Vance童鞋的作业贴，求批改，求虐，求喷

Vance1991

TOPICo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.


Due to the development of science andtechnology, a great number of breakthroughs had been made to change the wholesociety even the progress of the human dramatically. For instance: the developmentof the internet enriches people’s life, the advent of the smart-phone improvesthe communication between people, the high speed transportation makes people’slives more convenient. From that perspective, some people may hold the viewthat the most important problems will be solved in our lifetime. However, in myeyes, I insist that there are still numerous of significant problems need to behandle and them will not be tackled in our lifetime. I will illustrate thereasons as following in this essay.

To begin with, as the technologydeveloping, it really solved a great number of problems which people sufferedfrom. Such as: the organic transplant saves numerous people’s lives. Nevertheless,while the technology settling old problems, new problems will come out and somemay even more severe than the previous ones. Take the nuclear energy as anexample: when people find out that nuclear energy can replace the nonrenewableenergy, such as, fossil oil, and coal. They are content with it and build nuclearpowers as possible as they can. But they ignore the problem about how tocontrol the nuclear energy appropriately. And this problem is becomingincreasingly severe nowadays. The leak of nuclear energy happened in Japan in2011 is a lesson. The nuclear power station exploded after the earthquake. Itcaused hundreds of people got infected and near twenty thousand of people haveto leave their home because of the radiation.

What’s more, technology innovations havetaken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. Wars, violence,and poverty are still with us. Take Syria as an example, there was a explosionhappened there several days ago. One of bodyguards exploded the bomb whichleaded the national defense administrator and several officials died in theincident. I believe technology cannot change the condition of humanity.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I hold the view that although the technology developed fast andthe society changed dramatically, still there are various important issuescannot be solved in our lifetime.

sherryzhangh

As therhythm of people’s lifestyle becoming increasingly rapid, some people come upwith the perspective that start two or more projects at the same time can savea lot of time. However, I am not in favor of that statement, believing finish inga project completely and then begin new one is better than working on two ormore missions simultaneously. Accomplishing tasks in turn can ensure thequality and is more efficient compared with the former one.

To beginwith, finishing projects one by one can ensure the quality of the work sincewhile you are dealing with one project all the time you can concentrate on itand make fewer mistakes. Take me as an example: when I was studying in seniorhigh school, once I was working on the math homework while listening to themusic, because it was extremely enjoyable. I was shaking my head and singingsongs when calculating the formula. Then, the next day my math teacher got madon me on account of the poor quality of the homework. Thereafter, I never doother affairs while I am doing my homework such as listening to the music,watching the television. It is obvious that paying attention on single projectcan guarantee better working quality than handling much multi-works at the same time.

What’smore, although several people insist that starting different projects all atonce can be more efficient, virtually it is proved less efficient especiallywhen those projects have no common relationship.(这个能这么说吗？ 感觉别扭，但是不知道怎么替换 maybe just use " no commons"）The reason is that people haveto refresh their minds when shifting between different missions, which willdeteriorate the working efficiency. I prepared the TOEFL and GRE test at thesame time, since I thought they were all English and it can save a large numberof energy. Nevertheless, facts proved that my idea was too young naïve too simple; as the TOEFL was emphasize yourEnglish level while the GRE test attached great importance on the logic andthoughts. I could not adapt to the reviewing method when preparing themsimultaneously. Ultimately consequently,I messed them up.

Granted,completing several projects together can increase efficiency to certainextents, for instance I will listen to English while walking to the classroom,people can wash vegetables while boiling the water. Nonetheless, when handlingimportant issues, I prefer to finish them successively.

Vance1991

TOPIC:it is better to finish a project completely and then begin a new one than work on two or more projects at the same time


As the rhythm of people’s lifestyle becomingincreasingly rapid, some people come up with the perspective that start two ormore projects at the same time can save a lot of time. However, I am not infavor of that statement, believing finishing a project completely and then begina new one is better than working on two or more missions simultaneously. Accomplishingtasks in turn can ensure the quality and is more efficient compared with theformer one.

