新手一枚，多多指教

sherlock1992

4月13号 独立写作

        Perhaps no issue in this world is as difficult to people living in modern times as maintaining healthy condition which makes them well-prepared for the future challenges. Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether it is easier to maintain health than in the past or not. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that good health is really a luxurious thing for people surrounding with various uncertain unhealthy factors.

        First and foremost, as we all know, in the past, the sky is blue, the river is transparent, the air is fresh, and the food is green. But now, all things have changed. Just like the scenery you see today, the sky is not blue anymore but full of gray, the river is polluted and exudes an air of fume, the air is so bad that nearly all people in some countries know the technical terms like PM2.5 very clearly, and the food, which directly related to our human being’s health, is often being found all kinds of problem owing to the disorder use of food ingredients. In a word, the uncertain factors may harming our health today is much more than these in the past.

        What’s more, a notorious factor in modern society that influences our health a lot is the pressure. Although the advance of technology provides people with more convenience and pleasure, the side effects come to people’s lives, too. With the increase of competitive level, people, everyday, face all kinds of challenges, known or un-known, prepared or un-prepared, whether you do it or not, these tasks are always there. And what they mean? Obviously, pressure. If a man is under pressure for a long time, it is no doubt that his immune system is fragile, and then some problem concerning health will ensue, too.

        On the other hand, the ways people live today do not conform to nature. And the recreational facilities, whether day or night, open their doors to people, many of whose sleeping patterns are all upside-down. It is no wonder that the average healthy condition for modern people is continuously decreasing. On the contrary, our ancestors begin to work at dawn and stop at dusk, which is a nature-friendly life style to obey the outer environment.

        After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, I was fully convinced that the improvement of health condition for people living in this day and age is very imperative. Anyway, I think it’s not an easy way to maintain healthy life style than in the past.

北极的企鹅123

我来了，又改晚了，真心不好意思啊

solde

亲，改好啦~~月饼节快乐！

北极的企鹅123

改晚了，不好意思啊~

sherlock1992

9.18
technology helps to make people's lives simpler or to make people's lives more complicated

---

Although we live in an age of information explosion, an age with a wide spectrum of choices, truth be told, this situation makes us tough to select from a wealth of commodities, I still try to make an assertion that these outputs of technology still facilitate our lives and provide us a platform to create a more simpler life.
First, the core of technology is to boost efficiency. Higher efficiency the work is, better standards people's livings are. For instance, industrial revolution brings us locomotives, streamers, and any other giants, which substantially diminish the time we consume from one place to another.
Additionally, in Qing Dynasty, a classified envelop from the southernmost province, Hainan, to the political center at that times, Beijing, will take at least one month. Whereas, now, one of my New York friends just need to press a key or send a vocal order to Siri, then a message can cross Pacific Ocean within a few seconds and be displayed in your iPhone. From this perspective, no doubt that technology simplifies the redundance and exhibit us a clear-cut world.
Second, the end of technology is to provide convenience. IPhone is such a classic example. Granted, this smart phone is well-known for its complicated inner structure and equipment with cutting-edge components, when you touch it and use it, its property of concision, elegance, as well as its user-friendly operation system will strike your heart and bring you with a completely distinctive simple experience. And that is exactly what technology wants to express and have expressed. Another case comes from the Internet realm. Nowadays, social network service is very popular such as Facebook and Twitter. In these sites, we can share with others many valuable information as well as some trifles about happiness or sorrow irrespective of your wealth, faction, or religion. In this case, we are free of our mind and simplify the pattern of our life a lot. Therefore, from this angle, technology is such a magic power that renders our life concise.
All in all, compared with the tough lives of our ancestors with low-tech, in this day and age, the life surrounding with high-tech is undeniably more concise than before. Anyway, technology helps to make people's lives simpler.

sherlock1992

9.17 [TODAY]
agree/disagree: in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else

---

The word "success" has many standards. It is not a thing which carves in the stone of gold; rather, it can be linked to happiness-pursuing, health-maintaining, or self-esteem-guarding. Under this consideration, there is no necessity to go on this topic-whether you should copy others mold or be distinctive in the avenue to succeed.

First, an assertion must be made that from the perspective of wealth accumulation, only a handful of people is so-called successful, which is due to a perfect combination of inner gene and outer environment. In this situation,  some characteristics, which can be changeable with the environment, could be a learning model for us. For example, although it is nearly impossible to be as smart as Warren Buffett in the realm of investment, certain  technics such as the investment theory of value, one of well-known investment theories in the world, is also worthy for reference. Therefore, absorbing these excellent experiences from and only from these wonderful guys maybe could lead you a way to success.

Second, from the perspective of one's satisfaction of heart, which is seen as a fashion index to measure one's success, there is nothing too much for a person to learn from another. The reason lies in the configuration within  everyone's heart exists vast differences. And only in the circumstance that one really follows heart could he or she achieve the genuine success within his or her heart. Here is an example from Steve Jobs, compared with profit-oriented CEOs, Steve Jobs is a heart-oriented person. Just as he said at Stanford University commencement, "the only way to be truely satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do." Money is nonsense for these person, and they define success as a sense of fulfillment. Thus, being more like others is not a avenue to success.

All in all, success has many definitions and which is your one depends on many factors like your disposition, your characteristics, even your attitude towards life. Anyway, success is such a result combining many factors.

追梦CY

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-17 16:14
09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not ent ...

