坚持好好练习写作，热烈欢迎各位拍砖~

Yeeisstrong

一定要好好写

txwilliam

When we are discussing whether people aresupposed to work at home or to work in a company, many people hold fast totheir belief that people should work at home in a company. I am amazed when I hear people sayso, since my opinion is quite the opposite – people who work in a company arein a dominant position. There are several reasons following my point of view.

To begin with, there is no doubt that efficiencyplays a crucial role in the jobs. Company will support a proper schedule likethat fix work time and relax time for person so that they can finish jobs moreefficient. Furthermore, in the company leaders supervise your working conditionand colleagues push you make a great promotion. However, people who work athome have to take care of mass things, for instance, children always cry anddisturb workers, who have to put off their jobs are doing to look after children.In the end of the day, workers will find that they have do nothing just wastetime and inefficient through the precious day. How terrible life!



Besides, Good relationship is a factor in determining of people’s success. People who work in the company make friendseasily, such as colleagues and leaders. When you encounter some obctacles anddifficulties, you could ask for your colleagues’ ideas and listen to yourleaders’ views so that these difficulties are solved better. But if people staytheir department or house, they will meet a series of problems in the workindependently.

In the way, people usually won’t find a good wayto solve the difficulties they have met.





Last but not least, people who leave home to company will through stories, seebeautiful sky and breathe fresh air on the back and forth path. Peoplehave a good mood to enjoy their life and work and release their pressure.Moreover, if people walk to company every day, they will exercise and own astrong body. Just image what would be like that everyday people stays in homeand finish a large of jobs in the closed place, not only physical suffer fromdisease but also psychology will become depressed. Therefore, workers should goto company for their healthy.



Generally speaking, taking into account of allthese factors, I do strongly disagree that people work at home benefit to theirworking condition. But I protein that people work in the company which is thebest way of working to employees and employers.

文写的还是很好的，有一些小的细节，还要加油，逻辑很清晰，语言简练
三个点的承接和顺序到位，是一片很好的文章，语言地道

1369179610

When we are discussing whether people are supposed to work at home or to work in a company, many people hold fast to their belief that people should work in a company（at home）. I am amazed when I hear people say so, since my opinion is quite the opposite – people who work in a company are in a dominant position. There are several reasons following my point of view.（开头真的流畅啊~~~）



To begin with, there is no doubt that efficiency plays a crucial role in the jobs. Company will support a proper schedule like that fix work time and relax time for person（employees） so that they can finish jobs more efficiently. Furthermore, in the company leaders supervise your working condition and colleagues push you to make a great promotion. However, people who work at home have to take care of mass things, for instance, children always(may) cry suddenly and disturb workers, who have to put off their half-completed jobs are doing to look after children. In the end of the day, workers will find that they have done nothing just but waste time and behave inefficiently through the precious day. How terrible life!


Besides, Good relationship is a factor in determining of people’s success. People who work in the company make friends  such as colleagues and leaders. easily, When you encounter some obctacles and difficulties, you could ask for your colleagues’ ideas and listen to your leaders’ views so that these difficulties are solved better. But if people stay in their departments or houses, they will meet a series of problems in the while they are working independently.

In the way, people usually won’t find a good way to solve the difficulties they have met.





Last but not least, people who leave home to company will through stories, see beautiful sky and breathe fresh air on the back and forth path(很棒的观点啊~). People have a good mood to enjoy their life and work and release their pressure. Moreover, if people walk to company everyday, they will exercise and own a strong body. Just image what would be like that everyday people stays in（at） home and finish a large part of jobs（assignments） in the closed place, not only physical suffer from disease but also psychology will become depressed. Therefore, workers should go to company for their healthy.



Generally speaking, taking into account of all these factors, I do strongly disagree that people work at home benefit to their working condition. But I agree that people work in the company which is the best way of working to employees and employers.




写的很不错啊~加油~  可以请你也看看我的吗？

Yeeisstrong

18 December
Independent Writing: some people prefer to work at home while others would rather work in a company, which one would you like?



When we are discussing whether people are supposed to work at home or to work in a company, many people hold fast to their belief that people should work in a company. I am amazed when I hear people say so, since my opinion is quite the opposite – people who work in a company are in a dominant position. There are several reasons following my point of view.



To begin with, there is no doubt that efficiency plays a crucial role in the jobs. Company will support a proper schedule like that fix work time and relax time for person so that they can finish jobs more efficient. Furthermore, in the company leaders supervise your working condition and colleagues push you make a great promotion. However, people who work at home have to take care of mass things, for instance, children always cry and disturb workers, who have to put off their jobs are doing to look after children. In the end of the day, workers will find that they have do nothing just waste time and inefficient through the precious day. How terrible life!



Besides, Good relationship is a factor in determining of people’s success. People who work in the company make friends easily, such as colleagues and leaders. When you encounter some obctacles and difficulties, you could ask for your colleagues’ ideas and listen to your leaders’ views so that these difficulties are solved better. But if people stay their department or house, they will meet a series of problems in the work independently.

