改变 加油！！！ 作文贴

改变

大家好 本人是个新手 同时是时差党 要是要求没有做好 希望大家积极的指出啊。。。

其实很早就加入过写作小分队的群中了 但是一直没有下定决心去联系 但是现在我对自己拙略的英文水平确实是不忍心看了 希望大家能够帮助

首先觉得自己平时写的东西的量太少 另外感觉自己在这个方面没有找对方法  有时候甚至感觉不出来那种文章是好的。。。。（囧）

感觉自己不能再这样了。 今天开始一定要开始加油了 力争每天都写。

Ps 附上一句最近很火的话 “世上万事，不过是一懒二拖三不读书” 每次看感觉都很有感受

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要求贴上来
No.1 队员先在写作版开一个自己的作文贴，以后每次的作业和别人的修改回复都贴在上面。示例如图：

No.2 按队长布置的每日作业题目写作文，当日22:00前把自己纠错后的作文贴在作文贴中。


写作小分队运行规则:


在大本营（本帖）回帖交作业，内容是：
作业日期+作业类型（独立/综合/独立+综合）+作文链接
有能力交作业，但无法在22：00之前写完的亲(最迟于次日18点交哦，过期可是要上黑名单的呦~~注意啦)，需提前占座，享受和交作业者同等待遇。占座内容是：
作业日期+作业类型（独立/综合/独立+综合）+占座
完成自己的作业后，记得要编辑修改自己的占座贴，把占座改为作业地址，不必贴新帖。

No.3 队长22:30左右分组，分组信息在三楼。

No.4 队员次日21:30 前修改完同组队友的作业。
占座分组后无端不交作业的，不按时改队友作业的，将做暂停分组处理（如果因故无法及时修改的同学请务必提前与互改同学或者队长通过QQ或者站内短消息联系说明）；无故拖延2天以上者，一次警告，二次开除写作小分队。

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作文的疑问：


想问一下大家 考试托福的时候写作文使用模板么？


还有就是平时练习的时候是否需要限定时间呢 今天这个写了45分钟了。。。。


是不是练习写作的过程中 也要背一些东西 什么好句呀 什么的  之前背了一些 可是总是用不上去。。。。

jacki1

思路不错
建议写作前先搜集相关资料，然后习作。

改变

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
人们不像以前那样尊重长辈了
Integrated Writing：
TPO2

这篇写的好差 那位同学改得见谅了
Today, with the higher life level and cleaner food, more and more people can live much longer than their ancestors. But, a lot of the elders hold the opinion that they do not receive as much respect as their parents did. They feel they are been looked down by the whole society. Of course, some people hold this kind of idea is only their imagination. The society support and respect the elders constantly. From what I observe, I find people do not respect to elders as much as their parents did.

First, more and more young people could not accept the their life style. Many elders prefer to sleep early and get up early. What the contemporary people do is just opposite. They did not go to bed until midnight and get up near the middle of the day. The elder prefer to work in the morning because you will have clear mind after a good sleep. The young would rather work in the night because the quite environment could make them more focus on their work. All of these distinctions lay between the elder and the young. Because the different life styles, the two groups of people often have some debate, even quarrel. The elders think their children do not listen to them anymore. However, this symptom occurs recently, most from recent 30 years. When the elders were young, they followed the same life style as their parents. Influenced by this feeling, they feel they do not receive enough respect.

Second, many teenagers hold that the mind of old is kind of outdated. What makes teenagers excited, like computer games, extreme sports and TV series, could not attract lots of elders. The teenagers think the elders is fall behind to the times. They sometimes could not find a common topic with their parents. Sometimes we called this "age gap". Normally, this existed everywhere and every generation. But the situation become more worse because the development rate of technology is several times faster than that several 50 years ago. The high spread of development also overthrows a lot of traditional opinion. Some ideas that the elders insist on look meaningless, even superstitious from the eyes of young people. Just as lack of these common interests and belief, the elder find they have few and few conversation with the young. Then they feel they did not receive enough respect.

