科科都低的自来火发奋涂墙的作文贴！！今天开始加入小分队！！

zhisheng2200 · 发表于 2012-11-19 09:51:05

今天的作文题目，晚些时候会把作文发上来，感谢各位大神和战友猛批
11月19日
独立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them
综合 TPO19

zhisheng2200 · 发表于 2012-11-19 20:34:59

11月19日
独立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them
From a young age, we have stated to make friends with people around us. Different background of friends lead in variation of friendship, from which, for instance, we can enjoy happiness or get help. As for as I am concerned, if I only can choose one kind of friendship, I will definitely choose the friend who I can get help from,
First of all, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Usually, there are a lot of people we can share fun with, but just a few that we can share sorrow with. Those people who can give us a hand when we in difficulties are generally regarded as the real friends and e cherish them as the best friend in my life. Taking me for example, when I first got the position as assistant of my mechanics professor, I broke a very important machine in the laboratory. Almost everyone in the lab regarded me as a trouble and avoided me when I ask for help from them. Then one of my friend, Wang Kang, heard of it and came to help me repair the broken machine immediately. Finally we make it running again as before until 12 o’clock at night. Since that, we became best friends and I realized that a real friend is people who can help me no matter how bad position I am in.
Furthermore, the friends who offer me assists will help me improve myself, especially in the highly competitive society. On the one hand, the useful friends usually are the kind of persons who have a broader version, a richer life experience and more abundant resource. With help from them, we can improve our multiple abilities and make an achievement relatively easily. On the other hand, if we struggle alone, we will lose much access to information and resource, which may make us fall behind other competitors.
Admittedly, the friends who can entertain us are also an asset to our lives. Living with those friends, we can enjoy a free atmosphere and have a relaxing lifestyle. However, comparing with this kind temporary pleasure, I prefer a consistent benefit of helpful friends.
In conclusion, however friends are valuable treasure in our lives. However the most important friends we should choose are those who can facilitate us in proper way, rather than just amuse us.

第一篇，欢迎大家猛喷，多提意见，多谢各位大虾~~~

ningjie111 · 发表于 2012-11-19 22:31:14

亲，这次我和你互改，但是我的作文还木有写好。。。。惭愧。。。
我会尽快改好发给你的

lizchang1990 · 发表于 2012-11-20 21:36:50

亲,等你的综合11.19的,我的上传了

ningjie111 · 发表于 2012-11-20 23:34:34

11月19日
独立 It is moreimportant to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that willhelp you when you need them

From a young age(young age 有点chinglish的感觉，用teenage比较好), we havestated to make friends with people around us. Different background of friendslead in variation of friendship, from which, for instance（这里干嘛要用for instance 后面并没有举例的说）, we can enjoy happiness or get help. As for asI am concerned, if I only can choose one kind of friendship, I will definitelychoose the friend who I can get help from.

First of all, a friend in need is a friend indeed.Usually, there are a lot of people we can share fun with, but just a few thatwe can share sorrow with. Those people who can give us a hand when we (are) indifficulties are generally regarded as the real friends and e(I)cherish them as the best friend in my life. Taking me (myself) forexample, when I first got the position as assistant of(个人觉得这里用of不好一般都是assistantof +job，但是又不知道用什么介词。。。所以。。用tosupport好不好啊？) my mechanics professor, I broke a veryimportant machine in the laboratory. Almost everyone in the lab regarded me asa trouble and avoided me when Iask for help from them（askthem for help）. Then one of my friend, Wang Kang, heard of itand came to help me （to）repair the broken machine immediately. Finallywe make it running (run) again as before until(not until…这里用till) 12o’clock at night. Since that, we became best friends and I realized that a realfriend is people(someone比people 好 people是广义的人，或者民族) whocan help me no matter how bad position （situation，position是职位啊，位置之类的意思。。。用situation，condition之类的比较好）I am in.

