Franchise 的写作贴 Practice. Practice. Practice

guoyang88

9月2日 西安。

大家共同提高！

shisuwang

9.29综合修改

The professor is skeptical about the idea in the reading passages（最好加上听力中的主要观点 比如， arguing that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is not the solution to the replacement of internal-combustion engine）. She lists three main ideas.

First of all, in the reading, it says(is said应该更好) that petroleum is a finite resource and will be used out. But for the hydrogen, it cannot easily be depleted. On the contrary, the professor argues that using hydrogen is not a practical solution. For the hydrogen is not easily available, because  it is very difficult to produce and store hydrogen. In addition, it needs a very cold situation which is not available for common use.

（本段听力与阅读的relationship出现差错了，听力中承认传统内燃机利用finite resources的事实，反驳的点在于hydrogen不易获得。所以即使要涉及阅读细节也要写...has plentiful resources...然后再根据听力内容进行反驳。）

Second, the professor refutes the claim in the reading that hydrogen-based fuel cells can solve pollution problems. She points out that producing hydrogen can cause more pollution, because people must get （consume应该更好） energy to create it. However, （此句是原因，逻辑词应为顺承。）the main source energy is from burning coal and oil which makes the pollution problems more serious. (可以改为： In other words, producing hydrogen by burning huge amount of coal and oil will make the pollution problems even worse.)

Finally, although（我觉得although用来连接听力跟阅读里的观点有些怪怪的， contradicting会更好些吧。）the passage suggests that fuel-cell engines can be economically competitive, the professor disagrees with this idea. She indicates that such an advantage is undermined by the fact that (我觉得这句relationship写的特别好 ：）)fuel-cell engines are extremely expensive to manufacture because they require the addition of platinum which is very rare and expensive material. Also, she says all the efforts to replace the platinum have been unsuccessful so far.

希望对你有用啦：）

guoyang88

9.29 综合 TPO9

The professor is skeptical about the idea in the reading passages. She lists three main ideas.

First of all, in the reading, it says that petroleum is a finite resource and will be used out. But for the hydrogen, it cannot easily be depleted. On the contrary, the professor argues that using hydrogen is not a practical solution. For the hydrogen is not available, because  it is very difficult to produce and store hydrogen. In addition, it needs a very cold situation which is not available for common use.

Second, the professor refutes the claim in the reading that hydrogen-based fuel cells can solve pollution problems. She points out that producing hydrogen can cause more pollution, because people must get energy to create it. However, the main source energy is from burning coal and oil which makes the pollution problems more serious.

Finally, although the passage suggests that fuel-cell engines can be economically competitive, the professor disagrees with this idea. She indicates that such an advantage is undermined by the fact that fuel-cell engines are extremely expensive to manufacture because they require the addition of platinum which is very rare and expensive material. Also, she says all the efforts to replace the platinum have been unsuccessful so far.

E月羽

9月11日独立呢？貌似我改你的

面具小姐

9.2 独立作文修改
红色为错误 绿色是建议
没改过几次作文，很多都是凭感觉改的，改错了不要介意哈，指出来共同进步哟~~


Peopleususally(usually) want to relax themselvesafter a whole day's hard work. Some of them prefer to watch a movie or read abook. While for others, they pursue their energy(这个好像有点怪额) and loose(loosen) themselves by doing physical exercise. For me,I prefer to do physical exercise.