Of course, we can find a lot of young people are willing to talk to the elders and listen to their suggestion. The elder are also happy to receive the novelty idea and skill. When the common interests occurred, the elders feel they receive much of attention and respect from the young people. But this group do not count majority. The gap enlarges and this kind of disrespect happens more prevalent.

In a word, I think the elders receive less respect than their ancestor received.

19911006

改变 发表于 2013-8-6 11:06
Independent Writing：
Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends.a. joing  ...

Nowadays, there are various different（这两个词语意重复，用一个就好） ways to make new friends. Joining a sports team, participate（participating这是主语） in community activities and traveling are three important methods. Each of them has own unique feature. In my opinion, participate（同上） in community activities is better to reach your goal- making new friends-than the two other ways.First, community activities are most accessible for most people. Everybody lives in his or her own community. Every several weeks, members are invited to take in（take part in，take in是接纳，吸收的意思） community activity, like jogging, cleaning community road and donating old dresses to the poor. Almost all of the members could involve in these activities. By this way, you can make a lot of friends easily. However（however一般使用在同一事物的不同方面的比较，这里的话直接用比较级来说明即可）, there are some limits set on the sports team and traveling. If you want to join a sports team, you must have the corresponding specialty（这个值得商榷） on this area. If not, the team would not accept you. If you want to travel around, you need plenty of time and enough funds to support you to complete the travel. Obviously，many people could not meet these conditions, especially for people who live in our times. People often be occupied his jobs long time. So, maybe they would not take a nice trip. Compared with the two methods, taking community activities is easier. You just need several hours and you will make a lot of new friends.Second, the circumstance on community activities is good for you to make new friend successfully. You might clean the road through your community with your neighbor. You might jog together with other members of your community. You can start up your conversation with others during these activities. That will be a good start when the people find they are doing the same things with you. This kind of relaxing form is important for start of friendship.(这句话啥意思） People can talk with each other when they are doing community activities. However, the practice time is not allowed the member to talk free. After the practice, the team members become very tired. Some of them even do not want to open their mouths. The same plots happen when people take a travel. Travel（traveling） is a very energy-consuming activity. Travelers will meet the same problem, which the sports members meet. All of these problems make the latter two ways to make new friends difficultly. We can easily see that community activities are more unofficial and less energy required. So I think this is best among all of the three methods.In a word, I think taking part in community activities is the best way to make friends because they are more accessible for people and the circumstance is better to make new friends.

文章总体写得不错，但是也存在一些问题1.语法或者用词欠妥 2.题目中有涉及到student，文章中却很少提及，和题目联系不是很紧密

改变

Independent Writing：
Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends.a. joing a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. traveling
Integrated Writing：
TPO26


Nowadays, there are various different ways to make new friends. Joining a sports team, participate in community activities and traveling are three important methods. Each of them has own unique feature. In my opinion, participate in community activities is better to reach your goal- making new friends-than the two other ways.

First, community activities are most accessible for most people. Everybody lives in his or her own community. Every several weeks, members are invited to take in community activity, like jogging, cleaning community road and donating old dresses to the poor. Almost all of the members could involve in these activities. By this way, you can make a lot of friends easily. However, there are some limits set on the sports team and traveling. If you want to join a sports team, you must have the corresponding specialty on this area. If not, the team would not accept you. If you want to travel around, you need plenty of time and enough funds to support you to complete the travel. Obviously，many people could not meet these conditions, especially for people who live in our times. People often be occupied his jobs long time. So, maybe they would not take a nice trip. Compared with the two methods, taking community activities is easier. You just need several hours and you will make a lot of new friends.

Second, the circumstance on community activities is good for you to make new friend successfully. You might clean the road through your community with your neighbor. You might jog together with other members of your community. You can start up your conversation with other during these activities. That will be a good start when the people find they are doing the same things with you. This kind of relaxing form is important for start of friendship. People can talk each other when they are doing community activities. However, the practice time is not allowed the member to talk free. After the practice, the team members become very tired. Some of them even do not want to open their mouths. The same plots happen when people take a travel. Travel is a very energy-consuming activity. Travelers will meet the same problem, which the sports members meet.
All of these problems make the latter two ways to make new friends difficultly. We can easily see that community activities are more unofficial and less energy required. So I think this is best among all of the three methods.

