ChaseDream
搜索
返回列表 发新帖
查看: 1174|回复: 2
打印 上一主题 下一主题

求达人批改作文,衷心感谢!

[复制链接]
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2012-9-5 21:19:23 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
第一次发帖,之前看到CD上N人很多,不知能否帮我指点一下文章的问题和改进之处。
9.20就考试了,还挺着急的~ 不管是句式、用词还是结构、思路,只要有好的见解都欢迎留言~
非常感谢^^
题目:
After they complete their university studies, some students live in their hometowns. Others
live in different towns and cities. Which do you think is better? Give reasons for your answer.
正文;
Living in the big cities or going back to hometown are two alternatives that students can choose after their graduation. Some students prefer to pursue their living in big cities where they can take advantage of the prosperous business environment and grasp more opportunities. While it is my point of view that going back to hometown is the prime alternative. I make this decision based on  the following reasons.

Firstly, hometown is the place where you or your family has already set up a mature social network. Take me for example, my family is located in Hangzhou,. We have lived here for more than a hundred years. The social network has been set up when my grandparents started working here. Their friends and colleges work in different industries: Professor, doctor,lawyer...I can always turn to them for help when I'm in trouble. Just ss paraphrased from an old saying in China: People depend on their parents at home, while on friends in the society. No one can deny that social network is extremely essential to our success nowadays. So why not go back to your hometown to further develop the network that you already have?
Secondly, living quality is another reason which pushes me to make this decision. Have you ever seen the traffic jam during rush hours in Beijing and Shanghai? Do you know how much you have to spend on food and tenement every month? Do you really like to be squeezed like a photo in the subway every morning? The big cities are now too crowded because many people from other provinces are trying to make a living there. Since the public resources are limited, the higher the number of residents, the lower the per capita resources will be. If we can not get enough government benefits and have to bear the burden brought by high price index, I am pretty sure that the Happiness Quotient will be far below average for people in big cities. While what the situation will be like if you go back to hometown? Most medium and small sized cities in China are quiet and beautiful. The views there are totally different from that of big cities. And what’s more, daily necessities are cheaper and there are not so many people. I don’t know what’s your decision but I will definitely choose to live here.
Last but not least, our parents and most of the relatives live in the hometown. We, the children, can not pass the buck of taking care of them to others. You may say that we can send money to them or accompany them when we become millionaires. But money is nothing but paper if they leave you forever. They are our angels when we are young, how can we leave them alone when they get old? When I imagine the picture: A daughter embraces her Mom after work and plays chess with her Dad in front of TV, I would say that this is just the heaven in this world. The simple happiness is always ignored by us.
In short, you may lose some fancy opportunities in your hometown, but you will definitely get a lot more of other valuable things if you choose to live here.
收藏收藏 收藏收藏
沙发
发表于 2012-9-5 21:48:59 | 只看该作者

写的很不错 ! 见附件

本帖子中包含更多资源

您需要 登录 才可以下载或查看,没有帐号?立即注册

x
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-5 22:07:35 | 只看该作者
谢谢!确实看出了很多我常出现但已经习以为常的错误~~
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

Mark一下! 看一下! 顶楼主! 感谢分享! 快速回复:

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

近期活动

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

手机版|ChaseDream|GMT+8, 2025-11-11 05:46
京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号

ChaseDream 论坛

© 2003-2025 ChaseDream.com. All Rights Reserved.

返回顶部