作文修改： 您的意见是我进步的源泉

colleenjing

感觉我用了很多长句，这样的句式是不是不太好啊，托福是不是更适用于一些简洁的句子，谢谢，您给我修改我真的很感谢，这是我写的第一篇托作文

colleenjing

thanks very much!

德克的猪

    

Through modern media such as movies and televisions, it
has become easier for people to contact with the boundless universe(一开始就boundless universe显得过于飘渺而不切实际). In a sense, movies and TVs light up
human’s(不要动辄就Human,这里用一个people’s就可以了) life. However, the impact of such media on young people is so great that
it produces more negative effects.

    

 

    

To be honest, Watching movies and televisions is a better(既然没有相比较的，那就用good) way for young people to relax in this society full of
stress. Nevertheless, too much time spending on it renders the releasing to be
a waste of time because of the lack of self-control. Multitudes of adolescents
pursue the pop-stars and imitate their dangerous behavior on TV programs. For
example, a girl around 12 years old who imitated a dangerous action in her
favorite program lead her to death(这个例子的说服力几乎为零，因为一点都不具体。而且现在的电视电影在出现危险场景的时候都有：请勿模仿，所以说dangerous不如说harmful。例子都是可以编造的，你就可以编：My cousin, a 13-year-old middle school student, accidentally
watched the movie Pulp Fiction(不知道Pulp Fiction你也可以编gang movies，黑社会电影). Since then, he began to
use the F words frequently regardless of our continuous warnings. Such words
are extremely rude and aggressive. But to him, those are the symbols of “being
cool”. Actually the movies and TV programs currently are not managed
well-violence and sex are everywhere. Additionally, superhero movies/series and
other blockbusters, in many ways, exaggerated the utility of violence and
simultaneously leave the impression that violence can solve many problems
instead of communication and negotiation on the youth…). This young girl’s tragedy calls our attention to TV’s
negative efforts once more.

colleenjing

agree or disagree :

Movies and televisions make more negative effects than positive effects on young people's behavior.

Through modern media such as movies and televisions, it has become easier for people to contact with the boundless universe. In a sense, movies and TVs light up human’s life. However, the impact of such media on young people is so great that it produces more negative effects.

To be honest, Watching movies and televisions is a better way for young people to relax in this society full of stress. Nevertheless, too much time spending on it renders the releasing to be a waste of time because of the lack of self-control. Various of adolescents pursue the pop-stars and imitate their dangerous behavior on TV programs. For example, a girl around 12 years old who imitated a dangerous action in her favorite program lead her to death. This young girl’s tragedy calls our attention to TV’s negative efforts once more.

Furthermore, the main purpose of earning money makes the TV programs never pure. For instance, the success of popular“super star”show on TV makes millions of young people dream to be famous only through one night. This wrong life goal necessarily leads to improper Opinion of social value. As mentioned to social value, we have to talk about something associates with it. It is refer to culture aggression. For instance, Japanese carton, Hollywood’s movie, Korea’s teleplay, etc are reducing young’s traditional cultural consciousness during a long time in China. Such situation could be regarded as a sadness of a country.

Finally, movies and televisions do more harm than good to the young people nowadays, but that depends on many factors which can be changed. If young people are able to enhance the capability of self-control and distinguish between things beneficial and harmful to their future. If TV and movie producers reverse their purpose to
                    induce young to a right goal other than to make profits, everything would be better.