ISSUE 4 ，求指点求拍，虽然不知道拍是啥意思

a3229543

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways
that no speaker or reformer ever could.
丑闻是有裨益的，因为它们让人们注意到一些问题，任何演说家和改
革家都无法做到的
Issue sketchlee
4
[Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or
disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be
sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could
be used to challenge your position.]

Nowadays there are a lot of scandals revealed by the media. What do you think when you see these scandals? Are the scandals useful to draw our attention on the problem? The speaker claims so , and he thinks that speakers and reformers can never do it in the same way. I concede that sometimes the scandals can let us realize the problem, while personally speaking ,I still think the scandals are always making negative effect on our lives.
Admittedly ,sometimes the scandals can reveal the real reason about some problems . Just like the scandal about the Chinese football , that a lot of the Verband officials participated in wagering ball , control the game , it really damage to the development of the Chinese football . After the scandal was exposal to the public , then the government punished these officials and help the Chinese football are on the track again , and nowadays the Chinese football has improved a lot . No one could deny that but for the scandal , we would not find out the problem about the Chinese football .
However , as a matter of fact that the scandals always spread more faster than the good news .Nowadays, as the mass media are really well-developed , the scandals can be spread very fast and these scandals usually are exaggerated by the media and then the scandals will make some negative effect . For example , the football player Giggs got into the sexual scandal last year . Before the exposure of the scandal , Giggs played the perfect football, and helped his team absolutely win all of the games . While the scandal made a very negative effect on Giggs , los of people blamed him and let his prestige down to the bottom then he could not concentrate on the game , and it also made the team lose some of the game which are never thought would lose . Personally speaking, Giggs just made the mistake as a man , while as a football player he was perfect . And I think we should pay our attention on their job rather than their private lives . All the above shows that the public focused too much attention on the scandal rather than their real achievement .
In addition , sometimes the “scandals” are not the real scandals . They are intentionally made by people to achieve their purpose. During the period of the election , competitors can make some feigned scandals to attack each other . And as is known to all , many stars usually intentionally make some scandals to let them be the center of the public discussion and then make them more famous . To this point , the scandals are “useful” but in a wrong way .
In sum , although sometimes the scandals can be useful to find out the problems , I still think that the scandals always make the negative impact on the public in most of the time . Because the scandals always mislead the public attention on a wrong part and people always cannot tell the truth of the scandals .
求指点，我这么写会不会被判雷同啊，然后我看有什么背景开头法，我这种算不算呢，这么用好吗，还有什么硬伤没了，再就是结尾一定求指点，感觉结尾不会写

a3229543

哦      我懂了     太谢谢你了竹林哥    我去好好研究研究

竹林中人

不是看套话，如果你不能看到范文的优点，又怎么知道自己的方向是正确的呢，我也经常看范文，因为看多了大家写的文章，自己的逻辑也会产生混乱，不知道到底怎么比较好，而范文是最好的评价标准。一篇范文，不在于看它的形式和语言，重在看他的思路和论述，比如第一段合适写些什么东西，该怎么组织，中间段落论点该怎么组织，论证有什么特点（比如说我感触最深的就是一定要具体，非常具体），然后语言的组织，结尾又可以怎么写。学习范文真心不是学习它的语言和形式，这些可以从很多地方学到，关键的还是如何做到analytical，critical，以及specific，这是作文的基本要求啊

