新g issue 11 修改求拍~

ykhjy

11) People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Given that children are always forced to shools, employees are often forced to work overtime, even the president are always forced to pass some drafts that he doesn't satisfy,[Given that people are social man who live in the society which require people to consider others' feeling,] the issue concerning that people's behavior is largely determined by forced not of their own making seems reasonable. However, people is a kind of animals who has a mind and can realize what they want through behaviors only if they are able to[human beings have enough wisdom to control their behaviors].

It is true that sometimes people have to do something that they don't want to and may be always forced to do those somethings. Generally[For instance], children naturally like to paly[play] rather than to study, however, their parents always force them to go to school given that education is important. In business field(s), for making larger profits, employers often force employees to work overtime. In political field(s), sometimes the president are compromised to pass some drafts that may be not beneficial for the part he behaves.

From the examples above, it seems reasonable that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not their own making. For children who go to school despite that they don't want to, they know that their parents do everything for them and feel that if they don't go to school, it may hurt their parents or their parents may hurt them, thus they finally go to school for the emotion to their parents whatever the emotion is love or fearing. For employees who are forced to work overtime, they may insist working bearing the employment pressure. For the president who forced to pass some drafts that may be not beneficial for his part, he may have to pass them for the overall situation. [In fact, all these people are living in the society and when they consider others' feelings, their decisions to do what behaviors are affected, thus it seems that their behavior is largely determined by forces.]  

However, people is a kind of high-class animal that has a mind to know what they want and they can do what they want to through behaviors. In actual, as long as people know what they really want and they are able to realize, people's behavior is determined of their own making. Although babies may be forced to be given birth to come to this world, when they become people, they can get what they want through crying. [Even though people cannot help to die, with the wisdom to invent some new medicine beneficial for people's health , human beings can live longer and longer.]  

For the matter that children are going to shool, it is true that children are forced to go to school, however, if they really hate going to school, they can ultimately do not to go ignoring their parents' goodwill through a series of behaviors such as playing truant. For employees who are forced to work overtime, they can hand their resignations to resist or break away the force ignoring the employment pressure. When it comes to the president, he can use his right to deny those drafts not beneficial for his part's interest ignoring the overall situation.

In conclusion, actually people's behavior is determined of their own making as long as knowing what really want and be able to realize. Forces simply is a kind of affection not determination for their choice.

竹林中人

内容上讲，我觉得这篇文章并没有很强的说服力，并没有很具体的很深入的阐述为什么人的行为是自己决定的而不是外界的压力，大部分时候是讲的个人经验（children的例子），你的论证角度和方向可以放大些，举出一些具体的例子最好，比如作为一个大学生怎么样，作为一个领导者怎么样等等

ykhjy

thx~内容上ok么？

普渡哥

However, people is a kind of high-class animal that has a mind to know what they want and they can do what they want to through behaviors

这句话组织上还是有问题。