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[作文互改] issue5求批改 谢谢

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发表于 2012-10-26 20:12:50 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Topic:
5. Claim:Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial supportthey need in order to thrive. Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation'scultural traditions are preserved and generated.
结论:政府需要给社会主要城市提供财政支持,来保证其繁荣发展。 原因:一个国家的文化传统主要是在城市中得以传承和发展。
Writea response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree withthe claim and the reason on which that claim is based.


Outline:
  题目的观点过于简单化了,政府当然要拿出财政来支持城市的发展,一般城市是国家经济发展的中心。保证城市的繁荣能在一定程度上保证国家的经济发展,但是支持城市的原因不是一个国家的传统文化主要在城市,农村的作用是不可忽视的,也许农村才是保存一个民族文化保存的最好的地方。
   诚然,城市经济往往是一个国家经济的核心。城市的繁荣往往能带动周边地区、甚至整体经济的繁荣。繁荣能带来高消费,人们也更注重精神生活,于是一些文化传统便成了城市居民的消费对象比如京剧。一些节日为商家带来了商机,节日期间的疯狂促销带动了消费者的消费热情。与其说是城市生成和保护了传统文化,倒不如说是消费它们。
   其实,无论是农村还是城市,对一个国家的文化传统都是有贡献的。毕竟一个国家的文化在大城市和小城市以及农村的分布是一个整体,不应该只包括城市文化。在全球化的今天,城市都大同小异,像上海和纽约,都是高楼林立并无太大的区别。相反,在一些农村地区一些文化传统被很好的保存了下来。如美国的乡村音乐,blues和jazz都是起源于美国南方小镇。关于政府的财政支持,政府的确是应该支持大城市的,如果它需要的话,毕竟大城市的发展关系着整个国家的经济发展。然而,我们应该明确的是政府绝不是因为文化的考虑而支持大城市,相反,为了保留文化传统,国家应该加大对小城镇或农村的支持力度。
   即使题目上的原因成立,结论也是退不出来的。仅仅因为城市产生和保存了一过的文化,城市就应该得到财力支持,这个理由充分吗?国家有这个财力吗?过分支持城市是否会造成农村经济的萧条,造成更大的贫富差距,从而导致部分还残留在农村的文化传统的湮灭。难道没有替代方案吗?也许政府可以鼓励社会团体和民间组织参与到保护传统文化的行动中。他们也许比政府有更多的资金更多的力量去做这件事,他们也许更能分辨哪些是需要被保护的文化传统。
   政府应该提供财政支持城市的发展,但是不是为了传统文化的原因。传统文化也许在农村生成和被保护。政府应该鼓励社会团体、民间组织和个人去做这件事。


Text:
   The view of the subject is simplistic. Of coursegovernment should let their major cities receive the financial support theyneed in order to thrive.in generally, cites is the center of nationaldevelopment. But the reason to support major cites is not that it is primarilyin cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. Thereis an important role maybe an Irreplacable role about countries.
   It is true that economy in cities is thecore of national economic development. Thriving in major cities may leadentirely economic thrive surrounding. High consumption along with thrive. Peoplewould concentrate on spiritual lifestyle with high living standard. Hence, somecultural traditions had become a consumptive object of people such as Beijingopera. Also some festivals bring commercial opportunities for merchant. The crazysale promotion in some significant festivals drive consumptive passion ofconsumers. It is better to consume cultural traditions rather than a nation'scultural traditions are preserved and generated in cities.
 
 Actually it is contribute to culturaltraditions no matter what cities and countries in history. After all it is anentirety of cultural traditions in cities or countries, it should not onlyinclude cities` cultural traditions. In today of globalization, it is very muchthe same between cities. Everywhere is heavily built-up in cities such as New Yorkand Shanghai and it is little difference. To the contrast, a nation's culturaltraditions are preserved and generated in countries such as American country music.And Blues and Jazz derived from south small town of America. We should affirmthat government ensure cities` thrive not result from a national culturaltraditions are preserved and generated in cities primarily. On the contrary,government should invest more in countries for preserving cultural traditions.
 
 The conclusion also could not be deducted eventhough these arguments are found above. Is the reason full governments must providefinancial support for cities just because a nation`s cultural traditions arepreserved and generated in cities? Have nations the money? Excessive financialsupport in cities perhaps gives a rise to the recession in countries and eventhe larger gap of wealth. Thus would bring about some cultural traditionsdisappeared in countries. Don`t any alternative cases? Probably governments canencourage more social organizations, civil groups and individuals to engage to preservecultural traditions. They have more funds and more strength to do this. They candifferentiate which need be preserved.
 
 Governments should provide financial supportin major cities in order to thrive, but not for the cause of preserving culturaltraditions. It is primarily in countries that a nation's cultural traditionsare preserved and generated. Governments should make social organizations andindividuals engage to this job.


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沙发
发表于 2012-10-26 20:51:13 | 只看该作者
thrive surrounding? surrounding这个词是adj,估计你想用adv吧
High consumption along with thrive?这不是一句话吧
had become这里为何是用过去时态
It is better to consume cultural traditions rather than a nation'scultural traditions are preserved and generated in cities.这句话结构上感觉有问题,it is better to do sth rather than do sth 这是固定结构。
it is contribute to?contribute是动词
it is very muchthe same between cities?it指代何物?另外between改为among比较好
it is little difference?也许是it is of little difference。
cities` thrive??thrive并非名词
result from a national culturaltraditions are preserved and generated 这种错误不应该啊
这篇文章错误很多,LZ先好好改改吧
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-27 13:37:35 | 只看该作者
谢谢 非常感谢
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