【写作小分队】Byron来了！

byron777

3月24都三战了，之前两次都没有练过作文，一次24一次25，平平没有起色
有幸见到这个小队
坚持练习，争取三战拿高分啊！
不足太多，还请耐心拍砖！

越人歌

亲~我昨天把4日的综合发上去了，求拍砖哦~
另外，我看了你的文章，高手啊~~~佩服得五体投地了~~求问这么流畅的语言是肿么练出来的呢？感觉不是偶这种生套模板的人能弄出来的呀，求经验~呜~
呃，还有，最后一个建议如果我没听错的话应该是讲树木的抗病毒性是需要基因多样性为基础的，这样才有足够大的可能产生抗病基因，要是大家的基因都差不多的话一个病毒出来就全都死光了，而实验室里的树基因应该都是差不多的。恩恩，高中生物老师讲过所以记得比较清楚，要不然也真心听不懂O(∩_∩)O

byron777

嗯，多谢了~

jiaosisisisi

蓝色 表示可能有问题 附加自己观点
红色 认为不错的
绿色 观后感

The reading is concerning about the growth of the human popluation and the agriculture incrsasing's impact(这句话不是很通)on the number of the birds, saying that birds will be fewer and fewer in the following years. While in the contrary(感觉on the contrary 就有转折的意思，没有必要再while了), the professor casts doubt on this perspective and gives her own opinions.
    First, the professor refutes the idea that the human populations and settlements' expansion will cause the decline of the birds number. She admits, though, that some tpyes of birds will decrease in number, she also indicates that the new envrionment of human settlements actually provide more space and habitats for many other birds. These new areas make it possible for many birds to inhabit and reproduce, finally increase the total number of the birds.
    Second, unlike the reading expects that the agricultural activities must increast the destruction of bird habitats as a result of corresponding the growth of the human population, the professor says thanks to（感觉say something that benefits from XXX 换成定语从句怎么样~~~）the technology development, scientists have alreadly cultivated the high productive crops that not only will （can表示能力更好些吧）produce more crops in the certain area but also be more nutrient than normal crops,thus no more agriculture land will be developed and the birds habitats will be perserved well.
    Third, the reading is quite worried about the chemical pesticides used in agriculture will lagrely affect（感觉一个句子里谓语动词太多了 你觉得呢，will前面加个that 变成限定性定语从句如何）the bird population by either killing them outrightly or disturting their reproducing process. However, the professor holds a positive idea. She thinks the（感觉可以引导一个同位语从句，idea that 然后去掉she thinks the 和句号）genetical pest resist new types of crops and more evnironmental and efficent pesticide will avoid this consequence. Like her optimistic expectation about the crops' productivity, she also believe the technology advancement will perfectly solve this anxiety.



首先非常抱歉，昨天是各种事情，今天又是一天的课！所以拖到现在才给你改！

再次抱歉！

观后感: 观点很全，总体很流利，字也很多~

       但是，觉得可以少一些自己发挥，尽量用些客观的，不需要想太多的优秀的自己的模板会好些，最后鉴于我水平有限，如果改得不合适，还请多多包涵！

并祝顺利crack T

jasonliu119

楼主写的很好啊！句式什么的超丰富的！以我的水平只能吹毛求疵般提点小建议了！


A kind of evergreen tree named Torreya taxifoha once prevalent in the state of Florida is dying out, experts are figuring out ways to cease the decline. The reading provides three ways to protect this tree（复数？）, while the professor doubts the methods and gives her reasons.

     The first method, as the reading mentions, is to plant Torreya in the same place, considering the original place has a specific microclimate which is favorable to Torreya's growth. But the professor indicates because of the global warming, the weather condition was affected in large scale, making the original location warmer and drier, thus the former condition suitable for the Torreya does not exist any more.

      The second option is to move Torreya to an entirely different area. Instead of expecting the flourish of the Torreya, the professor is more concerning about the impact to the loacl plants. She mentions the case of transplanting a tree to a new environment, in which the new tree spread so fast that ruined the other plants.