To begin with, finishing projects one byone can ensure the quality of the work since while you are dealing with oneproject all the time you can concentrate on it and make fewer mistakes. Take meas an example: when I was studying in senior high school, once I was working onthe math homework while listening to the music, because it was extremely enjoyable.I was shaking my head and singing songs when calculating the formula. Then, thenext day my math teacher got mad on me on account of the poor quality of thehomework. Thereafter, I never do other affairs while I am doing my homeworksuch as listening to the music, watching the television. It is obvious that payingattention on single project can guarantee better working quality than handlingmuch work at the same time.

What’s more, although several people insistthat starting different projects all at once can be more efficient, virtuallyit is proved less efficient especially when those projects have no commonrelationship. The reason is that people have to refresh their minds when shiftingbetween different missions which will deteriorate the working efficiency. Iprepared the TOEFL and GRE test at the same time, since I thought they were allEnglish and it can save a large number of energy. Nevertheless, facts provedthat my idea was too young too simple, as the TOEFL was emphasize your Englishlevel while the GRE test attached great importance on the logic and thoughts. Icould not adapt to the reviewing method when preparing them simultaneously. Ultimately,I messed them up.

Granted, completing several projectstogether can increase efficiency to certain extents, for instance I will listento English while walking to the classroom, people can wash vegetables whileboiling the water. Nonetheless, when handling important issues, I prefer tofinish them successively.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe that accomplishing tasks in turn is better than finishthem as the same time.

acrophobiahy

红色是错误，黄色是好词

Recently, our government pays increasingly attention on thequality of education, since it is the fundament of the development of scienceand technology. In other words, only the education improved can the societyprogress. From this perspective, most people hold the view that universities should enhance theeducation quality through spending more money on salary of their professors. However, I am not in favor of that.Increasing the salarycannot improve the teaching abilities of teachers. Besides, on the contrary, there areother more efficientmeans to strengthenthe education, suchas controlling the members of students attending classes and improving the infrastructure of the university.

To begin with, raising the salary has nothing to do with the reinforcement of teaching abilities.It is apparent thatthe educationalquality is closely related to the educating abilities of professors. Whereas, boosting the salary ofthe professor exerts no influence over the improvement of the educating ability.Take one of my university professors as an example: Mr. Gaotaught us java, one computer programming language, last semester. Although,he has a high level of academic knowledge, he is not good at teaching, sincehe cannot explain problems explicitly to us. Once he was talking about theconcept of thread which means the independent fragment of one process, but he could notintroduce this concept clear to us. It took him nearly twenty minutes to explain this notion,nevertheless, none of us got the idea about what he was talking. Ultimately, hegave it up and required us learn on our own after class. It is conspicuous thatuniversities should train their professorsso as to improve thequality of education rather than simply spend more money on thesalary for professors.

What’s more, reducing the number of students of a class is more efficient to increase the educationalquality. Only in this waycan professors attach equal importance to every student and can studentscan concentrate on the class. It is prevalentthat students are required toattend several curriculums in which a large number of students take that course at the same time, forinstance, the advanced mathematics. At the first year in the university, the whole students of myschool approximately 150 studentswere required to attend the advanced mathematics in a large classroom. Once I was late to theclass and I sat in the back row of the classroom but I could not hear what theteacher talking about. It is obviousthat controlling the memberof students in class can definitely improve the quality of education.

Moreover, universities can take the advantage of the extra money to ameliorate the facilitiesin the campus in steadofspending on the teachers’ salary such as updating the computers in the library, providingnutritious food in the canteen, improving the living conditions in thedormitory. All these are aimed to create a convenient environmentfor students to study.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I believe that there are manyother efficient methods to improve the educational quality rather than simplyadding salary for professors.

很喜欢你的文章，结构很清晰，论证很清楚，还有许多漂亮的词汇～～
但是里面名词的单复数，还有些固定搭配需要注意哦～·

Vance1991

TOPIC:To improve the quality of education university should spend more money on salary for professor.