Furthermore, the friends who offer me assists willhelp me improve myself, especially in the highly competitive society. On theone hand, the useful friends usually are the kind of persons who have a broaderversion, a richer life experience and more abundant resource. With help from them（with the help of them）, we can improve our multiple abilities （multiple ability是什么意思？有点像你自己造出来的你是想说多方面的能力吗？那应该是abilities in various fields。。。感觉我的表达也不好。。。暂时不知道该用什么表达了）and make an achievement relatively easily. Onthe other hand, if we struggle alone, we will lose much access to informationand resource, which may make us fall behind other competitors.
一方面，另一方面这两方面要构成逻辑关系。。。。你说的一方面他们很有经验，知识面很广，可以促进我们的什么能力，另一方面可以给我们提供信息和资源。。。我总觉得这两个逻辑关系混乱了。你可以说，一方面，朋友能给我们很多建议，从而帮助我们提高自己的能力和性格。另一方面，通过从朋友那边得来的信息和资源，可以让我们在竞争中脱颖而出。。这样的逻辑关系比较好一点。。。。

Admittedly, the friends who can entertain us arealso an asset to our lives. Living with those friends, we can enjoy a freeatmosphere and have a relaxing lifestyle. However, comparing with this kindtemporary pleasure, I prefer a consistent benefit of helpful friends.
In conclusion, ~~however~~friends are valuable treasure in our lives. However （两个however读起来很不顺我建议说，直接把前一句作为一个句子最前面一个however不要直接：friends are valuable treasure in our lives.）~~the most important friends~~ we should choose ~~are~~ thosewho can facilitate us in proper way, rather than（those who can） just amuse us (as our important friends).

一篇文章中出现了10处help，尽量试着用其他词来替换它，想favor啊，assist啊， aid啊，benefit啊，guide啊，support啊。。。。
文章太短了，不够深入。。第二段内容太少了。最好有第三段。在说点例子什么的。。。比如说你第二段说到朋友能帮你提高你的能力和品格。。。举个例子啊。。。。
语法问题要当心，你最主要的语法问题是别自己乱搭配。。。。有些地方看上去有点别扭，chinglish比较严重

zhisheng2200 · 发表于 2012-11-23 11:27:45

21日独立

Nowadays, with the development of modern society, human have to live in a more frantic and quick pace, which renders to a common phenomenon that people are lake of patience. Therefore, there is a claim that patience is not a proper strategy and we should take action immediately. However, I truly disagree with it, and would like to further illustrate my reasons as follows.

To begin with, patience can be considered as the opposite side of impulse. To be more precise, patience can help people make right decisions and avoid impetuous decisions. Because of patience, we can obtain the experience of predecessors, take all the possibilities or risks into consideration and then figure out a perfect plan before taking actions. On the other hand, without enough consideration before practice, people have to take a relatively high risk. For instance, in recent years, many Chinese undergraduates were attracted by the example of successful IT businessman, such as Mark Zuckerberg. Without patience, they abandoned their school work and devoted themselves to IT business immediately. Now, most of the ordinary students failed in business and regretted making such a hasty decision. Finally they come back to universities and restart as before.

Furthermore, after making decision, being patient usually benefits people during the process to their goals. A person who, no matter in ancient or modern society, has enough patience always has more chances to be successful than one who is lack of patience. Quantities of examples can be easily found in history. The great Chinese historical writer, Sima Qian, spent almost 20 years to accomplish the historical records of 3000 years’ history in China; the great inventor Tomas Edison invented the light bulb successfully after more than 2,000 failing experiments. Similar cases are countless. Therefore we can draw a conclusion that with patience, we can get fully prepared and do a better job or even make a great achievement.

Even when we finish our tasks, patience would continue its aid for us. After a long time struggle, we usually are unable to hold ourselves back to enjoy the celebrity with champagnes and flowers. However, there are some significant works left, which are often ignored by people without patience, including summing up experience and archiving all the related documents. Take an example of myself. Three month ago I was given an assignment to develop a computer program to train the staff for a manufacturing plant. After work I was tired of the large amount of data and just left them behind. After several weeks, according to the feedback from that company, I would have to modify some java scripts in the program. Unfortunately, I cannot find the useful data from a chaotic mass of books and papers. And some key documents were just thrown as garbage. Furthermore, due to my impatience, I did not back up the entire database after completion of the program. Therefore I have to restart from the very beginning. Finally I could not meet the requirement of that company in time and the deal was cancelled.
To sum up, before we start a work, patience would help us make a perfect plan. And after making decision, patience would also increase the possibility to make a miracle success, rather than just rushing out some semi-finished products. Even after the completion of task, patient people can prepare well for next work. Therefore, from what has been discussed above, I definitely agree with the statement that patience is a proper strategy.

zhisheng2200 · 发表于 2012-12-5 21:06:11

上次考的不好，继续奋战托福

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-12-5 22:09:29

上次考的不好，继续奋战托福

-- by 会员 zhisheng2200 (2012/12/5 21:06:11)

出分了？没吧？
继续努力~~

zhisheng2200 · 发表于 2012-12-17 21:16:57

16 December
Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? The car (automobile) has had greater effect on society than the airplane.

