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TWE185 麻煩大家幫我修改

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楼主
发表于 2005-8-25 18:02:00 | 只看该作者

TWE185 麻煩大家幫我修改

What will people buy either a house or a business when they are given enough money?  Different people hold different opinions due to their past experience. Nowadays, some people will choose to buy a house.  Others, on the contrary, will consider purchasing a business instead.  If I were faced with this question, I would rather agree the former one than the latter one. In the following discussion, I would reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.


The first and most significant reason that we cannot neglect is that a house is a harbor of refuge that provides us not only health and safe physically but also happiness and satisfaction mentally. Taking a specific example, if we don’t have a house that can keep out rain and wind, our property and lives will be threatened. Without protection from the house, we would suffer and as a result we wouldn’t feel happy and satisfied. In brief, living is the basic need that should be satisfied. I think there are no better examples than these ones to demonstrate this point more clearly.


Another head and chief reason that I have chosen to put here can be seen by everyone is that a house enables to work or study better. For an example, having a house can make me to be more concentrated on our work or study and not to be worried that there is no place that we can inhabit after work or school. Most important of all, in a house I can sleep well every night and feel active an energetic when every morning. Therefore I can complete our work or study effectively. If you can see this, you can understand it more deeply.


Furthermore, purchasing a new house would strengthen the relationship with my friends or parents. For an instance, I could invite my friends to my house to have a dinner party, discussing some hottest issues, watching some splendid movies and sharing some unknown secrets with my friends.  In addition, in a comfortable house, my parents can live with me, I can take care of them without being afraid they are under dangerous situation.


Admittedly, there is no denying that purchasing a business has its own amazing advantages in certain circumstances such as having a company, make a lot of money. However, this alone is too weak to sufficiently strengthen the point. When the advantages and disadvantages are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.


Taking into these factors discussed above account, my viewpoint becomes more persuasive, we can safely come to the conclusion that purchasing a house is a wiser decision when having enough money. Not only do I prefer to purchase a house when I have enough money but also prefer to establish a solid home as soon as possible.


請大家給我點建議,感激!!

沙发
发表于 2005-8-25 18:14:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用hyh_0927在2005-8-25 18:02:00的发言:

What will people buy either a house or a business when they are given enough money?  Different people hold different opinions due to their past experience(s). Nowadays, some people will choose to buy a house.  Others, on the contrary, will consider purchasing a business instead.  If I were faced with this question, I would rather agree the former one than the latter one. In the following discussion, I would reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.


The first and most significant reason that we cannot neglect is that a house is a harbor of refuge that provides us not only health and safe physically but also happiness and satisfaction mentally(You use PHYSICALLY and METALLY to modify PROVIDES.Perhaps you should use the adjectives to modify HEALTH,SAFETY and so forth.) Taking a specific example, if we don’t have a house that can keep out(of) rain and wind, our property and lives will be threatened. Without protection from the house, we would suffer and as a result we wouldn’t feel happy and satisfied. In brief, living is the basic need that should be satisfied. I think there are no better examples than these ones to demonstrate this point more clearly.


Another head and chief reason that I have chosen to put here can be seen by everyone is that a house enables to work or study better. For an example, having a house can make me to be more concentrated on our work or study and not to be worried that there is no place that we can inhabit after work or school. Most important of all, in a house I can sleep well every night and feel active an energetic when every morning. Therefore I can complete our work or study effectively. If you can see this, you can understand it more deeply.


Furthermore, purchasing a new house would strengthen the relationship with my friends or parents. For an instance, I could invite my friends to my house to have a dinner party, discussing some hottest issues, watching some splendid movies and sharing some unknown secrets with my friends.  In addition, in a comfortable house, my parents can live with me, I can take care of them without being afraid they are under dangerous situation.


Admittedly, there is no denying that purchasing a business has its own amazing advantages in certain circumstances such as having a company, make(making) a lot of money. However, this alone is too weak to sufficiently strengthen the point. When the advantages and disadvantages are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.


Taking into these factors discussed above account, my viewpoint becomes more persuasive, and/then ?we can safely come to the conclusion that purchasing a house is a wiser decision when having enough money. Not only do I prefer to purchase a house when I have enough money but also prefer to establish a solid home as soon as possible.


請大家給我點建議,感激!!



板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2005-9-7 16:55:00 | 只看该作者
謝謝妳
地板
发表于 2005-9-8 04:39:00 | 只看该作者
从意思上讲,感觉像是在比较有房和没房。对于买房和买公司的比较不够深入。(个人意见)
5#
发表于 2005-9-8 08:13:00 | 只看该作者
不要深入,是TWE写作,不是引导你成为作家,只要有点理由,就可以。语法,语句好,说的过去就好
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