第一篇argument，求NN狠批！！本人写作水平一般，求思路

灯影箭旋

Agrument2:
The followingappeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company.

“When the Apogee Company hadall its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today.Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices (n. 外地办事处) and conduct all its operations from a single location. Suchcentralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping thecompany maintain better supervision of all employees.”

Discuss how well reasoned... etc.
A memorandum from the business departmentshows that the Apogee Company got more profits when it called together all itsdivisions in one location.  As a result,to be more profitable, the company should shut down its field offices andoperate from a single location.  Theconclusion seems to be plausible, but we are still suspicious of the argumentthat the argument isn't so convincing.
    To begin with, the argument is assumed that closing down its fieldsoffices would not affect its daily routines. As we all know, many companies separate some parts of the industriesfrom their core business to have the whole process more efficient.  If the company does cut off its cost whileputting the divisions together and in turn, has an inevitable effect on itsefficiency, it will receive less money than before.  Although we can't claim that the costs itsaves are more than the revenue it gains, we still hold a skeptical thinkingabout it.  Considering the example ofApple which is one of the most modern IT company in the world. Its profits peryear is exceeding our minds to a great degree, it sets its core business in theAmerica where there are a lot of innovated engineers. These engineers creat newideas and the company form these ideas to product.  Then it will be sent to Asia, the largestmanufacturing place in the world. The factory will assemble the componentstogether. It still maintains a high profit.
     Moreover, the argument illustrate that the centralization is likely tohelp the company maintain better supervision of all employers.  When a company's employers are in a singleplace, they would talk to each other more easily, then the information could bespreaded more widely.  If the news isunfavourable, the company tends meet various problems against the emplyers'attitudes.  The manager could face atough situation about the large staff. If the company is separated into several branch offices, the managementwill be better operated. We are always spiltting parts from the wholeentity.  As it is in this case, peopleare better liable to supervise a smaller section than numerous sections.  In this version, we doubt whether the companycould maintain better supervision of all employers.
     Closing down all the field offices seems not a reasonable choice to theApogee Company.  Unless it can make surethat the efficiency would not decreased by handling the company as a singlecompany, the combination would decrease the cost.   Italso has to find out some means to evaluate the control force of themanagement.  The management must be ableto cease the rumors and creat a comfortable environment for employers.  To make the company more profitable, theseproblems should be solved before its combinations.

灯影箭旋

自己顶一下，看了范文，觉得自己的写作真的是太差劲了。。。