【写作小分队】:5月20日初试伤不起啊~~叩谢各位前来拍砖~~

lucystar2012

5月5日10.12.3 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

In current society, how to educate children becomes the hot focus among most of parents. Some parents care about their children so much that the children are spoiled. Instead, if parents spare more free space for their children and let them develop on their own, the result can be more effective to cultivate children's personality and to advance their ability.

Children, in fact, need parents help during their growth. But the process of growth also depends on themselves. In most situation, parents should not take place of them. For example, how to dress cloths is the basic ability for everyone. Parents should teach them how to put on their cloths instead of dress them up directly even when they can finish independently. So it is important for children to acquire the basic living ability by letting them try every trial things in the daily life.

Also, the degree of independence of children determines their creative thought which will provide them with more opportunities for designing their hobbies and career than parents' help can offer. After all, their lives belong to themselves, it is necessary for them to think about their ways of life over and over in accordance with their willings, but not according to their parents' arrangement. For example, Bill Gates gives up his college and decides to inaugurate his favorite thing, finally, he establishes his own company and succeeds.
And this sense of  happiness made by themselve is the most precious in their life.
Parents will be unable to attend their children if they are old. Parents should live a happy life without the burden of their children at the old age. As children grow up, they can help their parents with some housework and learn how to gratitude for their mother and father. In their own engagement into these things, they not only accumulate much experience, but also improve their moral sense.

Parents are the first role for us to open a window  to a new world. But children are the subject to embrace and to enjoy this colorful world. So I strongly believe parents need to encourage their children to experience their life on their own.

5.5 TPO6

In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of traditional encyclopedias have more value than online encyclopedias. The professor argues that not everything is perfect, and online encyclopedia makes more contribution compared with its problems.

In the reading passage, online encyclopedia often makes some academic mistakes. On the contrary, the professor says printed encyclopedias have made many errors that can't easily correct but remain eternally, which is different from the easy access to correct errors equipped within online encyclopedia.

The professor then opposes reading's idea that online encyclopedia giveseveryone opportunity to change the information at random by stating two approaches are used to solve the malicious change problem: one is to put crucial articles into the part that no one can revise, the other is to arrange the professional editor to monitor every change and to delete malicious change.

Finally, the professor disapproves the reading's idea that the information communal encyclopedias offers is too massive to show what's important. The professor points out the communal encyclopedias can reflect the most popular interest among the diversity of people's concernings. Thus, the communal encyclopedias stand at more broader station than traditional ones.

sang824

Actually, we have experienced a big change around the world,  therefore, the principle of the world also get altered, and some conclude that the advice from elders like our grandparents cannot fit this world very well, we don't need to listen to them.(这个句号前面好多分句，建议分开写吧。。) But from my perspective, I still tend to listen to them regardless how different the outside world it is. My statement can be proved as follows.

Firstly, grandparents have abundant experiences during their whole lives. The reason that they tell their stories and some advice to us just stems from their real concern about ourselves. They know what should do and what need to avoid by describing some lively life stories, which are not like some philosophical ideas abstract, but specific and comprehensive for us(不是很明白..). However(感觉没有转折意味), their contents of advice carry on the eternal principle just like philosophical ideas, such as love, justice ,freedom and so on, they are still beneficial for us, not only in our knowledge, but also in our personality. For example, when I get failed in an exam, my grandmother told me about her struggle for college, during which she overcame the suffering of hunger, separation with her family. Finally, she got her goal, she made a success (and succeed). Later, I thought of this story, I understood what my grandmother wanted to tell me, that is the persistence(分句没有连接词.建议换成主从 When I thought of this story, I understood what my grandmother wanted to tell me, that is persistence). And I keep this precious thought in my mind and never forget, especially confronting some obstacles.

Secondly, the advice from grandparents doesn't really contradict this changeable world. What's the real change happens, I think, is the technique. And the advice of technique may cannot(删一个吧) get from our parents, even cannot from our peers, but need to search help for the professional. So the criteria of judging this kind of advice is just decided by the professional. But the function of every theoretical principles, we need to resort to experience, and the best way to get this experience is to listening to our grandparents. Admittedly, they cannot give the deep investigation about one thing, but they can give you a general description about what it is like, and you can get the right direction to start a new thing, avoiding going to the opposite.

In a word, the importance of grandparents' advice can never be exaggerated too much. As a youngster, we are too immature, listening to our elders can gives us a broaden horizon about this world, which provides opportunity for us to understand this world in a historical stance.

注意句子间的联词，及时断句

lucystar2012

5月18日 2010.10.22 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since the world has changed so much in the past fifty years, advice our grandparents can give us is not useful.




