水极了的Hans开始写作文啦

hansxiao7

从今开始一天一篇，从水库向水杯前进！

janet311

你去了starwood么？

fairyfinger

确实不熟悉哈哈
感觉思维被题目局限了，继续努力ing～～～：）

hansxiao7

蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结

今天回来晚了Sorry！

7.30
Currently, the society is dramatically developing, so does the accumulation of problems. Under this condition, substantial amount of people argue that with so many problems, people in the modern world are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. I truly agree with that statement and here are my reasons.

To begin with, the development of society, especially modern technology, has contributed to the life of a quick rhythm. Obviously, signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Instant food, instant communication, faster transportation:all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, they have contributed to the more frantic and more rushed pace of human affairs. That also lead to the growing daily pressure.Therefore, just as the storm can ruin trees physically, so does daily pressure and quick life rhythm to people. Cardinal vascular diseases, coronary heart disease and categories of mental diseases have become extremely common for people, especially for people in developing countries. 这个specially in发展中国家想说明啥呢？是说发展中国家压力更大么还是？A case in the point is in 2005, nearly 50 people died in China when they were working just because of the enormous pressure from working place, family and society.Inevitably, people get less happy than in the past with large quantities of pressure and the rapid rhythm.
Hans我有点不是很明白，这个过劳死和生活快节奏有什么直接关系么？难道不是应该是过劳死和劳动量过大有关么@。@【所以这就是为什么我的思维被限制死了T T～～

Another equally important point is that people get less satisfied because of the proliferation of environmental pollution. Since people have burned fossil fuels for hundreds of years, environmental deterioration and misuse of unrewable resources have become very common. Those behaviors are particularly detrimental to the atmosphere. Subsequently, people in the modern world are more susceptible than people in the past. For instance, in China, some factories just dump their contaminated water with high proportion of metallic ions directly into the clean streams of river. With drinking that high concentration of such metallic ions as copper, people near that river are subject to large categories of cancers. From empirical evidence, most of the elder citizens in Changqing, a small village near a unknown polluted river, have died because of drinking that water. No wonder people can get less satisfied than ever before.
这个环境污染和rapid pace有神马关系呢。。。楼主好像没有点粗来???


Nevertheless, some people may insist that with the help of varied technology, people are now more comfortable. Consequently, people have become happier. In my opinion, the comfortable and convenient life have prevented people from developing into stronger and more independent individuals. People have become weaker and have less chance to develop. That is why people get satisfied.

To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with the high（higher，全都是比较） pressure, more pollution and less opportunities to evolve, people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.

总得来说语言和结构什么的都很好
可是我有个疑问的说。。。那个题目是有两部分的，而我感觉你主要是侧重在后半部了。前面貌似只稍微提了下？
这题出的不好= =+
楼主加油！^^

-- by 会员 fairyfinger (2012/7/31 22:35:02)

楼主果然不适合写这种题目啊。。。我这是两个论点，可能楼主看的比较急。。。1。节奏过快造成生活压力，让人生病，所以不快乐2.环境恶化让人也生病，所以不快乐。。。

fairyfinger

蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结

今天回来晚了Sorry！

7.30
Currently, the society is dramatically developing, so does the accumulation of problems. Under this condition, substantial amount of people argue that with so many problems, people in the modern world are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. I truly agree with that statement and here are my reasons.

To begin with, the development of society, especially modern technology, has contributed to the life of a quick rhythm. Obviously, signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Instant food, instant communication, faster transportation:all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, they have contributed to the more frantic and more rushed pace of human affairs. That also lead to the growing daily pressure.Therefore, just as the storm can ruin trees physically, so does daily pressure and quick life rhythm to people. Cardinal vascular diseases, coronary heart disease and categories of mental diseases have become extremely common for people, especially for people in developing countries. 这个specially in发展中国家想说明啥呢？是说发展中国家压力更大么还是？A case in the point is in 2005, nearly 50 people died in China when they were working just because of the enormous pressure from working place, family and society.Inevitably, people get less happy than in the past with large quantities of pressure and the rapid rhythm.
Hans我有点不是很明白，这个过劳死和生活快节奏有什么直接关系么？难道不是应该是过劳死和劳动量过大有关么@。@【所以这就是为什么我的思维被限制死了T T～～

Another equally important point is that people get less satisfied because of the proliferation of environmental pollution. Since people have burned fossil fuels for hundreds of years, environmental deterioration and misuse of unrewable resources have become very common. Those behaviors are particularly detrimental to the atmosphere. Subsequently, people in the modern world are more susceptible than people in the past. For instance, in China, some factories just dump their contaminated water with high proportion of metallic ions directly into the clean streams of river. With drinking that high concentration of such metallic ions as copper, people near that river are subject to large categories of cancers. From empirical evidence, most of the elder citizens in Changqing, a small village near a unknown polluted river, have died because of drinking that water. No wonder people can get less satisfied than ever before.
这个环境污染和rapid pace有神马关系呢。。。楼主好像没有点粗来???


