1.27一战，才开始练作文，真心求教，CoopeR的作文贴，求共同进步！

cooperdw

独立 185 topic 3 books and experience
As a student, The most signifient duty is to earn more and more knowleges in class by listening to the teachers and reading books,That two best ways to improve your capability on learning. After all , your study remark is the most important certification makes you eligible to have higher level education. The lores from book or from teachers not only provide us a acdamic experience on certain subjects but also show us the way how to study efficiently. Compare with so learned knowleges from school , the practice experience during your daily live may let the everybody judge themselves whether they are pretty good or not.
Almost for sure , “friend” is high-frequency word because we can not keep going without that. Some people will tell the secret from innermost heart to their best friend when they feel bad. During the work , there must have some troubles so colleagues play a guider role to support you with their viable idea. Imagine that if someone work or study alone and overlook the friendship-building. Only adversity and dispointment when he /she fall down. When they wish to share their happiness , their success to someone , they will find nothing but themselves even they get a doctor degree . As result , the experience of how to choose and make friends is one of the indispensable factor in you life.
Furthermore , It can believe that everyone know this idiom : where there is a will , there is a way. If you want to success on your carrer , your school work and so on , your have to pay a lots before.
The process will be very painful ,very boring . and sometimes you must confront the things that may abstract you and force you can not consentrate one hurdred precent . all of this will depend on your will , unfortunity for most people choose give up or avid when they face the trouble . tough spirit is not inborn for everyone , we practice our determination for our goals during the life . when you have a depressive remark in your school, do not discourge , try to do better next time. If someone doubt you or misread you, never mind . tell them they make wrong decision by your hard working . have to say , in the case your want forward , you can not going on without will. And that experience we will never be teached in classroom.
Finaly , from the books we can only execl at theory and priceple of acdamic course, for most of time we must to connect the concrete practice with books in order to know the true idea of knowledge . that why school provide us so many kind the experience for several subject like physics ,chemistry .
Although the books provideus knowledges and acdamic theory and that may ensure tremendous opportunity to get the highest dgree . actually,during your whole life , the daily experience on how to get on well with otherone , how to make up your mind when you face troubles will take more effect on the way to your ultimate goal .

conanwang

The greatest occupation in the world is teacher ,they are the soul conductor of our life trip .Nowaday ,there is growing concern about to increase the teachers’ salary for quality of education .for my perspective ,that statement is absolutely ridiculous . (这句话有点多余)In this essay ,I will analyze the issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it. （这句话全是指代，看起来没有直接了当地点明主题。）

First of all ,Although the school could pay more money for teachers ,the students’ motivation for study still be the same . （这句话有问题。the same 是什么，没有说说明，而且although引导的是转折句。）The salary increasing have no directive relation with students’ attitude ,even the passion of teachers’ work could be ramped up .The students ,however ,the best one still love to study and keep the best work in the class .the worst guys always treats their school work as the past .In this sense ,the quality of education cannot be improved by increasing the teahcers’ salaries. （你想表达的是：老师工资高，不一定代表学生就有学习热情。可惜表达不是很清晰，建议好好提炼主题句。）

Moreover ,there is another story to testify my hypothesis .It’s reasonable for teacher to thrive themselves for salaries rising ,Somehow on no account can we ignore the importance of students’ capability of adapting themselves to tension .Some teacher will indicate their motivation for work via increase the students’ workload of study .For instance ,Mr.Peter is a English teacher ,and he only assign a little homeworks to students .and so many students intent to select his English course at the beginning of the semester ,but after school decides to increase the Peter’s payment for his huge contribution for education .Peter considers that he must pay more focus on students’ cultivation in order to repay the school .Therefore from that moment ,Peter tries to assign more homeworks than past he did ,as a result , no one wishes to choose his class next semester .this story tell us even though the teacher’s salary be rose ,there is less affect on students’ education.这段挺不错