Actually, we have experienced a big change around the world,  therefore, the principle of the world also get altered, and some conclude that the advice from elders like our grandparents cannot fit this world very well, we don't need to listen to them. But from my perspective, I still tend to listen to them regardless how different the outside world it is. My statement can be proved as follows.

Firstly, grandparents have abundant experiences during their whole lives. The reason that they tell their stories and some advice to us just stems from their real concern about ourselves. They know what should do and what need to avoid by describing some lively life stories, which are not like some philosophical ideas abstract, but specific and comprehensive for us. However, their contents of advice carry on the eternal principle just like philosophical ideas, such as love, justice ,freedom and so on, they are still beneficial for us, not only in our knowledge, but also in our personality. For example, when I get failed in an exam, my grandmother told me about her struggle for college, during which she overcame the suffering of hunger, separation with her family. Finally, she got her goal, she made a success. Later, I thought of this story, I understood what my grandmother wanted to tell me, that is the persistence. And I keep this precious thought in my mind and never forget, especially confronting some obstacles.

Secondly, the advice from grandparents doesn't really contradict this changeable world. What's the real change happens, I think, is the technique. And the advice of technique may cannot get from our parents, even cannot from our peers, but need to search help for the professional. So the criteria of judging this kind of advice is just decided by the professional. But the function of every theoretical principles, we need to resort to experience, and the best way to get this experience is to listening to our grandparents. Admittedly, they cannot give the deep investigation about one thing, but they can give you a general description about what it is like, and you can get the right direction to start a new thing, avoiding going to the opposite.

In a word, the importance of grandparents' advice can never be exaggerated too much. As a youngster, we are too immature, listening to our elders can gives us a broaden horizon about this world, which provides opportunity for us to understand this world in a historical stance.

sang824

As society becomes more and more competitive, the pace of life has been much faster than before. And there are a lot of people ignoringignore the basic polite behavior just holding the reason that they are too busy to care about these trivial things. However, from my perspective, I oppose that view and believe that we should stick to being polite no matter how  world outside has changed.

Have you ever been knocked down by others but people who even didn't say "I'm sorry"? Anyone who meets this kind of rude people can't bear for their humiliating attitude. Have you ever met this situation that people cut in the line without any guilty? If I meet this people, I will feel that they are so impolite to everyone. Furthermore, those behaviors above, on the one hand, can reflect that people are immoral,which actually harm their reputation, (这个句子有点混乱，从句套从句的，不如直接 can reflect immoral people and harm their reputation.)on the other hand, will do deep great harm to people and a increasing number of people will become more and more indifferent to deal with people's relationship(建议改成：As a result, a increasing number of people will become more and more indifferent and it is difficult to deal with relationship.). The result is that In this way,everyone is trapped into his/her self circle, compelling others.

Being polite to others can bring about much popularity for yourselves. For example, when you work in a company(不是个完整句子). You should learn how to socialize with others and make friends with others. And(联词连接句子) if you want to get others' belief , the basic line is to be polite to them, showing your respect. Especially to your boss(这里不要断句的好吧), your polite behavior will make him appreciate for you. Besides, your colleagues can feel more closed to you. As long as you are polite, I think(太口语化，可以as far as i am concerned一类), everyone won't hate you, but like you a lot.

Admittedly, some people are too concentrated on their work or academic study, they have no time to care(用too..to的结构？) about how to do with others even how to be polite to others. But as a human being, the most important quality is nothing but respect. Being polite can show you treat others as a man.(没有怎么看明白这句话..)

As far as I am concerned , the necessity of being polite to others cannot be exaggerated much more. Therefore, we should recognize beingpolite as our basic and intrinsic value and persist in it forever.

注意一下句子结构哦，用联词连接两个句子，从句使用准确。
还有小错误，加强一下表达，有些地方感觉得到意思，但是不知道到考官那里他们能不能理解准确叻。
加油～

lucystar2012

As society becomes more and more competitive, the pace of life has been much faster than before. And there are a lot of people ignoring the basic polite behavior just holding the reason that they are too busy to care about these trivial things. However, from my perspective, I oppose that view and believe that we should stick to being polite no matter how  world outside has changed.

Have you ever been knocked down by others but people even didn't say "I'm sorry"? Anyone who meet this kind of rude people can't bear for their humiliating attitude. Have you ever met this situation that people cut in the line without any guilty? If I meet this people, I will feel that they are so impolite to everyone. Furthermore, those behaviors above, on the one hand, can reflect that people are immoral, which actually harm their reputation, on the other hand, will do deep harm to people and a increasing number of people will become more and more indifferent to deal with people's relationship. The result is that everyone is trapped into his/her self circle, compelling others.