Nevertheless, some people may insist that with the help of varied technology, people are now more comfortable. Consequently, people have become happier. In my opinion, the comfortable and convenient life have prevented people from developing into stronger and more independent individuals. People have become weaker and have less chance to develop. That is why people get satisfied.

To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with the high（higher，全都是比较） pressure, more pollution and less opportunities to evolve, people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.

总得来说语言和结构什么的都很好
可是我有个疑问的说。。。那个题目是有两部分的，而我感觉你主要是侧重在后半部了。前面貌似只稍微提了下？
这题出的不好= =+
楼主加油！^^

fairyfinger

蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结

7.29独立
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, bosses of companies are wondering how to get the most advantage of their investment and then get success. Substantial amount of people argue that the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work skills of its employees. I truly agree with that argument and here are my reasons.

To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that with the investment to improve their employees' skills, companies can put themselves in an exceptionally beneficial place in the market. The more skills their employees get, the more efficiency can they acquire. However, if they are not willing to do, they will pay the exorbitant price. Signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, especially for some specific careers, have changed the way they work. Providing that when the personal computers ushered (in) the electronic era but companies just get rid of them, it is incontrovertible that they will be abandoned by trends. A case in the point is a architecture company in Harbin, China. In 1998, computers had wide spreaded in China. However, the company still used paper and pencil, rather than categories of softwares such as CAD to draw the design paper. That made them have less and less benefits because of less efficiency. Subsequently, it finally bankrupted in 1999, leaving large quantities of debts. That is why I get the conclusion (come to the conclusion会不会顺一点?? )that investing money to improve employees' skills is a vitally integral part of companies' success.

Another equally important point is that the investment to improve skills can not merely contribute to employees' loyalty, but also help to improve their interpersonal relationship. Because employees should gather together to acquire knowledge with such investment, it is enormously gratifying when they have a sense of accomplishment from achieving arduous goals and a feeling of closeness between colleagues. A case in the point is(这个句式上面也用到了，可以考虑换一种） when I was a sophomore, I joined a surveying team(survey team就可以啦) in Jinan. Before working, the company used a large number of money to help us improve our skills. During that learning period, I got acquaintance with many friends, and all of my colleagues knew more about each other. Consequently, they felt the company became a family, and hardly could they leave their colleagues. No wonder the investment to improve employees' skills is particularly significant.

Judging from the evidence above,, with the benefits to become more competitive and make employees more loyal, obviously, spending money to improve the skills of employees is most essential to companies.

楼主的用词很多样化很好，有很多好的短语。
就是有时候句式会重复，可能自己写的时候不太注意，LZ在检查的时候可以试着变换句型～～
词汇语言结构举例什么的都很好的～～LZ加油！！：）

hansxiao7

7.30
Currently, the society is dramatically developing, so does the accumulation of problems. Under this condition, substantial amount of people argue that with so many problems, people in the modern world are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. I truly agree with that statement and here are my reasons.

To begin with, the development of society, especially modern technology, has contributed to the life of a quick rhythm. Obviously, signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Instant food, instant communication, faster transportation:all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, they have contributed to the more frantic and more rushed pace of human affairs. That also lead to the growing daily pressure.Therefore, just as the storm can ruin trees physically, so does daily pressure and quick life rhythm to people. Cardinal vascular diseases, coronary heart disease and categories of mental diseases have become extremely common for people, especially for people in developing countries. A case in the point is in 2005, nearly 50 people died in China when they were working just because of the enormous pressure from working place, family and society.Inevitably, people get less happy than in the past with large quantities of pressure and the rapid rhythm.

Another equally important point is that people get less satisfied because the proliferation of environmental pollution. Since people have burned fossil fuels for hundreds of years, environmental deterioration and misuse of unrewable resources have become very common. Those behaviors are particularly detrimental to the atmosphere. Subsequently, people in the modern world are more susceptible than people in the past. For instance, in China, some factories just dump their contaminated water with high proportion of metallic ions directly into the clean streams of river. With drinking that high concentration of such metallic ions as copper, people near that river are subject to large categories of cancers. From empirical evidence, most of the elder citizens in Changqing, a small village near a unknown polluted river, have died because of drinking that water. No wonder people can get less satisfied than ever before.

Nevertheless, some people may insist that with the help of varied technology, people are now more comfortable. Consequently, people have become happier. In my opinion, the comfortable and convenient life have prevented people from developing into stronger and more independent individuals. People have become weaker and have less chance to develop. That is why people get satisfied.

