Argument 4 菜鸟第一篇 求猛拍

fightingdaping

Argument 4   第一次写 共用了35分钟 还不太会发帖子 希望大家猛拍呀 不胜感激

The proposal of the author in the argument that the consumer should choose Adams Reality as a reasonable choice of selling the house offer an interesting and seeming logical argument but to move forward to evaluate the validity of the argument need more information and thought. Though the correlation seems logical and probable, there may be hidden factors that prevent the Adams Reality from an ideal choice.

The author made the assumption that Adams Reality is superior to Fitch Reality due to the fact that 40 real estate agents in Adams Reality compared to 25 in Fitch. It is probable right that in some instance 40 real estate agencies may work more than only 25 agencies. But the author made a hasty conclusion only based on the sole evidence. It is likely that the working efficiency of Fitch doubles that of Adams Reality, so high working efficiency can make up the disadvantage of less agencies. In order to strengthen the conclusion the author need to survey the real work efficiency and production of each company, then make a cogent conclision about the superiority of the two company.

In addition, the author concludes that the Adams Reality may offer a better price of the house resulting from the fact that the averaged $168,000 home sales in Adams is higher than $144,000 of Fitch. The author failed to take into account other factors which may also attribute to the higher sell price may undermine the assumptions. Perhaps the quality, the design, the square and the environment of the house sold by Adams company is better than the Fitch, or perhaps the average sell price of the past five years of Fitch exceeds that of Adams despite of the last year unsatisfactory behavior of Fitch. If either of the two scenarioes proved to be true, it would cast serious doubt on the soundness of the stated assumption.





Last but not least, it is not wise to assume the selling rate of Adams is faster than Fitch by comparing the selling rate of Adams ten years ago and that of Fitch last year. It is common sense that everything changes with the time passing. The house selling market and the need of house of consumer and the policy of the government all play an important role in determing the selling rate of the house. Consequencely(consequently),without considering other explanations and the changes happened in the ten years, we can hardly conclude houses registered in the Adams can sell more quickly.



In sum, though Adams seems performs better than Fitch from the superfacial evidence and assumption, the author need to evaluate the real production and working efficiency of the two company in order to strgenghen his assumption. What's more, the house quality including the design, the square and the temporary average selling rate also need to better sound the argument.

竹林中人

建议LZ能紧扣instruction来写，不同的instruction，写法会有很大的不同

fightingdaping

基本上每天都登 看看有没有给我改的 看到您回复了 真的很开心 今晚又看到一篇详细介绍不同instruction 的写法 才知道自己的问题所在 恩 谢谢您 我明天再好好改改再上传的 希望您指教

fightingdaping

基本上每天都登 看看有没有给我改的 看到您回复了 真的很开心 今晚又看到一篇详细介绍不同instruction 的写法 才知道自己的问题所在 恩 谢谢您 我明天再好好改改再上传的 希望您指教

fightingdaping

竹林 版主说的instrction 的确是我的大错  下面是我又改了一遍的文章  也不知道到底怎么样 缺陷在哪里 还望在点评 谢谢了

fightingdaping

今晚又改了一遍 希望竹林版主点评 真谢谢了
Based on the prediction that the real estate registered in Adams Realty firm is sold quickly and at a better price, the author recommend consumers should choose the Adams Realty when they plan to sell their house.Although the recommmendation seems avidisable and reasonable, the proposal may be open to doubt because of several unstantiated predictions regarding the selling rate,the average price as well as the working efficiency about the two real estate firms.

To start with, the author essentially relies on the prediction that Adams Realty with 40 agents and full time works serves more effectively and productively than Fitch with 25 agents and part-time workers , which implies that Adams Realty is superior to Fitch Realty. However, the number of agents and whether working full time is not directly propotional to the quality and efficiency of the two real estates. If, for example, workers in Fitch serve the consumers more effectively due to a recent training program provided by the company, otherwise, despite of adequate agents and working hours, staff in Adams are lazy and incapable .In this scenario, the predicted superiority of Adams Realty will be less believable.

Even if the prediction that Adams Realty serve better than Fitch due to more agent and full time workers is trustworthy, the predicted competitive price sold by Adams Realty is still need further substantiation. Merely based on the data about of sale price $168,000 in Adams compared to $144,ooo,the author assumes that the average sales of house listed in Adams Realty is higher than that of Flitch, which indicates Adams is superior to Fitch. However, the author does not justify his predictions because the sales price is influence by complex factors such as the square, the environment as well as the quality of the house. It is also possible that the average sale price of the past five years of Fitch exceeds that of Adams despite of the last year unsatisfactory behavior of Fitch. In this light, the argument will be greatly weakened.

Last but not least, the author assume, without any justification, that house registered in Adams Realty will be sold quickly than that of Fitch, which seems to prove the recommendation that Adams Realty seems to be a rational choice to consumers. Nevertheless, the problem is that everything is changing with the time, so is the selling rate of the house. The house selling market, the need of house of consumer and the policy of the government all play an important role on the selling rate of the house. If we learn that a householder only spent one week to sell his house listed in Fitch last year, it will cast serious doubt on the credibility of the quick house selling rate. Under such circumstance, the predicted the superiority will be weakened.

To summarize, the author makes a series of unsubstantiated assumptions about the superiority of Adams Realty, his argument is open to doubt. The author need to evaluate the real production and working efficiency of the two company in order to strengthen his assumption. What's more, the evidence of the house quality including the design, the square and the temporary average selling rate are also needed to better sound the argument.