In a word, I think taking part in community activities is the best way to make friends because they are more accessible for people and the circumstance is better to make new friends.

改变

恩 谢谢了 我用word改了之后 粘贴上去就没有了 不知道怎么回事

heys

Today, the competition is becoming more and more intensive among people. People must put lots of effort感觉spare no efforts  不遗余力做某事  可能会更地道 to be successful on study or job. Some people argue that being adapt to changing circumstances is more important than having excellent knowledge about one specific field because circumstance is changing rapidly. However, others hold the opposite attitude搭配的话用HAVE吧，hold一般都跟piont,view之类的搭. They hold that you will be successful in study or job as long as you have excellent knowledge about one specific field. Thorough careful observation and comprehensive thought, I find I am inclined to the first one.

First, we are in the society which is under quick development. Every day, lots of new technique is created and applied to production. Meanwhile, amount of outdated knowledge and experience is put away. The rate of technique development exceeds our imagination. 15 years ago, the radio receiver was popular in city. Almost all of the families had one at least. At that time, radio is the main method for citizen to learn news. However, the radio is outdated and obsolete now. In my hometown, you even could not find an electrical shop（ where it）这里直接用which就好了吧 sells radio receivers. If you have excellent knowledge on production of radio receiver, you did great 15 years ago. But now, if you could not adapt to the changing society, all of you expertise is usefulnessless才是否定后缀吧，ness貌似是名词后缀 since there is no demand on that. 例子举得很符合题意，也支持了自己观点

Second, you will have more opportunity(es复数） to be successful if you adapt to changing circumstances. Everything has their life cycles in the world. Everything experiences introduction, growth, maturity and decline stage. If you have the ability to adapt to changing circumstance, you can change your strategy flexibly. When your products are under the growth stage, you can put more capital on that to make more profit. When your products are under decline stage, you should pull out of your capital and find new product to invest. Only in this way could you (be successfu)lsucceed感觉这样搭一些，因为不确定fall是不是有跟前面一样的形式for longer period of time rather than (be) fall behind with your initial product.

Of course, being master in certain area is important because this ability can help you to have a good start. But if you want to maintain successful for a long time, you must learn to adapt to changing circumstance because some changes is inevitable and unexpected. You could not do more than to adapt to that.

In a word, I think having the ability to adapt to changing circumstances is more important than having excellent knowledge about one specific field结尾好简单·


我也是新手啦，今天第一次给被人改作文，不好话还见谅哦
高亮部分是写的好的
总的来说写的不错，比我好多啦。用的词汇都比较高级，如果能灵活的用不同的方法表发一个意思就更好了，比如里面的SUCCESS,SUCCESSFUL,SUCCEED可以换着用，增加语言的丰富性，再就是有些搭配可能有点小问题，不那么地道。不过这也不是一天两天能改的啦，做写些，多接触可能就会好点
文章逻辑结构清晰，举的例子也很合理，一些逻辑词也用的顺，行文流畅，但是结尾感觉真的太简单太直白了····

看到你以前写的那么多作文或者总结，感觉你还是很努力的，可惜的是没能坚持下来
我现在也是决定每天写，因为马上要考试了，所以一起加油吧
不过你改的时候能不能换个颜色，不然真的看不清···眼睛都要瞎掉了好么···
一懒二拖三不读书，真是说到点子上去了，既然醒了，就fighting吧~

改变

停了好久之后又开始  加油！！！

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To get successful in study or job, which do you think is more important? Having the ability to adapt to changing circumstances or having excellent knowledge about one specific field.

