kiddy的写作贴～求拍砖～！！！谢谢啦～～

kiddy72

10月7日独立写作～第一次发上来 见笑了。。。求拍砖！在此谢过～


Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement: The government andcorporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countriesin the world?

Withthe technology and science development, we expend our horizon and enlarge ourknowledge. We can’t ignore any parts of scientific discoveries that provide usa better life. However, in the world, there are so many governments andcorporations that they could have a large amount of significant contributionsto human. But actually, these governments and corporations rarely share theirscientific discoveries with other countries. In my opinion, for the futuredevelopment of the whole world, scientific discoveries should be shared.
Tobegin with, I can’t emphasize the importance of sharing the scientificdiscoveries too much, since it is an efficient way to speed up the rate ofdevelopment in whole world. If the government and corporation share all theirresults of researches, other countries’ scientists do not need to repeat thesame work, and they can just enter the next step. This plan will save lots oftime in scientific research. As a result, we will make a breakthrough morequickly. As to the space technology, Russian took so many years to send people intothe space, and after nearly 50 years, Chinese just have ability to do the samething. If we share the discoveries and technology, it is obvious that we cansave so much time. Maybe people could already live on the Mars. In a word, forthe faster development, sharing discoveries is one of the best ways.
Anotherequally important reason is that sharing discoveries will benefit more people.Without controversy, scientific discovery is for serving people, and the factis that there are a lot of people in different countries need help. In someareas of world, the economy is underdeveloped. People struggle with disease andstarvation. We should share the discoveries of medicine and therapy with them, sothat maybe we can save some lives. Also there are many cases support thatsharing discoveries can help more people, such as some economic discoveriesthat can help the countries come over the depression. As to humanity,government and corporation should share their scientific discoveries with morepeople in the world.
To some extent, we have to admit that some sharing may harm theinterest of the certain countries. Perhaps they may lose the chance to get moreprofits by the new discoveries. Nevertheless, compared with the development ofall human being, it is not a serious problem.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that government andcorporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countriesfor faster development and contribution to all human beings.
In this way the result may give us a big surprise.

小滋滋

1025独立
As to the topic that your job has greater happiness than your social life, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge the view at their own angles. Some people assert that in social life they can be more relaxed so that they can get greater happiness. On the contrary, according to others, it is stated that people can get greater happiness through their work, since work provides an opportunity for people to achieve themselves. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latter for the following reasons.（总体挺好的，但是greater happiness 是不是出现的次数有点多？可以换成be more happy什么的）



To begin with, on no account can we ignore the psychological content that the job brings to us. Everyone has a goal, and your（everyone you人称混乱） work is to try your best and achieve. Job is a process that we set up a purpose, make a plan, solve the problems, and in the end, fulfill the work. As to me, it is an exciting process, since through these things I can prove and improve myself. The contented feeling that career brings to us is that nothing can replaced.(nothing can replace the the contented feeling that career brings to us)And when we achieve the goal or success in work, we’ll get great happiness. According to the research of Jimmie University, 62% of people will fell happy when they make some progress in work, and 41% of people who success in their careers feel satisfied and happy in their life.

However, as to social life, people may relax themselves and have fun with friends with their friends, but the happiness just lasts for a short time. In a word, it is apparent that our jobs will bring us more happiness.(语句没有大问题，但是逻辑上有点混乱，递进的关系不明显)



Another equally important reason is that career not only brings us mental happiness, but also provides economic supports for our daily life.（亮点） Only through work can we earn money to make sure we have a happy life. With our economic supports, we have no chance to have some social activities. Obviously, it is(they are) the fundamental factor of happiness. To illustrate this view, there is a persuasive example. My neighbor had a satisfying job and it was well paid, but he liked hanging out with his friends. His social life bothered his work,( but his social life bothered his work since he liked hanging out with his friends)but he doesn’t care. Finally, he lost his job and has no income. At that time he realized he had no money to have fun with friends. Jobs provide us money for the basic need in our life, and it is also the basic element for happiness.
To some extent, we have to admit that social life can bring us happiness, as we feel relaxed in as much as we don’t have to mediate anything about our problem and difficulty. (没看懂)Whereas, this kind of happiness is only a spice of life and work is the source of happiness. In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that job has greater happiness than social life, because it supports us both materially and mentally. In order to have a happy life, hard work is the key point.