Recently, our government pays increasinglyattention on the quality of education, since it is the fundament of thedevelopment of science and technology. In other words, only the education improvedcan the society progress. From this perspective, most people hold the view thatuniversity should enhance the education quality through spending more money onsalary for its professors. However, I do not in favor of that. Increasing thesalary cannot improve the teaching abilities of teachers. Besides, on thecontrary, there are other more efficient means to strengthen the education,such as controlling the members of students attending classes and improving theinfrastructure of the university.

To begin with, raising the salary hasnothing to do with the reinforce of teaching abilities. It is apparent that theeducational quality is closely related to the educating abilities ofprofessors. Whereas, boosting the salary of the professor exerts no influenceover the improvement of the educating ability. Take one of my universityprofessor as an example: Mr. Gao taught us java, one computer programming language,last semester. Although, he has a high level of academic knowledge, he is notgood at teaching, since he cannot explain problems explicitly to us. Once hewas talking about the concept of thread which means the independent fragment ofone process but he could not introduce this concept clear to us. It took himnearly twenty minutes to explain this notion, nevertheless, none of us got theidea about what he was talking. Ultimately, he gave it up and required us learnon our own after class. It is conspicuous that universities should train theirprofessors so as to improving the quality of education rather than simplyspending more money on the salary for professors.

What’s more, reducing the number ofstudents of a class is more efficient to increasing the educational quality.Only in this way can professors attach equal importance to every student andstudents can concentrate on the class. It is prevalent that students are requiredto attend several curriculums in which a large number of students take thatcourse in the same time, for instance, the advanced mathematics. At the firstyear in the university, the whole students of my school approximately 150students were required to attend the advanced mathematics in a large classroom.Once I was late to the class and I sat in the back row of the classroom but I couldnot hear what the teacher talking about. It is obvious that controlling themember of students in class can definitely improve the quality of education.

Moreover, universities can take theadvantage of the extra money to ameliorate the facilities in the campus insteadof spending on the teachers’ salary such as updating the computers in thelibrary, providing nutritious food in the canteen, improving the livingconditions in the dormitory. All these are aimed to create a convenientenvironment for students to study.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe that there are many other efficient methods to improvethe educational quality rather than simply adding salary for professors.

qy111

加油！

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结或模板红色为错误



In the lecture, the professor makes several points about the accuracy of the memoir, written by Chevalier de Seingalt. The professor argues that the details of the memoir are pretty accurate overall. However, the reading professes that there are some doubts about the accuracy of the memoir proposed by some critics. The professor cast doubt on the reading with several points. 个人觉得用三个句子来表达显得过长，同时会有大量重复词汇出现不太好

The first point that the professor cast doubt on the reading is that borrowing money from a merchant cannot indicate Chevalier was poor. According to the professor, he was wealthy in deed. Notwithstanding, he had to sell his property to convert into money when he was run out of money. （是不是有点怪怪的，文章说的意思他又很多财产wealth，但是现金不多。肯能是notwithstanding的关系）As a result, he had to borrow money from others while waiting his money arrived. It differs from the reading, in that the reading states that if the Chevalier had really been very rich, he would not have to borrow money from a Swiss merchant.

Another point that the professor cast doubt on（这个词组出现多次了） the reading is that the content of the conversation between Chevalier and Voltaire is accurate. The professor claims that Chevalier would write down the content after the conversation with Voltaire every night immediately. Besides, some witnesses also confirmed that while Chevalier writing the memoir, he referred the notes frequently. However, the reading states that although it is true that Chevalier did have meet and conversation with Voltaire, the accuracy of the conversation was suspicious, because it was written many yeas afer the conversation happened. Critics believed that he could not remember specific phrases of the conversation.
具体的点应该没什么问题，但是太长了，文章是需要概括的，或者突出重点，这样写下去快赶上大作文了

