回馈CD，gmat作文满分每天限量批改

wildblossom · 发表于 2014-12-13 10:47:08

大家好，一直在这个论坛潜水／我是3年前考的GMAT，去美国读了MBA，今年夏天刚毕业。因为当时我曾经看过这论坛上不少讨论，得所帮助，也因为我正在帮周围一些朋友为考试做准备，我愿意来帮各位提一些写作方面的建议。如果有人需要修改作文方面的帮助，可以直接在这帖子下面发。我当时GMAT作文考满分，也在美国生活工作过，写作方面我还是很有信心的。

sai1898 · 发表于 2014-12-13 10:49:16

支持，楼主先分享一些经验吧！

wildblossom · 发表于 2014-12-13 14:27:57

好啊，你对哪方面的经验比较感兴趣？愿意分享！

sai1898 · 发表于 2014-12-16 02:26:57

我也是个老id了，之前一直想读mba，辗转了几次还是去工作了。。。最近再回来战斗！

看到这个AW题，觉得有点难。
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers "” some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."

大概想了想，列了下提纲，请楼主指点！谢谢

The author's conclusion, that it is not the motorcycle X's engine roar and but something else, making motorcycle X's customers to not switch to cheaper copied version of motorcycle X.

I think the conclusion of the author is based on flawed assumptions:

Firstly, the assumption that since quites foreign cars sell as well as american made cars, so should be the motorcycle. Author overlooks the fact that while purchasing a car customers might evaluate features of a car different than those of a motorcycle, while purchasing a motorcyclcle.

Secondly, the author claims that ads for Motorcycle X do not emphasize its engine noise. Instead, the ads highlight its durability and sleek lines and employ voice-overs of rock music rather than engine roar. Although the engine noise of Motorcycle X is not explicitly touted in advertisements, it does not necessarily follow that engine noise is not an important selling feature. Author overlooks the fact that motorcycle X is in business for 70 years and so possibly motorcycle X's engine roar does not need any introduction and so highlights motorcycle X's other features.

wildblossom · 发表于 2015-1-11 08:48:34

好的，我直接用英文解释吧。

Your argument makes sense. I would re-write your opening sentences for the supporting paragraphs as (clearer sentence structure / wording; first sentence should highlight your main point for the paragraph on a standalone basis):

1. First of all, the author's argument is based on the flawed assumption that customers evaluate a motorcycle in similar ways to evaluating a car. Just because quiet foreign cars sell as well as loud American cars doesn't mean quiet motorcycles would sell as well as loud American motorcycles. The author overlooks the fact that customers could evaluate features of a car very differently from features of a motorcycle.
2. Secondly, the author makes the false assumption that noisiness of the engine isn't a selling point simply because the motorcycle ads don't emphasize noisiness. Even though the engine noise of Motorcycle X isn't explicitly touted in advertisements, it could still be a very important feature. The author overlooks the fact that motorcycle X has been in business for 70 years and the engine roar may not need any more introduction. So the ads focused on other features.

Good luck!

英语我不拍 · 发表于 2019-4-11 05:04:08

楼主厉害

大熊仔 · 发表于 2019-4-12 19:14:29

看一下！

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