这样的风格保险不？请大家进来拍拍~

cathezang

是OG的第一道例题，没有按照模版写，但好像觉得不符合标准的文章。。。

There are many basics virtues considered to be important in relationships such as honesty, loyalty, altruism and so on. If we rank these virtues and make a list, which one should be given the first priority? Different people might give different answers due to their respective backgrounds and experiences. But to me, the virtue I cherish most will definitely be honesty.

Honesty, in other words, telling the truth, is the most basic thing that I expect to find in my friends as well as other partners in the relationships. The communication between my partners and I is built on what we know about each other. If my friend told a lie and hid the truth from me and if I believed what was told, I would response based on that wrong information and go wrong step by step. What’s worse, when I find out that all I know is nothing but a lie, I will get hurt. How can I not get hurt if my friend chooses to lie while I choose to trust? How can I forget about it and try to maintain such a relationship filled with lies when I am so afraid of being cheated again? Honesty, the basis of our relationship is gone. The relationship will fall apart sooner or later with no doubt.

Someone might argue that what if it is a white lie? It’s true that people lie because they think the truth might bring disappoints and sadness. But I strongly believe that what brings harm to people is not the truth itself but the lack of confidence in the relationships. If the relationship between people is steady and unbreakable, nothing can damage it even the truth is ruthless. On the other hand, when the relationship has to be protected by lies, maybe it’s a sign that such a relationship has come to an end. Lies might give an extension on the deadline, but somehow it will end. When that day comes and the truth is showed, all we get is more harms and distrust.

Someone might argue that what if it is a white lie? It’s true that people lie because they think the truth might bring disappoints and sadness. But I strongly believe that what brings harm to people is not the truth itself but the lack of confidence in the relationships. If the relationship between people is steady and unbreakable, nothing can damage it even the truth is ruthless. On the other hand, when the relationship has to be protected by lies, maybe it’s a sign that such a relationship has come to an end. Lies might give an extension on the deadline, but somehow it will end. When that day comes and the truth is showed, all we get is more harms and distrust.

Lies may help us to run away from the truth, but can never erase the truth. Only when we are honest with each one and confide the truth to each other will we build a solid foundation for the development of the relationship. That’s the only way to keep the relationships stay healthy and sustain for long. So please remember to tell the truth and make the first step right.

[此贴子已经被作者于2008-1-29 23:23:13编辑过]

cathezang

然后我又按照模版写了另外一个例题。。。其实对我这种水平的，用不用模版，都是及其痛苦，sigh~

There’s no denying the fact that to live with parents or not is a hot topic which is much talked about. Different people might hold different opinions due to their respective backgrounds and understandings. Considering my own experiences, I highly recommend that young people should move out of their parents’ home and learn to live independently.

Living independently is the first and crucial step in young people’s life. Only after we leave our parents will we get to learn about the basic but important details in the daily life. We will confront many trivial but inevitable things such as replacing a tap or a light bulb. If we live with parents, our parents will do these for us and thus we will never be given the chance to learn such living skills. Instead, we will be well protected and taken care of by our parents, which keeps us from know what the real life is like.

The second reason for my propensity is that living independently is the premise for independent thinking. I would give my personal story for example. I moved out and started living on my own after my graduation from the university. Before that, I will discuss with my parents over every decision that I was going to make, which means my parents had shared part of the responsibility otherwise I should have taken. But after moving out, I have to make decisions all by myself. I would discuss with myself whether it is a wise choice and compare the advantages with the disadvantages by taking that choice. The importance does not lie in the final decision but in the process of decision making, in which I learnt to think independently and take responsibilities for my decision. These will not happen if I stay with my parents.

The last but not the least, living on our own brings us more freedom. No matter how close we are to our parents, the fact that we are different generations holding different values and cultures will never disappear. It is better for us to live apart and give both sides spaces to breathe and to live in the way we desire to without hurting each other.

However, it’s true that when we live with our parents, we could live a relaxing life and focus on our study or work. But I still strongly believe that to study or work is only part of our life. We need to get to know more about different aspects of life and gain wider range of knowledge about life.

In conclusion, for those young people who want to start their own life and gain real independence, I think it is better to move out immediately.

alexwithibt

啥风格不重要.

最重要的是,

1, 别写跑题了. 

2. 把论点/论诉写明白,清楚.

3. 语言/词汇多样化.

jasonou

How many "I" or " my "do you use? Do you know you should put a " a " in front of your noun! Addtionaly, there exist some strong points, However, your " I " and " my" make these strong point becoming very weak! try to use some harder word and make your sentense longer! Finally, your grammar need to be improved!