     The third way in the reading is to resort to  research centers. The reading is quite confident to forecast that with wild and closely monitored environment the tree will be protect well. Unfortunately, the professor refutes is as a proper way, criticising that in the research centers the quantity of Torreya will be considerably reduced. Holding a relatively small amount, Torreya may lose the ability to resist disease in long run. (我听的时候还听到有一个diversity？物种多样性？不知道是我幻听没、、、找找听力文本看看)

byron777

那个发现漏洞百出啊，尤其是拼写，一定要克服。。。多谢修改，收获很大。
感觉还有好多好多地方可以提升啊~
多谢了

那个，关于despite，有那个用法的。。
despite  
/ d??spa?t; d?ˋspa?t/ prep without being affected by (the factors mentioned) 尽管; 不管; 不顾: They had a wonderful holiday, despite the bad weather. 尽管天气不好, 他们的假日还是过得极为愉快. * Despite wanting to see him again, she refused to reply to his letters. 她尽管很想再见到他, 但却不愿给他回信. * Despite what others say, I think he's a very nice chap. 不管别人怎麽说, 我仍认为他这个人很好. Cf 参看 in spite of (spite).

byron777

3月3日的综合，久等了
tpo17

The reading is concerning about the growth of the human popluation and the agriculture incrsasing's impact on the number of the birds, saying that birds will be fewer and fewer in the following years. While in the contrary, the professor casts doubt on this perspective and gives her own opinions.
     First, the professor refutes the idea that the human populations and settlements' expansion will cause the decline of the birds number. She admits, though, that some tpyes of birds will decrease in number, she also indicates that the new envrionment of human settlements actually provide more space and habitats for many other birds. These new areas make it possible for many birds to inhabit and reproduce, finally increase the total number of the birds.
     Second, unlike the reading expects that the agricultural activities must increast the destruction of bird habitats as a result of corresponding the growth of the human population, the professor says thanks to the technology development, scientists have alreadly cultivated the high productive crops that not only will produce more crops in the certain area but also be more nutrient than normal crops, thus no more agriculture land will be developed and the birds habitats will be perserved well.
     Third, the reading is quite worried about the chemical pesticides used in agriculture will lagrely affect the bird population by either killing them outrightly or disturting their reproducing process. However, the professor holds a positive idea. She thinks the genetical pest resist new types of crops and more evnironmental and efficent pesticide will avoid this consequence. Like her optimistic expectation about the crops' productivity, she also believe the technology advancement will perfectly solve this anxiety.

jiaosisisisi

不过我记得3月3日 的 综合是 TPO17 吧，。。。
18 我还没，写呢。。。。。

jiaosisisisi

我来了。 待会给你修改额 ~~~

晨依Jacqueline

先抢个地方，明天白天一天的课，晚上给byron修改~~
My generation is brought up in the world filled with(充满了不大好啊，用包围着吧~surrounded by) movies and television programs, thereby the way we think(,) we behavior(behave,) we talk are greatly influenced by them. When we are asked to judge whether their positive effects overweight their negative(or not), it's really hard to answer, for ourselves(we) are part of the movies and television(?), how can you(ourselves、you、itself...有点小混乱啊) let one to judge itself? Maybe good maybe bad(是不是有点口语了), only time will tell, but from my temporary thought, they have more positive impact on our daily lives.

  Despiteof spending all day long in front of the television gaining more and more weight eventually lack of the basic sport ability, people can benefit from television in too many aspects. Television, in my opinion, is the window of the world, both (both for?) the reality and the imagination. You can appreicate(appreciate) the elegant of the Eiffel Tower, detect the mystory(mystery)of the Pyramid, experience the exotic lifestyle of the local people in chain islands(???) in the Pacific Ocean- each of these you may never know for your hole life without the television. Relizing(Realizing)the magic of the nature, knowing how big and amazing the world is, people will bein a high mood, experice(experience) the greatest pleasure they've never had. Is't(Isn't) that enough to overweight it's little flaw to cause fat(obesity比较好一点)? Comparing(ed) with its spectacular function, beingfat is too weak to be a reason.

  Like telecision, movises(wrong spelling!!!) also have tremendous positive impact more than you(最好不要突然用you，我原来也经常写you，但是xdf的老师说不好。注意下吧还是~) can imagine. We are inspired by science fiction movies. And stimulated by these movies,some of us even decide to devote their(our)rest lives(remaining years吧~) to the science(science research), which in the past is(was) considered boring and children always had little interest in it. Besides, movies are shapping(shaping?)our spirits. A great movie not only satisfy(satisfies) us for(on) entertainment, but also leads us to a higher spiritual level. They make us think about the society, the human nature and the ultimate goal of an individual life.(个人感觉三个不是很并列啊)It is a kind of art, how can we deny the power of a real art?(这是两句话啊~！)

 In the end, from the analysing(analysis) above, I again conform(confirm?) my belief. Movies and television are not just having more positive effects on people's lives, they are priceless treasures of the human beings. Finally I realise(realize)that the more you evaluate them(这里还是建议写movies&TV啊~), the more worth you (will)find in them.

Byron的作文语言很流畅，意思也表达的很清晰。我觉得吧有些表达还需要再积累，然后论证段的例子最好能详细一点~注意下拼写哦！其他都很好了，有前途的少年，加油哈~