第一篇Writing I, 求拍

cestmoi

长句是不是太多了啊？

wuad

没得拍，很好了，比我的。

cestmoi

    

In this lecture, the speaker completely
refutes the reading passage and cites several latest findings of meerkat, which
explain their eating habits in a quite different way from the previous
researches. First, contrary to the pathetic image given in the reading passage
as a sentinel without food, the speaker says that it often stands guard after
eating, that is, it guards for the others with a full stomach. Second, meerkats
usually hunt near a barrel and the sentinel has the biggest chance to hide himself
immediately from the predator. But the former findings as described in the
passage indicate that they have the least chance to run and seek shelters. What’s
more, when the other meerkats hear the alarm, they either gather together or
scatter, which draws the attention of the predators. In comparison, the
sentinel has its own chance to seek safety. At last, as for human beings, the
speaker opposes to the notion given in the reading passage that altruistic
people gain nothing for themselves with an example of kidney donors. They
obtain the appreciations and approval from the society and a sense of self-worth.
Therefore, what people get from altruistic action should also include
nonmaterial returns.

    

 

200字， 20分钟搞定的
第一篇，感觉像在报流水账，
大概能拿几分啊~ 哪些可以改进的呢
大家指点哈
谢谢！！