急！HK的大学，PS求大神大牛指教修改，自己写的不知道对不对路，附完整文档，经历寒碜。

cserstyle

donghua

看一下！               

AMIGOYM

看一下！               

merphie

很想看看......

cserstyle

城市大学PS最多300个字，楼主。。

-- by 会员 lunaflorence (2012/11/9 14:14:17)

谢谢，我上面得到的是小米的回复，他也不确定，如果300，太CD了。能写什么啊

lunaflorence

城市大学PS最多300个字，楼主。。

DeSperado32

sorry for the late reply. if there is a limit for length, say 500 words, I'd recommend you to write no more than 550 words(less than 10 percent of the word limit).

cserstyle

this version is better than the last as it at least shows your motivation to this field. i'd recommend you to provide more details, such as concrete logistic costs as a percentage of overall operating costs.
this would make your reasoning more convincing and detailed.
besides, i think the story is somewhat unstructured. the logic should be simply--your father dont want you to run a business and he shows the difficulty and situation to you, but the difficulty turns out to motivate you.  and then you need to demonstrate your qualifications and preparations to this pursuit, such as your experience and endeavor. then u find knowledge of SCM is crucial to your further achievement in this field, then tell why this program.


its a good start. keep going on. when u finish the whole structure, dont forget to ask a native to help polishing. there are still many errors in grammar.
contact me if u have any question.

-- by 会员 DeSperado32 (2012/11/1 11:27:27)

"Yes, there is a limit words for the Personal Statement. I’m not sure is the min 300 words or not because I cannot access to the application web right now."
this  was the reply form the admission department, if it is true,then i need to just present my motivation in 300 words?
thanks for your kind help.

DeSperado32

this version is better than the last as it at least shows your motivation to this field. i'd recommend you to provide more details, such as concrete logistic costs as a percentage of overall operating costs.
this would make your reasoning more convincing and detailed.
besides, i think the story is somewhat unstructured. the logic should be simply--your father dont want you to run a business and he shows the difficulty and situation to you, but the difficulty turns out to motivate you.  and then you need to demonstrate your qualifications and preparations to this pursuit, such as your experience and endeavor. then u find knowledge of SCM is crucial to your further achievement in this field, then tell why this program.


its a good start. keep going on. when u finish the whole structure, dont forget to ask a native to help polishing. there are still many errors in grammar.
contact me if u have any question.

cserstyle

your analysis covers the reasons everybody can tell--slumping orders, rising wages. its too general and people cannot tell whether supply chain problems have played a key role in the recession. if so, can the knowledge of supply chain management solve these problems? how? if not, the analysis is meaningless to your pursuit.

-- by 会员 DeSperado32 (2012/10/28 22:14:16)

请您帮帮把把关，看对不对路子，然后逻辑上有什么问题吗？
太感谢您了！！！！