In the way, people usually won’t find a good way to solve the difficulties they have met.





Last but not least, people who leave home to company will through stories, see beautiful sky and breathe fresh air on the back and forth path. People have a good mood to enjoy their life and work and release their pressure. Moreover, if people walk to company everyday, they will exercise and own a strong body. Just image what would be like that everyday people stays in home and finish a large of jobs in the closed place, not only physical suffer from disease but also psychology will become depressed. Therefore, workers should go to company for their healthy.



Generally speaking, taking into account of all these factors, I do strongly disagree that people work at home benefit to their working condition. But I agree that people work in the company which is the best way of working to employees and employers.

Yeeisstrong

近几个小时太忙，有点事，昨天的作文我今天一定交和改完~不好意思

Yeeisstrong

conanwang 非常感谢改正我的句子，改的很好~

tengawaakito

17 December
Independent Writing: Sho
uld a work team listen to the advice of the members


When we are talking about whether a work team should listen to the advice of the other members, many people hold fast to belief that everyone is suppose to do things independently. I am amazed when I hear people say so, since I have a quite opposite view – a group have(has) to accept other members’ advices(复数的意思好像是通知）. There are several reasons following my point.



To begin with, leaders should accept their members’ opinions in a work team. When leaders who meet some question need to make a choice, the best way is that（to） ask their members’ ideas because members who have a variety of different experience（s） and intelligence always make a proper choose after their serious discussing. Furthermore, if team members take part in the decision(,很好的过渡,学习了！） they will have a sense of fulfillment and belonging. Take Steven Jobs for（as） a（an）example, he took over a nearly bankrupt Apple and then lead their team design the ipads（不用复数吧）and iphones just because he accepted proper ideas from members.



Besides, as members also have to listen to the advices of their leader. The process of almost people become a leader is full of masses of difficulties and rough experiences, thus leaders own more highlight（highlighted） personality and strong energy（这个词表示精力，感觉不好） than common members. In the way, team members should listen to their leader’s advice when leaders put some mistakes or shortcoming. One of most well know instances is Gorge Barton general（将军要放到名字前面） and his soldiers, his soldiers listen to Barton and strive to finish orders so that his army win a wide array of wars.



Last but not least, just image what it would be like if a work team members do jobs only rely on their own ideas and ignore their colleagues’ or leaders’ thinking, the result is a case fails, the terrible relationship exist in among members and even the company suffer bankrupt. Nevertheless, listening to each other is a cornerstone of a team work. We can observe easily in the modern society that the dominant philosophy is “team work or the spirit of cooperation”. Admittedly, no one can deny the important role team members accept advices each other plays in the daily life.



Generally speaking, taking into account of all factors, I do strongly disagree that members do not listen to their colleagues and leaders. Nevertheless, I assert that a team work or a team leader have to listen to the advice of members. In this way, team spirit will be made and team work（前面是将来时这里也要用将来时表示可能性） makes a good effect on the company or the group.



整体感觉不错，错误也很少，但是建议举例子要稍微详细一点会更有说服力

Yeeisstrong

17 December
Independent Writing: Sho
uld a work team listen to the advice of the members


When we are talking about whether a work team should listen to the advice of the other members, many people hold fast to belief that everyone is suppose to do things independently. I am amazed when I hear people say so, since I have a quite opposite view – a group have to accept other members’ advices. There are several reasons following my point.



To begin with, leaders should accept their members’ opinions in a work team. When leaders who meet some question need to make a choice, the best way is that ask their members’ ideas because members who have a variety of different experience and intelligence always make a proper choose after their serious discussing. Furthermore, if team members take part in the decision, they will have a sense of fulfillment and belonging. Take Steven Jobs for a example, he took over a nearly bankrupt Apple and then lead their team design the ipads and iphones just because he accepted proper ideas from members.



Besides, as members also have to listen to the advices of their leader. The process of almost people become a leader is full of masses of difficulties and rough experiences, thus leaders own more highlight personality and strong energy than common members. In the way, team members should listen to their leader’s advice when leaders put some mistakes or shortcoming. One of most well know instances is Gorge Barton general and his soldiers, his soldiers listen to Barton and strive to finish orders so that his army win a wide array of wars.



Last but not least, just image what it would be like if a work team members do jobs only rely on their own ideas and ignore their colleagues’ or leaders’ thinking, the result is a case fails, the terrible relationship exist in among members and even the company suffer bankrupt. Nevertheless, listening to each other is a cornerstone of a team work. We can observe easily in the modern society that the dominant philosophy is “team work or the spirit of cooperation”. Admittedly, no one can deny the important role team members accept advices each other plays in the daily life.



Generally speaking, taking into account of all factors, I do strongly disagree that members do not listen to their colleagues and leaders. Nevertheless, I assert that a team work or a team leader have to listen to the advice of members. In this way, team spirit will be made and team work makes a good effect on the company or the group.

conanwang

16 December
Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? The car (automobile) has had greatereffect on society than the airplane.



