阿伦艾弗森的作文

阿伦艾弗森

12月10日独立写作


Social life can always give us happy time when we get tired of our daily life. We can go outside with our friends to have a picnic, to play basketball or to dance at night club. These happiness, however, can not be compared with the happiness providing by our jobs because jobs can help us achieve our dreams, give others a hand and have a happy atmosphere in our family.



First of all, Since I was a child, I had dream  to travel around the world and eaten all of the delicious food in different countries. However, I don't have enough money to do so. When I get a job, it can help me to raise money and one day I can use those money to travel around the world.  These money which I get from my job can afford my train tickets, my hotel price and my souvenirs. Without my job, I could not achieve my dream and might just stay in my town during life time.



Secondly, when we have a job, we may have the ability to help others who need our help. Jobs can not only embody our responsibility in ourselves, but also enable us to overcome the difficult situations in our society. That's why many rich people , such as Bill Gates, Buffett and so on so forth, are both entrepreneurs and philanthropists. There jobs can help them get much money, and then, they use these money to help others. This could not be achieved by attending social life.



Thirdly, having a job can also provides us a good atmosphere in our family. After a whole day's exhausting work, we can share with our family about our anecdotes in our companies and get a relaxed time. By changing the ideas happened in our work place, we are close to each other and more understand each other. Everyone becomes more considerable. Whereas, if I am addicted to social life day by day, my families will be disappointed to me and not want to communicate with me anymore.



In conclusion, jobs can provide us more happy than social life does. Our goals, our family happiness and our warm-hearted all can be achieved and finished by our jobs.

阿伦艾弗森

The reading and the lecture both discusses the issue of endangered Torreya taxifoha. The reading passage provides three reasons that could be useful for increase the population of Torreya; meanwhile, the professor thinks none of the reasons provided by reading is satisfy solution.



It is mentioned in the passage that Torreya can be reestablished in the same location. The professor, however, declares that this way is not successful because the coolest area has no micro climate and might be influenced by climate. Also, wet land are drained and become drier because of global warming. So it may not be a good condition for Torreya.



The next view made by reading is that Torreya can be moved into a totally different place. But the professor demurs the ideas. She said there once had a example that when scientists moved the trees into a new environment, they spread quickly and killed the trees which were endangered in that location. The bad outcome could not be pridected.



Finally, to encounter the discussion made by reading that Torreya can be growed in research centers, the professor argues that trees need to be planted in captain centers which can contain relatively large population and diverse genes. However, research centers have no capability and are not capable for Torreya to survive and defend disease in a long term.

阿伦艾弗森

Polite is a thing which can help people develop a intimidated relationship and increase human’s morality. There remains no reason for us to be impolite to another person. Here are my reasons.



First of all, impolite will destroy the good relationship between each other, especially in friends. Though good friends are closed to each other, their impolite attitude is the chronic poison which can finally end their emotion. For instance, once I had a friend named Jack who was brilliant in his study and was really honorable and responsible. However, he had a bad temper and always be impolite to other people including his friends. At first, we just treated his attitude as joke and did not care about it. But after some weeks, we could not tolerate his impolite because we felt offended and finally our relationship ended up. Had he not be impolite to us, we would not have broken our relationship.



Secondly, chances might be lost because of being impolite. First view is important for us when we have a job interview. Companies would not hire the one who is rude and offensive. Also, a boss will not promote a person who has bad manners even though his work ability is excellent. So chances would be missed up such as my aunt is a normal worker who just know how to do the same job everyday. Another her workmate was really innovative and gave much ideas about their work. Whereas the boss chose my aunt to be the manager because her workmate was always impolite to others. Their boss said, people who can not control themselves can not know how to manage other either.



In conclusion, impolite has no beneficial side for us. It can not only destroy people’s relationship but also ruin our chances to be promoted.  

烨叶

The reading and the lecture both discuss the issue of declination of literature readers. The reading passage provides three unfortunate effects for the reading public意思不对，是针对三个不同的方面; meanwhile, the professor gives the contrary evidences to this assertion.