Finally ,the skill of how to activate the students’ motivation for study is at the heart of education .Some teacher gets the high payment but will not ramp up their capability of teaching .They still stays in the former criteria ,some teachers may thrive as much as they can but some one regards ‘stability’ as their tenet for the education ,they will do nothing but keep same pace like time before they gets high salary ,those behavior will arouse other teachers’ resent . 你应该是想表达：高工资不一定能激励老师去提高教学水平。观点很好，但不够直接了当。）

Given all these carefully analysis I mentioned above ,I firmly believe that increasing the teachers’ salary for high-quality education leave much to be desired .Although rising the payment for teacher could arouse their positivity for work ,the question of how to transfer the attitude of students plays the significant role in education.（结尾不应该再留问题。结尾总结就可以了。）





The greatest occupation in the world is teacher , they are the soul conductor of our life trip .
==>>The teacher is one of the most important elements in determining the success and failure of education.
==>>Teaching is one of the greatest professions in the world because teachers are responsible of cultivating our next generation.

The students , however , the best one still love to study and keep the best work in the class .
==>> However, the good students will still love learning and study  hard in class, regardless of teachers' quality.

Some teacher gets the high payment but will not ramp up their capability of teaching .
==>> There are many teachers who get high payments but the teaching level is still poor in many countries.

Given all these carefully analysis I mentioned above , I firmly believe that increasing the teachers' salary for high-quality education leave much to be desired .
==>>From these carefully analysis I have mentioned above, I firmly believe that increasing the teachers' salary would not necessarily improve the quality of education.
==>>In conclusion, I believe that increasing the teachers' salary would not necessarily improve the quality of education.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

不好意思啊。。。发现今天只有你一个综合。。。我问问看，如果有同学有空的话，让他们帮你看下综合；不然可能这次没法改了诶。。。

超级无敌小鹤鹤

Hi！Cooperdw君！
由于wsxz007生病了，所以改成你和conan一组吧！ 你们两个互改！

wsxz007

1.12 独立

The high-technique equipments like computer and intelligent phone are the miracles which could make our life more fruitful and vibrant .Nowadays , there is a growing concern about it is better to work with your own computer and cell phone at home than work in the office ,for my perspective ,using those equipments in your home is more reasonable choice . In the essay ,I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it .

First of all ,we need to protect the personal information from the public place ,it is unwise to connect your own computer or cell phone with the office network ,because someone else may slips into your disk without noticing you and copies some important documents that you don’t want to share .For example ,one day there is business man uses his own computer and communicates with customer for some commercial contract in the company ,unfortunately his opponent colleague connects with his computer and eavesdrop their conversation and key information .As a result ,that business lost his contract without any reason .In that case on no account can we ignore the importance of using those equipments at home .
例子最好不用这种，可以将这个人具体化到你身边，这样太泛泛，像在说故事，比如说成自己的哥哥啊啥的
Moreover ,there is another story to testify my hypothesissub topic不能是假设啊 ,not one illustrating the private factor ,but one showing the subtlety of authority for application .真心没看懂In general , some enterprise will constrict the certain right for employee’s application , for example ,they regards the MSN, FaceBook and twitter as the biggest obstacle which could distract the employees’ attention from their work ,so you may not to use those softwares to fill what you want in the company .On the contrary of that , you could enjoy those apps anywhere in your home ,No one will say negative是不是直接用no好一点to you ,No one will stop you traveling online . In this sense , using those ‘miracle’？为啥是这个词？ in your home poses a great benefit to ours .


这一段在说什么观点呢？在家能用APP 在公司不能用可是APP跟工作啥关系，前面还承认这些东西有碍工作——提炼个人论点不能又悖常理啊。完全跑偏了……


Admittedly ,using the computer which provided by company will be more efficient for your works. For instance ,a telecommunication product provider (TPP) will employ the engineer with some specific skills and 前后结构尽量保持一致certain capability to operate the unique application which was devised by the company itself .that means you can only employ this app in the company area .In this case ,you would unable to use your own computer for work in the office .


