bonnenuit的作文帖！作文一直都是个弱项！求大牛帮忙批改作文！感激不尽啊！

bonnenuit

Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. Agree with disagree?



With the development of science and technology, it has made big progress on temporary people' living standards, and even big improvement of material conditions. the inventions of cars , computers, mobile phones, has brought great convenience to people, many old generations always say that, we are so jealous that you are born at fortunate time. Nevertheless, some young generations hold the opposite view that they are suffering from something that the old generations have never experienced. such a controversial topic has puzzled a lot of people. different people have variety answers to this topic from their own characters, emotional concerns and educational backgrounds.when this topic comes to me, i firmly believe that, there is no doubt that our life today is easier and cozier than it was when our grandparents were children.



To begin with, the truth we can not deny is that the high technology has made our life more easier. With the introduction of cars, computers, mobile phone, we can travel around, make the work more easier to complete, communicate with friends or families at anytime and anywhere. However, those things listed above were impossible for our grandparents to image and even own when they were children. They had to walk a long distance to school, deal with difficulties within their knowledge, communicate with friends through the letters and have to wait extra time to receive the replies. If we put ourselves in such situations, how long you could stand for? I dare to say, few of us can get through those situations.



Further more, the financial situation has improved a lot, compared to it was when our grandparents were children. We always can obtain a lot of pocket money from our parents. We always can afford many things we want, such as the books, plastic plane models, bobby dolls and so on. Meanwhile, when our grandparents were children, they could get little from their parents, even some could not afford for school. In order to support the family's economical income, some of them had to drop out of school early and do farm work. It is obvious that we are more fortunate than our grandparents when they were children.



Nowadays, some young generations may still suffer from academic burden, complain that they are less free. All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that, we are having easier and more comfortable life than our grandparents when they were children.

lizchang1990

我昨天的作业连接,  http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-781814-3-1.html#last

谢谢!

lizchang1990

我的下午6点样子上传,不好意思哟~~~

lizchang1990

In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of reading passage that planting genetically trees on a large scale promise to bring a number of benefits. The professor argues that the benefits listed in the reading passage are open to debate, though planting genetically trees do bring some benefits.

In the reading passage, genetically modified trees are more hardier (去掉more)and more likely to survival than their unmodified counterparts. On the contrary, the professor says that the genetically modifications do not ensure the trees survive in the wild. Some trees may survive from some disasters, however, the genetically modified trees are too uniform to get through the disaster and more likely to die out.(流畅度不错~)

The professor then oppose(小错误哦~) the view in the reading that the genetically trees will bring the farmer more economical benefits by stating that the company will charge more on the genetically tress' seeds than unmodified trees 's, even the farms cannot plant the seed freely after they collect them.

Finally, the professor points out that the genetically modified trees grow more aggressively than normal trees do, and take the nutrients and water away, making the unmodified trees out of competition. This fact disapproves the reading's idea that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.

评语:看了你2篇综合, perfect, LZ语言功底不错,这模板也不错哟~

lizchang1990

不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~  不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以....   我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!


不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~  不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以....   我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!

不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~  不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以....   我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!

lizchang1990

TO bonnenuit,不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~  不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以....   我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!

bonnenuit

11.15综合写作
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of reading passage that planting genetically trees on a large scale promise to bring a number of benefits. The professor argues that the benefits listed in the reading passage are open to debate, though planting genetically trees do bring some benefits.



In the reading passage, genetically modified trees are more hardier and more likely to survival than their unmodified counterparts. On the contrary, the professor says that the genetically modifications do not ensure the trees survive in the wild. Some trees may survive from some disasters, however, the genetically modified trees are too uniform to get through the disaster and more likely to die out.



The professor then oppose the view in the reading that the genetically trees will bring the farmer more economical benefits by stating that the company will charge more on the genetically tress' seeds than unmodified trees 's, even the farms cannot plant the seed freely after they collect them.



Finally, the professor points out that the genetically modified trees grow more aggressively than normal trees do, and take the nutrients and water away, making the unmodified trees out of competition. This fact disapproves the reading's idea that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.

qimaozi

楼主，由于我不太会用那个编辑的东东，所以就发附件给你了，见谅啊~

qimaozi

In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about（建议改成questioned ,be skeptical about 多用来形容人/物很多疑） the reasons offered by many critics about ethanol is not a good replacement for gasoline. The professor argues that the ethanol is a desirable replacement for gasoline.（两个一样的词建议把其中一个改为alternative）



In the reading passage（stated that） the increased  use of ethanol would not help to solve the global warming （problem）caused by gasoline use. On the contrary, the professor says （said）that the ethanol use would not all(add to )global warming, because the ethanol is made from plants ,such as corn. These plants can absorb the carbon dioxide as part of nutrition, and remove the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.

The professor then opposes the reading's idea that the production of significant amounts of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses, by stating that the production will not reduce the food available for animals. The ethanol is produced by using the cellulose, which is main component of plant's cell wall and （which）will not eaten by animals. Hence, the production will not reduce the amount of plants available for use.(楼主用词的重复率比较高，建议富有变化。)



Finally, the professor disapproves the reading's idea that ethanol will never be able to compete with gasoline on price. The professor points out that once enough people start buying ethanol, the ethanol producer will increase the production, then the increase of production will lead to a drop in price.
最后一段建议改为：
Finally, the professor discovers that once enough people start to buy ethanol, the producers would take this chance to increase the volume of production, which would lead to a drop in price then. This point disagrees with the statement demonstrated in the reading passage.

相关建议：
1.    楼主的用词重复比较高，托福的综合写作非常注重同义转换，建议用词能够富于变化。比如professor可以改成lecturer  speaker  talker ……
2.    在综合写作中比较重视听力的内容，而楼主每一个分论点的开头都是以阅读内容开头的， 这样会让批改的人产生歧义。建议楼主选择一个以听力内容为开头的的模板。

AnthonySummer

11.13独立写作Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?





Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?









The professor should spend more time doing research or they should spend more time educating students is a heated topic discussed by people. Various views are held by people are resulted from their different backgrounds and concerns. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that the professor should put the research in the first place. I will give several reason as follows.







To begin with, the professor can make more contribution to the society by doing research than by educating students. Nowadays, the society has encountered many difficulties, such as how to cure the cancer, how to slow down the process of global warming. The professor should take time to cope with these problems in the lab rather than in the classroom. If the professor makes some breakthrough on the research, it will make a difference to millions worldwide. (chinglish 老外看不懂。It will change millions of people's destiny.)







Further more, if a professor's research is successful, it may benefit the university and the students in two ways. First, the university will receive more grants and funding to continue （語病，讀了不通順）with further research. This money can be utilized to improve the facilities, benefiting the students who use these facilities. Secondly, recognition （這裡和後面什麽聯繫？看不懂）of the research will improve the reputation and standing of the university, and make students proud of their school's achievements.







Moreover, a professor who continues with his or research is more aware of recent developments and places （缺連係詞）themselves at the forefront of the field, making him or her a more knowledgeable teacher. The professor is also likely to be a more enthusiastic teacher because they will be excited about the new discoveries they are making and be eager to share this enthusiasm with the students they teach. （感覺每段句子都有語病：太長了，讀者太累，傷腦筋）







Admittedly, it is the professor's duty to educate students. However, it has been a trend that the students have a favor for learning by themselves rather than sitting in the classroom to listen to professors and make notes. The students usually come to ask for help from professors when they confront with academic problems. Hence, it also saves the professors a lot of time and they can devote themselves more into their researches.







All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that the professor should allowed to spend more time doing their researches.