It is mentioned in the passage that literature gives intellectual stimulation which can exercise people's imagination. The professor, however, declares that books such as science, history or political fairs are also literature我们听得不一样，他们不是文学，是other form. These books have high quality than novels没有比较，只是说也是high quality and can also stimulate the imagination of people.



The next view made by reading is that the thing people now read instead of literature is less valuable than reading. But the professor demurs the idea. According to him, with the change of culture, many different ways can express culture directly than没有比较级more，就不能用than read literature now. Music,and movies are not a waste of time for people and they do not cause culture decline.



Finally, to encounter the discussion made by reading that some publishers and readers have the responsibility of for reading audiences' decline, the professor argues that these are not responsiblity of readers, but authors' fault. They now write something which is difficult to understand can not be compared with the literature which （were、was）written in the past.
我们听到的内容歧义出现在第一段，但我们有各自组织段落、提取信息的不同。
共勉了，大家多看看别人的就好了。
(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
加油了~~~~~~~~

烨叶

O(∩_∩)O~很感谢你帮我批改的作文，好细心，好认真。我有可能有改的不好的地方，请多多包涵。(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
Cars are used by people everyday. In different situations,  cars have different usages, and they do change our ways of life. The past days(我查了一下，这样单独无介词作状语的情况很少), people should（用would need/had to 会不会更好了，表达一种“不得不”，而不是“应该”） walk for a long time to study and work; however, nowadays cars shorten these（the表特指上面提到的time或者用times） time and help us earn more time. Whereas these great effects can not compared with ways（这个表达意思上稍微有些不准确，用benefits/convenience等词会不会更好呢） airplane bringing for us.



Firstly, airplanes make our life more efficient. Most of people have a same dream that someday they will travel around the world. The dream, however, can not be achieved by cars because car will take us tenth of time more than airplane and some ways(roads/highways/dirt road泥土路) which are built for cars will not help us to reach our destination directly. Airplane, yet, takes us just 3 hours from BeiJing to Hongkong and 13 hours from China to America. The shortened time saved by airplane can gives us more time（time 给 time，逻辑上有些别扭） to appreciate famous-of interest（我很孤陋寡闻的，这个用法我没有见过，先提出来吧）. Moreover, presidents of countries have never taken cars to another country to have conversations（international conference）. They all take airplane because it is the only way for them to save time which can be put into other tough problems of countries.



Secondly, connecting the relationship into a deep level（我不清楚这种用法是否合理，因为见用develop的比较多）, airplanes can help us meet our families who live far away from us. Children now like to work in great cities or even to go abroad that sometimes really have这里可能要用单数 long distance from the placed where their parents live. Cars can not assist us to reach Los Angeles from ShanXi province several times of a year这个意思表达有点儿问题，complete the trips/travel between A and S back-and-forth more than X times within one year.. The relationship(用具体的family bonds/friendships会更好) will be drifted apart（用法错了，人或事物分开，主动语态。意思想表达的是淡了吧，emotional distance or alienation of affection） if we do not have airplanes. Only by taking airplane, can we meet our families who live in other cities more frequently. During this way, families can communicate closely and also the relationship will be deepened under this situation.（可以用 share the happiness and sadness of each other, the bonds among the family members will be intensified）



Thirdly, airplanes are social's essential products(用 tools 、vehicles、stuff都可以的) which achieve human's dream to fly. Many mysterious fairy tales are all about something related to the air. Our imagination of what the air looks like(这like用的用问题，is like 表怎么样) stimulates us to make a machine which can carry us into air. Now, the imagine is no longer the imagine（这是个动词）delusion,daydream,fantasy,hope in vain but the reality. By taking airplane, people can submerge（淹没的意思不是很好吧，用 embrace吧） in the blue sky and feel the clouds which surround us. Airplane makes a breakthrough for us and the efforts airplane have（不能说飞机多努力） are really greater than those of cars.