To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with the high pressure, more pollution and less opportunities to evolve, people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.

hansxiao7

蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误 高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
7.28
Signed by rapid change and progression, clothes, which has stepped into era oftremendous maturity and versatility,is reshaping our lives and world dramatically. At the same time, substantialpeople argue that we can use the way people dressed as an accurate indicator oftheir personality. However, on the contrary to that opinion (水巷建议去掉，另外，however 和on the contrary 是不是有点儿重复), my heartfeltagreement is that hardlycan we recognize a person's characteristic only by his dressing. Hereare my reasons.

To begin with, for lots of people, especially those who have specific careers,they should dress the identical uniform. If they do not wear uniforms, thatwill lead to grievous （额 水巷查了下这个单词，是痛苦的意思，这个用在这里好像不太合适，最起码有点儿过了） misjudgments. For instance, if employees are notwilling to dress their working uniforms, they will inevitably get punishmentfrom their bosses and superintendents,even be finally fired; if soldiers do not wear the army clothes, they will beregarded as showing no respect to his glory; if students are not capable ofwearing their school uniforms, they can be ordered to quit school in China.Those uniformsshows （show）specific careers instead of characteristics. Subsequently, we can scarcely judge theirpersonality just from the way they dressed.

In addition, the popularity of a categories of clothes can render people dressthe same. Not merely adolescents but also adults, who are enthusiastic aboutfollowing trends, are willing to dress the most prevalent clothes. For them （for sb 的形式出现过了，想想换个什么好，其实水巷觉得直接去掉就OK的）, styles, materials and even colors are the same. A case in thepoint is in China, 1990, when Japanese styles became extremely popular in bothcities and suburbs. Obviously, because the way they dressed are （is） particularly identical, how can we judge theirpersonality? That is why I get the conclusion that we cannot use the way peopledresses as indicators to their characters.

Another equally importantpoint is that with the limitation of people's economic situation and thesocial stability, people sometimes just use clothes as a method to keep awayfrom coldness. When millions of people have (live) miserablelife, how can they care aboutclothes which can help them show personality? (因为上段已经用过了，而且句中出现两个can。所以水巷建议直接用陈述句就可以，they pay no attention to dressing up to show their personalities仅供参考) It isincontrovertible in ancient China, especially in Qing dynasty. （待斟酌）Fire and sword werethe rhyme of society, and people were struggling to get access to indispensablenecessities. That is even same in some countries in Africa. They just use poorclothes to cover their body, with no style. No wonder for those people the waythey dress (dressed) cannot show their characteristic.

To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with (换成in view of 会不会好一点) large quantities ofconstraints and people's desire to follow trends, we cannot use what and howthey dress as a （an）indication of their character.

To  hans:
1.词汇灰常灰常丰富啊！好多单词水巷都要用到有道的。学到不少。
2. 有个问题就是hans好像比较喜欢一个句型句式反复用，比如it is incontrovertible 比如how can….

-- by 会员 易雨水巷 (2012/7/29 16:04:05)

GRIEVOUS还有个意思是极其严重的。。。有的时候瞬间脑残忘了之前写过什么。。。所以就会有重复句型的出现。。。悲了个剧

易雨水巷

蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误 高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
7.28
Signed by rapid change and progression, clothes, which has stepped into era oftremendous maturity and versatility,is reshaping our lives and world dramatically. At the same time, substantialpeople argue that we can use the way people dressed as an accurate indicator oftheir personality. However, on the contrary to that opinion (水巷建议去掉，另外，however 和on the contrary 是不是有点儿重复), my heartfeltagreement is that hardlycan we recognize a person's characteristic only by his dressing. Hereare my reasons.

To begin with, for lots of people, especially those who have specific careers,they should dress the identical uniform. If they do not wear uniforms, thatwill lead to grievous （额 水巷查了下这个单词，是痛苦的意思，这个用在这里好像不太合适，最起码有点儿过了） misjudgments. For instance, if employees are notwilling to dress their working uniforms, they will inevitably get punishmentfrom their bosses and superintendents,even be finally fired; if soldiers do not wear the army clothes, they will beregarded as showing no respect to his glory; if students are not capable ofwearing their school uniforms, they can be ordered to quit school in China.Those uniformsshows （show）specific careers instead of characteristics. Subsequently, we can scarcely judge theirpersonality just from the way they dressed.

In addition, the popularity of a categories of clothes can render people dressthe same. Not merely adolescents but also adults, who are enthusiastic aboutfollowing trends, are willing to dress the most prevalent clothes. For them （for sb 的形式出现过了，想想换个什么好，其实水巷觉得直接去掉就OK的）, styles, materials and even colors are the same. A case in thepoint is in China, 1990, when Japanese styles became extremely popular in bothcities and suburbs. Obviously, because the way they dressed are （is） particularly identical, how can we judge theirpersonality? That is why I get the conclusion that we cannot use the way peopledresses as indicators to their characters.

