给自己点动力,写作文！求各路大神犀利指导~\(≧▽≦)/~

winnie98

请大家狠拍！
请大神赐教。

作文写的慢，担心30min写不完



PS：虽然请求狠拍，也得看准了再拍，千万别乱拍...

winnie98

谢谢啦~我祈求25号的writing不要太难

lemonyhu

8.22独立:parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

When it comes to education, obviously parenting is the first education which everyone accepts since they were born. As the society develops staggeringly, whether parents should help children to do work or encourage children to do work independently becomes a controversial issue. Some people hold the viewpoint that parents should help their children to do work. Nevertheless, I personally believe that children should complete their work by themselves rather than by the parents’ assistant as the following aspects.

To start with, parenting plays a vital role in the children’s education, which means whether the way of parenting is correct decides the children’s future. Making children work independently can give optimistic influence（这个我也不确定，但是give…influence貌似不太对~ have？）on their future. Take my two classmates as an example. The first one, a bright and independent girl, has her own viewpoint regarding the future career and is hardly willing to accept her parents’ help to do internship. Because of her own clear aim, she makes(这个例子感觉过去时是不是会更清楚？过去有了很好的计划，然后得到了结果) a specific schedule to make unremitting efforts for the future goal and gradually decrease the distance between the goal and reality. However, another girl is entirely dependent on her parents. No matter what difficulty she encounters, she will always ask help from parents, even though the difficulty is actually not that harsh. Due to her reliance, she still has no specific goal for the future in the third-year of university. According to the comparison, it is apparent that a specific goal and great efforts are extremely significant on the way to achieve success. If children excessively rely on parents, it makes roughly impossible for them to be successful.

Furthermore, the capacity of independence is an indispensible part of success and it is exerting profound effect on the way we learn, work and live. A recent research conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that one of the most essential characters which the successful have（这部分是要用the successful 代表这群人？那后面是该用have还是has呢？） is the capacity of independence. That means this character is imperative for the young to make their way because of the high pressure of social work and intensive competition. Consequently, parents should cultivate children’s capacity of independence for suiting the social life.

Although it is undeniable that children need the correct help and conduction from parents in the childhood, parents are supposed to pay attention to encouraging children to accomplish work independently. After all, well customs are simply formed before people become adults.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that parents should choose the correct approach to educating children. Not only should children accept correct parenting, but also doing things independently is one of the most vital abilities children should learn.


winnie我好激动，好文章啊！句式多样，用词多样，除了一些小错误，灰常过瘾啊~~~~
学习了！！

winnie98

8.22综合：TPO_20

The lecture mainly points out about the forest fire which is great and creative, although it may bring about some cost. In contrast, according to the professor, this viewpoint is contradictory to the point in the reading passage that the forest fires caused three sorts of damage with the following reasons.

Firstly, the professor states that after the forest fires, the vegetation recovered quickly and replaced with new plants. Besides, new trees, which were recovered after the old ones were destroyed by the fire, could account for the new space to grow, where it was constituted by the small plants. However, this viewpoint is opposite with the statement in the passage that the fires caused tremendous damage to the trees and other vegetation in the Yellowstone.

Secondly, the professor argues against the opinion in the passage that forest fires destroyed the habitats of animals and food chairs. The professor claims that not only did the population of animals recover quickly, but also ideal habitats for animals are created. For instance, the rabbits, which some animals mainly depend on living are currently much stronger than they were ever before, on the grounds that these animals altered their food chairs.

Thirdly, the passage asserts that the Yellowstone lost the value as a tourist attraction and the local economy also impacts negatively. Nevertheless, the professor rebuts that the local economy was not adversely influenced by the fires, while the economy started increasing and attracted more tourists each year after the forest fires. Additionally, the rain fall is the main factor, which gives negative effect on the economy, rather than forest fires.

winnie98

8.22独立:parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

When it comes to education, obviously parenting is the first education which everyone accepts since they were born. As the society develops staggeringly, whether parents should help children to do work or encourage children to do work independently becomes a controversial issue. Some people hold the viewpoint that parent should help their children to do work. Nevertheless, I personally believe that children should complete their work by themselves rather than by the parents’ assistant as the following aspects.