这一段是想表达一种辩证观是吧，可是后面还是没说出来啊而且篇幅有点大了


Given all these carefully analysis I mentioned above , I firmly believe that we should separate our conception这个词有点太大了，只是一种tendency or prefer to do for using the computer or cell phone : when we stay in home , there is no doubt we should enjoy our time by own equipments .on the other side ,it is wise to employ public facilities instead of personals’.


先说个最明显的，这个英文是表单符号后空一格开始写……你貌似都反了

然后就是专有名词首字母大写，平时得积累；句子，先从短句子开始写吧，入手容易点，几个长句子说实话没看明白到底表达啥

最后偶是逻辑，逻辑有些，很多自HIGH的观点，中间的逻辑链木有看见，直接就结论了，背景引入和逻辑分析不是一回事哦。



PS：我自己也犯了个大错误，at home 没看见，回炉重写……

cooperdw

The high-technique equipments like computer and intelligent phone are the miracles which could make our life more fruitful and vibrant .Nowadays , there is a growing concern about it is better to work with your own computer and cell phone at home than work in the office ,for my perspective ,using those equipments in your home is more reasonable choice . In the essay ,I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reason to demonstrate it .

First of all ,we need to protect the personal information from the public place ,it is unwise to connect your own computer or cell phone with the office network ,because someone else may slips into your disk without noticing you and copies some important documents that you don’t want to share .For example ,one day there is business man uses his own computer and communicates with customer for some commercial contract in the company ,unfortunately his opponent colleague connects with his computer and eavesdrop their conversation and key information .As a result ,that business lost his contract without any reason .In that case on no account can we ignore the importance of using those equipments at home .

Moreover ,there is another story to testify my hypothesis ,not one illustrating the private factor ,but one showing the subtlety of authority for application .In general , some enterprise will constrict the certain right for employee’s application , for example ,they regards the MSN, facebook and twitter as the biggest obstacle which could distract the employees’ attention from their work ,so you may not to use those softwares to fill what you want in the company .On the contrary of that , you could enjoy those apps anywhere in your home ,No one will say negative to you ,No one will stop you traveling online . In this sense , using those ‘miracle’ in your home poses a great benefit to ours .

Admittedly ,using the computer which provided by company will be more efficient for your works. For instance ,a telecommunication product provider (TPP) will employ the engineer with some specific skills and certain capability to operate the unique application which was devised by the company itself .that means you can only employ this app in the company area .In this case ,you would unable to use your own computer for work in the office .

Given all these carefully analysis I mentioned above , I firmly believe that we should separate our conception for using the computer or cell phone : when we stay in home , there is no doubt we should enjoy our time by own equipments .on the other side ,it is wise to employ public facilities instead of personals’.

cooperdw

The greatest occupation in the world is teacher ,they are the soul conductor of our life trip .Nowaday ,there is growing concern about to increase the teachers’ salary for quality of education .for my perspective ,that statement is absolutely ridiculous .In this essay ,I will analyze the issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it.
First of all ,Although the school could pay more money for teachers ,the students’ motivation for study still be the same .The salary increasing have no directive relation with students’ attitude ,even the passion of teachers’ work could be ramped up .The students ,however ,the best one still love to study and keep the best work in the class .the worst guys always treats their school work as the past .In this sense ,the quality of education cannot be improved by increasing the teahcers’ salaries.
Moreover ,there is another story to testify my hypothesis .It’s reasonable for teacher to thrive themselves for salaries rising ,Somehow on no account can we ignore the importance of students’ capability of adapting themselves to tension .Some teacher will indicate their motivation for work via increase the students’ workload of study .For instance ,Mr.Peter is a English teacher ,and he only assign a little homeworks to students .and so many students intent to select his English course at the beginning of the semester ,but after school decides to increase the Peter’s payment for his huge contribution for education .Peter considers that he must pay more focus on students’ cultivation in order to repay the school .Therefore from that moment ,Peter tries to assign more homeworks than past he did ,as a result , no one wishes to choose his class next semester .this story tell us even though the teacher’s salary be rose ,there is less affect on students’ education.
Finally ,the skill of how to activate the students’ motivation for study is at the heart of education .Some teacher gets the high payment but will not ramp up their capability of teaching .They still stays in the former criteria ,some teachers may thrive as much as they can but some one regards ‘stability’ as their tenet for the education ,they will do nothing but keep same pace like time before they gets high salary ,those behavior will arouse other teachers’ resent .