好详细！修改来鸟~~鼠标标不太好用，不过还是改完啦！

sherlock1992

09.16 [TODAY]
Agree/disagree: The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
TPO 11
Attitude:disagree.
Structure:
point1: the purpose of television should be all-around rather than concentrate on one certain area.
           >just as free market can bring us blooming economy, as information outlets, television should make information free to flow.<free information market>
           >e.g. the rate of rape & the prohibition of pornography in Sweden.
point2: television show provider is a profitable organizaton. Dull TV shows cannot absorb enough information-receptor.
           >in order to maintain a regular commercial environment, TV shows provider has the right to chosse the subject in a certain scope.
           >e.g. assumption-->if all TV shows is educative-->low rate of TV-watching-->NBC lacks enough money to sustain its fundamental business.-->if government make a subsidy-->impossible for a government to save the whole TV market.-->depression of TV industry-->the rate of unemployment  high-->the whole economy will face a negative influence.
point3:different TV shows can meet diverse demands of poeple.
           >quiz show, reality show, sitcom, soap opera, variety show, news.
           > In modern times, various demand is the subject.
summaries.

---

Can you imagine a scenario that one day when you turn up your television just for relaxing, it is broadcasting a show named Li Ming & Han Meimei provide by Confucius College, which teaches you how to speak Chinese. Little known about this language,  you decide to change channels, but the next is a documentary of Albert Einstein, little interested in physics as well as some names relating to that, you want to try again, whereas, the third channel, the forth, the fifth, ..., which is all about a subject-education. Wouldn't that drive you so crazy? So, my attitude is so clear pertaining to whether the purpose of television should be all educative or not. I firmly disagree with the monopoly behavior of educative subject to television.

First, the purpose of television should be all-around rather than solely concentrate on one certain area. Just as the free market can bring us blooming economy, television, the information outlets, should also make information flow freely. And this free information market can have a function like metabolism, which can continuously excrete the "toxic" information. Furthermore, unlimiting the purpose of television could play a role in sustaining the societal stability. In 1980s, Sweden Crime Statistic Bureau has ever made a experiment regarding to the relationship between the rate of rape and the policy of prohibition of pornography. The result struck people a lot because more severe the prohibition is, higher the rate of rape is, which is a perfect proof to  that free information market is necessary and the purpose of television should be diverse.

Second, due to the profitable characteristic of TV show providers, so hard for them to capture enough eye balls that lift their rate of TV-watching under the circumstances that only one educative subject is provided. Therefore, in order to maintain a regular commercial environment, TV shows providers should and must have the right to choose the TV subject in a certain scope. Let us make an assumption of NBC, if all TV shows of NBC is educative, owing to its limited receptors, low rate of TV-watching is unavoidable. In a long run, NBC will face a severe financial crisis. And this time, government prepares to make a subsidy. Considering of the depression of whole TV industry, the government decide to give up the subsidy because this behavior will further exceed the budget. Then, corporations bankrupt one by one, the rate of unemployment rises so high. And the whole economy will face a disaster. Thus, from the perspective of market, the content of TV should not be restricted to educative subject.

Third, different TV shows can meet diverse demands of people. Living in such a multi-demand world, one supply provided only makes people feel dull and dissatisfied. Thus, that's why quiz shows, reality shows, sitcoms and many other different types of show birthed.

All in all, TV should not only be seen as a tool to educate people, it is a box full of all kinds of information. Anyway, only facing a educative machine will make people bored to die.

  

brittanyhxy

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-15 17:09
09.14
DO you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rapid growth of cities in today's w ...

Just as the advancement of human beings' civilization is inevitable, the inclination of cities' growth is necessary, too, at least in the future as far as we can predict. Therefore, being an indispensable part of societal development, the rapid growth of cities, however ragged its path is, has more positive influence on the living environment of humanity. Reasons buttressing my standpoint(很罗嗦啊) are as follows:

First, the growth of cities can be divided into two aspects. One is about the urbanization, that is to say the area of a city becomes bigger. The other is the growing number of cities. Let us talk about the first one. Living in such a population-explosion world, we human beings face exponential increasing demand every day. Compared with the out-dated organization form of rural areas void of all-around health care, complete infrastructure and secure environment, urban organization form holds its distinguished advantages. Thus, owing to the different standard of living, large amount of peasants every year choose to seek jobs in cities, directly ensuing the short of city resources. So, for the sake of improving the loading ability of cities, urbanization happens, which is exactly such a policy to smooth the mobility of people in different areas. In short, from the perspective of mobility, the growth of cities provides more supply to meet the surplus demand.感觉你这段又跑题了啊，你要讲为什么说有正面的好处，结果你什么都没说光来解释什么叫城市化去了！！

Second, when talking about the exponentially increasing number of cities, we usually have a reflection in our mind of the leap of productivity. According to economics, there exists a positive relationship between an area's standard of living and productivity there. And the higher the productivity is, the more possible this area will develop into a city. Judging from this, the number of cities could be considered as an index to measure the level of productivity in an area. Thus, there is no doubt that the rapid growth number of cities is a benign signal for the development of society.

All in all, just as a saying goes, the developmental direction of history is a zigzag but upward line, the trend of rapid growth of cities is one of the characteristics of this whole direction. So, no reason to say that the fast growth of cities is a performance for our society.
呵呵，总之，你这篇作文是跑题了哦！如果就你的主题的话，感觉你抽象的太多，但是具体实例太少了！

sherlock1992

yzwdan818 发表于 2013-9-15 16:08
嗯，你这样解释可以但是还是会让人想很久才能弄懂你的意思，其实你可以尝试一些比较中规中矩的格式和直接 ...

嗯，之前看过一本书，说美国人唯一的共同点就是straightforward, 写文章抛观点特别直接，确实，我对于论点方面的内容选取，及逻辑的构造欠缺很多。我很喜欢谈论问题，所以下次欢迎继续讨论！