TPO14的作文 求点评

loveluyuanbai

这是TPO14的独立作文People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foriegn countries  请牛人点评下 马上要考试了 多多拍砖！！！感激不尽！！！




People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foriegn countries,this kind of statement arise somethoughts about our traveling habits.Which maybe otherwise depend on our social cultures and can be discussed case by case.



Firstly,people who usually work abroad and into foriegn culture may be likely to travel to other countries.Because in this case, the living condition and entertainment can be much closer to the foriegners and also can be much easier join in foriegn countries.Moreover,this kind of people can gain much more in the foriegn countries traveling.There is no doubt that people always like to watch American comedies don't want to go to the US and take a glance of the hollywood and see his or her most favorate actors.Generally speaking,people who are influenced more by foreign culture and society can benefits more from traveling abroad.If you choose to go abroad, you will have enormous options to pick,you can choose to different countries and can really enjoy the combination of all kinds of fabulous history sights and really can learn all kinds of languages.Hence,why not go abroad and see the different world?



Secondly,most of people especially for someone who only addicated to their own country and whoship their own culture,traveling abroad can't be a wonderful choice and shoule be abolished immediately.They must enjoy their own culture and admire their cluture .Also, someone would also state some reasons like traveling in their country can save a lot of money and can be spent in other areas.They can buy a lot of souvenirs and travel to more sights instead of paying much more in the transportation fees.May be this is a fair point.This kind of people can really gain more in their traveling.Hence, if you country is big enough, maybe travel inside can also be a good choice,there you can save a lot of money and do something else.


In conclusion,given this two points beside,therefore i think maybe there is nothing "benefit more" in this statement.Going abroad and just in your country can be both a benefitual option.

zyb227788

我刚才用“易改”过了一下你的文章，上面给出的句子结构的评分是Excellent，但是语法和单词错误有点多了，比如：foreign这个单词就错了好几次， 还有Maybe这种口语化的用法也出现在了作文中。建议你改文章前先用“易改”软件查一下基本错误，这个软件网上可以下的而且免费。

下面说下这个题目，简化来说就是A>B的形式，而你要论证的是A=B，也就是traveling in their own country和traveling to foriegn countries都有好处，谈不上谁比谁强。但是你的论证结构不够深入，没有展开，只是用两段分别说明了各自的优势，而且叙述的比较分散，各个段落也没有太明确的论述点。
接下来说结构，最好还是主体段分成三段，写两段支持再加一段让步会让文章更充实。
不过你的有些地方的用词和句法确实挺高级的，看得出你是在精心准备。加油！祝你成功。

loveluyuanbai

大家快来啊！！！