竹林中人

今晚又改了一遍 希望竹林版主点评 真谢谢了
Based on the prediction that the real estate registered in Adams Realty firm is sold quickly and at a better price, the author recommend consumers should choose the Adams Realty when they plan to sell their house.Although the recommmendation seems avidisable and reasonable, the proposal may be open to doubt because of several unstantiated predictions regarding the selling rate,the average price as well as the working efficiency about the two real estate firms.

To start with, the author essentially relies on the prediction that Adams Realty with 40 agents and full time works serves more effectively and productively than Fitch with 25 agents and part-time workers , which implies that Adams Realty is superior to Fitch Realty. However, the number of agents and whether working full time is not directly propotional to the quality and efficiency of the two real estates. If, for example, workers in Fitch serve the consumers more effectively due to a recent training program provided by the company, otherwise, despite of adequate agents and working hours, staff in Adams are lazy and incapable .In this scenario, the predicted superiority of Adams Realty will be less believable.

Even if the prediction that Adams Realty serve better than Fitch due to more agent and full time workers is trustworthy, the predicted competitive price sold by Adams Realty is still need further substantiation. Merely based on the data about of sale price $168,000 in Adams compared to $144,ooo,the author assumes that the average sales of house listed in Adams Realty is higher than that of Flitch, which indicates Adams is superior to Fitch. However, the author does not justify his predictions because the sales price is influence by complex factors such as the square, the environment as well as the quality of the house. It is also possible that the average sale price of the past five years of Fitch exceeds that of Adams despite of the last year unsatisfactory behavior of Fitch. In this light, the argument will be greatly weakened.

Last but not least, the author assume, without any justification, that house registered in Adams Realty will be sold quickly than that of Fitch, which seems to prove the recommendation that Adams Realty seems to be a rational choice to consumers. Nevertheless, the problem is that everything is changing with the time, so is the selling rate of the house. The house selling market, the need of house of consumer and the policy of the government all play an important role on the selling rate of the house. If we learn that a householder only spent one week to sell his house listed in Fitch last year, it will cast serious doubt on the credibility of the quick house selling rate. Under such circumstance, the predicted the superiority will be weakened.

To summarize, the author makes a series of unsubstantiated assumptions about the superiority of Adams Realty, his argument is open to doubt. The author need to evaluate the real production and working efficiency of the two company in order to strengthen his assumption. What's more, the evidence of the house quality including the design, the square and the temporary average selling rate are also needed to better sound the argument.

-- by 会员 fightingdaping (2013/3/5 22:44:00)

Based on the prediction that the real estate registered in Adams Realty firm is sold quickly and at a better price, the author recommend consumers should choose the Adams Realty when they plan to sell their house.Although the recommmendation seems avidisable and reasonable, the proposal may be open to doubt because of several unstantiated assumptions regarding the selling rate,the average price as well as the working efficiency about the two real estate firms.
To start with, the author essentially relies on the assumption that Adams Realty with 40 agents and full time workers serves more effectively and productively than Fitch with 25 agents and part-time workers , which implies that(貌似你用了两个定语从句修饰prediction，我建议这一句改下) Adams Realty is superior to Fitch Realty. However, the number of agents and whether they work full time is not directly propotional to the quality and efficiency of the two real estates. If, for example, workers in Fitch serve the consumers more effectively due to a recent training program provided by the company, otherwise, despite of adequate agents and working hours, staff in Adams are lazy and incapable .In this scenario, the predicted superiority of Adams Realty will be less believable.

Even if the prediction that Adams Realty serve better than Fitch due to more agent and full time workers is trustworthy, the predicted competitive price sold by Adams Realty is（去掉is） still need further substantiation. Merely based on the data about of sale price $168,000 in Adams compared to $144,ooo,the author assumes that the average sales of house listed in Adams Realty is higher than that of Flitch, which indicates Adams is superior to Fitch. However, the author does not justify his predictions because the sales price is influence by complex factors such as the square, the environment as well as the quality of the house.建议这里对前面你提到的一个因素具体阐述下 It is also possible that the average sale price of the past five years of Fitch exceeds that of Adams despite of the last year unsatisfactory behavior of Fitch. In this light, the argument will be greatly weakened.

Last but not least, the author assume, without any justification, that house registered in Adams Realty will be sold quickly than that of Fitch, which seems to prove the recommendation that Adams Realty seems to be a rational choice to consumers. Nevertheless, the problem is that everything is changing with the time, so is the selling rate of the house. The house selling market, the need of house of consumer and the policy of the government all play an important role on the selling rate of the house. If we learn that a householder only spent one week to sell his house listed in Fitch last year, it will cast serious doubt on the credibility of the quick house selling rate. Under such circumstance, the predicted the superiority will be weakened.

To summarize, the author makes a series of unsubstantiated assumptions about the superiority of Adams Realty, his argument is open to doubt. The author need to evaluate the real production and working efficiency of the two company in order to strengthen his assumption. What's more, the evidence of the house quality including the design, the square and the temporary average selling rate are also needed to better sound the argument.

竹林中人

我把你有些地方的prediction改成了assumption。
另外，这篇文章基本可以了

fightingdaping

回到寝室看到斑竹帮改的作文 好开心 真的谢谢你了