结构清晰，语句有亮点，整体不错，但是主体一段感觉逻辑递进性不强，可以适当调整下，一点愚见，望共同进步@@

AnthonySummer

Yourjob has greater happiness than you social life.

As to the topic that your job has greater happiness than your social life, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge the view at their own angles. Some people assert that in social life they can be more relaxed so that they can get greater happiness. On the contrary, according to others, it is stated that people can get greater happiness through theirwork. Since work provides an opportunity for people to achievethemselves. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latter for the followingreasons. 感觉每个句子支离破碎，没有一个很好的中心思想衔接，感觉是一句一句蹦出来的。
To begin with, on no account can we ignore the psychological content that the job brings to us. Everyone has a goal,前后无联系吧 and your work is to try your best and achieve. Job （job一般指工种，这里用work吧） is a process that we set up a purpose, make a plan, solve the problems, and in the end, fulfill the work. As for me, it is an exciting process, since through these things I can prove and improve myself. Thecontented feeling that a careerbring to us is that nothing can replace. And when we achieve the goal or success in work, we'll get great happiness.（关于自己的，最好举个列子吧) According to the research of Jimei University, 62% of people will feelhappy when they make some progress in（加the） the work, and 41% of people who success in their careers feel satisfied and happy in their life. However, as to social life, people mayrelax themselves and have fun with friends with their friends, but thehappiness just lasts for a short time. In a word, it is apparent that our jobswill bring us more happiness.


Anotherequally important reason is that career not only brings us mental happiness, but also provides economic supports for our daily life. Only through work canwe earn money to make sure we have a happy life. With our economic supports, we have no chance to have some social activities. Obviously, it is the fundamentalfactor of happiness. To illustrate this view, there is a persuasive example.（这句啰嗦了） Myneighbor had a satisfying job and it was well paid, but he liked hanging outwith his friends. His social life bothered his work, but he doesn't care.（太口语了）Finally, he lost his job and has no income. At that time, he realized he had no money to have fun with friends. Jobs provide us money for the basic need in our life, and it is also the basic element of happiness.
Tosome extent, we have to admit that social life can bring us happiness, as we feel relaxed inasmuch as we don ？？ have to mediate anything about our problem and difficulty. Whereas, this kind of happiness is only a spice of life, and workis the source of happiness. （不够具体，希望举列子，然后深入说）
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that job has greater happiness thatsocial life,（这句没看懂） because it supports us both materially and mentally. In order tohave a happy life, hardwork is the key point. （你上面没又将hard work的列子）
小毛病貌似比较多，整体结构还不错，但是有时候会突然唐突一句。列子希望多聚，并且讲一个论点。加油吧！

mcs6436288

10月24日 综合 改

Thereading passage and the lecture provide contradictory opinions to the topic that why（that why？而且讨论应该是谁是主要因素吧） the population of sea otter declinesalong Alaskan coast. The reading passage explains that the environmental pollutioncauses the decline of sea otter, while the lecture believes the predator is thereal reason and gives some counter arguments to the view of the reading.
 To beginwith, the lecture argues that the reading passage is too general in its statementthat there are known sources of pollution along the Alaskan coast.（我觉得这一句有逻辑问题） The professor asserts that if thepollution is the reason why the population of sea otters declines, someoneshould see bodies of died sea otter along the beach. However, no one has foundany bodies. It(it有点不明，this phenomenon) alsosupports thepredator hypothesis, since the predator will eat sea otters and make themdisappeared.
 Thelecture also refutes the second point in the reading passage that onlypollution can cause variouskinds of seemammals decline(variouskinds其实修饰了decline). The professor contends that the numberof whales is decreasing（进行时不好吧） because of humanhunting. In order to survive, orcas have to change their diets to eat somesmaller sea mammals, such as see seals, sea seals and sea otters.
 Finally,according to the reading passage, pollution hypothesis could also explain theuneven pattern of otter decline. On the contrary, according to the professor,predators like（一般口语上这么用） orcas can only go to some places whereare easy to access. They cannot go hunting at some shallow or rocky locations that are actually theplaces（感觉没必要加这个，或者改一下，有点冗余的感觉） where the otter population is stable.

