弱弱的我从今天开始要发奋写作文啦！

linwa小默 · 发表于 2012-8-1 18:56:31

考了三次了，都是作文一直很烂，拖后腿，所以这次下定决心啦，我不信我拿不下你--托福作文！！

希望各位论坛的兄弟姐妹互相帮忙啦！
多多指教，严厉拍砖，我一定虚心接受！

linwa小默 · 发表于 2012-8-1 18:57:33

[8.1] 独立写作：If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging，OR use the telephone or voice-messaging

Have you ever embarrassed with a misunderstanding of text messages because lack of emotion? Have you ever came across the situation that sent several texts but cannot explain your idea clearly? Have you ever gone through a dilemma that being when you wanna express your love to a girl? If you have never had such experience, you will never draw a conclusion that which approach is better when you discuss something upsetting or controversial. With all aspects carefully considered, in my view, I would like to say this is an integrate problem which should be determined on different situations.

Firstly, when people approach to the issue of love, especially with break-up, e-mail or text messages is more suitable. Since this affair is quite subtle and will lead sound strong emotion fluctuation, e-mail or text messages may help individuals to express their feelings clearly and accurately. The phenomenon that break-up text severs as excellent example in this case. People prefer to send text message when they need to break up with someone for in this way people would not to face the true emotion of the person you might hart, and would not be softhearted. Although it is some kind merciless, this way is the better to deal with break-up affairs.

Furthermore, if you have to deal with the complaints of a customer about your product, telephone or voice-messaging is undoubtedly the priority choice. As is known to all, the service and the attitude is always the first concern of customers. Good after-sale service equals more customers. （30分钟我只写到了这里- -）When a customer complains about a product, he will find it easy to receive a patient, kind, enthusiasm service and finally solve his problem through voice communication, which, if done with written communication, might take a longer time and less effect. Therefore, voice communication is favorable to solve complains sincerely.

Last but not least, undeniably, voice or written communication has its own merits: voice communication is easier to distinguish the emotion of the speakers and more efficient; written communication can express ideas more accurate and proper. The one and only criterion to decide which approach is more suitable when dealing with upsetting or controversial problems is case-by-case. Thereby, it is by no means comprehensive to say whether e-mail or text message is better than telephone or voice message, people are sure to use these ways on situations and even combine each other in certain conditions.

我想表达的就是每种方法都有它的好处，要具体情况具体分析。
写得太混乱了，见谅见谅。
我每次都是只有大体的思路就开始写（比如这次我就知道我要写即不同意也不反对，因为个有优点），但是再往下的细节就没有想，就开始动笔了，所以经常写着写着就卡住了，不知道底下该怎么论证，怎么支持，举什么例子了，一边写一边想就完全来不及了，而且逻辑也会比较乱。

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-8-1 19:03:18

考了三次了，都是作文一直很烂，拖后腿，所以这次下定决心啦，我不信我拿不下你--托福作文！！
希望各位论坛的兄弟姐妹互相帮忙啦！
多多指教，严厉拍砖，我一定虚心接受！

-- by 会员 linwa小默 (2012/8/1 18:56:31)

在每日练习的同时可以看一些写作的书，一边吸收，一边消化，对TOEFL作文理解透了应该就会容易许多！
推荐张红岩的《十天搞定托福作文》、慎小嶷的《十天突破新托福Essays+MP3》
希望能对你有帮助~加油！

guoyang88 · 发表于 2012-8-1 19:06:40

楼主写的很不错了。

发现楼主所有中文注释都是在自我批评。。【虽然这点和我神似】

其实大可不必要。看看那些美国畅销书，里面的语句也都很平常。

我们没必要完美主义。
坚持练习。
改正大错误：比如拼写小语法错误比较明显的CHINGLISH 还有观点不明确等

就已经很好啦加油-。- 【嗯，我在写这篇写不动时跳出来刷论坛了。。】

linwa小默 · 发表于 2012-8-1 23:25:27

谢谢晨依～～张红岩的我有看过可能还是要多练习，我考场上老是写不完
反正考了3次2次都没写完。。
唯一写完那次是因为中机经了而且我还看过。。。
所以。。。你懂得

linwa小默 · 发表于 2012-8-1 23:28:10

楼主写的很不错了。

发现楼主所有中文注释都是在自我批评。。【虽然这点和我神似】

其实大可不必要。看看那些美国畅销书，里面的语句也都很平常。

我们没必要完美主义。
坚持练习。
改正大错误：比如拼写小语法错误比较明显的CHINGLISH 还有观点不明确等

就已经很好啦加油-。- 【嗯，我在写这篇写不动时跳出来刷论坛了。。】

-- by 会员 guoyang88 (2012/8/1 19:06:40)

我们一起加油啦～嘿嘿谢谢你的鼓励啦

Vance1991 · 发表于 2012-8-1 23:56:48

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Have you ever(been) embarrassed with a misunderstanding of text messages because lack of emotion? Have you ever came across the situation that sent several texts but cannot explain your idea clearly? Have you ever gone through a dilemma that being(being应该不需要吧...) when you wanna express your love to a girl? If you have never had such experience(experiences), you will never draw a conclusion that which approach is better when you discuss something upsetting or controversial(补with others). With all aspects carefully considered, in my view, I would like to say this is an integrate problem which should be determined on different situations.