Nowadays, along with the development of technology, more and more big airplanes with the optimized design, such as A380 have been built and service for travelers all over the world. Therefore, someone claims that airplane has more effect on our life than automobile does. However, weighing both the pros and cons, I disagree with it and believe cars have a more profound influence on our lives both in the pro and con. Now I would like to illustrate my reasons as follow.

To begin with, since the first time Ford used the assembly line system of car production in 1913, the price of Ford Model T dropped dramatically, which means cars became a popular thing for the general public. After that the cars, one of the most important inventions in human civilization, have been changing our lifestyles. For instance, to enjoy pleasure, parents would drive a sedan car like Volkswagen Golf with their lovely kids to meet grandma living in the faraway countryside. To save time and money, works would choose to go to workplace by bus. To be more efficient, the police would patrol within a patrol wagon. Such examples that automobile bring us a convenience and economical life are countless. No matter a graduate student or a businessman, they all need and can find a proper kind of car. However, the airplane wasn’t regarded as a common vehicle until the 1970s. Especially stepping into the 21^st century, the threat of terrorism and the slow economy has battered the commercial aviation industry. Even now, usually the high price of air travel keeps many people away. So in term of customer number, we can say that the airplane has a less limited influence on the majority of people.

Secondly, as a car enthusiast, I am glad to recommend some new improvements in automobile these years. Due to the developing of engineering and computer science, a series of fascinating technologies have been applied into auto industry, such as GPS, more powerful engine, anti-skid brake system (ABS), parking sensor, man-machine interactive system and the list goes on. All these applications are available to us and take us into a new level of safe and efficient life. Although I admit that the most advanced technologies as the top secrets usually are into the airplane, especially into the fighter plane, these improvements don’t make sense to the populace. Therefore, considering such benefits of availability and convenience, the cars promote our lives more than jet planes do.

Additionally, except the positive effects, automobile brings us a lot of problems, which also are parts of our lives. I bet many people will agree that the most annoying thing in a metropolis is the traffic jam. With rocketed number of private cars, our index of happiness decreases. For example in Beijing, once I got stuck in traffic, I didn’t move a step within one hour, while I had an important meet. Most time we have to get up earlier and go to work in advance in case of traffic jam. Furthermore, the vehicle exhaust is also a main source of air pollution in cities, which not only does harm to our healthy, but also makes a negative impact on the global climate.

To sum up, according to what we discussed above, such as convenience, availability and the huge amount of consumers, pollution and global climate, I definitely hold a positive view towards the statement that the automobile has had greater effect on society than the airplane.

zhisheng2200 · 发表于 2012-12-17 21:17:25

TPO 11

The lecture and the reading passage hold contradictory opinions on the topic of literature. The author of the reading passage proposes three negative impacts of less literature reading, while the lecturer addresses the criticisms in each of them.

To begin with, the first point that the lecture uses to refute the reading is that not all the literature can simulate intelligence. Some literature form like poem, history novel and political novel just are creative work but they might not good books. However, this is different from the reading, which claims that nothing else provides the intellectual stimulation than literature does.

Moreover, contrary to the belief stated in the reading that people usually enjoy the low-level culture such as reading self-help books, watch TV or read web pages, the lecture asserts that nowadays the forms of culture has changed. Books, music and movies for general people are also culture, which make sense to our lives.

Finally, the last point of differences between the lecture and reading passage concerns today’s literature. The lecturer argues that the false should be blamed to the writers rather than to the readers. Many of today’s literature are hard to understand. In contrast, the reading passage contends that there are many talented writers and good literature written today. Due to the poor standards of readers, these works lacks the audience.

科科都低的自来火发奋涂墙的作文贴！！今天开始加入小分队！！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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