【写作小分队】迟到的作文，希望可以帮忙看一下

蝴蝶渡海

第一次写。3.4号局要考试了。准备时间不太充足。希望在这有限的时间尽可能的有所提升。真心求帮助啊。

There is no doubt that everyone has many friends, but only few of them are intimates. We usually share enjoy or sadness with them. Each person has own criterion. Some people advocate that friends could have fun with, while others suggest that friend will help you when you are in need. As far as I am concerned that friends will help you when you are in need.
As a Chinese old saying goes that, ”a friend in need is a friend indeed”. When we have troubles in daily life or some barrier in front of our works, the real friend could in favor of us and give me vital suggestion. When we feel sad, friend will make feel better. For example, when I first time to take high school basketball game, I didn’t play very well. During the whole competition, I made a lot of mistakes. And we lose this game in the final. I feel so sad and blame myself many times. But my friends talk to me and give me a lot of courage. This makes me feel comfortable.
What is more , the friends that will help you when you are in need also could have fun with you. Sometimes we get together to celebrate our success or interest festivals. I always play game with my best friend. We always inspire other to be a better man.
On the contrast, if my friends are all just having with me, I didn’t feeling better when I am in trouble. When I lost this game, they probably blame to me and abandon me. They will make me feel more guilty.
In conclusion, I intend to stand on the side that friends will help you when you are in need. The facts that we always make friend with someone who real cares about you.

求改正，求指导，另外感觉时间不够用，观点不容易想出来。有好的模板或者切入点么。

花呀clear

At present, it is inevitable that we have controversy with friends, family, or classmates. When this controversy happens, we always have to hand with(如果是想用handle的话, 去掉with)  it by communicating with others. Choosing either methods such as e-mail and text messaging or some modern ones like telephone and voice-messaging has its own advantage. In my opinion, I prefer to the method of telephone.

Above all, my main reason(above all跟main reason感觉都有点重复) is that by using telephone to communicate with my friend, family, or classmates can express my idea more convenient and direct(directly). In other words, not only do I profess myself immediate(immediately), but also let the listener understand easily. This habitant(habit) perhaps is associated with my disposition, and, in my deep mind, it is a respectful way to the listener by using telephone than other channels. For instance, if an emergence happens in our school, what (is) the fast(fastest比较好) way that we use to tell administrator? If we want to talk with others a huge of information, what way do we use(加一个the best吧)? Needless to say, telephone is the most suit ones(one). Thus, I prefer to the way of telephone. (这句有点多余, 结尾在telephone is the most suit one就可以了)

What is more, in modern society, a popular slogan is that, “time is money”, and to most of people, the behavior of wasting of time is a colossal loss. Frankly speaking, besides the way of telephone, the e–mail, message or voice-message are an inefficient way(ways) of communication(个人感觉改成to communicate比较好 ) and need to be answered a long time. What is theworse, if we use the message, e-mail, or letter to communicate with people, the potential (加一个information吧) missing risk is beyond our expectations. Above all I would like the way of telephone.

Admittedly, on some occasions, with telephone communication is not very formal(语法错误 不是一个完整的句子). Sometimes, there are businesses with some important clients, and we have to think of our clients(client's) feeling and to wait patiently. Sometimes, the tricky problems come to us and we need to settle them with enough times, and, at this time(换成in these cases如何?), other methods of communications are better choices. Nevertheless, we can’t ignore the advantage of using telephone communication.
这一段说了用其他方式的优点, 但是没有说明总的来说电话还是比较好, 有点削弱自己论点的意思...可以说完之后再说一点具体的电话的相应的优点 然后说advantages outweigh disadvantages.

In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that telephone communication is more efficient and convenient than other ways. Nowadays(换成after all), simple and efficient are the main topics nowdays.

LZ啊 我觉得你应该先在基础的词汇拼写上还有单复数什么的下功夫 不要在word里写 在记事本里写完 贴到word里检查拼写 然后再自己检查一下

蝴蝶渡海

6月3日100619 NA
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.



At present, it is inevitable that we have controversy with friends, family, or classmates. When this controversy happens, we always have to hand with it by communicating with others. Choosing either methods such as e-mail and text messaging or some modern ones like telephone and voice-messaging has its own advantage. In my opinion, I prefer to the method of telephone.



Above all, my main reason is that by using telephone to communicate with my friend, family, or classmates can express my idea more convenient and direct. In other words, not only do I profess myself immediate, but also let the listener understand easily. This habitant perhaps is associated with my disposition, and, in my deep mind, it is a respectful way to the listener by using telephone than other channels. For instance, if an emergence happens in our school, what the fast way that we use to tell administrator? If we want to talk with others a huge of information, what way do we use? Needless to say, telephone is the most suit ones. Thus, I prefer to the way of telephone.