Reading的材料要精简
Finally, the professor asserts that, on the contrary of the reading, there is evidence proving Chevalier was escaped from the ceiling of the cell rather than through bribing indirectly. In other words, the professor illustrates that there were a large number of people who had more powerful friends than Chevalier did. But they could not escape from the prison by bribing. Besides, an old document proved that the ceiling of his cell was repaired after he escaped from it. Therefore, all these factors indicated Chevalier was escaped by digging a hole on the ceiling. This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates that he claimed to have escaped through a hole in the ceiling is in order to make enjoyable reading. As a matter of fact, he escaped the jail by the means of bribing offered by his fiends.

这个后面的就可以不用写了



楼主的听力很好，问题是integrated competition 不需要写这么多的内容。。精简在精简200～250个足够

ykhjy

8月9日(综合)  修改~~
蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色我改的，绿色总结。
TPO:7
In the lecture, the professor makes severalpoints about whether wood companies in United States will apple【apply】 the eco-certification.The professor argues that there are good reasons for American wood companies to seek eco-certification eventually. However, the reading contends that it is impossiblefor these companies to adapt to the certification. The professor’s lecture castdoubt on the reading with several points.【还是那个问题，我觉得强调的应该是lecture的内容】

The first point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that customers do not treat all the advertisement thesame. According to the professor, consumers will treat the companies which make their products on their own and those independent agencies differently. As a result, they are more interested in the wood products which are certified by international reputed organizations. It differs from the reading, in that【可以这么用？】 the reading states that American consumers will not pay more attention to the eco-certification since they are exposed to too much advertisings and do not trust the claims inthese advertisements.

Another point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that 【这个句式和上面一段的一样，可以换一下】slight difference in price does not make a difference in consumer’s decisions. The professor claims that although American customers care a lot about the price, they will consider the value of protecting theenvironment if the difference of the price is subtle. However, the readingstates that to gain the eco-certification, the companies have to pay a largenumber of money to the eco-certification agency. Then, this additional costwill pass on to consumers. As a result, the price of the products will increaseand these companies will lose customers.

Finally, the professor asserts that, on thecontrary of the reading, wood companies in America should pay more attention tothe trend of the wood business internationally. In other words, it is a good chance to attract customers if the company has the eco-certification in orderto prevent foreign companies occupying the American market. This directlycontradicts what the reading passage indicates that there is no need for Americancompanies to pursuit the certification since they sell most products in theUnited States.【lz细节说的都挺好的，只是我觉得最好把重点移到lecture，比如第二段，可以先说reading，再说lecture反驳的地方，或者只用一句 it disputed about the....said in the reading passage.】

Vance1991

tpo:8


In the lecture, the professor makes severalpoints about the accuracy of the memoir, written by Chevalier de Seingalt. Theprofessor argues that the details of the memoir are pretty accurate overall.However, the reading professes that there are some doubts about the accuracy ofthe memoir proposed by some critics. The professor cast doubt on the readingwith several points.

The first point that the professor castdoubt on the reading is that borrowing money from a merchant cannot indicate Chevalierwas poor. According to the professor, he was wealthy in deed. Notwithstanding,he had to sell his property to convert into money when he was run out of money.As a result, he had to borrow money from others while waiting his moneyarrived. It differs from the reading, in that the reading states that if the Chevalierhad really been very rich, he would not have to borrow money from a Swissmerchant.

Another point that the professor cast doubton the reading is that the content of the conversation between Chevalier andVoltaire is accurate. The professor claims that Chevalier would write down thecontent after the conversation with Voltaire every night immediately. Besides,some witnesses also confirmed that while Chevalier writing the memoir, hereferred the notes frequently. However, the reading states that although it istrue that Chevalier did have meet and conversation with Voltaire, the accuracyof the conversation was suspicious, because it was written many yeas afer theconversation happened. Critics believed that he could not remember specificphrases of the conversation.