Another equally importantpoint is that with the limitation of people's economic situation and thesocial stability, people sometimes just use clothes as a method to keep awayfrom coldness. When millions of people have (live) miserablelife, how can they care aboutclothes which can help them show personality? (因为上段已经用过了，而且句中出现两个can。所以水巷建议直接用陈述句就可以，they pay no attention to dressing up to show their personalities仅供参考) It isincontrovertible in ancient China, especially in Qing dynasty. （待斟酌）Fire and sword werethe rhyme of society, and people were struggling to get access to indispensablenecessities. That is even same in some countries in Africa. They just use poorclothes to cover their body, with no style. No wonder for those people the waythey dress (dressed) cannot show their characteristic.

To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with (换成in view of 会不会好一点) large quantities ofconstraints and people's desire to follow trends, we cannot use what and howthey dress as a （an）indication of their character.

To  hans:
1.词汇灰常灰常丰富啊！好多单词水巷都要用到有道的。学到不少。
2. 有个问题就是hans好像比较喜欢一个句型句式反复用，比如it is incontrovertible 比如how can….

hansxiao7

7.29独立
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, bosses of companies are wondering how to get the most advantage of their investment and then get success. Substantial amount of people argue that the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work skills of its employees. I truly agree with that argument and here are my reasons.

To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that with the investment to improve their employees' skills, companies can put themselves in an exceptionally beneficial place in the market. The more skills their employees get, the more efficiency can they acquire. However, if they are not willing to do, they will pay the exorbitant price. Signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, especially for some specific careers, have changed the way they work. Providing that when the personal computers ushered the electronic era but companies just get rid of them, it is incontrovertible that they will be abandoned by trends. A case in the point is a architecture company in Harbin, China. In 1998, computers had wide spreaded in China. However, the company still used paper and pencil, rather than categories of softwares such as CAD to draw the design paper. That made them have less and less benefits because of less efficiency. Subsequently, it finally bankrupted in 1999, leaving large quantities of debts. That is why I get the conclusion that investing money to improve employees' skills is a vitally integral part of companies' success.

Another equally important point is that the investment to improve skills can not merely contribute to employees' loyalty, but also help to improve their interpersonal relationship. Because employees should gather together to acquire knowledge with such investment, it is enormously gratifying when they have a sense of accomplishment from achieving arduous goals and a feeling of closeness between colleagues. A case in the point is when I was a sophomore, I joined a surveying team in Jinan. Before working, the company used a large number of money to help us improve our skills. During that learning period, I got acquaintance with many friends, and all of my colleagues knew more about each other. Consequently, they felt the company became a family, and hardly could they leave their colleagues. No wonder the investment to improve employees' skills is particularly significant.

Judging from the evidence above,, with the benefits to become more competitive and make employees more loyal, obviously, spending money to improve the skills of employees is most essential to companies.

hansxiao7

7.28
Signed by rapid change and progression, clothes, which has stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, is reshaping our lives and world dramatically. At the same time, substantial people argue that we can use the way people dressed as an accurate indicator of their personality. However, on the contrary to that opinion, my heartfelt agreement is that hardly can we recognize a person's characteristic only by his dressing. Here are my reasons.

To begin with, for lots of people, especially those who have specific careers, they should dress the identical uniform. If they do not wear uniforms, that will lead to grievous misjudgments. For instance, if employees are not willing to dress their working uniforms, they will inevitably get punishment from their bosses and superintendents, even be finally fired; if soldiers do not wear the army clothes, they will be regarded as showing no respect to his glory; if students are not capable of wearing their school uniforms, they can be ordered to quit school in China. Those uniforms shows specific careers instead of characteristics. Subsequently, we can scarcely judge their personality just from the way they dressed.

In addition, the popularity of a categories of clothes can render people dress the same. Not merely adolescents but also adults, who are enthusiastic about following trends, are willing to dress the most prevalent clothes. For them, styles,materials and even colors are the same. A case in the point is in China, 1990, when Japanese styles became extremely popular in both cities and suburbs. Obviously, because the way they dressed are particularly identical, how can we judge their personality? That is why I get the conclusion that we cannot use the way people dresses as indicators to their characters.

Another equally important point is that with the limitation of people's economic situation and the social stability, people sometimes just use clothes as a method to keep away from coldness. When millions of people have miserable life, how can they care about clothes which can help them show personality? It is incontrovertible in ancient China, especially in Qing dynasty. Fire and sword were the rhyme of society, and people were struggling to get access to indispensable necessities. That is even same in some countries in Africa. They just use poor clothes to cover their body, with no style. No wonder for those people the way they dress cannot show their characteristic.

To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with large quantities of constraints and people's desire to follow trends, we cannot use what and how  they dress as a indication of their character.