To start with, parenting plays a vital role in the children’s education, which means whether the way of parenting is correct decides the children’s future. Making children work independently can give optimistic influence on their future. Take my two classmates as an example. The first one, a bright and independent girl, has her own viewpoint regarding the future career and is hardly willing to accept her parents help to do internship. Because of her own clear aim, she makes a specific schedule to make unremitting efforts for the future goal and gradually decrease the distance between the goal and reality. However, another girl is entirely dependent on her parents. No matter what difficulty she encounters, she will always ask help from parents, even though the difficulty is actually not that harsh. Due to her reliance, she still has no specific goal for the future in the third-year of university. According to the comparison, it is apparent that a specific goal and great efforts are extremely significant on the way to achieve success. If children excessively rely on parents, it makes roughly impossible for them to be successful.

Furthermore, the capacity of independence is an indispensible part of success and it is exerting profound effect on the way we learn, work and live. A recent research conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that one of the most essential characters which the successful have is the capacity of independence. That means this character is imperative for the young to make their way because of the high pressure of social work and intensive competition. Consequently, parents should cultivate children’s capacity of independence for suiting the social life.

Although it is undeniable that children need the correct help and conduction from parents in the childhood, parents are supposed to pay attention to encouraging children to accomplish work independently. After all, well customs are simply formed before people become adults.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that parents should choose the correct approach to educating children. Not only should children accept correct parenting, but also doing things independently is one of the most vital abilities children should learn.

lemonyhu

winnie！！我今天下午有点事儿，回来可能要晚上了，我一定回来就给你改~~所以不好意思让你稍等一下啊~~~怕你着急~~~~~

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

After you graduate from universities and have to be confronted with the future options, do you meet the dilemma that whether you should work in the hometown or move to a new city or country？Some people hold the viewpoint that it is not a suitable election（selection？） to move to a new place, due to the lost of old friends. However, I personally believe that moving to a new place may be a great opportunity for us to develop our career and should not be the reason that renders the lost of old friends, as the following aspects.

To start with, the career option is an indispensible part of our lives and it has been（is） exerting profound influence on the way we work and live. It is possible that we can obtain great opportunities to develop career and then attain self-actualization by hunting suitable jobs. Take my classmates as an example. Actually, he is a country boy. The economy of his hometown develops slowly, which means his hometown cannot offer a good chance for him to hunt a suitable job. Thus, he selected to work in Beijing after graduation, on the grounds that there is a so attractive job for him and he really had passion for it. Currently, he has been a manager of the department and often says to me that if he did not select this job, he might still earn little money and could not have satisfaction regarding the job. According to this example, it is apparent that moving to a new place is not a terrible thing, inversely it may bring us entirely new lives.

Furthermore, social lives virtually play a vital role in our common lives（这里可不可以换为daily work or study）, which have uniform influence on ourselves. (这句我觉得可以不要，直接下句就好做开头)Although moving to other places may make us meet old friends infrequently, we still keep connected through many advanced social equipments, such as cell phones, e-mails, social network and so on. We can chat with friends anywhere, provided that we are willing to contact with them. For instance, I have a good friend whose university is not in our hometown and then we have few opportunities to meet with each other until we take long-term holidays. In spite of this, we still keep our friendship. When one of us encounters some troubles, we will share troubles with each other and discuss how to address them on the Internet. Consequently, even though a person moves to a new city or even a new country, it does not mean he/she will lost the old friends.