First of all, onlywhen we are healthy we can feel peace and relax ourselves totally. For example,when we accidentally have a headache or catch a cold, it is nearly impossiblefor us to relax. What we worry about most is when can we (we can) be cured. Then the  we (may) feel nervous till we become healthy again (recover偶尔替换下healthy). In that way, doing exercise can gurantee (guarantee) our body health and offer that(指代好像不清楚。。换成us的话后面还要加冠词) oppoutunity(opportunity) to be totally relaxed . In sum, we canonly be truly relaxed afterdoing exercise when we are in good and healthy conditions.(after和when 我理解你的意思 但是我不理解这句子的意思。。。。还有 感觉good就够了 毕竟healthy出现太多次了。。)

(doing exercise 还可以用doing sports啊exercising啊之类的。。)



Moreover, doingexercise makes a contribution to help us refocus on our distracted minds, which in turn and makes us peaceful feel at ease and energetic. Take my experience for example.(句号或者分号)I usually go to playing basketball with my close friends. Assoon as I stand on the court, I feel not only excited but focused. Then I just put(fixed) my mind on the basketball while worring(worrying) about nothing. It is a significant way torelax for two reasons. Firstly, when I focus on the exercise, all my worries(这里用worry的话上面可以用concern) just slip away from my mind, thus (没主语。。可以选择不用thus改用which,或者用the basketball做主语, )makes me more proactive. Secondly, after doing exercise, I often will havea sound sleep. As a result, I feel relaxed next few days. (太多I开头了。。可以变换一下句式)
（还有。。我个人感觉这段话后面两个理由挺累赘的。。）


Granted, watching amovie or reading a book can bring us a lot of joy, but it is no better thandoing exercise when we are eager to feel relaxed. When we see a scary film atnight, most of us will be fearful. The tension, a feeling of worry and anxietywhich makes it difficult for us (makes us difficult) to relax, will dominate us. What's more, whenwe read a book such as DearJohn, the moving story can keep us emotional (处于某种情绪是in XXX emotion吧。。。) for a whole week.



In sum, doingexercise can be a better way to make people feel relaxed in different aspects. (in sum 用了两次 有很多同义词组；最后几个词让人感觉是这是开头不像结尾。。 a better way to relax people会不会好点。。)

guoyang88

9月2日 独立
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?

30min   354 words

People ususally want to relax themselves after a whole day's hard work. Some of them prefer to watch a movie or read a book. While for others, they pursue their energy and loose themselves by doing physical exercise. For me, I prefer to do physical exercise.



First of all, only when we are healthy we can feel peace and relax ourselves totally. For example, when we accidentally have a headache or catch a cold, it is nearly impossible for us to relax. What we worry about most is when can we be cured. Then the we feel nervous till we become healthy again. In that way, doing exercise can gurantee our body health and offer that oppoutunity to be totally relaxed. In sum, we can only be truly relaxed after doing exercise when we in good healthy conditions.



Moreover, doing exercise make a contribution to help us refocus our distracted minds, which in turn makes us peaceful and energetic. Take my experience for example, I usually go to play basketball with my close friends. As soon as I stand on the court, I feel not only excited but focused. Then I just put my mind on the basketball while worring about nothing. It is a significant way to relax for two reasons. Firstly, when I focus on the exercise, all my worries just slip away from my mind, thus make me more proactive. Secondly, after doing exercise, I often will have a sound sleep. As a result, I feel relaxed next few days.


Granted, watching a movie or reading a book can bring us a lot of joy, but it is no better than doing exercise when we are eager to feel relaxed. When we see a scary film at night, most of us will be fearful. The tension, a feeling of worry and anxiety which makes it difficult for us to relax, will dominate us. What's more, when we read a book such as Dear John, the moving story can keep us emotional a whole week.



In sum, doing exercise can be a better way to make people feel relaxed in different aspects.

guoyang88

9.2  综合 TPO7

The lecture and the reading passage give contradictory opinions on the topic of ecocertification, a form of accreditation conferred by an international agency in recognition of a company’s ecofriendly practices. The passage explains that it is not necessary for American wood companies to pursue ecocertification while the lecture provides several counterarguments to this view.

Firstly, the lecturer argues that the reading passage is too general in its statement that American consumers reject advertising completely. He asserts that Americans do not trust advertising claims for a product only when these claims are made by the company that sells the product. When a claim is made by an independent third party such as a wood certification company, he posits, consumers respond very positively with strong acceptance of the certified product.