 文章还是比较严谨，大错误没有，都是小的，只要一留心就可以避免。其他应该就没有什么了。

kiddy72

10月25日 独立
Yourjob has greater happiness than you social life.

Asto the topic that your job has greater happiness than your social life, it iseasy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives willjudge the view at their own angles. Some people assert that in social life theycan be more relaxed so that they can get greater happiness. On the contrary,according to others, it is stated that people can get greater happiness throughtheir work, since work provides an opportunity for people to achievethemselves. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latter for the followingreasons.
Tobegin with, on no account can we ignore the psychological content that the jobbrings to us. Everyone has a goal, and your work is to try your best andachieve. Job is a process that we set up a purpose, make a plan, solve theproblems, and in the end, fulfill the work. As to me, it is an excitingprocess, since through these things I can prove and improve myself. Thecontented feeling that career brings to us is that nothing can replaced. Andwhen we achieve the goal or success in work, we’ll get great happiness.According to the research of Jimei University, 62% of people will fell happywhen they make some progress in work, and 41% of people who success in their careersfeel satisfied and happy in their life. However, as to social life, people mayrelax themselves and have fun with friends with their friends, but thehappiness just lasts for a short time. In a word, it is apparent that our jobswill bring us more happiness.
Anotherequally important reason is that career not only brings us mental happiness,but also provides economic supports for our daily life. Only through work canwe earn money to make sure we have a happy life. With our economic supports, wehave no chance to have some social activities. Obviously, it is the fundamentalfactor of happiness. To illustrate this view, there is a persuasive example. Myneighbor had a satisfying job and it was well paid, but he liked hanging outwith his friends. His social life bothered his work, but he doesn’t care.Finally, he lost his job and has no income. At that time he realized he had nomoney to have fun with friends. Jobs provide us money for the basic need in ourlife, and it is also the basic element for happiness.
Tosome extent, we have to admit that social life can bring us happiness, as wefeel relaxed inasmuch as we don have to mediate anything about our problem anddifficulty. Whereas, this kind of happiness is only a spice of life, and workis the source of happiness.
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that job has greater happiness thatsocial life, because it supports us both materially and mentally. In order tohave a happy life, hardwork is the key point.

kiddy72

10.24 综合Tpo10
The reading passage and the lecture providecontradictory opinions to the topic that why the population of sea otterdeclines along Alaskan coast. The reading passage explains that the environmentalpollution causes the decline of sea otter, while the lecture believes thepredator is the real reason and gives some counterarguments to the view ofreading.
To begin with, the lecture argues that thereading passage is too general in its statement that there are known sources ofpollution along the Alaskan coast. The professor asserts that if the pollutionis the reason why the population of sea otters declines, someone should seebodies of died sea otter along the beach. However, no one has found any bodies.It also support the predator hypothesis, since the predator will eat sea ottersand make them disappeared.
The lecture also refutes the second pointin the reading passage that only pollution can cause various kinds of seemammals decline. The professor contends that the number of whales is decreasingbecause of human hunting. In order to survive, orcas have to change their dietsto eat some smaller sea mammals, such as see seals, sea seals and sea otters.
Finally, according to the reading passage,pollution hypothesis could also explain the uneven pattern of otter decline. Onthe contrary, according to the professor, predators like orcas can only go tosome places where are easy to access. They cannot go hunting at some shallow orrocky locations that are actually the places where the otter population isstable.

kiddy72

10月23日独立
There is no reason to beimpolite(rude) to the other people.