a3229543

竹林哥   我还有11天就考了 ， 也不想高分3分就行 ， 我这么写能得上个3分不 ， 看OG上的文章吧 ， argument的套话不还是那些 ， 想有点自己的特色我也不知道怎么改好。。。     我只求3分。。。  上次2分这次特别害怕
Nowadays there are a lot of scandals revealed by the media. What do you think when you see these scandals? Are the scandals useful to draw our attention on the problem? The speaker claims so , and he thinks that speakers and reformers can never do it in the same way. I concede that sometimes the scandals can let us realize the problem, while personally speaking ,I still think the scandals are always making negative effect on our lives.
Admittedly , sometimes the scandals can be very useful . At ordinary times , some people let the scandals behind their back to make the illegal profit for themselves , so we cannot see the internal cause of a lot of the problems , however the exposal of the scandal will help us quickly realize the reason of these problems. Just like the scandal about the Chinese football , we are a big country with one billion three hundred million people , while our football is in a very low level and we did not know why .Now we can see that a lot of the Verband officials participated in wagering ball , controlled the game , these things really damage to the development of the Chinese football . After the scandal was exposal to the public , then the government punished these officials and help the Chinese football on the track again , and nowadays the Chinese football has improved a lot . No one could deny that but for the scandal , we would not find out the problem about the Chinese football .
However , as a matter of fact that the scandals always spread more faster than the good news .Nowadays, as the mass media are really well-developed , the scandals can be spread very fast and these scandals usually are exaggerated by the media and then the scandals will lead the public to pay too much attention on their private lives rather than their job . For example , the football player Giggs got into the sexual scandal last year . Before the exposure of the scandal , Giggs played the perfect football, and helped his team absolutely win all of the games . While the scandal made a very negative effect on Giggs , los of people blamed him and let his prestige down to the bottom then he could not concentrate on the game , and it also made the team lose some of the game which are never thought would lose . Personally speaking, Giggs just made the mistake as a man , while as a football player he was perfect . All the above shows that the public focused too much attention on the scandal rather than their real achievement .
In addition , sometimes the “scandals” are not the real scandals . Due to that people always cannot tell the truth of scandals . So scandals are intentionally made by people to achieve their purpose. During the period of the election , competitors can make some feigned scandals to attack each other . And as is known to all , many stars usually intentionally make some scandals to let them be the center of the public discussion and then make them more famous . To this point , the scandals are “useful” but in a wrong way .
In sum , although sometimes the scandals can be useful to find out the problems , I still think that the scandals always make the negative impact on the public . Because the scandals always mislead the public attention on a wrong part and they are always false , made by some people to earn their profit .

竹林中人

OK。
另外，建议可以多多揣摩下OG上的范文，每看一次我都感觉有新收获

a3229543

Admittedly , sometimes the scandals can be very useful . At ordinary times , some people let the scandals behind their back to make the illegal profit for themselves , so we cannot see the internal cause of a lot of the problems , however the exposal of the scandal will help us quickly realize the reason of these problems. Just like the scandal about the Chinese football , we are a big country with one billion three hundred million people , while our football is in a very low level and we did not know why .Now we can see that a lot of the Verband officials participated in wagering ball , controlled the game , these things really damage to the development of the Chinese football . After the scandal was exposal to the public , then the government punished these officials and help the Chinese football on the track again , and nowadays the Chinese football has improved a lot . No one could deny that but for the scandal , we would not find out the problem about the Chinese football .
竹林哥   那这回是不是就OK了呢 ， 以后分析这种东西是不是就是在例子之前要，说明一下这么做的过程，和这么做的原因，是不是把这两点点出来之后就可以开始举例了呢
我最想知道的就是这篇ISSUE的题目了说be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position。我这一段这么写是不是就符合要求了呢，
非常谢谢您的指点

竹林中人

例子中的那两句是不能算数的，因为你这仅是就例子而言的，前面的部分还不太充分吧，丑闻只是暴露了部分事实，怎么就可以看到平时看不到的reason呢

a3229543

Admittedly , sometimes the scandals can be very useful . At ordinary times , we cannot see the internal cause of a lot of the problems , however the exposal of the scandal will help us quickly realize the reason of these problems. Just like the scandal about the Chinese football , we are a big country with one billion three hundred million people , while our football is in a very low level and we did not know why .Now we can see that a lot of the Verband officials participated in wagering ball , controlled the game , these things really damage to the development of the Chinese football . After the scandal was exposal to the public , then the government punished these officials and help the Chinese football on the track again , and nowadays the Chinese football has improved a lot . No one could deny that but for the scandal , we would not find out the problem about the Chinese football .
竹林哥，我第一个加黑体的地方算不算有分析过程了，第二个黑体的地方会不会显得多余，还是无所谓能增加点字数，   我最想知道的就是这篇ISSUE的题目了说be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position。我这一段这么写是不是就符合要求了呢，
非常谢谢您的指点

竹林中人

没有多少深入的分析，更多的再阐述事实。比如丑闻的好处，它到底是怎么样产生好处的，这里面的那个推理过程需要分析出来，而不应只是用个例子就可以掩盖住必要的分析的。再就是例子是对自己论点辅助性的说明，而不能拿例子来做归纳得到自己的论点。

竹林中人

Just like the scandal about the Chinese football , that a lot of the Verband officials participated in wagering ball , control the game , it really damage to the development of the Chinese football这个句子中，ｃｏｎｔｒｏｌ　形式错误，另外ｉｔ不知道指代什么