Today, the competition is becoming more and more intensive among people. People must put lots of effort to be successful on study or job. Some people argue that being adapt to changing circumstances is more important than having excellent knowledge about one specific field because circumstance is changing rapidly. However, others hold the opposite attitude. They hold that you will be successful in study or job as long as you have excellent knowledge about one specific field. Thorough careful observation and comprehensive thought, I find I am inclined to the first one.

First, we are in the society which is under quick development. Every day, lots of new technique is created and applied to production. Meanwhile, amount of outdated knowledge and experience is put away. The rate of technique development exceeds our imagination. 15 years ago, the radio receiver was popular in city. Almost all of the families had one at least. At that time, radio is the main method for citizen to learn news. However, the radio is outdated and obsolete now. In my hometown, you even could not find an electrical shop where it sells radio receivers. If you have excellent knowledge on production of radio receiver, you did great 15 years ago. But now, if you could not adapt to the changing society, all of you expertise is usefulness since there is no demand on that.

Second, you will have more opportunity to successful if you adapt to changing circumstances. Everything has their life cycles in the world. Everything experience introduction, growth, maturity and decline stage. If you have the ability to adapt to changing circumstance, you can change you strategy flexibly. When your products are under the growth stage, you can put more capital on that to make more profit. When your products are under decline stage, you should pull out of your capital and find new product to invest. Only in this way could you be successful for longer period of time rather than be fall behind with your initial product.

Of course, being master in certain area is important because this ability can help you to have a good start. But if you want to maintain successful for a long time, you must learn to adapt to changing circumstance because some changes is inevitable and unexpected. You could not do more than to adapt to that.

In a word, I think having the ability to adapt to changing circumstances is more important than having excellent knowledge about one specific field.

sylviazhang

感觉举例特别好， 特别生活特别实际，不假大空，有说服力，但是固定搭配一些语法基础等还需加强

sylviazhang

11 March

Independent Writing:

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?

看电视比看书学的多。



Today, we enter into an information time. Every day, millionsof information is created. The revolution of technology happens more frequently. Facing higher requirement for talent, people hope to find the most efficient way to learn knowledge. Some people think of traditional way, such as studying from books, is still the optimal method. However, through careful analysis and all-round observation, I find I did not agree with that. Instead, I think watching TV is better way to study than reading book. (感觉把I 换成people 更好，更显客观)



First, by watching TV, we can encounter （感觉用encounter不是很搭配）more much knowledge than we do from book. In today TV, series, I can easily find all kinds of the knowledge, like geography, literature and history. There are even some channels which focus on the education and display academic knowledge all day long. You only need to have a television in order to acquire all of the benefit.(good example!) However, if you want to get so (that)much diverse knowledge by book, that became(it will be) much moredifficult. You must spend much more time to search (on searching, spend…on,固定搭配)knowledge in library orbookstore（用复数更好？）. And this also could not guarantee you to （guarantee sb of sth貌似更常用点）get this knowledge because holding bulks of book is of considerable cost for library. In addition, a lot of booksare not printed recently. Sometimes the information referred from book is outdated. This problem become more seriously in this information boom time(information-exploded era).



Second, we absorb the information and knowledge quicker (more quickly) andhold(remember) it for longer time. Reading from books easily gets students disappointed. Theycould not concentrate for a long time to read several pages passage. In class,you can easily find student get sleepy when they are required to read.However, when they study through TV, thissituation will seldom occur.Television studyprovides student a multi-source channel. Students watch the animation on the television.They listen to the interview. (While at the same time) They can also see the subtitle. Nowadays research has proven it will be more efficient to study if students can get knowledgefrom different channels instead of relying solely on reading. They feel fresh allthe time and this kind of curiosity and interest will make them memorymemorize whathappen unconsciously.



Of course, it is not fair to neglect the merit of thistradition study method. Book is much more convenient to use. You can carry abook with you no matter where you go and read it no matter what time it is. But when compared with the larger amount of knowledge and much more study efficiency brought from TV, I think studying by television is better.



In a word, I hold we can learn more from studying bytelevision than studying by book