As to the topic thatthere is no reason to be impolite to the other people, it is easy to image thatpeople with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge this issue attheir own angles. Some people assert that when someone is rude to you, youdon’t have to treat him with good manner. On the contrary, always being politeis necessary to other people. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latterfor the following reasons.
To begin with, soimportant is being polite in work that we should not ignore it. Good mannerplays a vital role in our work, especially in some formal conditions. You needto be civil to everyone else, since being polite is beneficial to both personaland company’s development. Only a polite staff will be promoted by boss; only agentle leader will be trusted by cooperator; only a civil people will be inharmony with coworkers. Moreover, in business, if you are rude to other people,they will have a bad impression on you so that you and your company may lose alarge number of profits. To illustrate this view, there is a persuasiveexample. My coworker is a mean person who always likes to laugh at others. Oncehe laughed at a represent from cooperated company in a negotiation. As aresult, due to his rude behavior, our company lost the alliance and a large sumof profits. On no account should we be rude to others, leave alone in business.
In addition, being politeis also necessary in our daily life. Some people may think we should be asrelax as possible with some close people, such as families and friends. It istrue, but actually being gentle is a fundamental thing in our relationship.Numbers of people may ignore good manners since they believe people who areclose to them would not care. Being rude, however, is most likely to breakpeople’s heart. Instead, we should learn how to get alone with others well, howto understand and respect each other, and how to mediate in others’perspectives. More understanding, more politeness. Only in this way can wereally care about feelings of families and friends. Please don’t be rude to others,even though to the closest friends.
To some extent, we haveto admit that sometimes we do not have to be friendly to someone who is mean. Whereas,I always believe there are some better ways to solve the problem instead ofbeing rude.
In a nutshell, Ireinforce my standpoint that people should always be gentle to the otherpeople, because it is beneficial for both work and social life. Actually in orderto be a cultivated person, being polite is the first step.

kiddy72

楼上的两位大神 给跪

chasedreamabc

If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others,you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR (or)use the telephone or voice-messaging.（很多or显得层次略略的不清晰，承题可以写的简单一些，one has two chooses which are a e-mail or text messaging and a telephone or voice-messaging）

As to the topic that which way we use to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others(刚刚出现过原句，ets不是很欣赏的，可以写成argue the thorny pro.with others), it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judgeit （好像没有指代，逻辑上是指讨论问题这件事情，但是语法上没有所指，而且就算跳跃上句的pro.那个也是复数）at their own angles. Some people assert that they will use e-mail or text messaging, since these ways can help them clear their head（+s） and clam down. On the contrary, others believe it is better to use the telephone or voice-message（句式可以转变一下，using the telephone or voice-message is a better way for others）, so that they can save some time（意为“某个时候”，可用于将来或过去来，这里明显不对，sometime 用法http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/158052495.html&__bd_tkn__=73f2582118059b33580ee972ecf02ba687149bf68078338d51fed8133ea5c69d362ad36bb4bcda3b39bb3949f6bbe47087ac3af56e60b1f4e7eb60157959f5329865adf15b0f03de0125276ad431bd0e33749b7e7a22）. In my own part, I would like to vote for the latter opinion for the following reasons.

To begin with, so precise is time that we should not waste it, and using telephone and voice-message is a more efficient way to discuss upsetting or controversial problems（又出现了哦~~自己换哦）. Telephone and voice-message is not only a proper way to express our opinions and ideas, but also a good way to listen to others, more directly, especially for upsetting and controversial problems. Only in this way can we express our ideas and feelings without ambiguities. These stuffs all result in saving time. On the other hand, it is apparent that speaking wordsuses（use）much less time than typing, moreover（不能作为连词，所以这个是run-on sentence） usually we（学术文章尽量用one，ones，people之类） cannot check our email in time. To illustrate how using telephone and voice-massage saves time, there is an appropriate example that is very persuasive（太罗嗦了，this is a rightly persuasive example）. Once our group had a work that members held contradictory opinions about the topic. We had no result by writing e-mail to discuss, in addition（不能作为连词，run-on sentence，改成and）it took us about a week because some of us （may+，严谨一些）often ignored or forgot to check the e-mail. Whereas, we finally solved the problem by voice-message just in half an hour.（这个时间是怎么出来的呀） So why not use the telephone and voice-massage to solve problems?

Another equally important reason is that using telephone and voice-massage provides us a more interactive way to come up with new idea to solve the(a)problem. In daily life, you（one，下文类似）must have some experiences that a controversial problem（我就不计数了） is solved by interactive discussion. Everyone expresses own opinion and discusses with each other, and your idea（一个逻辑问题，everyone不包括you吗）maystimulates others to provide a better one. Finally, you get a wonderful idea to solve the problem, which （逻辑上which指代前一句话，但是语法上只指代problems，所以which指代的有点问题，具体的讨论：http://forum.chasedream.com/GMAT_SC/thread-767455-1-1.html?SearchText=whichhttp://forum.chasedream.com/GMAT_SC/thread-773071-1-1.html?SearchText=whichhttp://forum.chasedream.com/GMAT_SC/thread-748019-1-1.html?SearchText=which）contains all endeavors from everyone here. It is called brainstorm, which needs interactive discussions as many as possible within a short time. Only by telephone or voice-message can we use this strategy. And it is obvious that less interaction is in using （a+）email, so that it is harder to come up with （a+）new idea in a short time.