What is more, in modern society, a popular slogan is that, “time is money”, and to most of people, the behavior of wasting of time is a colossal loss. Frankly speaking, besides the way of telephone, the e–mail, message or voice-message are an inefficient way of communication and need to be answered a long time. What is the worse, if we use the message, e-mail, or letter to communicate with people, the potential missing risk is beyond our expectation. Above all I would like the way of telephone.



Admittedly, on some occasion, with telephone communication is not very formal. Sometimes, there are businesses with some important clients, and we have to think of our clients feeling and to wait patiently. Sometimes, the tricky problems come to us and we need to settle them with enough times, and, at this time, other method of communications are better choices. Nevertheless, we can’t ignore the advantage of using telephone communication.



In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that telephone communication is more efficient and convenient than other ways. Nowadays, simple and efficient are the main topic.

Crystaljoy

There is no doubt that university professor’s main roles are to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocate that it is more important for university professor to educate students than to do some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more research for their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion. （挑不出什么毛病，但是总觉得开头太平淡了。第一句可以摆现状，提问题。要么就华丽一点的大话尽管空洞吧凑个鲜亮词汇，要么就特别一点的引起别人兴趣。亮自己观点，可以稍微paraphrase 一下。建议你多看几篇文章，弄几句经典的万能句子出来。）

First and the（删除） foremost, professor plays a key role in educating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learning process, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellent professor. A good university professor not only can instruct us professional knowledge, but （also）let us has (cultivate us要保证not only.. but also后面部分对称) a good attitude of（toward） life. For instance, one of my university professors gives (leaves) me a deep impression, and what his word (for what he said / his words) has changed my attitude and made (makes) me more confident. When my first time to take the university English competition, (It was my first time to participate in the English competition in my university, and)I did not have valor to compete with others and feel (felt) nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I (,) even did not know what to do to adjust my heartbeats. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lot of advice to make me relax. (时态混乱了。最好一句话不要主语换来换去的。Then I asked him for advice to calm myself.) At last, he said a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never gave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. (句子太散了，可以连接起来。His words- a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never give up-greatly motivated me to fight like a brave warrior.)As a consequence, I got an outstanding result and become more confident than before. （Clearly,找个词引导一下总结句）A good professor can change your life attitude.

What is more, the future of the society is the young and young students also have ability to research well.（这中心句表述的怎么回事啊？the future of the society is in the young’s hands?）Thus, Professor needtake(删) focus on educating students, because what he has done influenced us much. In other words, one professor who educated many high level students will also benefit to his research and earn him reputation. （best presents his ample knowledge to students can produce better research results and gain high reputation.）



(两个论点的篇幅太不balance了。第一个太罗嗦,第二个没support. 初学最好按point-why-example-conclusion写，思路清晰点。)

Admittedly, obviously, （留一个就行了）it is important that one professor has its own research finding. Not only does a good research benefit to（benefits）his own reputation, but also has influence on university. Nevertheless, in my opinion, a professor who has many excellent students will get more admire. (admiration，due to….加原因，不然你的转折太突兀，后面也没什么支撑的，观点太弱。)


In a nutshell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.





蝴蝶啊，我觉得时态问题，结构问题你需要先注意一下。

意见基本都在文中了，在多研究研究范文，多体会一下。

teresaz318

蓝色怀疑
红色明显错误

橙色个人建议



Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positiveeffects on the way young people behave.

Every day, every hour, and even every minute, colossal amounts of people watchmovies or televisions all over the world. Some advocate that these behaviorsare such “illness” and badly influence young people behaves (behavior), while others suggest thatwatching television or movies are beneficial toyoung people. In my view, I agree to withthe second opinion.

Above all, my main reason is that according towatching TV or movies, we could get a good understanding of our county,our society, or even the whole world by watching TVor movies会不会好一点，accordingto 好像很怪. The full （abundant） of knowledge will be adopted by us though (through) the TV or movies. Now just image 这是图片imagine 动词 a situation that we are watching TVin the living room, when we choose the nation’s culture channel, 或者可不可以写国家地理杂志，或者discoveries, 这样好像具体一点 thus, there are many contents coming to our eyes and ears. In otherwords, we could just sit at chairs and travel all over the world. That is amazing, isn’t it? 有点太口语化了个人觉得