Be polite to others can bring about much popularity for yourselves. For example, when you work in a company. You should learn how to socialize with others and make friends with others. And if you want to get others' belief , the basic line is to be polite to them, showing your respect. Especially to your boss, your polite behavior will make him appreciate for you. Besides, your colleagues can feel more closed to you. As long as you are polite, I think, everyone won't hate you, but like you a lot.

Admittedly, some people are too concentrated on their work or academic study, they have no time to care about how to do with others even how to be polite to others. But as a human being, the most important quality is nothing but respect. Be polite can show you treat others as a man.

As far as I am concerned , the necessity of being polite to others cannot be exaggerated much more. Therefore, we should recognize being polite as our basic and intrinsic value and persist in it forever.

lucystar2012

嗯嗯~~我确实一开始审错题了~~~后来就略微加了一点儿字但还是朝着原来的跑偏~~~
谢谢你的修改，真难为你修改我这个诡异的文章了》

张小心

Recently, we witness more and more companies get collapsed. And many people advance their opinion about the cause of this phenomenon. Some maintain that the crisis around world is too fierce that no company can survive; Others believe that the main factor is that the efficiency of employees is too low to keep the company function（keep sth. adj/doing; 运转：running or operating; 如果是想用company名词做形容词修饰function的话，keep function有点怪怪滴。）. No matter what (存疑哈，用法不常见：一般what happens/he says, etc.;另，含义不对：No matter what 是不管什么，无论什么的意思，我在想这里是否可用no matter which one is right替换？FYI：http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/no+matter+what), the essence of this problem is to concentratesion on the most important role in the development of companies. And from my perspective, I believe that a company should invest more to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees. （使用More的时候得有对比的另一事物哦，这里会理解成more than now, but it is not the topic.）

Dear little star, to be strict, I think your first paragraph a little digresses from the topic which is talking about the investment on employees not as you described above: why companies  go broke.

Have you ever known that a company broke down for the lack of high quality employees?（用疑问句开头，很好哦）Maybe a lot of cases appear in your mind. Yes, firstly, the quality of the employees decides the creativity and energy of company. If every staff in this company is so lazy to think that the company will not get the continuous reformation to revise its shortcomings. If the staff lacks the passion to discuss the direction of company's development, the whole ambience in the office will more and more boring (depressing), which will (consequently,)causes the staff feel more tired of working. Finally, as the outside societybusiness world becomes more and more competitive and other more efficient company can replace this company who which has never been equipped with any merit (here, we should focus on the employees)to adapt the market.

Dear, you are using tooooo much "more and more"……Also, the key word "investment" and proper examples are not mentioned in the above paragraph.

On the contrary, if a company concentrates on employees, there is a totally different picture from the above. Firstly, if the manager invest some trainings on the employees' professional knowledge ,the company can have much potentials to investigate certain advance technique , and get the first place in the market. Secondly, to give proper rewarding is another necessary way. （digress again）On the one hand, it can encourage staffs to work more harder, even making them more confident to overcome any difficultiesy in the work tasks. On the other hand, by this way, the passion of competitiveon will be enhanced, and everyone would like to try theirhis/hers best to accomplish theirhis/hers work as soon as possible.

The abrove paragraph has a clear structure. Very good!

All in all, Tthe importance of employees cannot be exaggerated much more. Only the company pays attention on its employee as much as possible can the companyget progress in this so quickly changeableing society. Only the company invests more money and time (no need to mention time)to enhance their quality of employees can the order get organized（confused……） which in fact can save more resources on some irrelative fields.

最后一段这是排比句式啊。还是倒装结构。good!
但是Only 开头的倒装这个语法点，侬再看一下呢，貌似不对。


In sum, there are 3 suggestions for  you:
1. 一定多花时间审题呀, 不要跑偏
2. 跟我一样，词汇量少，试着不总用more哈
3. 通篇没有例证，只有论述，这不符合题目要求的

lucystar2012

5月11日11.11.19 NA Some people pay a high salary but require employees to leave their family and friends. Which job would you prefer? Why?



The problem of finding job has become a hot issue among people. And how to choose job actually involves many factors. Some people want to have a job near to their home. But some people like to choose a job which can offer high salary. Of course, if the two consideration can realize at the same time, there is no meaning to discuss this topic. In fact, however, we have to choose one and give up another. So which one would you choose? From my viewpoint, I will choose the company that can give me high salary.