In conclusion, benefits brought by airplane can provide people a more efficiency life as well as a deep relationship. Also, this big breakthrough contained our dream and achieves our goal.
嗯，文章的结构、条例很清晰，相应的例证都能足够证明给出的论点。
还有些时态、单复数的问题。
语言表达的准确度，句式、用词多样性使我们不懈追求的目标。
一起加油啦~~~~~~~

阿伦艾弗森

The reading and the lecture both discuss the issue of declination of literature readers. The reading passage provides three unfortunate effects for the reading public; meanwhile, the professor gives the contrary evidence to this assertion.



It is mentioned in the passage that literature gives intellectual stimulation which can exercise people's imagination. The professor, however, declares that books such as science, history or political fairs are also literature. These books have high quality than novels and can also stimulate the imagination of people.



The next view made by reading is that the thing people now read instead of literature is less valuable than reading. But the professor demurs the idea. According to him, with the change of culture, many different ways can express culture directly than read literature now. Music, movies are not a waste of time for people and they do not cause culture decline.



Finally, to encounter the discussion made by reading that some publishers and readers have the responsibility of reading audiences' decline, the professor argues that these are not responsible for readers, but authors' fault. They now write something which is difficult to understand can not be compared with the literature which wrote in the past.

阿伦艾弗森

Cars are used by people everyday. In different situations,  cars have different usages, and they do change our ways of life. The past day, people should walk for a long time to study and work; however, nowadays cars shorten these time and help us earn more time. Whereas these great effect can not compared with ways airplane bringing for us.



Firstly, airplanes make our life more efficient. Most of people have a same dream that someday they will travel around the world. The dream, however, can not achieve by cars because car will take us tenth of time more than airplane and some ways which build for cars will not help us to reach our destination directly. Airplane, yet, takes us just 3 hours from BeiJing to Hongkong and 13 hours from China to America. The shortened time saved by airplane can gives us more time to appreciate famous-of interest. Moreover, presidents of countries have never taken cars to another country to have conversations. They all take airplane because it is the only way for them to save time which can be put into other tough problems of countries.



Secondly, connecting the relationship into a deep level, airplanes can help us meet our families who live far away from us. Children now like to work in great cities or even to go abroad that sometimes really have long distance from the placed where their parents live. Cars can not assist us to reach Los Angeles from ShanXi province several times of a year. The relationship will be drifted apart if we do not have airplanes. Only by taking airplane, can we meet our families who live in other cities more frequently. During this way, families can communicate closely and also the relationship will be deepened under this situation.



Thirdly, airplanes are social's essential products which achieve human's dream to fly. Many mysterious fairy tales are all about something related to the air. Our imagination of what the air likes stimulates us to make a machine which can carry us into air. Now, the imagine is no longer the imagine but the reality. By taking airplane, people can submerge in the blue sky and feel the clouds which surround us. Airplane makes a breakthrough for us and the efforts airplane have are really greater than those of cars.



In conclusion, benefits brought by airplane can provide people a more efficiency life as well as a deep relationship. Also, this big breakthrough contained our dream and achieve our goal.

lillian馨

The reading and the lecture both discuss the issue of declination of sea otters. The reading passage provides three reasons that declination may be caused by pollution; meanwhile, the professor gives evidence contrary to this assertion（这里我觉得与其说是contrary不如直接说出来lecture的观点predation 造成的）.



It is mentioned in the passage that sources of industrial chemical pollution endangered the number of sea otters. The professor, however, declares that no one find(found)that dead otter washing up on the beach（the appearance of dead otters）. The consistent decline of sea otter verify(verifies) the predator hypothesis.



The nest(next) view made by reading is that other animals including predators of sea otters were declining too(阅读中并没有说otter的predator数量在降低). But the professor demurs this idea（作者不反对other animal的数量在减少这个观点，反对的是环境污染引起other animal的减少，提出是orcas导致减少）. According to him, orcas are also declined by human's hunting which changes their way to survive.（这个观点好像听到不是很到位，与speaker的不一致） They hunt small animals because these small are available. It leads cause the decline of sea lions, sea otters and so on so forth.



Finally, to encounter (counter )the discussion made by reading that uneven pattern of otters' decline are （is）caused by pollution. The professor argues that the locations which are shallow and rocky are not access to large animals. So in these regions, the number of otters is stable. However, in other locations which are available for large predators, the number of otters are declined(不应用被动形式 ，而且主谓一致应该用单数形式).