What is more, at present, every family has its daily family talk. We alwaystalk about movies or TV topromote family affection. （strength family bonds）If you do not watch TV or movies, the talk of material is absent.Recently, a scientific research shows that young people who always watch TV aremore optimistic than those who do not. That is to say, young people watch TV ormovies will turn confident and make daily life colorful, even changed youngpeople disposition. 这整段呢感觉topic sentence 和后面的很不搭，因为你前面说看电视增加家人的感情嘛，后面又说看电视会令年轻人更乐观。注意一段应该一个论点

Admittedly, young people who indulge in the TV or movies are negative to theirdevelopment. It will take bad effects on their learning process that youngpeople watch too much TV or movies. Everyone needsestablish its own criterion about how long they are allowed to watch.Nevertheless, I am still in favor of the opinionthat movies and TV have more positive effects than negative during the youngpeople development.

In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, Idefinitely stand up for the assertion that young people who watch TV or movieswill get positive effects. Even though, too much watching will do harm to youngpeople grow, and what we need to keep an eye on is the "limit".

yuyiqi1105

5.30独立修改，第一次改作文呦，如有不当的地方多多包涵哈~~
  蓝色为疑惑和建议，红色为错误，高亮为精彩！！

   Every day, every hour, and even every minute, colossal amounts of people watch movies or televisions all over the world. Some advocate that these behaviors are such “illness” and badly influence young people behaves(behave是动词吧~这里influence能不能接双宾语我google了好一会儿也没找到具体说法，就是读起来有些别扭), while others suggest that watching television or movies are(这里的主语是watching呦~) beneficial to young people. In my view, I agree to（to多余了哈） with the second opinion（这里说latter opinion是不是更地道呢？）.

   Above all, my main reason is that according to（这里想表达的意思是不是通过呀？那according to应该是不能这样用的，用through或者from是不是更好呢？） watching TV or movies, we could get a good（觉得better比较好） understanding of our county（country吧？）, our society, or even the whole world. The full of knowledge will be adopted by us though（through） the TV or movies. Now just image(imagine) a situation that we are watching TV in the living room, when we choose the nation’s culture channel, thus, there are many contents coming to our eyes and ears(这里的thus个人认为可以去掉，否则有点累赘；另外there be的句子改为a great amount of information comes to our eyes and ears更好呢？). In other words, we could just sit at chairs and travel all over the world. That is amazing, isn’t it?

   What is more, at present, every family has its daily family talk. We always talk about movies or TV to promote family affection. If you do not watch TV or movies, the talk of material（talking material呗?） is absent. Recently, a scientific research shows that young people who always watch TV are more optimistic than those who do not. That is to say, young people watch（watching） TV or movies will turn confident and make daily life colorful, even changed young people disposition（这里表达的效果是young people changed young people，改为与前面turn和make并列的generate changes是不是更好捏~）.

   Admittedly,young people who indulge in the TV or movies are negative to their development（同上，这里是young people are negative to their development，改为indulging in……is negative怎么样？）. It will take bad effects（effects应该不可以和take连用吧~） on their learning process that young people watch too much TV or movies（上句改的话这句就可以和上句并列了，这样就可以省下总是出现的watching TV or movies了呗？）. Everyone need（needs） establish its own criterion about how long they are（he is） allowed to watch（这里可以换个表达，比如be involved in these entertainments）. Nevertheless, I still in favor of the opinion that movies and TV have more positive effects than negative during the young people development.

In conclusion,taken (taking) what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that young people who watch TV or movies will get positive effects. Even though, too much watching will do harm to young people grow (grow是动词呦，那young people grow就是句子了，就不对了对吧？可以改为young people’s growth), and what we need to keep an eye on is the "limit".

蝴蝶渡海

5.29作文改正,求继续排砖

There is no doubt that university professor’s main roles are to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocate that it is more important for university professor to educate students than to do some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more research for their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion.

First and the foremost, professor plays a key role in educating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learning process, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellent professor. A good university professor not only can instruct us professional knowledge, but let us has a good attitude of life. For instance, one of my university professors gives me a deep impression, and what his word has changed my attitude and made me more confident. When my first time to take the university English competition, I did not have valor to compete with others and feel nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I even did not know what to do to adjust my heartbeats. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lot of advice to make me relax. At last, he said a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never gave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. As a consequence, I got an outstanding result and become more confident than before. A good professor can change your life attitude.

What is more, the future of the society is the young and young students also have ability to research well. Thus, Professor need take focus on educating students, because what he has done influenced us much. In other words, one professor who educated many high level students will also benefit to his research and earn him reputation.

Admittedly, obviously, it is important that one professor has its own research finding. Not only does a good research benefit to his own reputation, but also has influence on university. Nevertheless, in my opinion, a professor who has many excellent students will get more admire.



