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[作文互改] ISSUE 11(人的行为取决与外) 求您帮忙PIAPIA~~~

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楼主
发表于 2012-8-10 15:48:31 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式

(觉得现在写ISSUE时间还是卡着太紧了。。看到题目还是得想半天。。是不是还得多写啊?)

What does the formation of people’s behaviors depend on? This may be a controversy arguing for a long time. Some people hold the point that human’s behavior come from people’s inside, and people are born nice or evil. However, other people do not agree, arguing that one’s behavior depends on the living environment outside, and the society makes one’s behavior be instituted. As far as I am concerned, I would like to say that people’s behaviors may be instituted by the strength which people receive outside.

First I want to say that the environment will affect one’s moods, and then influence one’s behaviors. For example, in a baby room, there are many little babies staying quietly in the room, but suddenly a baby begin to cry, and then the other babies may begin to cry following the first one. This would happen because when the first baby is crying, he emit a kind of bad mood to the others, which makes other babies feel blue, and then all of them begin to cry. There is another example. When a person always stays with some people who are usually be of confidence, this person may be feel good and do works with confidence. However, if he just stays with some people who have no confidence, he may not do well in his works. So from the examples above, I could conclude that the moods people feel outside could surly influence one’s behaviors.

What’s more, the living environment of a person could also makes some effects to the person. Just think about one child studying in a class in which there are many hard-working students. When the child wants to take a break after study, he would see other students still working hard in their homework, and the child will feel ashamed and continue to work. And try to think about another situation. When a man enters a company, he is innocent and put all of his energy on the works. Soon he finds that the employees around him are always likely to earn money from illegal source, then he may be changed, and become eager to the money. The examples issued above illustrate that one’s behavior will be influenced by the environment.

Furthermore, if some people argue that some people are born evil, and these people may do bad things from very little age. I would rather to say that anybody is nice when they are born, but their family environment may change there behaviors little by little. So if a child is always willing to make destruction, he or she may suffer a bad childhood.

From the ideas put forward above, I would like to say that people’s behaviors are formed because of the strength outside them. And when the environment around them changes, people’s behavior make become to make changes as well.
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沙发
发表于 2012-8-10 21:19:36 | 只看该作者
就你现在的状态不建议卡时间写,基本功先练到位再提速应该是比较好的,不然你的问题始终存在,所提高的只是打字速度而已。
板凳
发表于 2012-8-10 21:23:00 | 只看该作者
开头我发现你很喜欢用这种一些人这么认为然后另外些人那么认为,我觉得你没必要这么安在别人身上,就直接作为自己对题目的分析就很好了,分析之后表明自己的态度,讲明自己的观点或者立场
地板
发表于 2012-8-10 21:37:22 | 只看该作者
as far as .i am concerned,i would like to say,这样的十一个单词用两个足以,I think . 不必堆砌这些没有什么价值的。这也是你作文的一个较大的问题,积累不够,然后用得太死板,还是建议你多读一些好的文章,表达一个意思,写句子的时候遵循的是越是简单直接明了就越好,用长句也不是为了用而用,也是为了简单而将可能需要费很多词句的简单句组合精练得到的,最终读着很自然很舒服而不生涩
5#
发表于 2012-8-10 21:41:24 | 只看该作者
第一段举了两个例子,然后conclude,说实话肯定有人会问这到底是怎么conclude来的。
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-10 22:00:08 | 只看该作者
恩恩。。。就是感觉一卡时间,我就想赶快把内容写完,把字数提到450+,然后经常都不知道怎么写好就刷刷写下来了。。看过的文章里边的句型啥的,就无暇去运用了 %>_<% 。。。
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-10 22:02:08 | 只看该作者
而且因为我ISSUE的文章的提纲虽然列了,但是没有去认真看,所以开始写的时候经常是脑子空白,所以写的时候老是没话说,因此文章中容易出现那种“凑字数”的长句。。。%>_<%
8#
发表于 2013-7-5 20:55:48 | 只看该作者
First I want to say that the environment will affect one’s moods, and then influence one’s behaviors. For example, in a baby room, there are many little babies staying quietly in the room, but suddenly a baby begin to cry, and then the other babies may begin to cry following the first one. This would happen because when the first baby is crying, he emit a kind of bad mood to the others, which makes other babies feel blue, and then all of them begin to cry. Th
这例子太有才了
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