Firstly, when people approach to the issue of love, especially with break-up, e-mail or text messages is(are) more suitable. Since this affair is quite subtle and will lead sound strong emotion(emotional) fluctuation, e-mail or text messages may help individuals to express their feelings clearly and accurately. The phenomenon that break-up text severs(这个是神马单词?理解不了,你想说service么?) as (补an) excellent example in this case. People prefer to send text message when they need(need break-up有点怪怪的...want是不是会更好点...) to break up with someone for in this way people would not (补have/delete to)to face the true emotion of the person you(前面既然讲people, 是不是用they会更好点) might(might用的不合适吧,had可能会更好点) hart(hurt), and would not be softhearted. Although it is some kind merciless, this way is the(delete the) better to deal with break-up affairs.(楼主的这个例子好残忍啊...T.T)

Furthermore, if you have to deal with the complaints of a customer about your product, telephone or voice-messaging is undoubtedly(把undoubtedly变成插入语吧,不然is + undoubtedly 看上去不爽啊) the priority choice. As is known to all, the service and the attitude is(are) always the first concern(s) of customers. Good after-sale service equals more customers. （30分钟我只写到了这里- -）When a customer complains about a product, he will find it (补is) easy to receive a patient, kind, enthusiasm service and finally solve his problem through voice communication, which, if done with written communication, might take a longer time and less effect(is less effective). Therefore, voice communication is favorable to solve complains sincerely.

Last but not least, undeniably, voice or written communication has its own merits: voice communication is easier to distinguish the emotion of the speakers and (补is) more efficient; written communication can express ideas more accurate(ly) and proper(ly). The one and only criterion to decide which approach is more suitable when dealing with upsetting or controversial problems is case-by-case. Thereby, it is by no means comprehensive to say whether e-mail or text message is better than telephone or voice message, people are sure to use these ways on situations and even combine each other in certain conditions.(lastbut not least 是和firstly, furthermore配对的.用在中间段举例说明的时候.不可以当做结尾段来使用.建议楼主把这段分成两段写;在the one前面换行.)

文章的结构很清晰,除了最后一段...论证也ok
楼主的词汇不够优美,不够丰富.要注意一下.
有些句子感觉awkward不是很nature.

linwa小默 · 发表于 2012-8-2 21:37:39

Vance1991 谢谢谢谢~ 虚心受教！！下次一定至少避免你今天说到的这些问题！

Vance1991 · 发表于 2012-8-3 22:50:02

麻烦楼主帮我改一下我的8月1号的独立作文~.3Q

linwa小默 · 发表于 2012-8-9 18:25:32

[8.9独立]You can know a lot about a person through the types of friends this person has

"Birds of a feather flock together", the crucial criterion when people select friends concerns same interests, common hobbies, or similar values, which ensure one to get along with others well. Girls, especially, even unbosom theirselves to each other. Therefore, I claim that we, indeed, can know a lot about a person through his/her friends for several reasons as presented below.

To begin with, from the superficial level, we can know one's personal preference through the types of friends this person has. Such as what's the person's favourite food; which movie he/she likes most; what kind of sports he/she prefers. Take myself as an example, I always go to KTV with my college classmates on weekends. We know each other quite well. During one gathering, I was occupied by some work, so I came to the KTV half an hour later. When I arrived there, unexpectedly, my buddies had already ordered my favourite potato chips and my adept songs. I believe that no one knows my preference better than my best friends do. Absolutely, everyone may have the same feeling in this case.

What's more, were you eager to understand one deeply, starting with his/her friends, definitely, would be the best choice. Since friends have experienced many things together, no matter success or failure, they have seen the most realistic part of each other. Thus, friends know a person's characteristics well: in difficulties, he/she is optimistic or negative; in success, is modest or arrogant; in quarrel, is patient or unreasonable. Besides, people can know a person from what types of friends he/she has. A type of volunteer friends might indicate a person loves volunteer activities and is enthusiastic; a type of band friends might mean a person likes rock music and is somewhat rebel. My roommate, Meng meng, rich as she is, she still has many needy friends. Therefore, I consider she has a high-mindedness.

In conclusion, to know a person well from himself/herself is difficult, for he/she might disguise self, might unwillingness to talk about the past. However, people could know these things from his/her friends easily and objectively. Accordingly, I maintain that we can know a person well from his/her friends.

弱弱的我从今天开始要发奋写作文啦！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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