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求大牛改作文呢,马上就考试了,谢谢~

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发表于 2012-11-20 15:36:24 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
People are having differing opinions about which one is important for students to learn, the ideas and concepts or the facts. I believe it is more important for students to learn facts.

Admittedly, understanding ideas and concepts is vital for students. Students can know things better if they understand their concepts. For example, students might do not know what is ''Student Union" if they do not know the concepts of student union, which is a union made of by students and it aims to make students' lives more easier in school. In contrast, if students do not know this concept, he will never know what student union' s mission.

But to say that understanding ideas and concepts is more important than learning facts is an overstatement.

It is practical for students to learn facts. By learning from facts, students can know what the ideas or concepts' real mean. As old saying goes " one can never learn to swim if he is not in the water, one can never know things if he does not do them himself". Take student union as an example again. Knowing the concept of student union, students just realize what this organization do, but they never know how to achieve the goals. Only if students join the student union, ally listen to other students what they want and make a plan and think of ideas to meet other students' requirement can a student really know what student union' s meaning.

Moreover, students can learn more if they learn from facts. Learning from the facts helps students to develop essential skills such as communication skill, planing skills and leadership. For example, by running for the president of the students union, students get a taste of what political life is like: talk to others, understand their needs, build mutual trust and eventually get their votes. In the process, all the essential qualities and skills needed for a successful political career can be developed and honed. On the other hand, learning from facts helps students to understand values. For instance, playing basketball teaches us to cooperate with our teammates. Any individual player, no matter how strong and skillful he might be, can not win the game all by him alone. In basketball game, a three pointer is easier to be made if the ball is passed to a player in the open. In contrast, these essential skills and values will never be learned from ideas and concepts.

In conclusion, I strongly hold the view that it is more important for students to learn facts than understand ideas and concepts since learning facts is more practical and students can learn more that will never learned in concepts.
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沙发
发表于 2012-11-22 08:04:49 | 只看该作者
我不是大牛,不过最近也在看作文,说点自己的小想法,仅供参看哈!
首先,你的一些语法还是有点点问题的,比如第二段最后那句,if students do not know this concept, he will never know what student union' s mission. 句子中前面是“students”,后面就变成"he"了
其次,你好像很喜欢用if从句,在文章里用了至少四五次吧,我语法也不是很扎实,建议你问一下底子好的同学或者老师看一下你写的if从句里时态和用法是否正确。因为一旦有错误的话,你用得又很频繁,这样整篇文章下来漏洞就有点多了。
第三点就是你举的例子,论证的段落基本都是用student union的例子,我个人比较倾向于用几个不同的例子,这样看起来整篇文章不会太单调和局限
最后就是句式和用词。我看到你也有用从句,倒装这些的,可以再多一些花样,比如强调句啊,或者句中插入小短语一类的;用词上我个人觉得你选的都是相对比较简单的词,这样也有好处就是保证一定会对,如果可以的话我还是建议多用一些同义词替换一下。 这部分建议你看一下《十天突破托福Essay》那本书,里面专门有章节讲用词和句式变换。

个人拙见,可能也有错的,你有选择的看哈。我也马上要考试了,心里也很紧张。大家一起加油吧!
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