Secondly,the lecturer also refutes the second point in the reading that the price-sensitive American consumers are more likely to choose cheap wood products without certification. The professor contends that certified wood is only slightly more expensive than uncertified wood, and therefore, he argues, consumers will tend to ignore the price difference and choose the eco-friendly product.

Finally, receiving eco-certification is, according to the professor, an important strategy used by American wood companies to ensure that their products can compete against ecocertified wood products imported into the domestic market from foreign countries. According to the reading, however, this strategy is unnecessary because American consumers are likely to be content with
domestically manufactured products, even if they are not ecocertified.

klllun

亲，我的作文写好咯滴哈，是在你上面那一楼，嘿嘿，自己小小修改了一下，把文章弄的花里胡哨的。不容易看哈。麻烦修改下咯
Inthe lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of reading passage thatless young people are reading literature-novels. The professor then givesreasons to prove that it is not only the readers' wrong.（言简意赅，读上去很是舒服啊）

First, in thereading passage, the passage means the decline has been especially sharp forliterature for the reason that nothing else provides the intellectualstimulation that literature does. On the contrary, the professor says that itis because the quality of literature of books has declines.

Second, the readingpassage describes that many people are more likely to do others things insteadof reading. However, professor asserts that culture has changed. There are moreaction people can directly do.（赶脚细节的内容还少了点哦，比如说是去看个电影听首好歌这样的东西）
Third, theprofessor disproves the reading's idea that so many talented writers lack anaudience. Because the professor points out that some of the modern literature are is difficult to be understood.In the past, the literature are of good quality also.（加一个thus读上去更有转折性） Itis not because there is no support.

听力要注意细节哦，加油啊！亲

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

With the continued (and continuing) improvement of science and technology, the quality of our lives have already improved . As far as I am concerned, I definitely agree with the statement that the most significant improvement have taken place for the reasons below.

First of all, because modern medical science has a great leap in development, people's lives can be guaranteed. People can also live a longer lifetime. For one thing, when people have a sickness, they can easily be cured by medicine and technology. The virus can be killed by antibiotic also. Take Penicillin for example, which is a drug that kills bacteria and is used to treat infections. It has saved millions of people's lives since invented. For another, the medical science make people aware that how to keep health, such as doing exercise regularly. People use these knowledge to prevent having diabetes. In sum, the medical science and technology not only improve the quality of people's lives, but their length(jiao的这个词不是很合适) also.

Second, the development of communication technology also plays an significant role in our modern lives. Granted, there is a huge improvement to be done. But for now, the most significant problem is solved. We can now communicate with our friends and family at any time. By using Internet and cellphone, the way we get useful information is not as hard as used to be. Moreover, with the invention of television and computer, people can utilize them for entertainment and business, thus the quality of people's lives have progresses prominently.

Last but not the least, transport is important since it enables trade between peoples, which in turn establishes civilizations. It also has made people's lives changed in a better way（change into better conditon?）. With vehicles such as cars and airplane, we can travel from one place to another place in a few hours. What's more, people also has went to space by aircraft and rockets. (Three Americans 嘿嘿) People have already went to the moon and came back safely. Now, to get to wherever we want is not that hard.

In sum, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place. We can enjoy the convenience and high quality lives now.

不错额

guoyang88

8.13 综合。

In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of reading passage that less young people are reading literature-novels. The professor then gives reasons to prove that it is not only the readers' wrong.

First, in the reading passage, the passage means the decline has been especially sharp for literature for the reason that nothing else provides the intellectual stimulation that literature does. On the contrary, the professor says that it is because the quality of literature of books has declines.

Second, the reading passage describes that many people are more likely to do others things instead of reading. However, professor asserts that culture has changed. There are more action people can directly do.

Third, the professor disproves the reading's idea that so many talented writers lack an audience. Because the professor points out that some of the modern literature are difficult to be understood. In the past, the literature are of good quality also. It is not because there is no support.