Given all these carefully analysis I mentioned above ,I firmly believe that increasing the teachers’ salary for high-quality education leave much to be desired .Although rising the payment for teacher could arouse their positivity for work ,the question of how to transfer the attitude of students plays the significant role in education.

xiumu2280

In themodern period, there are a lot of ways to know(GET) the knowledge from variety ofmedias（似乎是不可数）. Nowadays, there is growing concern about whichmedias is the best choice for people learning（tolearn或者people’s learn） ,watching television or reading books .For my perspective , reading will takemore advantages . In this essay , I will analyze this issue and come up withsome effective reason+s to demonstrate it.

First of all , We could earn the specific andsystematic lore by reading . For instance, date back to our（不要用our,用my） school time , our subjects reference materialslike mathematic books , chemistry books and so on . Those books show us thedetail of some formats(?想表达什么) , formulas ,and principles , and after thedescriptions of this there must have some practical example+s to make us more clear concerning correspondingknowledge . By the time we face the exam , it is efficient to read the specificportion（想用词汇很好，但是这个一般用指财产，简单的part也不错） which we learned in past. So, on no account we could ignore the systematicand certain knowledge imparting from the books.

Moreover , there is another story to testify myhypothesis , not on(not only) illustrating the specific context in the book, butone(but also) showingthe subtlety of lower consumption. As we known , The reading materials , apartfrom the Ipad and some kinds of electric equipements(去掉S) for reading . The papar-made books only willcost a few money to possess them . Let’s make the investigation on the price ofassorted kind of books :A（an） English dictionary , may cost 70 RMB（CNY这是正确表示，老外看到RMB会蛋碎的） , A Novel which edited by famous editer（editor）, 30 RMB , A journal concerning scientific content, 15 RMB. As we could see, those cost are extremely low for people , mosteveryone(most of people) couldafford that in order to learn more from(.加句话) onthe contrary(这个？还是少个标点？) , it is obvious that the cost of televisionleave much to be desired.

Last but not least , Learn the things byreading will undeniable(undeniably)cultivate our method of reading . in other word, How to read . For this part , I guess so many the reader have their ownexperience : Neglect thesecondary information and focus on the main point . otherone（others） may figure out what is book saying by reversestyle , beginning at the end of book then finishing at the preface of it.Somehow , whatever methods the people use , it will be the capability forthemselves to ramp up the efficiency of reading. In this sense , The TV wouldunable to improve any ability of us .(这段的观点欠完善，开始说通过阅读学习可以培养我们的阅读方法。不要说成阅读方法，说成学习方法就好了)

From what has been discussed above , we maysafely draw the conclusion that We could regard reading as the best method forus to learn more . Although the TV could show us fruitful and abundant informations（不可数） , it is evitable（这个单词的意思是可避免的,应该加个not） that the books would able to play thesignificant role in our studying.
还是标点问题，标准的是 XXX,(空格)XXX
还有大小写问题，太严重了。
写完之后可以自己检查一下这些小错，自己查出来，永远比别人找出来记得牢。
加油，多积累，多学习。