Finally, the professor asserts that, on thecontrary of the reading, there is evidence proving Chevalier was escaped fromthe ceiling of the cell rather than through bribing indirectly. In other words,the professor illustrates that there were a large number of people who had morepowerful friends than Chevalier did. But they could not escape from the prisonby bribing. Besides, an old document proved that the ceiling of his cell wasrepaired after he escaped from it. Therefore, all these factors indicated Chevalierwas escaped by digging a hole on the ceiling. This directly contradicts whatthe reading passage indicates that he claimed to have escaped through a hole inthe ceiling is in order to make enjoyable reading. As a matter of fact, heescaped the jail by the means of bribing offered by his fiends.

linwa小默

迟来的8.1 独立修改，再次抱歉，我没看见要给你改作文啊  原谅我吧！
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

When emergency problems occur, several people prefer to communicate with each other through e-mail or text message, since they can have enough time to organize their language. However, under such circumstances, I believe using telephone or voice-messaging is more convenient. It is better to use these methods to reduce the(这里应该不是特指吧) misunderstandings, get the feedback immediately and enhance the communication.(我觉得这边好像都不是特指吧，可以直接 get feedbacks immediately and enhance communication.)

虽然我也经常乱用the来修饰，但是不是特指的地方还是不用的好


To begin with, compared(你这句话的主语貌似是people，但是你想表达的意思应该语音信息比较与文本信息) with text message and e-mails, people can explain their perspectives more clearly to another(我说不上对不对哦，但是读起来怪怪，个人觉得要么explain their perspectives to another more clearly 或者就把to another省略) by using phone calls(这个说话怪怪的) and(or) voice-message while they are discussing problems. As a result, it can avoid misunderstandings. Take me as an example: last summer, I took an(删掉) internship in Microsoft in Shanghai. One day, Tony, my team leader, sent me an email to assign me a couple of(这个很少用来修饰work吧) work. However, the email was full of abbreviations and acronyms which confused me a lot because I was not familiar with them. And it is impossible to ask these acronyms one by one through the(删) email. Therefore, I made a phone call to ask my leader to clarify these words(这里用terms比较好，因为你要问的是术语不是单词).(有木有感觉少了连词，逻辑上很突兀) When you are discussing complex problems with another, it is convenient to use telephone or voice-messages. Because you can ask another immediately in order to dwindle misunderstandings(我觉得可以加一个at once 来表达立刻就能解决的感觉),when you encounter questions.

What’s more, using telephones and voice-messages you can get response as soon as possible and(but) you cannot enjoy such luxury while you employ text-message to communicate. The reason is that people will not(删) check their mail box every minute. And it is a common sense that the rings of text-message are quite shorter than the phone calls. As a result, people may often disregard the text-message especially when there(they?吧) are occupied. Take my friend Mark as an example: last weekend, he and I decided to watch a movie in the cinema of(in) my town. He asked me to send him a message before I departed home. And I did what he asked but he did not replied to me. I thought he had seen the message. I waited him in the cinema for a long time and eventually made a phone call to him. Afterward, he said that he did not notice the message. Nevertheless, such situations will(would) not occur if you make a phone call. Nearly all the people will abort their work in their hand to answer the calls.

Moreover, using voice-messages and phonecalls can improve the communication between people. People(They) can gain extra information on account of the talking manners, pronunciation and intonation during the talking session. For instance: A(a) loud and strong voice indicates(前面用and这里就用复数形式，要么前面改成or, 后面的demonstrates和states相同) that (the) person is impatient and rude; A(a) slow and soft voice, on the contrary, demonstrates the person is gentle; A(a) low and pausal voice states the person is helpless.
排比用的很好，但是要注意用and 或or时后面跟的动词形式

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I believe we should use the telephone or voice-messages to communicate especially when emergency and(or) controversial issues occur.
看了一些他人帮LZ改的文章也有这样的问题，就是很多地方不空格。。



第一次帮人改作文，有什么不妥的地方，欢迎告诉我 大家相互探讨进步！