windstatus（mcs6436288）的作文贴 时间紧迫，没多久就要考了，求指点，求拍砖

mcs6436288

很久没动过作文了，今天写着有点吃力啊，惭愧。

mcs6436288

10月27日 独立 请拍砖，特别是构思和行文。

Patience is usually not a good strategy. We shouldtake action now rather than later.

 There is nodenying that patience is a significant strategy to deal with some upsetting andcontroversial issues. However, exaggerating the function of patience seems tobe a more dangerous and self-deceiving behavior. In virtual world, patience'sfunction is considerately limited. What's worse, patience always could be thewater and nutrients to the seed of misunderstanding and anger. So in myopinion, people should consider other behavior strategies in most situations,rather than just patience.  

 First of all,everything has its boundary, including the patience. In some situations, wehave no choice but take action to protect ourselves. What's more, in someextreme situation, patience means fault and death. For example, September 11th2001, a miserable moment in human beings civilization history, in that day terroristsrobbed several planes and stroked the World Trade Centre. As a matter of fact,many active lives disappeared in just a moment. At this time, could you keep insilence? Would you choice the patience strategy? I think the answer is apparentfor everyone.

 Furthermore,patience might waste our time and decay the success, especially in the businessfield. Just imagine this, someone in the executive board has an effective and valuablebusiness strategy to solve the current problem the enterprise is facing.However, someone else has put out a worse strategy which could lead to apossible worse situation before. The person should stay in patience or pointout his excellent method? And a business research printed in The Los AnalogsTimes recently expressed a statistical data that nearly 67.34 percent of thesenior managers in Top 500 enterprises of the world would like to point out onestrategy's weaknesses immediately rather than keep in silence.

Thelast but not the least, patience always is good for our relationship with ourfamilies and friends. Sometime, it could hurt those precious relationships. Ifwe misunderstand other persons and everyone keep in patience for protecting therelationship, the misunderstanding could become deep and deep, because we needexplain to others what really happened and how we analyze. My personal storycan exactly explain this situation, Jackie is my favorite friends. I invitedhis to attend my last year’s birthday party, and of course he appreciated to acceptthe invitation. But during that day, he did not appear. I was angry about thiskind of unfriendly behavior and our friendship dropped to very low level. Andhe never talked me that he got sick seriously that day. Until one day hissister talked me, I have misunderstood him. So from this story, we knowpatience might have some significant weaknesses.

The world is colorful, dynamic and variable garden,and patience is just one of the beautiful flowers of the garden. There arealways some other strategies to solve our problem. In most situations, weshould think about other methods.

mcs6436288

10月27日 综合 请指正：

 The passage and lecture both discuss whether thecommercial fossil business damages the value and scientific discoveries offossils. The passage offers severalweaknesses of the commercial fossil business. However, the professor apparently objects this view and she mentions many reasons to support her idea.

Firstly, the passage holds the idea that the commercial fossil business would preventthe public to view the valuable fossils, so the public will gradually loss interest to thosefossils. On the contrary, the professor points out that the commercial fossilbusiness would improve the exploration of fossils. As a result, more fossils would be found and some public organizations, such as school and museum, could afford the price. And more and more people will show their interest in fossils.

Furthermore, the commercial fossil collectors have to identify the value of theprecious fossils, so logically they have toinvite some scientists to help him. The professor thinks that this process would let the scientist do enoughtests of the fossils and insure the scientists could find every importantscientific discovery. So the passage's second reason is incorrect.

Last, the passage claims that the commercial fossil business is possible to destroyvaluable scientific evidence associated with those fossils they unearth. But the professor considers that the commercial fossilcollectors contribute to the discovery of the fossil and by this way more and more fossils could be found. Without the commercial fossil collectors, the scientific institution could not find enoughfossils, because of its limited number. So the advantages are much more meaningful than the disadvantages.

kiddy72

The passage andlecture both discuss the possible reasons which mainly cause the decline of thesea otter. The passage claims that the environmental pollution is the key cause. However, the professor holds anopposite view that the predator mainly lead to the otter's decline and she offers manypersuasive reasons to support her view.

First, the passage points out thatthe industrial chemical pollution decreases the otters' resistance to infections whichindirectly cause sea otter's death. But the professor offers powerfulevidence that no person has found dead bodies of sea otters'otters washed up to beaches. This fact against the passage's claim but occasionallysupport the view that predators cause the otter's decline.

Second, although nearly all thespecies' population decline seems to support the passage's view. However, the professor claims thathuman being might hurt so many whales that orcas cannot but to厄 这个用法木有太见过啊 是什么意思呢？ hurt smaller preys to survive, so nearly all the speciessuffer from a decline.

Third, the passage believes that theuneven pattern of otter decline can prove the truth of pollution hypothesis. However, the professor mentions thatsea otters have a high demand of their habitats. The sallow and rock placeswill not be suitable for sea otters and there is durable number ofsea otters in the valuable places.我记得这段貌似说的是orcas对生存条件要求高，那些sea otter没减少的地方是因为orcas去不了

All the above mentioned reasons show that theprofessor really object to the passage's view and insists that themain cause of the sea otter's decline is the predators not the environmental pollution.