xiumu2280

TPO 2
Thereading and lecture both discuss the whether the team in the company will take moreadvantages than the individuals(individual) . The reading passage gives credence to theclaim that holding a team for project will benefit the team members and teammeanwhile(meanwhile用在最后？我是感觉有点别扭) , the professor provides evidence+s contrary(contradict)to this assertion.(开头有点复杂，不用说这么明确吧)
It is mention (is mentioned) in the passage that a team means wider rangeof knowledge ,expertise , skills than single individual(完全重复article写上去的话没什么意义) . A great number of resources the team members +owned will be possessed . Owing to that the teamwill give a rapider response to project. The professor , however, declares thatnot every team member will contribute their capability +fully, some one even are(is) the free-rider. Somehow , thanks to thoseworking-hard people , the Well-done reward will entitle the team. For thispoint , different team members express their different attitudes . As a resultthis is unfair for the teammember who gave more contribution.
The next view , made by the reading is that , the them(team)would provide more creative solution+s for the problem(project).and team could make the risky decision thatindividual cannot undertake .But professor demurs about this idea . Accordingto him , the team may decide the decision so quickly(文中是说theproject do not move quickly) becauseit will take long(+time) to make the ideas coincident .Furthermore, his(he)gave a example as two mangers to discuss theproject , one of them think about the project they never work before , so theydecide to drop and try other way , this will cost so much time.（没有twomangers的例子）
Finally, to counter the assertion that thegroup could be very rewarding for the members of the team .（，） and team member has a much better chance to‘shine’. the(The) professorclaims that when the reward for group coming ,the contribution of team memberwere easily ignored .On the contrary , if the team fail in the project , allthe group will be blamed even someone doing well for their part.(还是听力问题，不是说的这个意思)
In conclusion , the reading strongly believesthat the team will take more advantages than the individual ; however , theprofessor refutes these evidences and provides his own proofs of this veryfact.（一般情况是没时间写结尾的，而且也不用）

字数太多，时间是个大问题。
而且对reading介绍比较多。一句话带过，甚至不提即可。
听力也是个大问题。标点也不够规范，感觉写的时候似乎很着急。
建议研究下OG上的范文，整体感觉有点跑偏。

cooperdw

In the modern period , there are a lot of ways to know the knowledge from variety of medias. Nowadays,there is growing concern about which medias is the best choice for people learning , watching television or reading books .For my perspective , reading will take more advantages . In this essay , I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reason to demonstrate it.
First of all , We could earn the specific and systematic lore by reading . For instance, date back to our school time , our subjects reference materials like mathematic books , chemistry books and so on . Those books show us the detail of some formats , formulas ,and principles , and after the descriptions of this there must have some practical example to make us more clear concerning corresponding knowledge . By the time we face the exam , it is efficient to read the specific portion which we learned in past. So on no account we could ignore the systematic and certain knowledge imparting from the books.
Moreover , there is another story to testify my hypothesis , not on illustrating the specific context in the book , but one showing the subtlety of lower consumption. As we known , The reading materials , apart from the Ipad and some kinds of electric equipements for reading . The papar-made books only will cost a few money to possess them . Let’s make the investigation on the price of assorted kind of books :A English dictionary , may cost 70 RMB , A Novel which edited by famous editer , 30 RMB , A journal concerning scientific content , 15 RMB. As we could see , those cost are extremely low for people , most everyone could afford that in order to learn more from on the contrary , it is obvious that the cost of television leave much to be desired.
Last but not least , Learn the things by reading will undeniable cultivate our method of reading . in other word , How to read . For this part , I guess so many the reader have their own experience :
Neglect the secondary information and focus on the main point . other one may figure out what is book saying by reverse style , beginning at the end of book then finishing at the preface of it. Somehow , whatever methods the people use , it will be the capability for themselves to ramp up the efficiency of reading. In this sense , The TV would unable to improve any ability of us .
From what has been discussed above , we may safely draw the conclusion that We could regard reading as the best method for us to learn more . Although the TV could show us fruitful and abundant informations , it is evitable that the books would able to play the significant role in our studying.