Firstly, young people should exercise themselves in a different world. If we limit ourselves to the hometown, we also handicap our horizon to other interesting places. the goal of finding job is to exert our capacities, instead of depending on our families. Leaving family and old friends does not mean that we are alone, but means the new opportunity to see a new world. In that world, we will encounter new people, and make new friends. In that world , we can change our old thought into critical thinking . In that world, we still have methods to keep in touch with our families, such as Internet video or mobile phone. What's most important, we can realize our dream to live a more comfortable life by getting high salary.

As time goes by, we can accumulate enough money to have a new family, and make old family move here. Actually, from the moment that we decided to leave family and to get high salary, we just start a new process to improve the whole families' living standard. Any person who struggle for their life must bring about this result that is the happiness and reunion of family. High salary is also a symbol that means we succeed in some field, which will make our family members proud of us.

Any person must learn to live independently. leaving family and friends provides a good opportunity for us to exercise our ability not only in working but also in personality. Through this , we will be forged into heart-strong and intelligent elites embracing this world with our own various experience. And other relative problems also can be solve smoothly.

lucystar2012

Recently, we witness more and more companies get collapsed. And many people advance their opinion about the cause of this phenomenon. Some maintain that the crisis around world is too fierce that no company can survive; Others believe that the main factor is that the efficiency of employees is too low to keep the company function. No matter what, the essence of this problem is to concentration the most important role in development of company. And from my perspective, I believe that a company should invest more to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

Have you ever known that a company broke down for the lack of high quality employees?Maybe a lot of cases appear in your mind. Yes, firstly, the quality of the employees decides the creativity and energy of company. If every staff in this company is so lazy to think that the company will not get the continuous reformation to revise its shortcomings. If the staff lacks the passion to discuss the direction of company's development, the whole ambience in the office will more and more boring, which will cause the staff feel more tired of working. Finally, as the outside society becomes more and more competitive and other more efficient company can replace this company who has never been equipped with any merit to adapt the market.

On the contrary, if a company concentrates on employees, there is a totally different picture from the above. Firstly, if the manager invest some trainings on the employees' professional knowledge ,the company can have much potentials to investigate certain advance technique , and get the first place in the market. Secondly, give proper rewarding is another necessary way. On the one hand, it can encourage staffs to work more hard, even make them more confident to overcome any difficulties in the work tasks. On the other hand, by this way, the passion of competitive will be enhanced, and everyone would like to try their best to accomplish their work as soon as possible.

All in all, The importance of employees cannot be exaggerated much more. Only the company pays attention on its employee as much as possible can the company get progress in this so quickly changeable society. Only the company invests more money and time to enhance their quality of employees can the order get organized which in fact can save more resources on some irrelative field.

sang824

Have you ever gotten your friends' comfort when you failed your final examination? Have you been warned against smoking by your friend?(排比开头的话建议再写一句) Such is the reality that it is more important for people to have friends who can help you for the simple reason that that real friends are able to share your both sorrow and happiness than friends who just have fun with.(这里的more than中间隔得好长..建议把句子分开，简洁易懂哈) From my standpoint, for the sake of real friendship, I will choose such friends who can help me rather than those who have fun with.

First of all, with friends' help, we can overcome most of unpredictable obstacles more easily. Especially during hard time that everyone would meet, only depending on ourselves may pay more price,(but前面的句子没有主语呢) but friends can give us useful advices and guide us to a next beginning. For example, my friend Lily, who is very patient with me, helps me with so many things. I still remember that last summer when I and she lived abroad together. I am not accustomed tonew life without my parents alongside at all. However, Lily encouraged me and taught me how to cook, how to clear up room and so on. Besides, when I had a fever, she gave up her courses and kept company with me. This is friend, who cares about you from heart; This is friend, who contributes herself not calculating any benefits; This is friend, who gives you courage to defeat difficulty. And I am proud of owning this friend.

On the contrary, having friends who just have fun with you really does harm to you. Having fun with friends is the only small part of friendship. If we are attached to this kind of friend, we will concentrate on new computer games or new movies, instead of fighting and striving for better life and our dreams. Much worse, we may get infectious with pernicious habits. Playing too much to finish homework, as a result, we copy from others or stay up all night. A range of harm will appear if we have friends who have fun with.

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that the importance of choosing a friend who can help you can never be exaggerated. It is universally known that an adage saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed", by which we can choose the trustful friends from massive people.

Conclusion:star亲写的很好，语言流畅清晰，结构明显
                 个别地方长句可能稍显冗杂，换成连词连接的短句更简洁