In conclusion, the reading strongly believes that the decline of otters are（decline是主语，用is） made by pollution; however, the professor refutes these evidences and demonstrates his own proofs of this very fact.

阿伦艾弗森

The reading and the lecture both discuss the issue of declination of sea otters. The reading passage provides three reasons that declination may be caused by pollution; meanwhile, the professor gives evidence contrary to this assertion.



It is mentioned in the passage that sources of industrial chemical pollution endangered the number of sea otters. The professor, however, declares that no one find that dead otter washing up on the beach. The consistent decline of sea otter verify the predator hypothesis.



The nest view made by reading is that other animals including predators of sea otters were declining too. But the professor demurs this idea. According to him, orcas are also declined by human's hunting which changes their way to survive. They hunt small animals because these small are available. It leads cause the decline of sea lions, sea otters and so on so forth.



Finally, to encounter the discussion made by reading that uneven pattern of otters' decline are caused by pollution. The professor argues that the locations  which are shallow and rocky are not access to large animals. So in these regions, the number of otters is stable. However, in other locations which are available for large predators, the number of otters are declined.



In conclusion, the reading strongly believes that the decline of otters are made by pollution; however, the professor refutes these evidences and demonstrates his own proofs of this very fact.

lillian馨

Facing the difficult job condition, many parents nowadays consider that it may be a good way for their children to do the same jobs with them in order to find a good job. Whereas I hold a totally different opinion. Here are my reasons.



Firstly, if the children do the same jobs with their parents, parents may use their way of thinking to teach their children so that their children are lack of creativity. Parents might think that they have plenty of experience which is really useful for their children. However, time is going and some of the same-liked experience may be overtimed (我查了一下overtimed没有过时的意思啊，可以用outdated、obsolete、out of fashion) and even erroneous. The way which parents teach or show to their children may limit children' innovation and even are （主语是前面的the way,这里谓语动词错误） harmful （笔误吧，少了to）them. They think their valuable experience may be a open door which can lead luminated way for their children but this door may close the the road to truth which children can find out by themselves if they choose jobs they like but not（而不是的表达可以用rather than） the parents'（我觉得最后这一句和前面的说理是相同的效果，不妨把这里换成实实在在的例子就好了）



Secondly, the condition which I showed in paragraph one may have another bad effect for children who choose the same children (work) with their parents. Using their own experience to teach their children is not a absolutely bad thing at all. Some parents do have precious knowledge which should be taught to their children. (我觉得这几句话本身有点相互矛盾。我用中文描述变一下看这样你觉得怎样：即使父母的经验在某些情况下不会像第一段的描述中对孩子的创新思维造成限制，那么也会有另外一个bad effect, 那就是什么什么。。) However, if children use their parents' experience to do a good job and never meet （encounter、suffer from）some problems and disappointment, what will happen in their future. The increasing rate of suicide year by year shows that some young adults can not face for（for应该不用的） setbacks nowadays. They might （少了be）brilliant in their school life because of their parents' experience but not in their work time. Different people will meet different(这里应该少了个词), good experience can not fix everything. Children should choose the career which they really like and take the responsibility. If the work children choose is not their real like （what they really love）but just what their parents do, they may have a bad mood and can not face any challenges.



Thirdly, different jobs can bring various interesting topics in family. After a whole day's exhausting work, everyone wants to have a relief time at home. Imaging, the conversations around dinner table are just: how is(are) your patients going? How many operations you did(did you perform) today? I met a new disease which do(I do not) know how to deal with? Will you (少了be) really happy to have your dinner? Talking about diverse ranging of matters, such as from history to mathematics, we can really have a relaxed time. Each one has a chance to listening and speaking (listen and speak ) and a good atmosphere is formed.



In conclusion, although there are some benefits we can get from our parents if we choose the same jobs as they do, I still think choosing careers we really like can help us have an innovative thinking, a self-confidence to facing(face前面用了几次了，可以换换) challenges and a good atmosphere in our families.