In a nutshell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.

蝴蝶渡海

5月30日 2011.3.19 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Every day, every hour, and even every minute, colossal amounts of people watch movies or televisions all over the world. Some advocate that these behaviors are such “illness” and badly influence young people behaves, while others suggest that watching television or movies are beneficial to young people. In my view, I agree to with the second opinion.

Above all, my main reason is that according to watching TV or movies, we could get a good understanding of our county, our society, or even the whole world. The full of knowledge will be adopted by us though the TV or movies. Now just image a situation that we are watching TV in the living room, when we choose the nation’s culture channel, thus, there are many contents coming to our eyes and ears. In other words, we could just sit at chairs and travel all over the world. That is amazing, isn’t it?

What is more, at present, every family has its daily family talk. We always talk about movies or TV to promote family affection. If you do not watch TV or movies, the talk of material is absent. Recently, a scientific research shows that young people who always watch TV are more optimistic than those who do not. That is to say, young people watch TV or movies will turn confident and make daily life colorful, even changed young people disposition.

Admittedly, young people who indulge in the TV or movies are negative to their development. It will take bad effects on their learning process that young people watch too much TV or movies. Everyone need establish its own criterion about how long they are allowed to watch. Nevertheless, I still in favor of the opinion that movies and TV have more positive effects than negative during the young people development.

In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that young people who watch TV or movies will get positive effects. Even though, too much watching will do harm to young people grow, and what we need to keep an eye on is the "limit".

teresaz318

蓝色为怀疑错误
红色的值得注意
橙色的个人建议

There is no doubt that university professor’smain role is (roles are) to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocatethat it is more important for university professor to educate students than todo some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more researchfor their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion.


First and the foremost, professor plays a key role ineducating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learningprocess, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellentprofessor. A good university professor not only can instructus professional knowledge, but let us has a good attitude oflife. (这句的逻辑好像有点怪) For instance, oneof my university professors（个人建议可以加个名字,这样感觉例子更有说服力） impressed me very muchand made me more confident. （感觉有点怪，impressed 你然后就令你更有自信？）When myfirst time to take the university English competition, I did not have valor tocompete with others and feel nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I even didnot know what to do to adjust my heart （adjust my heartbeats?）. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lotof advice to make me relax. At last, he said that a successful man is the one who can keep at it and nevergave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. As aconsequence, I got an ideal (excellent/outstanding?) resultand become more confident than before. A good professor can change your lifeattitude.


What is more, agood professor can bring us more knowledge than what we major in.

As anillustration, everyone has its own major, but when we take our major class,professor always adds up otherknowledge to help us to understand. Thus, professors need to focus on the educating.  原谅我，不是很明白整段想表达什么？professor教major以外的东西？好像没有例证有点虚弱


Admittedly, obviously, it is important that the professor has its own study and needs （单复数问题, 个人认为用复数比较好） to dosome research and experiment （inorder to ?） to writenew idea and create advanced invention. But the most essential duty of the teacher and professor (复数) is teaching and educating. （意思重复了把，要么teaching 要么education）


In a nut shell nutshell 连着的, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, Idefinitely stand up for the assertion that the mainrole of a university professor is to educate students rather than to doresearch.


第一次改作文啊，不是很清楚改得好不好，望见谅。
个人觉得蝴蝶的语言有些好像有点怪，但我具体又不知道可以怎么改，例子那些可以加多点details 会更有说服力, 魔鬼在于细节处！加油啊～！
we can always do better!!  lets rock toefl !~~

蝴蝶渡海

5月29日 2011.1.15 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.



There is no doubt that university professor’s main role is to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocate that it is more important for university professor to educate students than to do some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more research for their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion.



First and the foremost, professor plays a key role in educating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learning process, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellent professor. A good university professor not only can instruct us professional knowledge, but let us has a good attitude of life. For instance, one of my university professors impressed me very much and made me more confident. When my first time to take the university English competition, I did not have valor to compete with others and feel nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I even did not know what to do to adjust my heart. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lot of advice to make me relax. At last, he said that a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never gave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. As a consequence, I got a ideal result and become more confident than before. A good professor can change your life attitude.



What is more, a good professor can bring us more knowledge than what we major in.

As an illustration, everyone has its own major, but when we take our major class, professor always adds up other knowledge to help us to understand. Thus, professors need to focus on the educating.



Admittedly, obviously, it is important that the professor has its own study and needs to do some research and experiment to write new idea and create advanced invention. But the most essential duty of the teacher and professor is teaching and educating.



In a nut shell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.