挺好的～句式变化挺多 而且听力也基本完整 所有格不要用太多了哈 可以用of嘛～～加油！共勉！

mcs6436288

10月24日 综合    
看了批改够，找了点文章读了一下略有启发，请批！
 
 The passage andlecture both discuss the possible reasons which mainly cause the decline of thesea otter. The passage claims that the environmental pollution is the key cause. However, the professor holds anopposite view that the predator mainly lead to the otter's decline and she offers manypersuasive reason to support her view.

First, the passage points out thatthe industrial chemical pollution decreases the otters' resistance to infections whichindirectly cause sea otter's death. But the professor offers powerfulevidence that no person has found dead bodies of sea otters' washed up to beaches. This fact against the passage's claim but occasionallysupport the view that predators cause the otter's decline.

Second, although nearly all thespecies' population decline seems to support the passage's view. However, the professor claims thathuman being might hurt so many whales that orcas cannot but to hurt smaller preys to survive, so nearly all the speciessuffer from a decline.

Third, the passage believes that theuneven pattern of otter decline can prove the truth of pollution hypothesis. However, the professor mentions thatsea otters have a high demand of their habitats. The sallow and rock placeswill not be suitable for sea otters and there is durable number ofsea otters in the valuable places.

All the above mentioned reasons show that theprofessor really object to the passage's view and insists that themain cause of the sea otter's decline is the predators not the environmental pollution.

小滋滋

1023改
Once,Richard Levin,the former president of Yale,spoketo his impending graduates:‘politeness is the cornerstone of your path tosuccess."Yes,Iagree with him.In my opinion,everyoneshould keep polite to others.This action is a basic characteristicof a gentleman and it will bring many enormous unexpected advantages for(to) ourdevelopment.

Firstly,keeping polite to others will keep a nice and durable relationship amongpeople,especially when people growing in different backgroundand are educated under different education systems.So when people torch(touch) with another racial cultureand(去掉)(they will) feel angry or not comprehendabout some behaviors.（when引导的时间状语从句缺少主句呀）Keeping polite is very significant and meaningful(建议换成be of +n. 因为发现后面有好多 be+adi.的形式),because you might not understand other personsexactly.Last year,a research report printed on Washington Daily revealed an intriguing andsurprising data that nearly 63.12percent of the unfriendly and aggressive behaviors between Muslim worldand West world came from misunderstanding of others and represent a rude action.So everyone should think about the significant andamazing mean behind the dedate.

Further,avoiding rude behaviors, itself, is（=represent 用了好多is句型 建议变换下）a kind and basic characteristics of amature and polite gentleman.This characteristic will make you become a widely welcomed person.(Since)Everyone would like to make friends with thegentleman who always keep clam and show his/her comprehension to his/her friends. Once, I enjoyed the advantage from avoiding rudebehaviors. I still remembered when I was a high-school student my parents haveto send me different schools because their jobs need(requires) them to work on(in) different placesof HK.So huge challenges I need face to deal with different new faces,（是想用so that 句型？少that呀？还是这个？So huge challenges I need face to are dealing with different new faces）at thattime I was worried and tried many methods to solve the problem and become（by becoming） awell-welcomed person. In the end, I found that in most situations if I attemptto show my polite and keep calm, I will receive an equal respond, especiallywhen other persons make trouble on purpose, rude behaviors cannot solve problems but lead to aworse situation. From this experience, I could claim responsibly that rude behaviorsshould be avoided in every situation.

The last but not the least,keeping politewill offer an effective environmentwhere every member can express his own idea or views.When we meet an upsetting issue,this environment always leads to time-saving and lower cost.（可以写一个特别的背景下，例如teamwork什么的，展开写写有点少唉，teammenber之间，这样说的有点泛）

As the above mentioned reasons express,we should keep polite and avoid rude behaviorsin every situation. There are also(此处没有递进含义建议换成always) someother effective and useful methods to solve the controversial problems. What weneed is only a pair of rational eyes to find a better solution.

建议：

1.词汇多变换（being polite=keeping polite），is句型减少使用次数

2.格式：标点符号后面打空格

3.主体段第三段缺少细节支撑

4.有些句子有些小错误，赘余或不完整



一点愚见，有说的不对的地方希望谅解，望共同进步，加油！

mcs6436288

There is no reason to beimpolite(rude) to the other people.
个人感觉这个题目不是很好，有点一边倒的感觉，好难想点子，最后字数也没达标。感觉也没写出很好的逻辑，有点郁闷。请痛批。

 Once,Richard Levin, the former president of Yale,spoketo his impending graduates: ‘politeness is the cornerstone of your path tosuccess." Yes,Iagree with him. In my opinion,everyoneshould keep polite to others. This action is a basic characteristicof a gentleman and it will bring many enormous unexpected advantages for ourdevelopment.

 Firstly, keeping polite to others will keep a nice and durable relationship amongpeople, especially when people grow in different backgroundand are educated under different education systems. So when people torch with another racial culture and feel angry or not comprehend about some behaviors. Keeping polite is very significant and meaningful, because you might not understand other personsexactly. Last year, a research report printed on Washington Daily revealed an intriguing andsurprising data that nearly 63.12 percent of the unfriendly and aggressive behaviors between Muslim worldand West world came from misunderstanding of others and represent a rude action. So everyone should think about the significant andamazing mean behind the date.

