GRE ISSUE 请大家帮看看，本人菜鸟一只，急需高人指点

zhengxiaoman

ISSUE: If a goal is worthy, then any meansto attain it are justifiable.

Writing
While it may be rational for a person toachieve his goal by all kinds of means, this should to be performed withoutimmoral or illegal behaviors. By determination and numerous personal efforts,the person would paid off for his hard work and gain what he wants. Otherwise,the success attained on the cost of betraying the moral and legal standards,would not be admired. To get the goal accomplished with unpleasant ways wouldimpair both individuals and the society.
It is important to make up one's mind to achievehis goal, it is essential to pay numerous efforts to attain his aim. In orderto build up one's body, the person, for example, needs to get up early in themorning to exercise, and insists on this habit in a long time. Moreover, goingon a healthy eating habit also contributes a sound mind and body. In suchsituations, it is the different ways a person took and the application personmade that lead to the highest achievement. As for the success up to bothfortune and efforts, the variable measures even values more. Though differentways, the chance for attaining the goal will be higher. Nevertheless, without thedetermination and consideration of various roads, some people may change theirgoals frequently, gives up easily, gaining nothing in the end.  
 
Those means to a worthy goal, however, arenot supposed to be detrimental to others, and are not expected to be eitherimmoral or illegal. No one is permitted to accomplish his aim at the cost ofother people' pain, and no one else will be recognized for his success unlessusing the legal and moral manners.  A businessman who seeks for fortune should be blamed for his regardless of the publicprofits, although this goal is meaningful for him, his success would receivelittle recognition. Beside individuals, the consequences of the irresponsiblesociety groups or the enterprises would arise even more widespread questions.The company producing the milk pounder, if adds attractive but in fact harmfulcomponents to their products, may lead to a delay or even stop of the infants'brain development, ruing the future of the babies. Even though this goal isworthy doing for the enterprise, the improper ways for attaining it would ruinboth the goal and the person who related to it.

A person who sets a goal and fights for thegoal deserves admiration, a person who finish his dream in moral and legal waysis even more admirable. Only by identifying the truly worthy goal, and makingsure the process for gaining it is suitable, could the reputation from it besustainable.      

竹林中人

这个题目的内容LZ写得狭隘了点，更多的是谈个人的目标，但实际上你要挖掘这个题目所包含的复杂性，比如一些组织或者公司为了发展或者经济利益，牺牲环境破坏生态或者欺骗顾客和消费者抑或是其他不好的结果，而很多时候他们的做法是在法律所约束范围之外，这当如何？当一个国家面临着重大抉择的时候，比如美国为了结束二战，在日本使用了原子弹。

zhengxiaoman

前面就是it is 句型啊，采用排比句加强说服力。 然后关于his 的问题，是我没有注意到，下次就用one's好了

多谢多谢！还有就是整体结构上还可以吗？感觉是即使是有了结构，但也不知道该填什么内容，这其中有没有什么套路啊？

普渡哥

It is important to make up one's mind to achieve his goal, it is essential to pay numerous efforts to attain his aim.

这是什么句式呢？分析一下结构。

还有,his只代表男人，美国女性会不开心。要是审作文的是姐姐怎么办呢？