is easier and more effective for me to manage time and go through with my presentation. In this circumstance, I will also have extra time dealing with my other subjects.(主题句+ 详细说理+例子，构成本段说理结构，思路很清晰的)

Another reason why I choose the lattermethod is that my presentation will be of high quality after long time deliberateness（读着有点别扭，是不是可以这样after  deliberation  over a long period of time）. Before I buckle to（向LZ学习高级词汇的应用） the task, I have always been thinking how to make my presentation（加个比较级more会不会更好） remarkable and creative, which aspect to be refined again and what to add to have it presented vividly（这个非限制定语从句用的挺好，就是有点复杂，看不懂啊）. On the contrary, some of my classmates begin on(介词with)the presentation without careful consideration and the result is average or even worse. Let me take my classmate Susan for example to illustrate this situation(跟楼主学到一个举例子的好句型), who starts preparing for the presentation as soon as the professor arranges it. Once Susan began on a presentation in a psychologyclass very early, about a month in advance without going over the topic seriously. She didn’t realize her tangential topic until the day before the deadline, but it was too late to correct it. It was conceivable that Susan didn’t behave well during her presentation. Therefore, what is important to a presentation is not the time when it is finished but the idea and the way it is presented. Careful consideration about the presentation is indispensible. （主题+正面解释+反面解释+例子+总结，，结构清晰，木有瑕疵，我写这篇的时候都快纠结死了。。。。）

Admittedly, the sooner you set about preparing for the presentation, the more time you will have to refine your speech. In spite of this advantage, it also pose some disadvantages. For one thing, spending too much time on one issue will consumeyour time and energy for other subjects, thus lowering your grades. For another, inadequate considerations will reduce the chances of success in yourpresentation. From above, preparing for presentations after forming an idea ismore practical and effective.（前面没有让步段，然而却在结尾段用了很大笔墨描述让步内容。不太合适吧。也许是楼主时间仓促）


LZ  的短语和词汇应用及复杂句的应用让人印象深刻，高手耶。。。
思路清晰明了。。
只是这个1+2+1的结构，在结尾段突然来了个大让步，个人感觉有点混乱。如果是时间不太够，不能写个完整的让步段，建议楼主不要在结尾段主要写让步内容，可以稍稍提一下。