Further, avoiding rude behaviors, itself, is a kind and basic characteristics of amature and polite gentleman. This characteristic will make you become a wide welcomed person. Everyone would like to make friends with thegentleman who always keep clam and show his/her comprehension to his/her friends. Once, I enjoyed the advantage from avoiding rudebehaviors. I still remembered when I was a high-school student my parents haveto send me different school because their jobs need them to work on different placesof HK. So huge challenges I need face to deal with different new faces, at thattime I was worried and tried many methods to solve the problem and become awell-welcomed person. In the end, I found that in most situations if I attemptto show my polite and keep calm, I will receive an equal respond, especiallywhen other persons make trouble on purpose, rude behaviors cannot but lead to aworse situation. From this experience, I could claim responsibly that rude behaviorsshould be avoided in every situation.

The last but not the least, keeping polite will offer an effective environmentwhere every member can express his own idea or views. When we meet an upsetting issue, this environment always leads to time-saving and lower cost.

 As the above mentioned reasons express, we should keep polite and avoid rude behaviors in every situation. There are also someother effective and useful method to solve the controversial problems. What weneed is only a pair of rational eyes to find a better solution.

AnthonySummer

粉红色拼写错误(直接修改了)橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）





In this lecture, the professor holds the conclusion that the Chevalier deSeingalt's memoir about his left（这是什么意思？）is accurate, logical and persuasive. Of course, the professor's view counters with the passage's idea which clearly suspects the truth of Chevalier's memoir. To point out her conclusion clearly, the professor shows her reasons to object to the passage's ideas.（建议找个模板）





Firstly, the passage mentions that the Chevalier is not as rich as he said in his memoir. However, the professor claims that Chevalier is very rich, although he borrowed some money from Swiss merchants. Because Chevalier spent much money on parties and gambling, he needed to sell his welfare. So logically, （另起一句了，it 没有指代清楚）it will take some days to sell his welfare and get the money. So borrowing money cannot prove that Chevalier is not that rich.





Secondly, the professor mentions that it is possible for Chevalierto write the conversations accurately, because every time he conversed with some powerful persons. He will write them on notebook and he have anaccustom (这是什么？habit？)to keep the notes. So when he wittedhis (wrote the） memoir, （加连词and ）he picked the notes out and called up his memory.（没读懂） This view is absolutely different with the idea hold by the passage.





Last, although the passage gives the idea that the reason Chevalies could escaped（情态动词加do啊！）from the prison in Venice is that he had so many powerful friends and his friends helped him to escape successfully. But the professor suspected this claim, because some other people whose friends are more powerful could not escape（逻辑不清，语法问题）, （句号）how could Chevalier escape from the prison successfully? And then the professor put out another persuasiveevidence that some governmental documents pointed out that after Chevalierescaped from the prison, the prison took some action to decorate （是repair吧）the prison's rooms. And this evidence can prove that the Chevalier escaped from the prison indeed.





All of those show that the professor really disagrees on the ideas which the passages hold. And from her claims, the accuracy ofChevalier's memoir is exactly true.

太多语法错误了，招致逻辑混乱。

mcs6436288

10月22日 综合，求拍砖，求指点，各种求。。。。
In this lecture, the professor holds the conclusion that the Chevalier deSeingalt's memoir about hisleft is accurate, logical and persuasive. Of course, the professor’s view counters with the passage’s idea which clearly suspects the truth of Chevalier's memoir. To point out her conclusion clearly, the professor shows her reasons to object to the passage's ideas.

Firstly, the passage mentions that the Chevalier is not as rich ashe said in his memoir. However, the professor claims that Chevalier is very rich, although he borrowed some money from Swiss merchants. Because Chevalier spent much money on parties andgambling, he needed to sellhis welfare. So logically, it will take some days to sell his welfare and get themoney. So borrowing moneycannot prove that Chevalier is not that rich.

Secondly, the professor mentions that it is possible for Chevalierto write the conversations accurately, because every time he conversed with some powerfulpersons. He will write themon notebook and he have anaccustom to keep the notes. So when he wittedhis memoir, he picked the notesout and called up his memory. This view is absolutely different with the idea hold bythe passage.

Last, although thepassage gives the idea that the reason Chevalies could escaped from the prisonin Venice is that he had so many powerful friends and his friends helped him toescape successfully. But the professorsuspected this claim, because some otherpeople whose friends are more powerful could not escape, how could Chevalier escape from the prison successfully? And then the professor put out another persuasiveevidence that some governmental documents pointed out that after Chevalierescaped from the prison, the prison tooksome action to decorate the prison's rooms. And this evidence can prove that the Chevalier escapedfrom the prison indeed.

All of those show that the professor really disagrees onthe ideas which the passages hold. And from her claims, the accuracy ofChevalier’s memoir is exact true.

mcs6436288

哈哈，谢谢。我读了你的文章后，也觉得我句子写的太没劲了。