7.20就要二战了，一战自认为写得不错只有21，请大神帮忙看看哪里不对劲，谢啦

luoweiyueming · 发表于 2013-7-8 23:33:46

In the past people ate foods that was better for their health than people today.

People's habits of eating has changed over time. Increasing number of foods' style causes a hot debate on whether people eat healthier now than the past or not. Many people agree that it is more healthier in today's diets because the development of health awareness. However, I hold the position that people in the past ate foods that was better for their health than people today because I am concerned about the quality of diets in recent years.

First of all, fast food and many other styles of eating has dominated a large proportion of market today. At the same time, it is an unhealthy way and do harm to people's health, especially teenagers'. Hamburgers, French fries and many other type of fast food are the killers of usual weight and healthy life. It is obvious that the number roars in the past few decades so that the fast restaurants are widespread all over the world. For example, my cousin used to be a healthy boy. While, he has suffered from obesity since he is addicted to KFC and Mcdonald's. That's all because they are tasty for him and can save him a lot of time on eating. As a result, I totally agree that foods today are less healthier due to the popularity of fast food.

Secondly, foods today are more contaminated by polluted natural environment than those in the past. Some poisonous chemical substances are absorbed in the body of vegetables as well as the animals eat on them. Sadly, these vegetables and animals will be sooner served on every families' table. For instance, there is a chemical industry along the river in my town and it ejects dirty water every day into the river. Then crops absorb the poisonous substances in polluted water, which leads to higher level of disease eruption. Conclusively, foods today may be harmful to people's health.

Though it is true what I state above, we should also take the raising awareness of healthy diets into consideration. In the past, only a few of people know about healthy lifestyle because of economical limitation. While, people are able to access to more knowledge on the Internet and books. An apt example is that the large amount of dietary books are well seld from losing weight to cutting down energy intake. Undeniable, people learn to focus on healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion, people in the past ate foods that was better for their health than people today, which contributes to healthier eating habits and healthier foods.
末端是不是还要写点什么我写不出来了=。=可不可以给点思路，谢谢

luoweiyueming · 发表于 2013-7-8 23:35:24

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are more concerned the development of teenagers and what is the best model of education for them. It is natural that such a debate on whether all students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Some people hold the view that it is students' right to decide which courses they will take; however, as far as I am concerned, all students should have the art and music course as the following reasons.
   Fist of all, art and music can promote the all-round abilities of young students and make them adaptive to globalization when they work in the future. Art and music is a best method for young students to learn more about the world from mysterious eastern Asia to vast prairie in Africa, from relaxing jazz music in America to exquisite paintings in the period of Europe Renaissance. It is all attributed to art and music because it is the carrier of varied cultures in different countries. If the teenagers can get this kind of knowledge in the secondary school, they can have widen prospective in many sort of problems and are prone to get access to people they will acquaint in the future.
   Secondly, it is a practical way for all the secondary schools to develop the course. At the same time, it can bring teenagers a lot of advantages, so why not? As we can see, art and music is all around us and it costs not much. For example, secondary schools in poor districts can provide music lessons just a musical teacher needed, while all the students in the class can feel the endless power in it. Another apt example is about the art. It tends to be easy to get access to the soil and sand, as a result, we can open an art course just for making potteries and sand structure.
   Finally, it is necessary for every teenager to get the art and music courses because their courses may be filled with academic courses. It is obvious that teenagers need some relaxing time at school and which benefits the academic courses instead. For instance, there is a class in my secondary school only have academic courses and a few of PE courses, while the rest of us can take the art course such as painting, movie lessons and so on. Ironically, the rest of us get higher GPA on average because they often feel tired when they are in the class.
   In conclusion, all students should be required to study art and music in secondary school no matter where they are. Only in this way can all teenagers broaden their horizons and know how to study and how to relax in their school life. In addition, it is practical and cost little compared to what we can get from it.
还有老早写的一篇，感觉都退步了啊

zqp920428 · 发表于 2013-7-15 15:51:56

在下不是大神，弱弱的提几点：1，I we 傻傻分不清楚~we指代谁呢
2，我认为高分作文应当是神不知鬼不觉的抛出自己观点，而不是用什么I think啦I hold the position that啦之类的for example 这样的语言太口语
3.Though it is true what I state above这种话就比较啰嗦啦，还是简洁的好

7.20就要二战了，一战自认为写得不错只有21，请大神帮忙看看哪里不对劲，谢啦

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

浏览过的版块