To some extent, we have to admit that sometimes using email can help us clam down and（and前面是help，后面是to do，不对称）to express our opinions more logically. However, in my opinion, it is not a good way to solve some upsetting or controversial problems.

In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that we should use telephone and voice-message to solve upsetting and controversial problems, for saving time and gettinga+new idea more efficiently.

PS:小师妹呀，师兄有强迫症的，有不对的讨论

deanlone

10月20日 独立
Some people claim that if we have anopportunity to take a secure job, we should take it right away, while othersthink we should wait for a satisfying job, which do you prefer?

As to the topic that how to choose a job, itis easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will make different judgments in terms of theirvarious angles（最好不用it，代词在一句中多次出现往往指代统一，看这样改行不？）. Somepeople assert that they（people后应用they，用we的话会意思混乱）should take the opportunity to have a secure job, since there are fewer risks.On the contrary, others believe that they should wait for a satisfying job because of their dream and ambition（最好不要乱搭）. In my own part, I would tend to vote for thelatter opinion（opinion可以去掉） for the following reasons.

To begin with, so precise the dream（可数名词一定要加定冠词或复数形式，用precise修饰dream有点奇怪，建议换个adj） isthat we should not give up, and a satisfying job is more likely to provid us anopportunity to make dream come true（或许用fulfill更地道）. Everyone has a dream,（插入语不用连词） no matter greator normal（平凡或伟大似乎不这么搭配，可以再斟酌一下，great or ordinary？我也不确定哈）, it isour resource to move on（难以理解这句话。。）. Most satisfying jobs have lots of （more出现，最好后面有than，这里没有比较，则最好改为lots of或别的修饰可数的）similarities with our interests and dreams, so that we canhave a happy time when we work and not haveto mediate other problems at the same time（没有解释，有点无厘头，而且mediate problem这种搭配没见过）. A secure job, however, often murders ourambitions for chasing dream, due to a comfortable and stable condition. Toillustrate this view, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. Whenmy dad was a child, he dreamed to be a designer. He liked painting and did a good job（不平行）. But as he came into the society, he took asecure job. After a few years, he lost his ambition to be a designer but onlycontented with his present situation. He regretted that he didn’t adhere to hisdream, but a secure job eroded hisambition（这个转折有点看不懂）. That’s why we should wait for a satisfying job when weface to choice.

Another equally reason（可以换个说法） is that we have more motivation when we have asatisfying job, as a result, we will do better. A satisfying job often providesus not only （要求后面平行，所以提后）more salary but also more encouragements. Underthis condition, we will work more efficiently and diligently. It is apparentthat the more motivation and encouragement, the better work we do. Statisticalreport（统计数据要具体，说一下哪一年那个机构的统计数据） has proven that76% of the people who have a satisfying job say they often get encouragements,and 62% of these people contend that they have more motivation to try theirbest when they get encouragements and rewards, no matter material or emotional.But in the group of people who only have a secure job, only 32% of them thinkthey are motivate to their jobs. In a word, a satisfying job will encourage usto do a better work.

To some extent, we have to admit that somesecure jobs have fewer challenges, hence we feel more comfortable. Whereas, inmy opinion, it is too boring that we have a career without challenge.（让步段太短，两端那么长，突然这么来一下估计还不如删了好。。）

In a nut shell, I reinforce my standpoint thatpeople should wait for a satisfying（这个词可以换换，如ideal） jobrather than a secure（这个词也可以换换，如stable） job,because a satisfying job provides us an opportunity to make our dreams come true（fulfill，achieve等都可以） and encourages us to do better.

总体而言，开始的原因两端论证不是很有说服力，让步段估计没时间吧，语法错误过多，建议多看看语法书，而且单词使用有点生搬硬套的感觉，不是很流畅。 Fighting together！