When we are talking about whether the automobile plays more significant rolethan airplane, many people hold fast to belief that the airplane is moreimportant in their life. I am amazed when I hear people say so, since myopinion is quite opposite – the automobile is more chief vehicle than airplane.There are several reasons following my view, for instance, the car is more economical,convenient and easy driving than airplane.（开头很好！）



To begin with, in the day and age, a large of people can afford a car, but fewpeople also have ability to purchase a （an）airplane. Moreover, there are a wide rangeof cars supporting to us, like different kinds of price, colors, place andfunctions.(观点很好，但似乎不够直接。) Common person will buy a car that they can afford it easy (easily) afterworking some （a few） years. However, there is no doubt that only some super rich men own aprivate airplane which needs increasing（increasingly） expensive oil. （这段不错，观点很好。）



Besides, infrastructure is a key factor in determining people usually useautomobile or plane. Nowadays, people drive their cars through a wide array ofroads and even（这里没有递进吧?） high speed roads to theirdestination quickly. More and more high-speed roads are free. Furthermore, thecars make use of much space to park. （本主题似乎表达得不够straightforward,你是想表达飞机比汽车更浪费停泊空间吧？）Shopping mall, supermarket and near the office have been built a large ofparking space. However, the airplane needs special space to stop such asairport or a big and wide space. The plane’s lines are fixed by country. Thus,the infrastructure of airplane is not perfect in present-day society.



Last but not least, there are （is） a definitelink between driving skill and both（用法可能不对） vehicle. It is obviously that driving cars are more easily than planes.（这样表达如何？ Cars can be drove easily, compared with planes.） Taking my friends for example, mostly my friends have passed the test aboutthe car, but no one people who near my side have got a license of airplane. Itis too hard and risk to people learn driving airplane in the sky. (是的，观点不错。)



Generally speaking, taking into account of all these factors, I do stronglydisagree that airplane has made a greater （此处不用比较级，似乎和你上文的意思相反。） effect on society than the car. Nevertheless, the car promotes thedevelopment of society and brings extra convenience for our life. Just imagewhat it would be like if the car disappears in our life, I believe thateveryone hardly accept the image.（结尾不错，但好像没有说明白你的倾向性。）

以下是我的对你句子的一些修改意见，时间仓促，写得不够好，你就随便看看吧。希望对有帮助：）



__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The car (automobile) has hadgreater effect on society than the airplane.
==>>The car (automobile) hashad greater effect on society than the airplane dose.

There are several reasonsfollowing my view, for instance, the car is more economical, convenient andeasy driving than airplane.
==>> There are manyreasons for my view, in particular when we live in an age when car is becoming moreeconomical, convenient and user-friendly than airplane is.

To begin with, in the day andage, a large of people can afford a car, but few people also have ability topurchase a airplane.
==To begin with, nowadays,plenty of people can afford a car, but few people are capable of buyingan airplane.

Moreover, there are a widerange of cars supporting to us, like different kinds of price, colors, placeand functions.
== >>moreover, wecan buy a car according to our own preferences, which include its price, color,space and functions because there are so many kinds of automobile for us tochoose in the well-developed car market.

Common person will buy a carthat they can afford it easy after working some years.
==>> Any common person are able to buy acar and they can afford it without any problem after working for just a fewyears.

However, there is no doubtthat only some super rich men own a private airplane which needs increasingexpensive oil.
==>> However,there is no doubt that only a few billionaires are wealth enough to buy aprivate airplane and they still have to tolerate soaring oil price.

Furthermore, the cars make useof much space to park. Shopping mall, supermarket and near the office have beenbuilt a large of parking space.
==>>Furthermore, ourcars can be parked easily, with a large of parking lots in differentareas ranging from shopping malls to our office.

However, the airplane needsspecial space to stop such as airport or a big and wide space.
==>>Hardly can we have anairport nearby because any airports require a particular place where jet planescan land and taxis onto an airstrip.

The plane's lines are fixed bycountry.
==>>The Airstrip alsoneed to be maintained by the government only, which will cost lots of money.


Last but not least, there area definite link between driving skill and both vehicle. It is obviously thatdriving cars are more easily than planes.
==>> Last but not least,the popularity of driving cars are linked to the fact that a mini cooper can bedriving easily, compared with a Boeing 737.

Taking my friends for example,mostly my friends have passed the test about the car, but no one people whonear my side have got a license of airplane.
==>> For example, mostof my friends have obtained the driving license but none of them intend ongetting a license of piloting airplane.

It is too hard and risk topeople learn driving airplane in the sky.
==>>iloting an airplanein the sky is highly risk, which is also too complicated to do.

Generally speaking, takinginto account of all these factors, I do strongly disagree that airplane hasmade a greater effect on society than the car.
==>> Generally speaking,taking into account of all these factors, I do strongly disagree that the airplanehas made a greater effect on society than the car do.

Nevertheless, the car promotesthe development of society and brings extra convenience for our life.
==>> Nevertheless,the car has promoted social development and leading us to a more convenientlife.

45573asdasd

同学，你为什么不给我改呢