第一次发作文，求板砖

garywho

进来看的大虾们随便说两句撒，泪牛满面啊~~~
作文题目是agree or disagree with the statement that in twenty years,there will be less cars in use than there are today

 Threre is no denying that the futher of our society would be more and more modern and urban with the development of economy and technology.So tomy point of view,I would identifily opposite the statementthat there will be less cars in use than there are today,in twenty years.
With the economy increases steadly ,the government will throw more expenditure into the industary inluding the car industary.At he same time,the people will be richer in the futher,as a result that the factory will produce more cars for satisfy the need.Besides, it'suniversal ackonwledged that time is so precious that we can't sfford to waste it,as the cars enable us to move one place to another in an fast speed which also economize the time for us in the next 20 years when people lead tense life and time would be cherished more.
What's more,many countries are extending their frontier and spare no effect to seek for more room,dig in the montains,explore the submarine areas,even shot satellite to the broadless space.It is obvious that the distance among the people will also be distant.Then the car seems to be really essential as not only a vehicle carrying people but also bridges from heart to heart..If the number of cars decreases in an lagre degree,what consequence it will lead to?How many aspects of our normal lives will be infulenced?In my city,many citizen complain the there are so few taxis on the road during the time go to job and backg home,some of them have to wait for a crowed bus with aot of passengers.In my opinion, I even can not picture the incredible,,incovenient and inefficient world.
On the other hand,there is no doubt that the more use of the cars will pollute more and come in to heavier burden on the fragile environment.Futhermore,the huaman beings will rely more on the technology which will bring a couple of problems,such as the traffic accidents,the limitation of energy resource,and some moral etc.
In brief,accoroding to the tendency of the flourishing and harmonious society,with the prefection of relative regulations and laws,with the progress of the science and technology, with the evolution of people's living conditon and rhythm,and with the themes peace and deveopment of the world,I hold the disagreement about the statement that there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

jenae

不是大虾但想说两句，不介意吧？
1。有不少单词拼错，自己再读读。
2。单词用错。多处用到the car, the people，the need。the 要用在特指，这里是泛指不该用。
3。复合句用错,楼主可能想多用复合句以提高分数，但要用对。Besides, it'suniversal ackonwledged that time is so precious that we can't sfford to waste it,as the cars enable us to move one place to another in an fast speed which also economize the time for us in the next 20 years when people lead tense life and time would be cherished more. 这句看着非常费力。
4。整体感觉给的理由不够充分，很空洞没有说服力。
5。我感觉不应该加入on the other hand那段，如果你要agree，就agree到底，不要concede.这样会使整篇文章更缺乏说服力。

garywho

不是大虾但想说两句，不介意吧？
1。有不少单词拼错，自己再读读。
2。单词用错。多处用到the car, the people，the need。the 要用在特指，这里是泛指不该用。
3。复合句用错,楼主可能想多用复合句以提高分数，但要用对。Besides, it'suniversal ackonwledged that time is so precious that we can't sfford to waste it,as the cars enable us to move one place to another in an fast speed which also economize the time for us in the next 20 years when people lead tense life and time would be cherished more. 这句看着非常费力。
4。整体感觉给的理由不够充分，很空洞没有说服力。
5。我感觉不应该加入on the other hand那段，如果你要agree，就agree到底，不要concede.这样会使整篇文章更缺乏说服力。

-- by 会员 jenae (2011/5/17 8:04:33)

单词拼错是比较多，因为第一次练习tpo作文，虽然说没有严格按时间来，但是也是想尽量短时间内写好，还需练习。
the特指一直没留意，有的句型是比较费解，janae说的是，我会注意的。（ps：简单多样的句型是不是比较容易拿分呢？）
整体说服力的话需要怎么体现呢？空洞的话是不是要列举一些实际的例子什么的？
看了一些作文的指导，说格式有 总起 正一 正二 反一 总结 之说。on the other hand 那段目的是说明disagree的不是完全不好只是相对来说 agree的更好，也算是一种说服吧？求解释，感到比较困惑。
第一次考T感觉没底，谢谢janae的意见！另外还有什么建议吗？