However, it is undeniable that the long distance may have negative effect on the friendship, because they（they 换为friends，前面没有friends怎用代词额？） cannot assist each other directly when they are in troubles. Besides, they may have little time to connect with others, owing to the high pressure of jobs. In contrast,（这里和前面并不是很强烈的对比，in contrast，是不是太强烈的对比了） whether friendship can be kept well reply（rely） on what they think in their mind, rather than where they live. Thus, moving to other places is not the real reason concerning the lost of old friends.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that moving to a new city or even a new country is not the real reason which leads to the lost of old friends. In addition, moving may offer a new life for a person, because of the new career opportunities.



小处注意，然后把句子提炼下就好啦

winnie98

8.21独立：It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lost of old friends

After you graduate from universities and have to be confronted with the future options, do you meet the dilemma that whether you should work in the hometown or move to a new city or country？Some people hold the viewpoint that it is not a suitable election to move to a new place, due to the lost of old friends. However, I personally believe that moving to a new place may be a great opportunity for us to develop our career and should not be the reason that renders the lost of old friends, as the following aspects.

To start with, the career option is an indispensible part of our lives and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we work and live. It is possible that we can obtain great opportunities to develop career and then attain self-actualization by hunting suitable jobs. Take my classmates as an example. Actually, he is a country boy. The economy of his hometown develops slowly, which means his hometown cannot offer a good chance for him to hunt a suitable job. Thus, he selected to work in Beijing after graduation, on the grounds that there is a so attractive job for him and he really had passion for it. Currently, he has been a manager of the department and often says to me that if he did not select this job, he might still earn little money and could not have satisfaction regarding the job. According to this example, it is apparent that moving to a new place is not a terrible thing, inversely it may bring us entirely new lives.

Furthermore, social lives virtually play a vital role in our common lives, which have uniform influence on ourselves. Although moving to other places may make us meet old friends infrequently, we still keep connected through many advanced social equipments, such as cell phones, e-mails, social network and so on. We can chat with friends anywhere, provided that we are willing to contact with them. For instance, I have a good friend whose university is not in our hometown and then we have few opportunities to meet with each other until we take long-term holidays. In spite of this, we still keep our friendship. When one of us encounters some troubles, we will share troubles with each other and discuss how to address them on the Internet. Consequently, even though a person moves to a new city or even a new country, it does not mean he/she will lost the old friends.

However, it is undeniable that the long distance may have negative effect on the friendship, because they cannot assist each other directly when they are in troubles. Besides, they may have little time to connect with others, owing to the high pressure of jobs. In contrast, whether friendship can be kept well reply on what they think in their mind, rather than where they live. Thus, moving to other places is not the real reason concerning the lost of old friends.

Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that moving to a new city or even a new country is not the real reason which leads to the lost of old friends. In addition, moving may offer a new life for a person, because of the new career opportunities.

winnie98

8.21综合：TPO9这回计时写的，时间那个紧啊...

The lecture mainly points out that it is not truth regarding the saying that buzzing has generated a host of controversy and many critics would like to see it banned. However, according to the speaker, his viewpoint is contradictory to the points in the reading passage concerning the drawbacks of buzzing as the following aspects.

Firstly, the speaker argues against the viewpoint in the passage that with buzzing what consumers hear is paid adverting, which may give a person incorrect information about the buzzed product. The speaker claims that the buzzers are not like the advertisers. Actually, they just try to utilize the products, consider the products great and then will be hired by the companies of the products. Thus, they need not pretend consumers and will tell the truth about the products.

Secondly, the speaker states that consumers will ask a majority of questions regarding the products, such as the prices, services and how long the buzzers use the products. If the buzzers cannot well answer the questions, consumers will not purchase the products. Thus, this circumstance is opposite with the point in the passage that consumers listen to the endorsements less critically than buzzers should.

Thirdly, the passage asserts that buzzing is likely to have on social relationships, which is the worst harmful effect. In contrast, the speaker rebuts that if the products is bad and low-quality, it is impossible that the companies will sell this sort of products. Besides, the buzzers just attempt to utilize the products to open the information about the products for the consumers.

sherryzhangh

你的其他方面都很好, 长句如果没有把握的话,还是谨慎为妙,要不然意思表达得完全不对.  加油!!!