ChaseDream
搜索
返回列表 发新帖
查看: 1626|回复: 1
打印 上一主题 下一主题

第一次在写作版里发文章,希望高手帮我看看,我的35分钟的作文(我作文不好)

[复制链接]
楼主
发表于 2007-6-11 23:30:00 | 只看该作者

第一次在写作版里发文章,希望高手帮我看看,我的35分钟的作文(我作文不好)

我6.30号考T``现在感觉就是作文很没底,想问问大家怎么才能好好利用这后几提高一下?目标24分……

谢谢大家了!!!现在真挺着急的!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live.

 

In retrospect, many new technologies have invented in our society with the vigorous development of the world. As after contemplating and comparing the cons and pros of the modern technologies bring to us, from my perspective, I strongly agree with that technology has made the world a more comfortable place to live.

To begin with, technology such as computer and internet enable us to grasp the information easily and get a better insight of the world, and ultimately, make the world a better place to live. For instance, if I can speak German, I can enter all the websites of Germany as soon as possible. If I am fascinated by the history of Japan, all the information which is related to Japan is on my fingertips. In addition, with the help of computers and internet, one can buy almost everything such as some commodities which we cannot buy in our country through the websites in home, and this would also enable us to get a better insight about the areas which we may have no choice to go there.

Besides to gain the comfortable life by the computers and internet, simultaneously, modern transportation also leads us to a cozy life. An example shed on this point. When I was young, I always cherished the hope that I can go to see my grandpa who lived far from my home easily. Via the development of air planes, it is only taken me 3 hours to my grandpa’s house.

Admittedly, we also cannot belittle the negative influence of technology such as air pollution, global warm and so force. However, these problems are not unavoidable as long as we take the proper precautions about the negative aspects which technology would bring to us.

All in all, not only do technology guide us to a modern world, but make the world a better place to live as well. So, on no account can we ignore the merits that technology has brought to us?

沙发
发表于 2007-6-12 15:05:00 | 只看该作者

用词的重复比较的多

第二段表示假设的那些东西写得稍微的简单了点

每一段的开头都是模版式的,我不建议这样写每段的开头

最后一句比较诡异,我不建议只问不答,反问少用,最好用设问

您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

Mark一下! 看一下! 顶楼主! 感谢分享! 快速回复:

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

近期活动

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

手机版|ChaseDream|GMT+8, 2025-6-6 05:48
京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号

ChaseDream 论坛

© 2003-2025 ChaseDream.com. All Rights Reserved.

返回顶部